the sleeping-car - a farce-第5节

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than　ask　him。　　You　don't　suppose　it　COULD　be？　　No；　it　couldn't。

There　may　be　twenty　Willis　Campbells　in　San　Francisco；　and　there

probably　are。　　Do　you　think　he　looks　like　me！　　He　has　a　straight

nose；　but　you　can't　tell　anything　about　the　lower　part　of　his　face；

the　beard　covers　it　so；　and　I　can't　make　out　the　color　of　his　eyes　by

this　light。　　But　of　course　it's　all　nonsense。　　Still　if　it　SHOULD　be！

It　would　be　very　stupid　of　us　to　ride　all　the　way　from　Framingham　to

Boston　with　that　name　staring　one　in　the　eyes。　　I　wish　he　would　turn

it　away。　　If　it　really　turned　out　to　BE　Willis；　he　would　think　we

were　awfully　stiff　and　cold。　　But　I　can't　help　it；　I　CAN'T　go

attacking　every　stranger　I　see；　and　accusing　him　of　being　my　brother。

No；　no；　I　can't；　and　I　WON'T；　and　that's　all　about　it。　　＇She　leans

forward　and　addresses　the　stranger　with　sudden　sweetness。＇　　Excuse

me；　sir；　but　I　AM　very　much　interested　by　the　name　on　your　bag。　　Not

that　I　think　you　are　even　acquainted　with　him；　and　there　are　probably

a　great　many　of　them　there；　but　your　coming　from　the　same　city　and

all　DOES　seem　a　little　queer；　and　I　hope　you　won't　think　me　intrusive

in　speaking　to　you；　because　if　you　SHOULD　happen；　by　the　thousandth

of　a　chance；　to　be　the　right　one；　I　should　be　SO　happy！



CAMPBELL。　　The　right　what；　madam？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　The　right　Willis　Campbell。



CAMPBELL。　　I　hope　I'm　not　the　wrong　one；　though　after　a　week's　pull

on　the　railroad　it's　pretty　hard　for　a　man　to　tell　which　Willis

Campbell　he　is。　　May　I　ask　if　your　Willis　Campbell　had　friends　in

Boston？



MRS。　ROBERTS　（eagerly）。　　He　had　a　sister　and　a　brother…in…law　and　a

nephew。



CAMPBELL。　　Name　of　Roberts？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Every　one。



CAMPBELL。　　Then　you're　…



MRS。　ROBERTS　（ecstatically）。　　Agnes！



CAMPBELL。　　And　he's　…



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Mr。　Roberts！



CAMPBELL。　　And　the　baby's　…



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Asleep！



CAMPBELL。　　Then　_I_　am　the　right　one。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　Willis！　　Willis！　　Willis！　　To　think　of　our　meeting

in　this　way！　　＇She　kisses　and　embraces　him；　while　MR。　ROBERTS　shakes

one　of　his　hands　which　he　finds　disengaged。＇　　HOW　in　the　world　did　it

happen？



CAMPBELL。　　Ah；　I　found　myself　a　little　ahead　of　time；　and　I　stopped

off　with　an　old　friend　of　mine　at　Framingham；　I　didn't　want　to

disappoint　you　when　you　came　to　meet　this　train；　or　get　you　up　last

night　at　midnight。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　And　I　was　in　Albany；　and　I've　been　moving　heaven　and

earth　to　get　home　before　you　arrived；　and　Edward　came　aboard　at

Worcester　to　surprise　me；　andOh；　you've　never　seen　the　baby！　　I'll

run　right　and　get　him　this　instant；　just　as　he　is；　and　bring　him。

Edward；　you　be　explaining　to　WillisOh；　my　goodness！　　＇Looking

wildly　about。＇　　I　don't　remember　the　berth；　and　I　shall　be　sure　to

wake　up　that　poor　California　gentleman　again。　　WHAT　shall　I　do？



CAMPBELL。　　What　California　gentleman？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　somebody　we've　been　stirring　up　the　whole　blessed

night。　　First　I　took　him　for　baby；　and　then　Edward　took　him　for　me；

and　then　I　took　him　for　baby　again；　and　then　we　both　took　him　for

you。



CAMPBELL。　　Did　he　look　like　any　of　us？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Like　US？　　He's　eight　feet　tall；　if　he's　an　inch；　in

his　stockingsand　he's　always　in　themand　he　has　a　long　black　beard

and　mustaches；　and　he's　very　lanky；　and　stoops　over　a　good　deal；　but

he's　just　as　lovely　as　he　can　be　and　live；　and　he's　been　as　kind　and

patient　as　twenty　Jobs。



CAMPBELL。　　Speaks　in　a　sort　of　soft；　slow　grind？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Yes。



CAMPBELL。　　Gentle　and　deferential　to　ladies？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　As　pie。



CAMPBELL。　　It's　Tom　Goodall。　　I'll　have　him　out　of　there　in　half　a

second。　　I　want　you　to　take　him　home　with　you；　Agnes。　　He's　the　best

fellow　in　the　world。　　WHICH　is　his　berth？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Don't　ask　me；　Willis。　　But　if　you'd　go　for　baby；

you'll　be　sure　to　find　him。



MR。　ROBERTS　（timidly　indicating　a　berth）。　　I　think　that's　the　one。



CAMPBELL　（plunging　at　it；　and　pulling　the　curtains　open）。　　You　old

Tom　Goodall！



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（appearing）。　　I　ain't　any　Tom　Goodall。　　My　name's

Abram　Sawyer。



CAMPBELL　（falling　back）。　　Well；　sir；　you're　right。　　I'm　awfully　sorry

to　disturb　you；　but；　from　my　sister's　description　here；　I　felt

certain　you　must　be　my　old　friend　Tom　Goodall。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　I　ain't　surprised　at　it。　　I'm　only　surprised　I

AIN'T　Tom　Goodall。　　I've　been　a　baby　twice；　and　I've　been　a　man's

wife　once；　and　once　I've　been　a　long…lost　brother。



CAMPBELL　（laughing）。　　Oh；　they've　found　HIM。　　I'M　the　long…lost

brother。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（sleepily）。　　Has　she　found　the　other　one？



CAMPBELL。　　Yes；　all　right；　I　believe。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Has　HE　found　what　HE　wanted？



CAMPBELL。　　Yes；　we're　all　together　here。　　＇THE　CALIFORNIAN　makes　a

movement　to　get　into　bed　again。＇　　Oh；　don't！　　You'd　better　make　a

night　of　it　now。　　It's　almost　morning　anyway。　　We　want　you　to　go　home

with　us；　and　Mrs。　Roberts　will　give　you　a　bed　at　her　house；　and　let

you　sleep　a　week。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Well；　I　reckon　you're　right；　stranger。　　I　seem　to

be　in　the　hands　of　Providence　to…night　anyhow。　　＇He　pulls　on　his

boots　and　coat；　and　takes　his　seat　beside　CAMPBELL。＇　　I　reckon　there

ain't　any　use　in　fighting　against　Providence。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（briskly；　as　if　she　had　often　tried　it　and　failed）。　　Oh；

not　the　least　in　the　world。　　I'm　sure　it　was　all　intended；　and　if　you

had　turned　out　to　be　Willis　at　last；　I　should　be　CERTAIN　of　it。　　What

surprises　me　is　that　you　shouldn't　turn　out　to　be　anybody；　after　all。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Yes；　it　is　kind　of　curious。　　But　I　couldn't　help

it。　　I　did　my　best。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　don't　speak　of　it。　　WE　are　the　ones　who　ought　to

apologize。　　But　if　you　only　had　been　somebody；　it　would　have　been

such　a　good　joke！　　We　could　always　have　had　such　a　laugh　over　it；

don't　you　see？



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Yes；　ma'am；　it　would　have　been　funny。　　But　I　hope

you've　enjoyed　it　as　it　is。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　very　much；　thanks　to　you。　　Only　I　can't　seem　to

get　reconciled　to　your　not　being　anybody；　after　all。　　You　MUST　at

least　be　some　one　we've　heard　about；　don't　you　think？　　It's　so

strange　that　you　and　Willis　never　even　met。　　Don't　you　think　you　have

some　acquaintances　in　common？



CAMPBELL。　　Look　here；　Agnes；　do　you　always　shout　at　the　top　of　your

voice　in　this　way　when　you　converse　in　a　sleeping…car？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Was　I　talking　loud　again？　　Well；　you　can't　help　it　if

you　want　to　make　people　hear　you。



CAMPBELL。　　But　there　must　be　a　lot　of　them　who　don't　want　to　hear

you。　　I　wonder　that　the　passengers　who　are　not　blood…relations　don't

throw　things　at　youboots　and　hand…bags　and　language。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Why；　that's　what　they've　BEEN　doinglanguage；　at

leastand　I'm　only　surprised　they're　not　doing　it　now。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（rising）。　　They'd　better　not；　ma'am。



＇He　patrols　the　car　from　end　to　end；　and　quells　some　rising　murmurs；

halting　at　the　rebellious　berths　as　he　passes。＇



MRS。　ROBERTS　（enraptured　by　his　companionship）。　　Oh；　he　MUST　be　some

connection。　　＇She　glances　through　the　window。＇　　I　do　believe　that　was

Newton；　or　Newtonville；　or　West　Newton；　or　Newton　Centre。　　I　must　run

and　wake　up　baby；　and　get　him　dressed。　　I　shan't　want　to　wait　an

instant　after　we　get　in。　　Why；　we're　slowing　up！　　Why；　I　do　believe

we're　there！　　Edward；　we're　there！　　Only　fancy　being　there　already！



MR。　ROBERTS。　　Yes；　my　dear。　　Only　we're　not　quite　there　yet。　　Hadn't

we　better　call　your　aunt　Mary？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　I'd　forgotten　her。



CAMPBELL。　　Is　Aunt　Mary　with　you？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　To　be　sure　she　is。　　Didn't　I　tell　you？　　She　came　on

expressly　to　meet　you。



CAMPBELL　（starting　up　impetuously）。　　Which　berth　is　she　in？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Right　over　baby。



CAMPBELL。　　And　which　berth　is　baby　in？



MRS。　ROBERTS　（distractedly）。　　Why；　that's　just　what　I　can't　TELL。　　It

was　bad　enough　when　they　were　all　filled　up；　but　now　since　the　people

have　begun　to　come　out　of　them；　and　some　of　them　are　made　into　seats

I　can't　tell。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　I'll　look　for　you；　ma'am。　　I　should　like　to　wake　up

all　the　wrong　passengers　on　this　car。　　I'd　take　a　pleasure　in　it。　　If

you　could　make　sure　of　any　berth　that　AIN'T　the　one；　I'll　begin　on

that。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　I　can't　even　be　sure　of　the　wrong　one。　　No；　no；　you

mustn't＇THE　CALIFORNIAN　moves　away；　and　pauses　in　front　of　one　of

the　berths；　looking　back　inquiringly　at　MRS。　ROBERTS。＇　　Oh；　don't　ask

ME！　　_I_　can't　tell。　　＇To　CAMPBELL。＇　　ISN'T　he　amusing？　　So　like　all

those　Californians　that　one　reads　ofso　chivalrous　and　SO　humorous！



AUNT　MARY　（thrusting　her　head　from　the　curtains　of　the　berth　before

which　THE　CALIFORNIAN　is　standing）。　　Go　along　with　you！　　What　do　you

want？



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Aunt　Mary。



AUNT　MARY。　　Go　away。　　Aunt　Mary；　indeed！



MRS。　ROBERTS　（runni