the sleeping-car - a farce-第2节
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baby …
AUNT MARY。 Why； child； do you think I'm going to break through？ I
couldn't。 I'm one of the LIGHTEST sleepers in the world。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Yes； I know you're a light sleeper； butbut it
doesn't seem quite the same thing； somehow。
AUNT MARY。 But it is； it's quite the same thing； and you can be
perfectly easy in your mind； my dear。 I should be quite as loth to
break through as you would to have me。 Good…night。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Yes； good…night； Aunty！
AUNT MARY。 Well？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 You ought to just see him； how he's lying。 He's a
perfect log。 COULDN'T you just bend over； and peep down at him a
moment？
AUNT MARY。 Bend over！ It would be the death of me。 Good…night。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Good…night。 Did you put the glass into my bag or
yours？ I feel so very thirsty； and I want to go and get some water。
I'm sure I don't know why I should be thirsty。 Are you； Aunt Mary？
Ah！ here it is。 Don't disturb yourself； aunty； I've found it。 It
was in my bag； just where I'd put it myself。 But all this trouble
about Willis has made me so fidgety that I don't know where anything
is。 And now I don't know how to manage about the baby while I go
after the water。 He's sleeping soundly enough now； but if he should
happen to get into one of his rolling moods； he might tumble out on
to the floor。 Never mind； aunty； I've thought of something。 I'll
just barricade him with these bags and shawls。 Now； old fellow； roll
as much as you like。 If you should happen to hear him stir； aunty；
won't youaunty！ Oh； dear！ she's asleep already； and what shall I
do？ ＇While MRS。 ROBERTS continues talking； various notes of protest；
profane and otherwise； make themselves heard from different berths。＇
I know。 I'll make a bold dash for the water； and be back in an
instant； baby。 Now； don't you move； you little rogue。 ＇She runs to
the water…tank at the end of the car； and then back to her berth。＇
Now； baby； here's mamma again。 Are you all right； mamma's own？
＇A shaggy head and bearded face are thrust from the curtains of the
next berth。＇
THE STRANGER。 Look here； ma'am。 I don't want to be disagreeable
about this thing； and I hope you won't take any offence； but the fact
is； I'm half dead for want of sleep； and if you'll only keep quiet
now a little while； I'll promise not to speak above my breath if ever
I find you on a sleeping…car after you've come straight through from
San Francisco； day and night； and not been able to get more than
about a quarter of your usual allowance of restI will indeed。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 I'm very sorry that I've disturbed you； and I'll try
to be more quiet。 I didn't suppose I was speaking so loud； but the
cars keep up such a rattling that you never can tell how loud you ARE
speaking。 Did I understand you to say that you were from California？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Yes； ma'am。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 San Francisco？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Yes； ma'am。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Thanks。 It's a terribly long journey； isn't it？ I
know quite how to feel for you。 I've a brother myself coming on。 In
fact we expected him before this。 ＇She scans his face as sharply as
the lamp…light will allow； and continues； after a brief hesitation。＇
It's always such a silly question to ask a person； and I suppose San
Francisco is a large place； with a great many people always coming
and going； so that it would be only one chance in a thousand if you
did。
THE CALIFORNIAN （patiently）。 Did what； ma'am？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh； I was just wondering if it was possiblebut of
course it isn't； and it's very flat to askthat you'd ever happened
to meet my brother there。 His name is Willis Campbell。
THE CALIFORNIAN （with more interest）。 Campbell？ Campbell？ Yes； I
know a man of that name。 But I disremember his first name。 Little
low fellowpretty chunky？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 I don't know。 Do you mean short and stout？
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Yes； ma'am。
MRS。 ROBERTS。 I'm sure I can't tell。 It's a great many years since
he went out there； and I've never seen him in all that time。 I
thought if you DID happen to know himHe's a lawyer。
THE CALIFORNIAN。 It's quite likely I know him； and in the morning；
ma'am …
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh； excuse me。 I'm very sorry to have kept you so
long awake with my silly questions。
THE MAN IN THE UPPER BERTH。 Don't apologize； madam。 I'm not a
Californian myself； but I'm an orphan； and away from home； and I
thank you； on behalf of all our fellow…passengers； for the mental
refreshment that your conversation has afforded us。 _I_ could lie
here and listen to it all night； but there are invalids in some of
these berths； and perhaps on their account it will be as well to
defer everything till the morning； as our friend suggests。 Allow me
to wish you pleasant dreams； madam。
＇THE CALIFORNIAN； while MRS。 ROBERTS shrinks back under the curtain
of her berth in dismay； and stammers some inaudible excuse； slowly
emerges full length from his berth。＇
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Don't you mind me； ma'am； I've got everything but
my boots and coat on。 Now； then ＇standing beside the berth； and
looking in upon the man in the upper tier＇； you； do you know that
this is a lady you're talking to？
THE UPPER BERTH。 By your voice and your shaggy personal appearance I
shouldn't have taken you for a ladyno； sir。 But the light is very
imperfect； you may be a bearded lady。
THE CALIFORNIAN。 You never mind about my looks。 The question is； Do
you want your head rapped up against the side of this car？
THE UPPER BERTH。 With all the frankness of your own Pacific slope；
no。
MRS。 ROBERTS （hastily reappearing）。 Oh； no； no； don't hurt him。
He's not to blame。 I was wrong to keep on talking。 Oh； please don't
hurt him！
THE CALIFORNIAN （to THE UPPER BERTH）。 You hear？ Well； now； don't
you speak another word to that lady tonight。 Just go on； ma'am； and
free your mind on any little matter you like。 I don't want any
sleep。 How long has your brother been in California？
MRS。 ROBERTS。 Oh； don't let's talk about it now； I don't want to
talk about it。 I thoughtI thoughtGood…night。 Oh； dear！ I
didn't suppose I was making so much trouble。 I didn't mean to
disturb anybody。 I …
＇MRS。 ROBERTS gives way to the excess of her confusion and
mortification in a little sob； and then hides her grief behind the
curtains of her berth。 THE CALIFORNIAN slowly emerges again from his
couch； and stands beside it； looking in upon the man in the berth
above。＇
THE CALIFORNIAN。 For half a cent I WOULD rap your head up against
that wall。 Making the lady cry； and getting me so mad I can't sleep！
Now see here； you just apologize。 You beg that lady's pardon； or
I'll have you out of there before you know yourself。 ＇Cries of
〃Good！〃 〃That's right！〃 and 〃Make him show himself！〃 hail MRS。
ROBERTS'S champion； and heads； more or less dishevelled； are thrust
from every berth。 MRS。 ROBERTS remains invisible and silent； and the
loud and somewhat complicated respiration of her AUNT makes itself
heard in the general hush of expectancy。 A remark to the effect that
〃The old lady seems to enjoy her rest〃 achieves a facile applause。
THE CALIFORNIAN again addresses the culprit。＇ Come； now； what do you
say？ I'll give you just one…half a minute。
MRS。 ROBERTS （from her shelter）。 Oh； please； PLEASE don't make him
say anything。 It was very trying in me to keep him awake； and I know
he didn't mean any offence。 Oh； DO let him be！
THE CALIFORNIAN。 You hear that？ You stay quiet the rest of the
time； and if that lady choses to keep us all awake the whole night；
don't YOU say a word； or I'll settle with you in the morning。
＇Loud and continued applause； amidst which THE CALIFORNIAN turns from
the man in the berth before him； and restores order by marching along
the aisle of the car in his stocking feet。 The heads vanish behind
the curtains。 As the laughter subsides； he returns to his berth； and
after a stare up and down the tranquillized car； he is about to
retire。＇
A VOICE。 Oh； don't just bow。 Speak！
＇A fresh burst of laughter greets this sally。 THE CALIFORNIAN erects
himself again with an air of baited wrath； and then suddenly breaks
into a helpless laugh。＇
THE CALIFORNIAN。 Gentlemen； you're too many for ME。
＇He gets into his berth； and after cries of 〃Good for California！〃
〃You're all right； William Nye！〃 and 〃You're several ahead yet！〃 the
occupants of the different berths gradually relapse into silence； and
at last； as the car lunges onward through the darkness； nothing is
heard but the rhythmical clank of the machinery； with now and then a
burst of audible slumber from MRS。 ROBERTS'S aunt MARY。＇
II。
At Worcester； where the train has made the usual stop； THE PORTER；
with his lantern on his arm； enters the car； preceding a gentleman
som
