the angel and the author-第16节

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was　light　work　that　he　could　do；　and　started　a　dressmaker's　business。　　
The　third　was　left　a　widow　without　means。　　She　sent　her　three　
children　to　boarding…school；　and　opened　a　tea…room。　　I　don't　know　how　
they　talked　before；　but　I　know　that　they　do　not　talk　now　as　though　
earning　the　income　was　a　sort　of　round　game。

＇When　they　have　tried　it　the　other　way　round。＇

On　the　Continent　they　have　gone　deliberately　to　work；　one　would　
imagine；　to　reverse　matters。　　Abroad　woman　is　always　where　man　ought　
to　be；　and　man　where　most　ladies　would　prefer　to　meet　with　women。　　
The　ladies　garde…robe　is　superintended　by　a　superannuated　sergeant　of　
artillery。　　When　I　want　to　curl　my　moustache；　say；　I　have　to　make　
application　to　a　superb　golden…haired　creature；　who　stands　by　and　
watches　me　with　an　interested　smile。　　I　would　be　much　happier　waited　
on　by　the　superannuated　sergeant；　and　my　wife　tells　me　she　could　very　
well　spare　him。　　But　it　is　the　law　of　the　land。　　I　remember　the　first　
time　I　travelled　with　my　daughter　on　the　Continent。　　In　the　morning　I　
was　awakened　by　a　piercing　scream　from　her　room。　　I　struggled　into　my　
pyjamas；　and　rushed　to　her　assistance。　　I　could　not　see　her。　　I　could　
see　nothing　but　a　muscular…looking　man　in　a　blue　blouse　with　a　can　of　
hot　water　in　one　hand　and　a　pair　of　boots　in　the　other。　　He　appeared　
to　be　equally　bewildered　with　myself　at　the　sight　of　the　empty　bed。　　
From　a　cupboard　in　the　corner　came　a　wail　of　distress：

〃Oh；　do　send　that　horrid　man　away。　　What's　he　doing　in　my　room？〃

I　explained　to　her　afterwards　that　the　chambermaid　abroad　is　always　
an　active　and　willing　young　man。　　The　foreign　girl　fills　in　her　time　
bricklaying　and　grooming　down　the　horses。　　It　is　a　young　and　charming　
lady　who　serves　you　when　you　enter　the　tobacconist's。　　She　doesn't　
understand　tobacco；　is　unsympathetic；　with　Mr。　Frederic　Harrison；　
regards　smoking　as　a　degrading　and　unclean　habit；　cannot　see；　
herself；　any　difference　between　shag　and　Mayblossom；　seeing　that　they　
are　both　the　same　price；　thinks　you　fussy。　　The　corset　shop　is　run　by　
a　most　presentable　young　man　in　a　Vandyck　beard。　　The　wife　runs　the　
restaurant；　the　man　does　the　cooking；　and　yet　the　woman　has　not　
reached　freedom　from　bother。

＇A　brutal　suggestion＇

It　sounds　brutal；　but　perhaps　woman　was　not　intended　to　live　free　
from　all　bothers。　　Perhaps　even　the　higher　lifethe　skirt…dancing　
and　the　poker　workhas　its　bothers。　　Perhaps　woman　was　intended　to　
take　her　share　of　the　world's　workof　the　world's　bothers。



CHAPTER　XII



＇Why　I　hate　Heroes＇

When　I　was　younger；　reading　the　popular　novel　used　to　make　me　sad。　　I　
find　it　vexes　others　also。　　I　was　talking　to　a　bright　young　girl　upon　
the　subject　not　so　very　long　ago。

〃I　just　hate　the　girl　in　the　novel；〃　she　confessed。　　〃She　makes　me　
feel　real　bad。　　If　I　don't　think　of　her　I　feel　pleased　with　myself；　
and　good；　but　when　I　read　about　herwell；　I'm　crazy。　　I　would　not　
mind　her　being　smart；　sometimes。　　We　can　all　of　us　say　the　right　
thing；　now　and　then。　　This　girl　says　them　straight　away；　all　the　
time。　　She　don't　have　to　dig　for　them　even；　they　come　crowding　out　of　
her。　　There　never　happens　a　time　when　she　stands　there　feeling　like　a　
fool　and　knowing　that　she　looks　it。　　As　for　her　hair：　　'pon　my　word；　
there　are　days　when　I　believe　it　is　a　wig。　　I'd　like　to　get　behind　
her　and　give　it　just　one　pull。　　It　curls　of　its　own　accord。　　She　
don't　seem　to　have　any　trouble　with　it。　　Look　at　this　mop　of　mine。　　
I've　been　working　at　it　for　three…quarters　of　an　hour　this　morning；　
and　now　I　would　not　laugh；　not　if　you　were　to　tell　me　the　funniest　
thing；　you'd　ever　heard；　for　fear　it　would　come　down　again。　　As　for　
her　clothes；　they　make　me　tired。　　She　don't　possess　a　frock　that　does　
not　fit　her　to　perfection；　she　doesn't　have　to　think　about　them。　　You　
would　imagine　she　went　into　the　garden　and　picked　them　off　a　tree。　　
She　just　slips　it　on　and　comes　down；　and　thenmy　stars！　　All　the　
other　women　in　the　room　may　just　as　well　go　to　bed　and　get　a　good　
night's　rest　for　all　the　chance　they've　got。　　It　isn't　that　she's　
beautiful。　　From　what　they　tell　you　about　her；　you　might　fancy　her　a　
freak。　　Looks　don't　appear　to　matter　to　her；　she　gets　there　anyhow。　　
I　tell　you　she　just　makes　me　boil。〃

Allowing　for　the　difference　between　the　masculine　and　feminine　
outlook；　this　is　precisely　how　I　used　to　feel　when　reading　of　the　
hero。　　He　was　not　always　good；　sometimes　he　hit　the　villain　harder　
than　he　had　intended；　and　then　he　was　sorrywhen　it　was　too　late；　
blamed　himself　severely；　and　subscribed　towards　the　wreath。　　Like　the　
rest　of　us；　he　made　mistakes；　occasionally　married　the　wrong　girl。　　
But　how　well　he　did　everything！does　still　for　the　matter　of　that；　I　
believe。　　Take　it　that　he　condescends　to　play　cricket！　　He　never　
scores　less　than　a　hundreddoes　not　know　how　to　score　less　than　a　
hundred；　wonders　how　it　could　be　done；　supposing；　for　example；　you　
had　an　appointment　and　wanted　to　catch　an　early　train。　　I　used　to　
play　cricket　myself；　but　I　could　always　stop　at　ten　or　twenty。　　There　
have　been　times　when　I　have　stopped　at　even　less。

It　is　the　same　with　everything　he　puts　his　hand　to。　　Either　he　does　
not　care　for　boating　at　all；　or；　as　a　matter　of　course；　he　pulls　
stroke　in　the　University　Boat…race；　and　then　takes　the　train　on　to　
Henley　and　wins　the　Diamond　Sculls　so　easily　that　it　hardly　seems　
worth　while　for　the　other　fellow　to　have　started。　　Were　I　living　in　
Novel…land；　and　had　I　entered　for　the　Diamond　Sculls；　I　should　put　it　
to　my　opponent　before　the　word　was　given　to　us　to　go。

〃One　minute！〃　I　should　have　called　out　to　him。　　〃Are　you　the　hero　of　
this　novel；　or；　like　myself；　only　one　of　the　minor　characters？　　
Because；　if　you　are　the　hero　you　go　on；　don't　you　wait　for　me。　　I　
shall　just　pull　as　far　as　the　boathouse　and　get　myself　a　cup　of　tea。〃

＇Because　it　always　seems　to　be　his　Day。＇

There　is　no　sense　of　happy　medium　about　the　hero　of　the　popular　
novel。　　He　cannot　get　astride　a　horse　without　its　going　off　and　
winning　a　steeplechase　against　the　favourite。　　The　crowd　in　Novel…
land　appears　to　have　no　power　of　observation。　　It　worries　itself　
about　the　odds；　discusses　records；　reads　the　nonsense　published　by　
the　sporting　papers。　　Were　I　to　find　myself　on　a　racecourse　in　Novel…
land　I　should　not　trouble　about　the　unessential；　I　should　go　up　to　
the　bookie　who　looked　as　if　he　had　the　most　money；　and　should　say　to　
him：

〃Don't　shout　so　loud；　you　are　making　yourself　hoarse。　　Just　listen　to　
me。　　Who's　the　hero　of　this　novel？　　Oh；　that's　he；　is　it？　　The　heavy…
looking　man　on　the　little　brown　horse　that　keeps　coughing　and　is　
suffering　apparently　from　bone　spavin？　　Well；　what　are　the　odds　
against　his　winning　by　ten　lengths？　　A　thousand　to　one！　　Very　well！　　
Have　you　got　a　bag？Good。　　Here's　twenty…seven　pounds　in　gold　and　
eighteen　shillings　in　silver。　　Coat　and　waistcoat；　say　another　ten　
shillings。　　Shirt　and　trousersit's　all　right；　I've　got　my　pyjamas　
on　underneathsay　seven　and　six。　　Bootswe　won't　quarrelmake　it　
five　bob。　　That's　twenty…nine　pounds　and　sixpence；　isn't　it？　　In　
addition　here's　a　mortgage　on　the　family　estate；　which　I've　had　made　
out　in　blank；　an　I　O　U　for　fourteen　pounds　which　has　been　owing　to　me　
now　for　some　time；　and　this　bundle　of　securities　which；　strictly　
speaking；　belong　to　my　Aunt　Jane。　　You　keep　that　little　lot　till　
after　the　race；　and　we　will　call　it　in　round　figures；　five　hundred　
pounds。〃

That　single　afternoon　would　thus　bring　me　in　five　hundred　thousand　
poundsprovided　the　bookie　did　not　blow　his　brains　out。

Backers　in　Novel…land　do　not　seem　to　me　to　know　their　way　about。　　If　
the　hero　of　the　popular　novel　swims　at　all；　it　is　not　like　an　
ordinary　human　being　that　he　does　it。　　You　never　meet　him　in　a　
swimming…bath；　he　never　pays　ninepence；　like　the　rest　of　us；　for　a　
machine。　　He　goes　out　at　uncanny　hours；　generally　accompanied　by　a　
lady　friend；　with　whom　the　while　swimming　he　talks　poetry　and　cracks　
jokes。　　Some　of　us；　when　we　try　to　talk　in　the　sea；　fill　ourselves　up　
with　salt　water。　　This　chap　lies　on　his　back　and　carols；　and　the　wild　
waves；　seeing　him；　go　round　the　other　way。　　At　billiards　he　can　give　
the　average　sharper　forty　in　a　hundred。　　He　does　not　really　want　to　
play；　he　does　it　to　teach　these　bad　men　a　lesson。　　He　has　not　handled　
a　cue　for　years。　　He　picked　up　the　game　when　a　young　man　in　
Australia；　and　it　seems　to　have　lingered　with　him。

He　does　not　have　to　get　up　early　and　worry　dumb…bells　in　his　
nightshirt；　he　just　lies　on　a　sofa　in　an　elegant　attitude　and　muscle　
comes　to　him。　　If　his　horse　declines　to　jump　a　hedge；　he　slips　down　
off　the　animal's　back　and　throws　the　poor　thing　over；　it　saves　
argument。　　If　he　gets　cross　and　puts　his　shoulder　to　the　massive　
oaken　door；　we　know　there　is　going　to　be　work　next　morning　for　the　
carpenter。　　Maybe　he　is　a　party　belonging　to　the　Middle　Ages。　　Then　
when　he　reluctantly　challenges　the　crack　fencer　of　Europe　to　a　duel；　
our　instinct　is　to　call　out　and　warn　his　opponent。

〃You　silly　fool；〃　one　feels　one　wants　to　say；　〃why；　it　is　the　hero　of