the sleeping-car - a farce-第4节

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shall　both　be　glad　to　have　you　call。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Oh；　yes　indeed。　　＇THE　CALIFORNIAN　parts　the　curtains

of　his　berth　to　re…enter　it。＇　　Good…night；　sir；　and　I　assure　you　WE

shall　do　nothing　more　to　disturb　youshall　we；　Edward？



MR。　ROBERTS。　　No。　　And　now；　dear；　I　think　you'd　better　go　back　to

your　berth。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　I　couldn't　sleep；　and　I　shall　not　go　back。　　Is　this

your　place？　　I　will　just　rest　my　head　on　your　shoulder；　and　we　must

both　be　perfectly　quiet。　　You've　no　idea　what　a　nuisance　I　have　been

making　of　myself。　　The　whole　car　was　perfectly　furious　at　me　one

time；　I　kept　talking　so　loud。　　I　don't　know　how　I　came　to　do　it；　but

I　suppose　it　was　thinking　about　you　and　Willis　meeting　without

knowing　each　other　made　me　nervous；　and　I　couldn't　be　still。　　I　woke

everybody　up　with　my　talking；　and　some　of　them　were　quite　outrageous

in　their　remarks；　but　I　didn't　blame　them　the　least　bit；　for　I　should

have　been　just　as　bad。　　That　California　gentleman　was　perfectly

splendid；　though。　　I　can　tell　you　HE　made　them　stop。　　We　struck　up

quite　a　friendship。　　I　told　him　I　had　a　brother　coming　on　from

California；　and　he's　going　to　try　to　think　whether　he　knows　Willis。

＇Groans　and　inarticulate　protests　make　themselves　heard　from

different　berths。＇　　I　declare；　I've　got　to　talking　again！　　There；

now；　I　SHALL　stop；　and　they　won't　hear　another　squeak　from　me　the

rest　of　the　night。　　＇She　lifts　her　head　from　her　husband's　shoulder。＇

I　wonder　if　baby　will　roll　out。　　He　DOES　kick　so！　　And　I　just　sprang

up　and　left　him　when　I　heard　your　voice；　without　putting　anything　to

keep　him　in。　　I　MUST　go　and　have　a　look　at　him；　or　I　never　can　settle

down。　　No；　no；　don't　you　go；　Edward；　you'll　be　prying　into　all　the

wrong　berths　in　the　car；　you　poor　thing！　　You　stay　here；　and　I'll　be

back　in　half　a　second。　　I　wonder　which　is　my　berth。　　Ah！　that's　it；　I

know　the　one　now。　　＇She　makes　a　sudden　dash　at　a　berth；　and　pulling

open　the　curtains　is　confronted　by　the　bearded　visage　of　THE

CALIFORNIAN。＇　　Ah！　　Ow！　ow！　　Edward！　　Ah！　　II　beg　your　pardon；　sir；

excuse　me；　I　didn't　know　it　was　you。　　I　came　for　my　baby。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（solemnly）。　　I　haven't　got　any　baby；　ma'am。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　NonoI　thought　you　were　my　baby。



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　Perhaps　I　am；　ma'am；　I've　lost　so　much　sleep　I

could　cry；　anyway。　　Do　I　LOOK　like　your　baby？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　No；　no；　you　don't。　　＇In　distress　that　overcomes　her

mortification。＇　　Oh；　where　is　my　baby？　　I　left　him　all　uncovered；　and

he'll　take　his　death　of　cold；　even　if　he　doesn't　roll　out。　　Oh；

Edward；　Edward；　help　me　to　find　baby！



MR。　ROBERTS　（bustling　aimlessly　about）。　　Yes；　yes；　certainly；　my

dear。　　But　don't　be　alarmed；　we　shall　find　him。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（getting　out　in　his　stocking　feet）。　　We　shall　find

him；　ma'am；　if　we　have　to　search　every　berth　in　this　car。　　Don't　you

take　on。　　That　baby's　going　to　be　found　if　he's　aboard　the　train；

now；　you　bet！　　＇He　looks　about　and　then　tears　open　the　curtains　of　a

berth　at　random。＇　　That　your　baby；　ma'am？



MRS。　ROBERTS　（flying　upon　the　infant　thus　exposed）。　　Oh；　BABY；　baby；

baby！！　　I　thought　I　had　lost　you。　　Um！　um！　um！



＇She　clasps　him　in　her　arms；　and　covers　his　face　and　neck　with

kisses。＇



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（as　he　gets　back　into　his　berth；　sotto　voce）。　　I　wish

I　HAD　been　her　baby。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（returning　with　her　husband　to　his　seat；　and　bringing

the　baby　with　her）。　　There！　　Did　you　ever　see　such　a　sleeper；　Edward？

＇In　her　ecstasy　she　abandons　all　control　of　her　voice；　and　joyfully

exclaims。＇　　He　has　slept　all　through　this　excitement；　without　a　wink。



A　solemn　Voice　from　one　of　the　berths。　　I　envy　him。



＇A　laugh　follows；　in　which　all　the　passengers　join。＇



MRS。　ROBERTS　（in　a　hoarse　whisper；　breaking　a　little　with　laughter）。

Oh；　my　goodness！　there　I　went　again。　　But　how　funny！　　I　assure　you；

Edward；　that　if　their　remarks　had　not　been　about　me；　I　could　have

really　quite　enjoyed　some　of　them。　　I　wish　there　had　been　somebody

here　to　take　them　down。　　And　I　hope　I　shall　see　some　of　the　speakers

in　the　morning　beforeEdward；　I've　got　an　idea！



MR。　ROBERTS　（endeavoring　to　teach　his　wife　by　example　to　lower　her

voice；　which　has　risen　again）。　　Whatwhat　is　it；　my　dear？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Why；　don't　you　see？　　How　perfectly　ridiculous　it　was

of　me　not　to　think　of　it　before！　though　I　did　think　of　it　once；　and

hadn't　the　courage　to　insist　upon　it。　　But　of　course　it　is；　and　it

accounts　for　his　being　so　polite　and　kind　to　me　through　all；　and　it's

the　only　thing　that　can。　　Yes；　yes；　it　must　be。



MR。　ROBERTS　（mystified）。　　What？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Willis。



MR。　ROBERTS。　　Who？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　This　Californian。



MR。　ROBERTS。　　Oh！



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　No　STRANGER　could　have　been　so　patient　andand

attentive；　and　I　know　that　he　recognized　me　from　the　first；　and　he's

just　kept　it　up　for　a　joke；　so　as　to　surprise　us　and　have　a　good

laugh　at　us　when　we　get　to　Boston。　　Of　COURSE　it's　Willis。



MR。　ROBERTS　（doubtfully）。　　Do　you　think　so；　my　dear？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　I　KNOW　it。　　Didn't　you　notice　how　he　looked　at　your

card？　　And　I　want　you　to　go　at　once　and　speak　to　him；　and　turn　the

tables　on　him。



MR。　ROBERTS。　　II'd　rather　NOT；　my　dear。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Why；　Edward；　what　can　you　mean？



MR。　ROBERTS。　　He's　very　violent。　　Suppose　it　SHOULDN'T　be　Willis？



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Nonsense！　　It　IS　Willis。　　Come；　let's　both　go　and　just

tax　him　with　it。　　He　can't　deny　it；　after　all　he's　done　for　me。　　＇She

pulls　her　reluctant　husband　toward　THE　CALIFORNIAN'S　berth；　and　they

each　draw　a　curtain。＇　　Willis！



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（with　plaintive　endurance）。　　Well；　ma'am？



MRS。　ROBERTS　（triumphantly）。　　There！　　I　knew　it　was　you　all　along。

How　could　you　play　such　a　joke　on　me？



THE　CALIFORNIAN。　　I　didn't　know　there'd　been　any　joke；　but　I　suppose

there　must　have　been；　if　you　say　so。　　Who　am　I　now；　ma'amyour

husband；　or　your　baby；　or　your　husband's　wife；　or　…



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　How　funny　you　are！　　You　KNOW　you're　Willis　Campbell；

my　only　brother。　　Now　DON'T　try　to　keep　it　up　any　longer；　Willis。



＇Voices　from　various　berths。　　〃Give　us　a　rest；　Willis！〃　　〃Joke's　too

thin；　Willis！〃　　〃You're　played　out；　Willis！〃　　〃Own　up；　old　fellow

own　up！〃



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（issuing　from　his　berth；　and　walking　up　and　down　the

aisle；　as　before；　till　quiet　is　restored）。　　I　haven't　got　any　sister；

and　my　name　ain't　Willis；　and　it　ain't　Campbell。　　I'm　very　sorry；

because　I'd　like　to　oblige　you　any　way　I　could。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（in　deep　mortification）。　　It's　I　who　ought　to　apologize；

and　I　do　most　humbly。　　I　don't　know　what　to　say；　but　when　I　got　to

thinking　about　it；　and　how　kind　you　had　been　to　me；　and　how　sweet　you

had　been　under　all　myinterruptions；　I　felt　perfectly　sure　that　you

couldn't　be　a　mere　stranger；　and　then　the　idea　struck　me　that　you

must　be　my　brother　in　disguise；　and　I　was　so　certain　of　it　that　I

couldn't　help　just　letting　you　know　that　we'd　found　you　out；　and　…



MR。　ROBERTS　（offering　a　belated　and　feeble　moral　support）。　　Yes。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（promptly　turning　upon　him）。　　And　YOU　ought　to　have　kept

me　from　making　such　a　simpleton　of　myself；　Edward。



THE　CALIFORNIAN　（soothingly）。　　Well；　ma'am；　that　ain't　always　so

easy。　　A　man　may　mean　well；　and　yet　not　be　able　to　carry　out　his

intentions。　　But　it's　all　right。　　And　I　reckon　we'd　better　try　to

quiet　down　again；　and　get　what　rest　we　can。



MRS。　ROBERTS。　　Why；　yes；　certainly；　and　I　will　tryoh；　I　will　TRY

not　to　disturb　you　again。　　And　if　there's　anything　we　can　do　in

reparation　after　we　reach　Boston；　we　shall　be　so　glad　to　do　it！



＇They　bow　themselves　away；　and　return　to　their　seat；　while　THE

CALIFORNIAN　re…enters　his　berth。＇





III。





The　train　stops　at　Framingham；　and　THE　PORTER　comes　in　with　a

passenger　whom　he　shows　to　the　seat　opposite　MR。　and　MRS。　ROBERTS。



THE　PORTER。　　You　can　sit　here；　sah。　　We'll　be　in　in　about　an　hour

now。　　Hang　up　your　bag　for　you；　sah？



THE　PASSENGER。　　No；　leave　it　on　the　seat　here。



＇THE　PORTER　goes　out；　and　the　ROBERTSES　maintain　a　dejected　silence。

The　bottom　of　the　bag；　thrown　carelessly　on　the　seat；　is　toward　the

ROBERTSES；　who　regard　it　listlessly。＇



MRS。　ROBERTS　（suddenly　clutching　her　husband's　arm；　and　hissing　in

his　ear）。　　See！　　＇She　points　to　the　white　lettering　on　the　bag；　where

the　name　〃Willis　Campbell；　San　Francisco；〃　is　distinctly　legible。＇

But　it　can't　be；　it　must　be　some　other　Campbell。　　I　can't　risk　it。



MR。　ROBERTS。　　But　there's　the　name。　　It　would　be　very　strange　if

there　were　two　people　from　San　Francisco　of　exactly　the　same　name。

_I_　will　speak。



MRS。　ROBERTS　（as　wildly　as　one　can　in　whisper）。　　No；　no；　I　can't　let

you。　　We've　made　ourselves　the　laughing…stock　of　the　whole　car

already　with　our　mistakes；　and　I　can't　go　on。　　I　would　rather　perish

than　ask　him。　　You　don't　suppose　it　COULD　be？　　No；　it　couldn't。

T