the captives-第35节
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the especial religious atmosphere of the house； the Chapel and the Chapel sect。 Of no use to tell herself that this was only a tiny fragment of the whole world； that there； only five yards away from her； in the Strand； was a life that swept past the Chapel and its worshippers with the utmost； completest indifference。 She had always this feeling that she was caught； that she could only escape by a desperate violent effort that would hurt others and perhaps be； for herself； a lasting reproach。 She wanted so simple a thing 。 。 。 to be always with Martin； working； with all this confusing； baffling； mysterious religion behind her； this simple thing seemed incredibly difficult of attainment。
Nevertheless； when they started that evening for the Chapel she felt； in spite of herself； a strange almost pleasurable excitement。 There was； in that plain； ugly building some force that could not be denied。 Was it the force of the worshippers' belief？ Was it the force of some outside power that watched ironically the efforts of those poor human beings to discover it？ Was it the love of a father for his children？ No； there was very little love in this creedno more than there had been in her father's creed before。 As she walked along between her aunts her brain was a curious jumble of religion； Martin； and how she was ever going to learn to be tidy and punctual。
〃Well； I won't care；〃 was the resolution with which she always brought to an end her discussions and misgivings。 〃I'm myself。 Nobody can touch me unless I let them。〃
It was a most lovely evening； very pale and clear with an orange light in the sky like the reflection of some far distant towering fire。 The air was still and the rumble of the town scarcely penetrated into their street； they could hear the ugly voice of the little Chapel bell jangling in the heart of the houses； there was a scent of chrysanthemums from somewhere and a very faint suggestion of snoweven before they reached the Chapel door a few flakes lazily began to fall。
Maggie was thinking now only of Martin。 There was a gas…lamp already lighted in the Chapel doorway； and this blinded her eyes。 She had hoped that he would be there； waiting； so that he might have a word with her before they went in； but when they were all gathered together under the porch she saw with a throb of disappointment that he was not there。 She saw no one whom she knew； but it struck her at once that here was a gathering quite different from that of the first time that she had come to the Chapel。 There seemed to be more of the servant class； rather they were older women with serious rapt expressions and very silent。 There were men too； to…night； four or five gathered together inside the passage； standing gravely； without a word； not moving； like statues。 Maggie was frightened。 She felt like a spy in an enemy's camp； and a spy waiting for an inevitable detection； with no hope of securing any news。 As she went up the aisle behind her aunts her eyes searched for Martin。 She could not see him。 Their seat was close to the front； and already seated in it were the austere Miss Avies and two lady friends。
Maggie was maliciously pleased to observe that Miss Avies had not expected these additions to her number and was now in danger of an uncomfortable squashing； there was； indeed； a polite little struggle between Miss Avies and Aunt Anne as to who should have the corner with a wooden arm upon which to rest。 Miss Avies' two friends； huddled and frightened like fledglings suddenly surprised by a cuckoo； stirred Maggie's sympathy。 She disliked Miss Avies from the very first moment。 Miss Avies had a pale； thin； pointed face with no eyebrows； grey eyes dim and short…sighted； and fair colourless hair brushed straight back under a hard； ugly black hat。
At the same time she was nervous； emotional； restless； something about her was always movingher lips； her hands； her shoulders； her eyes。 She was fierce and hostile and ineffectual； one felt； so long as she was by herself。 Maggie did not； of course； notice all this at the time； but in after years she always looked back on the pale； thin； highly…strung Miss Avies as the motive of most of the events that followed this particular evening。 It was as though she felt that Miss Avies' weight； not enough in itself to effect any result； when thrown into the balance just turned everything in one direction。 It had that result； at any rate； upon Maggie herself。
She soon lost； however； consideration of Miss Avies in the wider observation of the Chapel and its congregation。 It was； as it had been on the occasion of her first visit to it； stuffy； smelling of gas and brick and painted wood； ugly in its bareness and unresponsivenessand； nevertheless； exciting。 The interior of the building had the air of one who has watched some most unusual happenings and expects very shortly to watch them again。 Even the harmonium seemed to prick up its wooden ears in anticipation。 And to…night the congregation thrilled also with breathless expectation。 As Maggie looked round upon them she could see that they were throbbing with the anticipation of some almost sensuous delight。 By now they had filled the Chapel to its utmost limits； but there was not one human being there who did not seem to have the appearance of having been especially selected from other less interesting human beings。 It was not that the forces that surrounded her were especially interesting； but she felt that all of them had taken on some especial dramatic character from the occasion。 Such personalities as Aunt Anne and Miss Avies were in any case vivid and dramatic； but to…night Aunt Elizabeth and the placidly rotund Mrs。 Smith； who was sitting in the front row with her mouth open； and simple little Miss Pyncheon； Aunt Anne's friend； were remarkable and exceptional。
Then suddenly Maggie caught sight of Martin。 He was sitting in the extreme right next the wall； his ill…tempered sister was next to him。 Maggie could only see his head and shoulders； but she realised at once that he had been； for a long time； trying to catch her eye。 He smiled at her an intimate peculiar smile that sent the blood flooding to her face and made her heart beat with happiness。 At the moment of her smiling she realised that Miss Avies' dim eye was upon her。 What right had Miss Avies to watch over her？ She set back her shoulders； sat up stiffly； and tried to look as old as she might that was not； unhappily； very old。 That smile exchanged with Martin had made her happy for ever。 Miss Avies was of less than no importance at all 。 。 。
The little bell ceased its jangling； the harmonium began a quavering prelude； and from a door at the back； behind the little platform and desk； three men entered： first Mr。 Thurston； then a little crooked man who must； Maggie knew； be Mr。 Crashaw； finally； in magnificent contrast； Mr。 Warlock。 A quiver of emotion passed over the Chapel there was then a hushed expectant pause。
〃Brothers and sisters； let us pray；〃 said Mr。 Thurston。
Maggie had not seen him before； she wondered what strange chance had led him and Mr。 Warlock to work together。 In every movement of the body； in every tone of the voice； Thurston showed the professional actorhis thoughts were all upon himself and the effect that he was making。 So calculated was he in his attitude that his eyes betrayed him； having in their gleam other thoughts； other intentions very far away from his immediate business in the Chapel。 Maggie； watching him； wondered what those thoughts were。 His voice was ugly； as were all his movements； his sharp actor's face； with the long rather dirty black hair； the hooked nose； the long dirty fingers which moved in and out as though they worked of themselvesall these things were false and unmoving。 But behind his harsh voice； gross accent and melodramatic tone there was some power； the power of a man ambitious； ruthless； scornful； self…confident。 He did not care a snap of his fingers for his congregation； he laughed at their beliefs； he made use of their credulity。
〃Oh God；〃 he prayed； his voice now shrill and quivering and just out of tune； so that it jarred every nerve in Maggie's body； 〃Thou seest what we are； miserable sinners not worthy of Thy care or goodness； sunk deep in the mire of evil living and evil 'abits； nevertheless； oh God； we； knowing Thy loving 'eart towards Thy sinful servants； do pray Thee that Thou wilt give us Thy blessing before we leave this Thy 'ouse this night； a new contrite 'eart is what we beg of Thee； that we may go out into this evil world taught by Thee to search out our ways and improve our thoughts； caring for nothing but Thee； following in Thy footsteps and making ready for Thy immediate Coming； which will be in Thine own good time and according to Thy will。〃
〃This we pray for the sake of Thy dear Son； our Lord Jesus Christ； who died for our sins upon the bloody Cross。〃
〃Amen。〃
From between her hands Maggie watched those two strange eyes wandering about the Chapel； picking up here a person； there a person； wondering over this； wondering over that； and always； in the end； concerned not about these things at all but about some other more ultimate loneliness； fear or expectation； something that set him apart and made him； as are all
