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＇How　to　avoid　Everything。＇

〃They　have　now　discovered；　Mrs。　Wilkins；〃　I　said；　〃the　germ　of　old　
age。　　They　are　going　to　inoculate　us　for　it　in　early　youth；　with　the　
result　that　the　only　chance　of　ever　getting　rid　of　our　friends　will　
be　to　give　them　a　motor…car。　　And　maybe　it　will　not　do　to　trust　to　
that　for　long。　　They　will　discover　that　some　men's　tendency　towards　
getting　themselves　into　trouble　is　due　to　some　sort　of　a　germ。　　The　
man　of　the　future；　Mrs。　Wilkins；　will　be　inoculated　against　all　
chance　of　gas　explosions；　storms　at　sea；　bad　oysters；　and　thin　ice。　　
Science　may　eventually　discover　the　germ　prompting　to　ill…assorted　
marriages；　proneness　to　invest　in　the　wrong　stock；　uncontrollable　
desire　to　recite　poetry　at　evening　parties。　　Religion；　politics；　
educationall　these　things　are　so　much　wasted　energy。　　To　live　happy　
and　good　for　ever　and　ever；　all　we　have　to　do　is　to　hunt　out　these　
various　germs　and　wring　their　necks　for　themor　whatever　the　proper　
treatment　may　be。　　Heaven；　I　gather　from　medical　science；　is　merely　a　
place　that　is　free　from　germs。〃

〃We　talk　a　lot　about　it；〃　thought　Mrs。　Wilkins；　〃but　it　does　not　seem　
to　me　that　we　are　very　much　better　off　than　before　we　took　to　
worrying　ourselves　for　twenty…four　'ours　a　day　about　'ow　we　are　going　
to　live。　　Lord！　to　read　the　advertisements　in　the　papers　you　would　
think　as　'ow　flesh　and　blood　was　never　intended　to　'ave　any　natural　
ills。　　'Do　you　ever　'ave　a　pain　in　your　back？'　because；　if　so；　
there's　a　picture　of　a　kind　gent　who's　willing　for　one　and　sixpence　
halfpenny　to　take　it　quite　away　from　youmake　you　look　forward　to　
scrubbing　floors；　and　standing　over　the　wash…tub　six　'ours　at　a　
stretch　like　to　a　beanfeast。　　'Do　you　ever　feel　as　though　you　don't　
want　to　get　out　of　bed　in　the　morning？'　that's　all　to　be　cured　by　a　
bottle　of　their　stuffor　two　at　the　outside。　　Four　children　to　keep；　
and　a　sick　'usband　on　your　'ands　used　to　get　me　over　it　when　I　was　
younger。　　I　used　to　fancy　it　was　just　because　I　was　tired。

＇The　one　Cure…All。＇

〃There's　some　of　them　seem　to　think；〃　continued　Mrs。　Wilkins；　〃that　
if　you　don't　get　all　you　want　out　of　this　world；　and　ain't　so　'appy　
as　you've　persuaded　yourself　you　ought　to　be；　that　it's　all　because　
you　ain't　taking　the　right　medicine。　　Appears　to　me　there's　only　one　
doctor　as　can　do　for　you；　all　the　others　talk　as　though　they　could；　
and　'e　only　comes　to　each　of　us　once；　and　then　'e　makes　no　charge。〃



CHAPTER　XIV



＇Europe　and　the　bright　American　Girl。＇

〃How　does　she　do　it？〃

That　is　what　the　European　girl　wants　to　know。　　The　American　girl！　　
She　comes　over　here；　and；　as　a　British　matron；　reduced　to　slang　by　
force　of　indignation；　once　exclaimed　to　me：　　〃You'd　think　the　whole　
blessed　show　belonged　to　her。〃　　The　European　girl　is　hampered　by　her　
relatives。　　She　has　to　account　for　her　father：　　to　explain　away；　if　
possible；　her　grandfather。　　The　American　girl　sweeps　them　aside：

〃Don't　you　worry　about　them；〃　she　says　to　the　Lord　Chamberlain。　　
〃It's　awfully　good　of　you；　but　don't　you　fuss　yourself。　　I'm　looking　
after　my　old　people。　　That's　my　department。　　What　I　want　you　to　do　is　
just　to　listen　to　what　I　am　saying　and　then　hustle　around。　　I　can　
fill　up　your　time　all　right　by　myself。〃

Her　father　may　be　a　soap…boiler；　her　grandmother　may　have　gone　out　
charing。

〃That's　all　right；〃　she　says　to　her　Ambassador：　　〃They're　not　coming。　　
You　just　take　my　card　and　tell　the　King　that　when　he's　got　a　few　
minutes　to　spare　I'll　be　pleased　to　see　him。〃

And　the　extraordinary　thing　is　that；　a　day　or　two　afterwards；　the　
invitation　arrives。

A　modern　writer　has　said　that　〃I'm　Murrican〃　is　the　Civis　Romanus　sum　
of　the　present…day　woman's　world。　　The　late　King　of　Saxony；　did；　I　
believe；　on　one　occasion　make　a　feeble　protest　at　being　asked　to　
receive　the　daughter　of　a　retail　bootmaker。　　The　young　lady；　
nonplussed　for　the　moment；　telegraphed　to　her　father　in　Detroit。　　The　
answer　came　back　next　morning：　　〃Can't　call　it　sellingpractically　
giving　them　away。　　See　Advertisement。〃　　The　lady　was　presented　as　the　
daughter　of　an　eminent　philanthropist。

It　is　due　to　her　to　admit　that；　taking　her　as　a　class；　the　American　
girl　is　a　distinct　gain　to　European　Society。　　Her　influence　is　
against　convention　and　in　favour　of　simplicity。　　One　of　her　greatest　
charms；　in　the　eyes　of　the　European　man；　is　that　she　listens　to　him。　　
I　cannot　say　whether　it　does　her　any　good。　　Maybe　she　does　not　
remember　it　all；　but　while　you　are　talking　she　does　give　you　her　
attention。　　The　English　woman　does　not　always。　　She　greets　you　
pleasantly　enough：

〃I've　so　often　wanted　to　meet　you；〃　she　says；　〃must　you　really　go？〃

It　strikes　you　as　sudden：　　you　had　no　intention　of　going　for　hours。　　
But　the　hint　is　too　plain　to　be　ignored。　　You　are　preparing　to　agree　
that　you　really　must　when；　looking　round；　you　gather　that　the　last　
remark　was　not　addressed　to　you；　but　to　another　gentleman　who　is　
shaking　hands　with　her：

〃Now；　perhaps　we　shall　be　able　to　talk　for　five　minutes；〃　she　says。　　
〃I've　so　often　wanted　to　say　that　I　shall　never　forgive　you。　　You　
have　been　simply　horrid。〃

Again　you　are　confused；　until　you　jump　to　the　conclusion　that　the　
latter　portion　of　the　speech　is　probably　intended　for　quite　another　
party　with　whom；　at　the　moment；　her　back　towards　you；　she　is　engaged　
in　a　whispered　conversation。　　When　he　is　gone　she　turns　again　to　you。　　
But　the　varied　expressions　that　pass　across　her　face　while　you　are　
discussing　with　her　the　disadvantages　of　Protection；　bewilder　you。　　
When；　explaining　your　own　difficulty　in　arriving　at　a　conclusion；　you　
remark　that　Great　Britain　is　an　island；　she　roguishly　shakes　her　
head。　　It　is　not　that　she　has　forgotten　her　geography；　it　is　that　she　
is　conducting　a　conversation　by　signs　with　a　lady　at　the　other　end　of　
the　room。　　When　you　observe　that　the　working　classes　must　be　fed；　she　
smiles　archly　while　murmuring：

〃Oh；　do　you　really　think　so？〃

You　are　about　to　say　something　strong　on　the　subject　of　dumping。　　
Apparently　she　has　disappeared。　　You　find　that　she　is　reaching　round　
behind　you　to　tap　a　new　arrival　with　her　fan。

＇She　has　the　Art　of　Listening。＇

Now；　the　American　girl　looks　at　you；　and　just　listens　to　you　with　her　
eyes　fixed　on　you　all　the　time。　　You　gather　that；　as　far　as　she　is　
concerned；　the　rest　of　the　company　are　passing　shadows。　　She　wants　to　
hear　what　you　have　to　say　about　Bi…metallism：　　her　trouble　is　lest　
she　may　miss　a　word　of　it。　　From　a　talk　with　an　American　girl　one　
comes　away　with　the　conviction　that　one　is　a　brilliant　
conversationalist；　who　can　hold　a　charming　woman　spell…bound。　　This　
may　not　be　good　for　one：　　but　while　it　lasts；　the　sensation　is　
pleasant。

Even　the　American　girl　cannot；　on　all　occasions；　sweep　from　her　path　
the　cobwebs　of　old…world　etiquette。　　Two　American　ladies　told　me　a　
sad　tale　of　things　that　had　happened　to　them　not　long　ago　in　Dresden。　　
An　officer　of　rank　and　standing　invited　them　to　breakfast　with　him　on　
the　ice。　　Dames　and　nobles　of　the　plus　haut　ton　would　be　there。　　It　
is　a　social　function　that　occurs　every　Sunday　morning　in　Dresden　
during　the　skating　season。　　The　great　lake　in　the　Grosser　Garten　is　
covered　with　all　sorts　and　conditions　of　people。　　Prince　and　commoner　
circle　and　recircle　round　one　another。　　But　they　do　not　mix。　　The　
girls　were　pleased。　　They　secured　the　services　of　an　elderly　lady；　
the　widow　of　an　analytical　chemist：　　unfortunately；　she　could　not　
skate。　　They　wrapped　her　up　and　put　her　in　a　sledge。　　While　they　were　
in　the　garde　robe　putting　on　their　skates；　a　German　gentleman　came　up　
and　bowed　to　them。

He　was　a　nice　young　man　of　prepossessing　appearance　and　amiable　
manners。　　They　could　not　call　to　mind　his　name；　but　remembered　having　
met　him；　somewhere；　and　on　more　than　one　occasion。　　The　American　girl　
is　always　sociable：　　they　bowed　and　smiled；　and　said　it　was　a　fine　
day。　　He　replied　with　volubility；　and　helped　them　down　on　to　the　ice。　　
He　was　really　most　attentive。　　They　saw　their　friend；　the　officer　of　
noble　family；　and；　with　the　assistance　of　the　German　gentleman；　
skated　towards　him。　　He　glided　past　them。　　They　thought　that　maybe　he　
did　not　know　enough　to　stop；　so　they　turned　and　skated　after　him。　　
They　chased　him　three　times　round　the　pond　and　then；　feeling　tired；　
eased　up　and　took　counsel　together。

〃I'm　sure　he　must　have　seen　us；〃　said　the　younger　girl。　　〃What　does　
he　mean　by　it？〃

〃Well；　I　have　not　come　down　here　to　play　forfeits；〃　said　the　other；　
〃added　to　which　I　want　my　breakfast。　　You　wait　here　a　minute；　I'll　go　
and　have　it　out　with　him。〃

He　was　standing　only　a　dozen　yards　away。　　Alone；　though　not　a　good　
performer　on　the　ice；　she　contrived　to　cover　half　the　distance　
dividing　them。　　The　officer；　perceiving　her；　came　to　her　assistance　
and　greeted　her　with　effusion。

＇The　Republican　Idea　in　practice。＇

〃Oh；〃　said　the　lady；　who　was　feeling　indignant；　〃I　thought　maybe　you　
had　left　your　glasses　at　home。〃

〃I　am　sorry；〃　said　the　officer；　〃but　it　is　impossible。〃

〃What's　impossible？〃　demanded　the　lady。

〃That　I　can　b