a woman of thirty-第25节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


o　destroy　the　hopes　that　survive　a　lost　lover；　precisely　because　he　only　awakened　longings；　and　all　that　is　loveliest　and　most　enchanting　in　love？〃

These　sober　reflections；　due　to　the　discouragement　and　dread　of　failure　with　which　love　begins　in　earnest；　were　the　last　expiring　effort　of　diplomatic　reasoning。　Thenceforward　he　knew　no　afterthoughts；　he　was　the　plaything　of　his　love；　and　lost　himself　in　the　nothings　of　that　strange　inexplicable　happiness　which　is　full　fed　by　a　chance　word；　by　silence；　or　a　vague　hope。　He　tried　to　love　Platonically；　came　daily　to　breathe　the　air　that　she　breathed；　became　almost　a　part　of　her　house；　and　went　everywhere　with　her；　slave　as　he　was　of　a　tyrannous　passion　compounded　of　egoism　and　devotion　of　the　completest。　Love　has　its　own　instinct；　finding　the　way　to　the　heart；　as　the　feeblest　insect　finds　the　way　to　its　flower；　with　a　will　which　nothing　can　dismay　or　turn　aside。　If　feeling　is　sincere；　its　destiny　is　not　doubtful。　Let　a　woman　begin　to　think　that　her　life　depends　on　the　sincerity　or　fervor　or　earnestness　which　her　lover　shall　put　into　his　longings；　and　is　there　not　sufficient　in　the　thought　to　put　her　through　all　the　tortures　of　dread？　It　is　impossible　for　a　woman；　be　she　wife　or　mother；　to　be　secure　from　a　young　man's　love。　One　thing　it　is　within　her　power　to　doto　refuse　to　see　him　as　soon　as　she　learns　a　secret　which　she　never　fails　to　guess。　But　this　is　too　decided　a　step　to　take　at　an　age　when　marriage　has　become　a　prosaic　and　tiresome　yoke；　and　conjugal　affection　is　something　less　than　tepid　（if　indeed　her　husband　has　not　already　begun　to　neglect　her）。　Is　a　woman　plain？　she　is　flattered　by　a　love　which　gives　her　fairness。　Is　she　young　and　charming？　She　is　only　to　be　won　by　a　fascination　as　great　as　her　own　power　to　charm；　that　is　to　say；　a　fascination　well…nigh　irresistible。　Is　she　virtuous？　There　is　a　love　sublime　in　its　earthliness　which　leads　her　to　find　something　like　absolution　in　the　very　greatness　of　the　surrender　and　glory　in　a　hard　struggle。　Everything　is　a　snare。　No　lesson；　therefore；　is　too　severe　where　the　temptation　is　so　strong。　The　seclusion　in　which　the　Greeks　and　Orientals　kept　and　keep　their　women；　an　example　more　and　more　followed　in　modern　England；　is　the　only　safeguard　of　domestic　morality；　but　under　this　system　there　is　an　end　of　all　the　charm　of　social　intercourse；　and　society；　and　good　breeding；　and　refinement　of　manners　become　impossible。　The　nations　must　take　their　choice。

So　a　few　months　went　by；　and　Mme。　d'Aiglemont　discovered　that　her　life　was　closely　bound　with　this　young　man's　life；　without　overmuch　confusion　in　her　surprise；　and　felt　with　something　almost　like　pleasure　that　she　shared　his　tastes　and　his　thoughts。　Had　she　adopted　Vandenesse's　ideas？　Or　was　it　Vandenesse　who　had　made　her　lightest　whims　his　own？　She　was　not　careful　to　inquire。　She　had　been　swept　out　already　into　the　current　of　passion；　and　yet　this　adorable　woman　told　herself　with　the　confident　reiteration　of　misgiving；

〃Ah！　no。　I　will　be　faithful　to　him　who　died　for　me。〃

Pascal　said　that　〃the　doubt　of　God　implies　belief　in　God。〃　And　similarly　it　may　be　said　that　a　woman　only　parleys　when　she　has　surrendered。　A　day　came　when　the　Marquise　admitted　to　herself　that　she　was　loved；　and　with　that　admission　came　a　time　of　wavering　among　countless　conflicting　thoughts　and　feelings。　The　superstitions　of　experience　spoke　their　language。　Should　she　be　happy？　Was　it　possible　that　she　should　find　happiness　outside　the　limits　of　the　laws　which　society　rightly　or　wrongly　has　set　up　for　humanity　to　live　by？　Hitherto　her　cup　of　life　had　been　full　of　bitterness。　Was　there　any　happy　issue　possible　for　the　ties　which　united　two　human　beings　held　apart　by　social　conventions？　And　might　not　happiness　be　bought　too　dear？　Still；　this　so　ardently　desired　happiness；　for　which　it　is　so　natural　to　seek；　might　perhaps　be　found　after　all。　Curiosity　is　always　retained　on　the　lover's　side　in　the　suit。　The　secret　tribunal　was　still　sitting　when　Vandenesse　appeared；　and　his　presence　put　the　metaphysical　spectre；　reason；　to　flight。

If　such　are　the　successive　transformations　through　which　a　sentiment；　transient　though　it　be；　passes　in　a　young　man　and　a　woman　of　thirty；　there　comes　a　moment　of　time　when　the　shades　of　difference　blend　into　each　other；　when　all　reasonings　end　in　a　single　and　final　reflection　which　is　lost　and　absorbed　in　the　desire　which　it　confirms。　Then　the　longer　the　resistance；　the　mightier　the　voice　of　love。　And　here　endeth　this　lesson；　or　rather　this　study　made　from　the　/ecorche/；　to　borrow　a　most　graphic　term　from　the　studio；　for　in　this　history　it　is　not　so　much　intended　to　portray　love　as　to　lay　bare　its　mechanism　and　its　dangers。　From　this　moment　every　day　adds　color　to　these　dry　bones；　clothes　them　again　with　living　flesh　and　blood　and　the　charm　of　youth；　and　puts　vitality　into　their　movements；　till　they　glow　once　more　with　the　beauty；　the　persuasive　grace　of　sentiment；　the　loveliness　of　life。



Charles　found　Mme。　d'Aiglemont　absorbed　in　thought；　and　to　his　〃What　is　it？〃　spoken　in　thrilling　tones　grown　persuasive　with　the　heart's　soft　magic；　she　was　careful　not　to　reply。　The　delicious　question　bore　witness　to　the　perfect　unity　of　their　spirits；　and　the　Marquise　felt；　with　a　woman's　wonderful　intuition；　that　to　give　any　expression　to　the　sorrow　in　her　heart　would　be　to　make　an　advance。　If；　even　now；　each　one　of　those　words　was　fraught　with　significance　for　them　both；　in　what　fathomless　depths　might　she　not　plunge　at　the　first　step？　She　read　herself　with　a　clear　and　lucid　glance。　She　was　silent；　and　Vandenesse　followed　her　example。

〃I　am　not　feeling　well；〃　she　said　at　last；　taking　alarm　at　the　pause　fraught　with　such　great　moment　for　them　both；　when　the　language　of　the　eyes　completely　filled　the　blank　left　by　the　helplessness　of　speech。

〃Madame；〃　said　Charles；　and　his　voice　was　tender　but　unsteady　with　strong　feeling；　〃soul　and　body　are　both　dependent　on　each　other。　If　you　were　happy；　you　would　be　young　and　fresh。　Why　do　you　refuse　to　ask　of　love　all　that　love　has　taken　from　you？　You　think　that　your　life　is　over　when　it　is　only　just　beginning。　Trust　yourself　to　a　friend's　care。　It　is　so　sweet　to　be　loved。〃

〃I　am　old　already；〃　she　said；　〃there　is　no　reason　why　I　should　not　continue　to　suffer　as　in　the　past。　And　'one　must　love；'　do　you　say？　Well；　I　must　not；　and　I　cannot。　Your　friendship　has　put　some　sweetness　into　my　life；　but　beside　you　I　care　for　no　one；　no　one　could　efface　my　memories。　A　friend　I　accept；　I　should　fly　from　a　lover。　Besides；　would　it　be　a　very　generous　thing　to　do；　to　exchange　a　withered　heart　for　a　young　heart；　to　smile　upon　illusions　which　now　I　cannot　share；　to　cause　happiness　in　which　I　should　either　have　no　belief；　or　tremble　to　lose？　I　should　perhaps　respond　to　his　devotion　with　egoism；　should　weigh　and　deliberate　while　he　felt；　my　memory　would　resent　the　poignancy　of　his　happiness。　No；　if　you　love　once；　that　love　is　never　replaced；　you　see。　Indeed；　who　would　have　my　heart　at　this　price？〃

There　was　a　tinge　of　heartless　coquetry　in　the　words；　the　last　effort　of　discretion。

〃If　he　loses　courage；　well　and　good；　I　shall　live　alone　and　faithful。〃　The　thought　came　from　the　very　depths　of　the　woman；　for　her　it　was　the　too　slender　willow　twig　caught　in　vain　by　a　swimmer　swept　out　by　the　current。

Vandenesse's　involuntary　shudder　at　her　dictum　plead　more　eloquently　for　him　than　all　his　past　assiduity。　Nothing　moves　a　woman　so　much　as　the　discovery　of　a　gracious　delicacy　in　us；　such　a　refinement　of　sentiment　as　her　own；　for　a　woman　the　grace　and　delicacy　are　sure　tokens　of　truth。　Charles'　start　revealed　the　sincerity　of　his　love。　Mme。　d'Aiglemont　learned　the　strength　of　his　affection　from　the　intensity　of　his　pain。

〃Perhaps　you　are　right；〃　he　said　coldly。　〃New　love；　new　vexation　of　spirit。〃

Then　he　changed　the　subject；　and　spoke　of　indifferent　matters；　but　he　was　visibly　moved；　and　he　concentrated　his　gaze　on　Mme。　d'Aiglemont　as　if　he　were　seeing　her　for　the　last　time。

〃Adieu；　madame；〃　he　said；　with　emotion　in　his　voice。

〃/Au　revoir/；〃　said　she；　with　that　subtle　coquetry；　the　secret　of　a　very　few　among　women。

He　made　no　answer　and　went。

When　Charles　was　no　longer　there；　when　his　empty　chair　spoke　for　him；　regrets　flocked　in　upon　her；　and　she　found　fault　with　herself。　Passion　makes　an　immense　advance　as　soon　as　a　woman　persuades　herself　that　she　has　failed　somewhat　in　generosity　or　hurt　a　noble　nature。　In　love　there　is　never　any　need　to　be　on　our　guard　against　the　worst　in　us；　that　is　a　safeguard；　a　woman　only　surrenders　at　the　summons　of　a　virtue。　〃The　floor　of　hell　is　paved　with　good　intentions；〃it　is　no　preacher's　paradox。

Vandenesse　stopped　away　for　several　days。　Every　evening　at　the　accustomed　hour　the　Marquise　sat　expectant　in　remorseful　impatience。　She　could　not　writethat　would　be　a　declaration；　and；　moreover；　her　instinct　told　her　that　he　would　come　back。　On　the　sixth　day　he　was　announced；　and　never　had　she　heard　the　name　with　such　delight。　Her　joy　frightened　her。

〃You　have　punished　me　well；〃　she　said；　addressing　him。

Vandenesse　gazed　at　her　in　astonishment。

〃Punished？〃　he　echoed。　〃And　for　what？〃　He　understood　her　quite　well；