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〃I　am　sorry；〃　said　the　officer；　〃but　it　is　impossible。〃

〃What's　impossible？〃　demanded　the　lady。

〃That　I　can　be　seen　speaking　to　you；〃　declared　the　officer；　〃while　
you　are　in　company　with　thatthat　person。〃

〃What　person？〃　　She　thought　maybe　he　was　alluding　to　the　lady　in　the　
sledge。　　The　chaperon　was　not　showy；　but；　what　is　better；　she　was　
good。　　And；　anyhow；　it　was　the　best　the　girls　had　been　able　to　do。　　
So　far　as　they　were　concerned；　they　had　no　use　for　a　chaperon。　　The　
idea　had　been　a　thoughtful　concession　to　European　prejudice。

〃The　person　in　knickerbockers；〃　explained　the　officer。

〃Oh；　THAT；〃　exclaimed　the　lady；　relieved：　　〃he　just　came　up　and　made　
himself　agreeable　while　we　were　putting　on　our　skates。　　We　have　met　
him　somewhere；　but　I　can't　exactly　fix　him　for　the　moment。〃

〃You　have　met　him　possibly　at　Wiesman's；　in　the　Pragerstrasse：　　he　is　
one　of　the　attendants　there；〃　said　the　officer。

The　American　girl　is　Republican　in　her　ideas；　but　she　draws　the　line　
at　hairdressers。　　In　theory　it　is　absurd：　　the　hairdresser　is　a　man　
and　a　brother：　　but　we　are　none　of　us　logical　all　the　way。　　It　made　
her　mad；　the　thought　that　she　had　been　seen　by　all　Dresden　Society　
skating　with　a　hairdresser。

〃Well；〃　she　said；　〃I　do　call　that　impudence。　　Why；　they　wouldn't　do　
that　even　in　Chicago。〃

And　she　returned　to　where　the　hairdresser　was　illustrating　to　her　
friend　the　Dutch　roll；　determined　to　explain　to　him；　as　politely　as　
possible；　that　although　the　free　and　enlightened　Westerner　has　
abolished　social　distinctions；　he　has　not　yet　abolished　them　to　that　
extent。

Had　he　been　a　commonplace　German　hairdresser　he　would　have　understood　
English；　and　all　might　have　been　easy。　　But　to　the　〃classy〃　German　
hairdresser；　English　is　not　so　necessary；　and　the　American　ladies　had　
reached；　as　regards　their　German；　only　the　〃improving〃　stage。　　In　her　
excitement　she　confused　the　subjunctive　and　the　imperative；　and　told　
him　that　he　〃might〃　go。　　He　had　no　wish　to　go；　he　assured　themso　
they　gatheredthat　his　intention　was　to　devote　the　morning　to　their　
service。　　He　must　have　been　a　stupid　man；　but　it　is　a　type　
occasionally　encountered。　　Two　pretty　women　had　greeted　his　advances　
with　apparent　delight。　　They　were　Americans；　and　the　American　girl　
was　notoriously　unconventional。　　He　knew　himself　to　be　a　good…looking　
young　fellow。　　It　did　not　occur　to　him　that　in　expressing　willingness　
to　dispense　with　his　attendance　they　could　be　in　earnest。

There　was　nothing　for　it；　so　it　seemed　to　the　girls；　but　to　request　
the　assistance　of　the　officer；　who　continued　to　skate　round　and　round　
them　at　a　distance　of　about　ten　yards。　　So　again　the　elder　young　
lady；　seizing　her　opportunity；　made　appeal。

＇What　the　Soldier　dared　not　do。＇

〃I　cannot；〃　persisted　the　officer；　who；　having　been　looking　forward　
to　a　morning　with　two　of　the　prettiest　girls　in　Dresden；　was　also　
feeling　mad。　　〃I　dare　not　be　seen　speaking　to　a　hairdresser。　　You　
must　get　rid　of　him。〃

〃But　we　can't；〃　said　the　girl。　　〃We　do　not　know　enough　German；　and　he　
can't；　or　he　won't；　understand　us。　　For　goodness　sake　come　and　help　
us。　　We'll　be　spending　the　whole　morning　with　him　if　you　don't。〃

The　German　officer　said　he　was　desolate。　　Steps　would　be　takenlater　
in　the　weekthe　result　of　which　would　probably　be　to　render　that　
young　hairdresser　prematurely　bald。　　But；　meanwhile；　beyond　skating　
round　and　round　them；　for　which　they　did　not　even　feel　they　wanted　to　
thank　him；　the　German　officer　could　do　nothing　for　them。　　They　tried　
being　rude　to　the　hairdresser：　　he　mistook　it　for　American　chic。　　
They　tried　joining　hands　and　running　away　from　him；　but　they　were　not　
good　skaters；　and　he　thought　they　were　trying　to　show　him　the　cake　
walk。　　They　both　fell　down　and　hurt　themselves；　and　it　is　difficult　
to　be　angry　with　a　man；　even　a　hairdresser；　when　he　is　doing　his　best　
to　pick　you　up　and　comfort　you。

The　chaperon　was　worse　than　useless。　　She　was　very　old。　　She　had　been　
promised　her　breakfast；　but　saw　no　signs　of　it。　　She　could　not　speak　
German；　and　remembered　somewhat　late　in　the　day　that　two　young　ladies　
had　no　business　to　accept　breakfast　at　the　hands　of　German　officers：　　
and；　if　they　did；　at　least　they　might　see　that　they　got　it。　　She　
appeared　to　be　willing　to　talk　about　decadence　of　modern　manners　to　
almost　any　extent；　but　the　subject　of　the　hairdresser；　and　how　to　get　
rid　of　him；　only　bored　her。

Their　first　stroke　of　luck　occurred　when　the　hairdresser；　showing　
them　the　〃dropped　three；〃　fell　down　and　temporarily　stunned　himself。　　
It　was　not　kind　of　them；　but　they　were　desperate。　　They　flew　for　the　
bank　just　anyhow；　and；　scrambling　over　the　grass；　gained　the　
restaurant。　　The　officer；　overtaking　them　at　the　door；　led　them　to　
the　table　that　had　been　reserved　for　them；　then　hastened　back　to　hunt　
for　the　chaperon。　　The　girls　thought　their　trouble　was　over。　　Had　
they　glanced　behind　them　their　joy　would　have　been　shorter…lived　than　
even　was　the　case。　　The　hairdresser　had　recovered　consciousness　in　
time　to　see　them　waddling　over　the　grass。　　He　thought　they　were　
running　to　fetch　him　brandy。　　When　the　officer　returned　with　the　
chaperon　he　found　the　hairdresser　sitting　opposite　to　them；　
explaining　that　he　really　was　not　hurt；　and　suggesting　that；　as　they　
were　there；　perhaps　they　would　like　something　to　eat　and　drink。

The　girls　made　one　last　frantic　appeal　to　the　man　of　buckram　and　
pipeclay；　but　the　etiquette　of　the　Saxon　Army　was　inexorable。　　It　
transpired　that　he　might　kill　the　hairdresser；　but　nothing　else：　　he　
must　not　speak　to　himnot　even　explain　to　the　poor　devil　why　it　was　
that　he　was　being　killed。

＇Her　path　of　Usefulness。＇

It　did　not　seem　quite　worth　it。　　They　had　some　sandwiches　and　coffee　
at　the　hairdresser's　expense；　and　went　home　in　a　cab：　　while　the　
chaperon　had　breakfast　with　the　officer　of　noble　family。

The　American　girl　has　succeeded　in　freeing　European　social　
intercourse　from　many　of　its　hide…bound　conventions。　　There　is　still　
much　work　for　her　to　do。　　But　I　have　faith　in　her。



CHAPTER　XV



＇Music　and　the　Savage。＇

I　never　visit　a　music…hall　without　reflecting　concerning　the　great　
future　there　must　be　before　the　human　race。

How　young　we　are；　how　very　young！　　And　think　of　all　we　have　done！　　
Man　is　still　a　mere　boy。　　He　has　only　just　within　the　last　half…
century　been　put　into　trousers。　　Two　thousand　years　ago　he　wore　long　
clothesthe　Grecian　robe；　the　Roman　toga。　　Then　followed　the　Little　
Lord　Fauntleroy　period；　when　he　went　about　dressed　in　a　velvet　suit　
with　lace　collar　and　cuffs；　and　had　his　hair　curled　for　him。　　The　
late　lamented　Queen　Victoria　put　him　into　trousers。　　What　a　wonderful　
little　man　he　will　be　when　he　is　grown　up！

A　clergyman　friend　of　mine　told　me　of　a　German　Kurhaus　to　which　he　
was　sent　for　his　sins　and　his　health。　　It　was　a　resort；　for　some　
reason；　specially　patronized　by　the　more　elderly　section　of　the　
higher　English　middle　class。　　Bishops　were　there；　suffering　from　
fatty　degeneration　of　the　heart　caused　by　too　close　application　to　
study；　ancient　spinsters　of　good　family　subject　to　spasms；　gouty　
retired　generals。　　Can　anybody　tell　me　how　many　men　in　the　British　
Army　go　to　a　general？　　Somebody　once　assured　me　it　was　five　thousand；　
but　that　is　absurd；　on　the　face　of　it。　　The　British　Army；　in　that　
case；　would　have　to　be　counted　by　millions。　　There　are　a　goodish　few　
American　colonels　still　knocking　about。　　The　American　colonel　is　
still　to　be　met　with　here　and　there　by　the　curious　traveller；　but　
compared　with　the　retired　British　general　he　is　an　extinct　species。　　
In　Cheltenham　and　Brighton　and　other　favoured　towns　there　are　streets　
of　nothing　but　retired　British　generalssquares　of　retired　British　
generalswhole　crescents　of　British　generals。　　Abroad　there　are　
pensions　with　a　special　scale　of　charges　for　British　generals。　　In　
Switzerland　there　has　even　been　talk　of　reserving　railway　
compartments　〃For　British　Generals　Only。〃　　In　Germany；　when　you　do　
not　say　distinctly　and　emphatically　on　being　introduced　that　you　are　
not　a　British　general；　you　are　assumed；　as　a　matter　of　course；　to　be　
a　British　general。　　During　the　Boer　War；　when　I　was　residing　in　a　
small　garrison　town　on　the　Rhine；　German　military　men　would　draw　me　
aside　and　ask　of　me　my　own　private　personal　views　as　to　the　conduct　
of　the　campaign。　　I　would　give　them　my　views　freely；　explain　to　them　
how　I　would　finish　the　whole　thing　in　a　week。

〃But　how　in　the　face　of　the　enemy's　tactics〃　one　of　them　would　
begin。

〃Bother　the　enemy's　tactics；〃　I　would　reply。　　〃Who　cares　for　
tactics？〃

〃But　surely　a　British　general〃　they　would　persist。　　〃Who's　a　
British　general？〃　I　would　retort；　〃I　am　talking　to　you　merely　as　a　
plain　commonsense　man；　with　a　head　on　my　shoulders。〃

They　would　apologize　for　their　mistake。　　But　this　is　leading　me　away　
from　that　German　Kurhaus。

＇Recreation　for　the　Higher　clergy。＇

My　clergyman　friend　found　life　there　dull。　　The　generals　and　the　
spinsters　left　to　themselves　might　have　played　cards；　but　they　
thought　of　the　poor　bishops　who　would　hav