the captives-第33节
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He left her as he heard the bolt turn in the door; hurrying away as though he did not want to be seen。 Maggie went in to find old Martha with her crabbed face watching her sourly。 But she did not care; nothing could touch her now。 Even the old woman; cross with waiting by the fading kitchen fire; noticed the light in the girl's eyes。 She had always thought the girl hard and ungracious; but now that face was soft; and the mouth smiling over its secret thoughts; and the eyes sleepy with happiness。
Maggie could have said: 〃I'm wild with joy; Martha。 I know what love is。 I had never thought that it could be like this。 Be kind to me because it's the greatest night of my life。〃
Martha said: 〃There's some milk hotted for you; Miss; and some biscuits。 There on the table by the stairs。〃
〃Oh; I don't want anything; Martha; thank you!〃
〃Your aunt said you was to have it。〃
Maggie drank it down; Martha watching her。 Then she went upstairs softly; as though her joy might awaken the whole house。 She lay wide…eyed on her bed for hours; then fell into a heavy sleep; deep; without dreams。
When; in the quieter light of the morning; she considered the event; she had no doubts nor hesitations。 She loved Martin and Martin loved her。 Soon Martin would marry her and they would go away。 Her aunt would be sorry of course; and his father; perhaps; would be angry; but the sorrow and anger would be only for a little while。 Then Martin and she would live happily together alwayshappily because they were both sensible people; and her own standard of fidelity and trust was; she supposed; also his。 She did not think very deeply about what he had said to her; it only meant that he wanted to escape from his family; a desire in which she could completely sympathise。 She had loved him; as she now saw; from the first moment of meeting; and she would love him always。 She would never be alone again; and although Martin had told her that he was weak; and she knew something about men; she was aware that their love for one another would be a thing apart; constant; unfaltering; eternal。 She had read no modern fiction; she knew nothing about psychology: she was absolutely happy 。 。 。
And then in that very first day she discovered that life was not quite so simple。 In the first place; she wanted Martin desperately and he did not come; and although she had at once a thousand sensible reasons for the impossibility of his coming; nevertheless strange new troubles and suspicions that she had never known before rose in her heart。 She had only kissed him once; he had only held her in his arms for a few moments 。 。 。She waited; looking from behind the drawing…room curtains out into the street。 How could he let the whole day go by? He was prevented; perhaps; by that horrible sister of his。 When the dusk came and the muffin…man went ringing his bell down the street she felt exhausted as though she had been running for miles 。 。 。
Then with sudden guilty realisation of the absorption that had held her all day she wondered how much her aunt had noticed。
During the afternoon when she had been watching the streets from behind the curtain Aunt Elizabeth had sat sewing; Thomas the cat lumped before the fire; the whole room bathed in afternoon silence。 Maggie had watched as though hypnotized by the street itself; marking the long squares of light; the pools of shadow; the lamp… posts; the public…house at the corner; the little grocer's shop with cases of oranges piled outside the door; the windows on the second floor of the dressmaker's; through which you could see a dummy… figure and a young woman with a pale face and shiny black hair; who came and glanced out once and again; as though to reassure herself that the gay world was still there。
The people; the horses and carts; the cabs went on their way。 Often it seemed that this figure must be Martin'snow thisnow this 。 。 。 And on every occasion Maggie's heart rose in her breast; hammered at her eyes; then sank again。 Over and over she told to herself every incident of yesterday's meeting。 Always it ended in that same wonderful climax when she was caught to his breast and felt his hand at her neck and then his mouth upon hers。 She could still feel against her skin the rough warm stuff of his coat and the soft roughness of his cheek and the stiff roughness of his hair。 She could still feel how his mouth had just touched hers and then suddenly gripped it as though it would never let it go; then she had been absorbed by him; into his very heart; so that still now she felt as though with his strong arms and his hard firm body he was around her and about her。
Oh; she loved him! she loved him! but why did he not come? Had he been able only to pass down the street and smile up to her window as he went that would have been something。 It would at least have reassured her that yesterday was not a dream; an invention; and that he was still there and thought of her and cared for her 。 。 。
She pulled herself together。 At the sound of the muffin…man's bell she came back into her proper world。 She would be patient; as she had once resolved outside Borhedden Farm; so now she swore that she would owe nothing to any man。
If she should love Martin Warlock it would not be for anything that she expected to get from him; but only for the love that she had it in her to give。 If good came of it; well; if not; she was still her own master。
But more than ever now was it impossible to be open with her aunts。 How strange it was that from the very beginning there had been concealments between Aunt Anne and herself。 Perhaps if they had been open to one another at the first all would have been well。 Now it was too late。
Tea came in; and; with tea; Aunt Anne。 It was the first time that day that Maggie had seen her; and now; conscious of the news that Martin had given her; she felt a movement of sympathy; of pity and affection。 Aunt Anne had been in her room all day; and she seemed as she walked slowly to the fire to be of a finer pallor; a more slender body than ever。 Maggie felt as though she could see the firelight through her body; and with that came also the conviction that Aunt Anne knew everything; knew about Martin and the posted letter and the thoughts of escape。 Maggie herself was tired with the trial of her waiting day; she was exhausted and was beating; with all her resolve; against a disappointment that hammered with a thundering noise; somewhere far away in the recesses of her soul。 So they all drew around the fire and had their tea。
Aunt Anne; leaning back in her chair; her beautiful hands stretched out on the arms; a fine white shawl spread on her knees; asked Maggie about last night。
〃I hope you enjoyed yourself; dear。〃 〃Very much; Aunt Anne。 Uncle Mathew was very kind。〃
〃What did you do?〃
Maggie flushed。 It was deceit and lies now all the time; and oh! how she hated lies! But she went on:
〃Do you know; Aunt Anne; I think Uncle Mathew is so changed。 He's younger and everything。 He talked quite differently last night; about his business and all that he's doing。 He's got his money in malt now; he says。〃
〃Whose money?〃 asked Aunt Anne。
〃His own; he says。 I never knew he had any。 But he says yes; it's in malt。 It's not a nice hotel; though; where he lives。〃
〃Not nice; dear?〃
〃No; I didn't like it。 But it's only for men really of course。〃
〃I think he'd better take you somewhere else next time。 I'll speak to him。 By the way; Maggie dear; Martha tells me you went out yesterday afternoon all aloneinto the Strand。 I think it would be better if you were to tell us。〃
Maggie's cheeks were hot。 She set back her shoulders。
〃How does Martha know?〃 she asked quickly。 〃I only went for a momentonly for a little walk。 But I'm grown up; Aunt Anne。 Surely I can go out by myself if 。 。 。〃 she stopped; looking away from them into the fire。
〃It isn't that; dear;〃 Aunt Anne said very gently。 〃It's only that you've been so little a time in London that you can't know your way about yet。 And London's a strange place。 It might be unpleasant for you alone。 I'd rather that you told us first。〃
Then Maggie delivered her challenge。
〃But; aunt; I won't be always here。 I'm going off to earn my living soon; aren't I?〃
Aunt Elizabeth drew her breath in sharply。 Aunt Anne said quietly:
〃You are free; dear; quite free。 But whilst I am not quite myselfI don't want to be selfish; dearbut you are a great comfort to us; and when I am stronger certainly you shall go 。 。 。 even now if you wish; of course 。 。 。 but my illness。〃
Even as she spokeand it was the first time that she had ever mentioned her illnessshe caught at her breast and pressed her hand there as though she were in great pain。 Maggie sprang to her side。 She caught the girl's hand with hers and held her。 Maggie could feel her swift agonized breathing。 Then with a little sigh the moment had passed。 Maggie still knelt there looking up into her aunt's face。
Martha's voice was heard at the door。
〃Mr。 Martin Warlock; Miss。 Could you see him? 。 。 。〃
〃Yes; Martha;〃 said Aunt Anne; her voice calm and controlled。 〃Ask him to come up。〃
She had abandoned so completely any idea that he might still come that she could not now feel that it was he。 She