the captives-第37节
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the desk thrust conviction into every heart： 〃You think that you may escape； you look at your neighbours； every one of you； and say； 'He is worse than I。 I am safe；' but I tell you that not one man or woman here shall be secure unless he turn instantly now to God and beg for mercy 。 。 。〃
As he continued he did indeed bear the almost breathless urgency of one who has been sent on in advance to announce the imminence of some awful peril。 No matter what the peril might be； simply through the Chapel there passed the breath of some coming danger。 Impossible to watch him and not realise that here was a man who had seen something with his own eyes that had changed in a moment the very fabric of his life。 Thurston might be a charlatan who played with the beliefs of his dupes； Warlock might be a mystic whose vision was in the future and not in the pastCrashaw knew。
He painted； quietly； without fine words but with assurance and conviction； his belief in the punishment of mankind。 God was almost now upon the threshold of their house。 He was at the very gates of their city； and with Him was coming a doom as sure and awful as the sentence of the earthly judge on his earthly victim。
〃Punishment！ Punishment！ 。 。 。 We have grown in this careless age to laugh at punishment。 A future life？ There is no future life。 God？ There is no God！ Even were He to come upon us we could escape from Him。 We could make a very good case for ourselves。 This world is safe； secure； founded upon our markets； our treasuries； our laws and commandments； our conventions of decent behaviour； our police and our ministers。 God cannot touch us。 We are secure 。 。 。 I tell you that at this very moment this earth in which you trust is trembling under you； at this instant everything in which you believed is undermined and is betraying you。 You have been given your opportunityyou are refusing itand God is upon you。〃
His voice changed suddenly to tones of a marvellous sweetness。 He appealed； pleaded； implored。 The ugliness of his face and body was forgotten； he was simply a voice issuing from space； sent to save a world。
〃And we herethe few of us out of this huge city gathered together hereit is not too late for us。 Let us surrender ourselves。 Let us go to Him and say that we are His； that we await His coming and obey His law 。 。 。 Brothers and sisters； I am as you are； weak and helpless and full of sin； but come to Him； come to Him； come to Him！ 。 。 。 There is help for us all； help and pity and love。 Love such as none of us have ever known； love that cannot fail us and will be with us until eternity！〃
He stepped out from behind the desk； stood before them all with his little stunted； twisted body； his arms held out towards them。 There followed then an extraordinary scenefrom all over the Chapel came sobs and cries。 A man rose suddenly from the back of the building and cried aloud； 〃Lord； I believe！ Help Thou mine unbelief。〃 One of the women who had come with Miss Avies fell upon her knees and began to sob； crying hysterically： 〃Oh God； have mercy！ God have mercy！〃 Women pressed up the two aisles； some of them falling on their knees there where they had stood； others coming to the front and kneeling there。 Somewhere they began to sing the hymn that had already been sung that evening； a few voices at first； then more； then all singing together：
〃By the blood； by the blood； by the blood of the Lamb We beseech Thee！〃
Everywhere now women were crying； the Chapel was filled with voices； sobs； cries and prayers。
Mr。 Crashaw stood there； motionless； his arms outstretched。
Maggie did not know what she felt。 She seemed deprived of all sensation on one side； and； on the other； fear and excitement； both joy and disgust held her。 She could not have told any one what her sensations were； she was trembling from head to foot as though with cold。 But behind everything she had this terror； that at any moment she might be drawn forward to do something； to give some pledge that would bind her for all her life。 She felt as though some power were urging her to this； and as though the Chapel and every one in it was conscious of the struggle。
What might have happened she would never know。 She felt a touch on her sleeve； and； turning round； saw Aunt Anne's eyes looking up at her out of a face that was so white and the skin of it so tightly drawn that it was like the face of a dead woman。
〃I'm in great pain； Maggie。 I think you must take me home；〃 she heard her aunt say。
Aunt Anne took her arm； they went out followed by Aunt Elizabeth。 The fresh evening air that blew upon Maggie's forehead seemed suddenly to make of the Chapel a dim； incredible phantom； faintly from behind the closed door came the echo of the hymn。 The street was absolutely stillno human being was in sight； only an old cab stationed close at hand waiting for a possible customer； into this they got。 The pale； almost white； evening sky； with stars in sheets and squares and pools of fire； shone with the clear radiance of glass above them。 Maggie could see the stars through the dirty windows of the cab。
They were quite silent all the way home。 Aunt Anne sitting up very straight； motionless； her fingers still on Maggie's arm。
Inside the house there was Jane。 She seemed at once to under…stand； and； with Aunt Elizabeth； led Aunt Anne up the dark stairs。
They disappeared； leaving Maggie alone in the hall； whose only sound was the ticking clock from the stairs and only light the dim lamp above the door。
CHAPTER V
THE CHOICE
She waited for some time alone in the hall listening for she knew not what。 Her departure from the Chapel had been too abrupt to allow her in a moment to shake off the impression of itabove all； the impression of Mr。 Crashaw standing there； his arms stretched out to her； his eyes burning her through and through with the urgent insistence of his discovery。
She was tired； her head ached horribly； she would have given everything at that moment for a friend who would care for her and protect her from her own wild fears。 She did not know of what she was afraid； but she knew that she felt that she would rather do anything than spend the night in that house。 And yet what could she do？ How could she escape？ She knew that she could not。 Oh！ if only Martin would come！ Where was he？ Why could he not carry her off that very night？ Why did he not come？
She gazed desperately about her。 Could she not leave the house there and then？ But where should she go？ What could she do without a friend in London？ She stood there； clasping and unclasping her hands； looking up at the black stairs； listening for some sound from above； fancying a ghost in every darkening corner of the place。
Then her common sense reasserted itself。 It was something； at any rate； that she was out of the Chapel； away from Mr。 Crashaw's piercing eyes； Mr。 Thurston's rasping voice； Mr。 Warlock's reproachful melancholy。 She felt this evening as though by struggling with all her strength she could shut the gates upon new experiences that were fighting to enter into her soul； but must； at all costs to her own happiness； be defeated。 No such thing as ghosts； no such thing as a God； be He kind； tender； cruel or loving… …nothing but what one can see； can touch； can confront with one's physical strength。 She had been to a service at a Methodist chapel； her aunt had been ill； to…morrow there would be daylight and people hurrying down the street about their business； work and shops and food and sun 。 。 。 No such thing as ghosts！ Nothing but what you can see！
〃And I'll get some work without wasting a minute；〃 she thought； nodding her head。 〃In a shop if necessaryor I could be a governessand then when he is free； Martin will be with me。〃
She climbed on a chair and turned down the hall…gas as she had seen Martha do。 She went to the door and slipped the chain into its socket and turned the lock。 She listened for a moment before she started upstairs； she saw Mr。 Crashaw's eyes in the darkshe heard his voice。
〃Punishment！ Punishment！。 。 。〃
She suddenly started to run up the black stairs； stumbled； ran faster through the passage under the picture of the armed men； arrived at last in her room； breathless。
During her undressing she stopped sometimes to listen。 Her aunt's bedroom was on the floor below hers； and she certainly could hear nothing through the closed doors； and yet she fancied； as she stood there； that the sound of sobbing came up to her and； twice； a sharp cry。
〃I suppose I'm terribly selfish；〃 she thought； 〃I ought to want to go and help Aunt Anne； and I don't。〃 No； she didn't。 She wanted to run away from the house； miles and miles and miles。 She climbed into bed and thought of her escape。 If Miss Trenchard did not answer her letter； then she could go off to Uncle Mathew； greatly though she disliked the thought of that； then she could live on her three hundred pounds and look about until she found work or Martin came for her。
But so ignorant was she of the world that she did not in the least know how she could get her three hundred pounds。 But Uncle Mathew would know。 She thought of him standing in the doorway at the hotel； holding up a glass； then she thought of Martin； and so fell asleep。
She
