short stories and essays-第6节
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We are accustomed； in the gross and foolish…superfluity of these city
circuses； to see no feat quite through； but to turn our greedy eyes at
the most important instant in the hope of greater wonders in another
ring。 We have four or five clowns； in as many varieties of grotesque
costume； as well as a lady clown in befitting dress； but we hear none of
them speak； not even the lady clown； while in the country circus the old
clown of our childhood； one and indivisible； makes the same style of
jokes； if not the very same jokes； that we used to hear there。 It is not
easy to believe all this； and I do not know that I should quite believe
it myself if I had not lately been witness of it in the suburban village
where I was passing the summer。
I。
The circus announced itself in the good old way weeks beforehand by the
vast posters of former days and by a profusion of small bills which fell
upon the village as from the clouds； and left it littered everywhere with
their festive pink。 They prophesied it in a name borne by the first
circus I ever saw； which was also an animal show； but the animals must
all have died during the fifty years past； for there is now no menagerie
attached to it。 I did not know this when I heard the band braying
through the streets of the village on the morning of the performance；
and for me the mangy old camels and the pimpled elephants of yore led the
procession through accompanying ranks of boys who have mostly been in
their graves for half a lifetime； the distracted ostrich thrust an
advertising neck through the top of its cage； and the lion roared to
himself in the darkness of his moving prison。 I felt the old thrill of
excitement； the vain hope of something preternatural and impossible； and
I do not know what could have kept me from that circus as soon as I had
done lunch。 My heart rose at sight of the large tent （which was yet so
very little in comparison with the tents of the three…ring and two…
platform circuses）； the alluring and illusory sideshows of fat women and
lean men； the horses tethered in the background and stamping under the
fly…bites； the old； weather…beaten grand chariot； which looked like the
ghost of the grand chariot which used to drag me captive in its triumph；
and the canvas shelters where the cooks were already at work over their
kettles on the evening meal of the circus folk。
I expected to be kept a long while from the ticket…wagon by the crowd；
but there was no crowd； and perhaps there never used to be much of a
crowd。 I bought my admittances without a moment's delay； and the man who
sold me my reserve seats had even leisure to call me back and ask to look
at the change he had given me； mostly nickels。 〃I thought I didn't give
you enough；〃 he said； and he added one more； and sent me on to the
doorkeeper with my faith in human nature confirmed and refreshed。
It was cool enough outside； but within it was very warm； as it should be；
to give the men with palm…leaf fans and ice…cold lemonade a chance。 They
were already making their rounds； and crying their wares with voices from
the tombs of the dead past； and the child of the young mother who took my
seat…ticket from me was going to sleep at full length on the lowermost
tread of the benches； so that I had to step across its prostrate form。
These reserved seats were carpeted； but I had forgotten how little one
rank was raised above another； and how very trying they were upon the
back and legs。 But for the carpeting； I could not see how I was
advantaged above the commoner folk in the unreserved seats； and I
reflected how often in this world we paid for an inappreciable splendor。
I could not see but they were as well off as I； they were much more gayly
dressed； and some of them were even smoking cigars； while they were
nearly all younger by ten； twenty； forty； or fifty years； and even more。
They did not look like the country people whom I rather hoped and
expected to see； but were apparently my fellow…villagers； in different
stages of excitement。 They manifested by the usual signs their
impatience to have the performance begin； and I confess that I shared
this； though I did not take part in the demonstration。
II。
I have no intention of following the events seriatim。 Front time to time
during their progress I renewed my old one…sided acquaintance with the
circus…men。 They were quite the same people； I believe； but strangely
softened and ameliorated； as I hope I am； and looking not a day older；
which I cannot say of myself； exactly。 The supernumeraries were patently
farmer boys who had entered newly upon that life in a spirit of
adventure； and who wore their partial liveries； a braided coat here and a
pair of striped trousers there； with a sort of timorous pride； a
deprecating bravado； as if they expected to be hooted by the spectators
and were very glad when they were not。 The man who went round with a dog
to keep boys from hooking in under the curtain had grown gentler； and his
dog did not look as if he would bite the worst boy in town。 The man came
up and asked the young mother about her sleeping child； and I inferred
that the child had been sick； and was therefore unusually interesting to
all the great； kind…hearted； simple circus family。 He was good to the
poor supes； and instructed them； not at all sneeringly； how best to
manage the guy ropes for the nets when the trapeze events began。
There was； in fact； an air of pleasing domesticity diffused over the
whole circus。 This was； perhaps； partly an effect from our extreme
proximity to its performances； I had never been on quite such intimate
terms with equitation and aerostation of all kinds； but I think it was
also largely from the good hearts of the whole company。 A circus must
become； during the season； a great brotherhood and sisterhood； especially
sisterhood； and its members must forget finally that they are not united
by ties of blood。 I dare say they often become so； as husbands and wives
and fathers and mothers； if not as brothers。
The domestic effect was heightened almost poignantly when a young lady in
a Turkish…towel bath…gown came out and stood close by the band； waiting
for her act on a barebacked horse of a conventional pattern。 She really
looked like a young goddess in a Turkish…towel bath…gown： goddesses must
have worn bath…gowns； especially Venus； who was often imagined in the
bath； or just out of it。 But when this goddess threw off her bath…gown；
and came bounding into the ring as gracefully as the clogs she wore on
her slippers would let her； she was much more modestly dressed than most
goddesses。 What I am trying to say； however； is that； while she stood
there by the band； she no more interested the musicians than if she were
their collective sister。 They were all in their shirt…sleeves for the
sake of the coolness； and they banged and trumpeted and fluted away as
indifferent to her as so many born brothers。
Indeed； when the gyrations of her horse brought her to our side of the
ring； she was visibly not so youthful and not so divine as she might have
been； but the girl who did the trapeze acts； and did them wonderfully；
left nothing to be desired in that regard； though really I do not see why
we who have neither youth nor beauty should always expect it of other
people。 I think it would have been quite enough for her to do the
trapeze acts so perfectly； but her being so pretty certainly added a
poignancy to the contemplation of her perils。 One could follow every
motion of her anxiety in that close proximity： the tremor of her chin as
she bit her lips before taking her flight through the air； the straining
eagerness of her eye as she measured the distance； the frown with which
she forbade herself any shrinking or reluctance。
III。
How strange is life； how sad and perplexing its contradictions！ Why
should such an exhibition as that be supposed to give pleasure？ Perhaps
it does not give pleasure； but is only a necessary fulfilment of one of
the many delusions we are in with regard to each other in this
bewildering world。 They are of all sorts and degrees； these delusions；
and I suppose that in the last analysis it was not pleasure I got from
the clown and his clowning； clowned he ever so merrily。 I remember that
I liked hearing his old jokes； not because they were jokes； but because
they were old and endeared by long association。 He sang one song which I
must have heard him sing at my first circus （I am sure it was he）； about
〃Things that I don't like to see；〃 and I heartily agreed with him that
his book of songs； which he sent round to be sold； was fully worth the
half…dime asked for it； though I did not buy it。
Perhaps the rival author in me withheld me； but； as a brother man； I will
not allow that I did not feel for him and suffer with him because of the
thick； white pigment which plentifully coated his face； and； with the
sweat drops upon it； made me think of a newly painted wall in the rain。
He was infinitely older than his personality； than his oldest joke
（though you never can be sure how old a joke is）； and； representatively；
I dare say he outdated the pyramids。 They must have ma
