the legacy of cain-第44节

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I　gave　his　letters　the　kiss　that　bade　him　good…by。　That　was　the
time；　I　think；　when　my　poor　bruised　heart　got　used　to　the　pain；　I
began　to　feel　that　there　was　one　consolation　still　left　for　meI
might　end　in　forgiving　him。　Why　do　I　tell　you　all　this？　I　think
you　must　have　bewitched　me。　Is　this　really　the　first　time　I　have
seen　you？〃

She　put　her　little　trembling　hand　into　mine；　I　lifted　it　to　my
lips；　and　kissed　it。　Sorely　was　I　tempted　to　own　that　I　had
pitied　and　loved　her　in　her　infancy。　It　was　almost　on　my　lips　to
say：　〃I　remember　you　an　easily…pleased　little　creature；　amusing
yourself　with　the　broken　toys　which　were　once　the　playthings　of
my　own　children。〃　I　believe　I　should　have　said　it；　if　I　could
have　trusted　myself　to　speak　composedly　to　her。　This　was　not　to
be　done。　Old　as　I　was；　versed　as　I　was　in　the　hard　knowledge　of
how　to　keep　the　mask　on　in　the　hour　of　need；　this　was　not　to　be
done。

Still　trying　to　understand　that　I　was　little　better　than　a
stranger　to　her；　and　still　bent　on　finding　the　secret　of　the
sympathy　that　united　us；　Eunice　put　a　strange　question　to　me。

〃When　you　were　young　yourself；〃　she　said；　〃did　you　know　what　it
was　to　love；　and　to　be　lovedand　then　to　lose　it　all？〃

It　is　not　given　to　many　men　to　marry　the　woman　who　has　been　the
object　of　their　first　love。　My　early　life　had　been　darkened　by　a
sad　story；　never　confided　to　any　living　creature；　banished
resolutely　from　my　own　thoughts。　For　forty　years　past；　that　part
of　my　buried　self　had　lain　quiet　in　its　graveand　the　chance
touch　of　an　innocent　hand　had　raised　the　dead；　and　set　us　face　to
face　again！　Did　I　know　what　it　was　to　love；　and　to　be　loved；　and
then　to　lose　it　all？　〃Too　well；　my　child；　too　well！〃

That　was　all　I　could　say　to　her。　In　the　last　days　of　my　life；　I
shrank　from　speaking　of　it。　When　I　had　first　felt　that　calamity；
and　had　felt　it　most　keenly；　I　might　have　given　an　answer
worthier　of　me；　and　worthier　of　her。

She　dropped　my　hand；　and　sat　by　me　in　silence；　thinking。　Had
Iwithout　meaning　it；　God　knows！had　I　disappointed　her？

〃Did　you　expect　me　to　tell　my　own　sad　story；〃　I　said；　〃as　frankly
and　as　trustfully　as　you　have　told　yours？〃

〃Oh；　don't　think　that！　I　know　what　an　effort　it　was　to　you　to
answer　me　at　all。　Yes；　indeed！　I　wonder　whether　I　may　ask
something。　The　sorrow　you　have　just　told　me　of　is　not　the　only
oneis　it？　You　have　had　other　troubles？〃

〃Many　of　them。〃

〃There　are　times；〃　she　went　on；　〃when　one　can't　help　thinking　of
one's　own　miserable　self。　I　try　to　be　cheerful；　but　those　times
come　now　and　then。〃

She　stopped；　and　looked　at　me　with　a　pale　fear　confessing　itself
in　her　face。

〃You　know　who　Selina　is？〃　she　resumed。　〃My　friend！　The　only
friend　I　had；　till　you　came　here。〃

I　guessed　that　she　was　speaking　of　the　quaint；　kindly　little
woman；　whose　ugly　surname　had　been　hitherto　the　only　name　known
to　me。

〃Selina　has；　I　daresay；　told　you　that　I　have　been　ill；〃　she
continued；　〃and　that　I　am　staying　in　the　country　for　the　benefit
of　my　health。〃

It　was　plain　that　she　had　something　to　say　to　me；　far　more
important　than　this；　and　that　she　was　dwelling　on　trifles　to　gain
time　and　courage。　Hoping　to　help　her；　I　dwelt　on　trifles；　too；
asking　commonplace　questions　about　the　part　of　the　country　in
which　she　was　staying。　She　answered　absentlythen；　little　by
little；　impatiently。　The　one　poor　proof　of　kindness　that　I　could
offer；　now；　was　to　say　no　more。

〃Do　you　know　what　a　strange　creature　I　am？〃　she　broke　out。　〃Shall
I　make　you　angry　with　me？　or　shall　I　make　you　laugh　at　me？　What　I
have　shrunk　from　confessing　to　Selinawhat　I　dare　not　confess　to
my　fatherI　must；　and　will；　confess　to　You。〃

There　was　a　look　of　horror　in　her　face　that　alarmed　me。　I　drew
her　to　me　so　that　she　could　rest　her　head　on　my　shoulder。　My　own
agitation　threatened　to　get　the　better　of　me。　For　the　first　time
since　I　had　seen　this　sweet　girl；　I　found　myself　thinking　of　the
blood　that　ran　in　her　veins；　and　of　the　nature　of　the　mother　who
had　borne　her。

〃Did　you　notice　how　I　behaved　upstairs？〃　she　said。　〃I　mean　when
we　left　my　father；　and　came　out　on　the　lauding。〃

It　was　easily　recollected；　I　begged　her　to　go　on。

〃Before　I　went　downstairs；〃　she　proceeded；　〃you　saw　me　look　and
listen。　Did　you　think　I　was　afraid　of　meeting　some　person？　and
did　you　guess　who　it　was　I　wanted　to　avoid？〃

〃I　guessed　thatand　I　understood　you。〃

〃No！　You　are　not　wicked　enough　to　understand　me。　Will　you　do　me　a
favor？　I　want　you　to　lo　ok　at　me。〃

It　was　said　seriously。　She　lifted　her　head　for　a　moment；　so　that
I　could　examine　her　face。

〃Do　you　see　anything；〃　she　asked；　〃which　makes　you　fear　that　I　am
not　in　my　right　mind？〃

〃Good　God！　how　can　you　ask　such　a　horrible　question？

She　laid　her　head　back　on　my　shoulder　with　a　sad　little　sigh　of
resignation。　〃I　ought　to　have　known　better；〃　she　said；　〃there　is
no　such　easy　way　out　of　it　as　that。　Tell　meis　there　one　kind　of
wickedness　more　deceitful　than　another？　Can　it　be　hid　in　a　person
for　years　together；　and　show　itself　when　a　time　of　sufferingno；
I　mean　when　a　sense　of　injury　comes？　Did　you　ever　see　that；　when
you　were　master　in　the　prison？〃

I　had　seen　itand；　after　a　moment's　doubt；　I　said　I　had　seen　it。

〃Did　you　pity　those　poor　wretches？〃

〃Certainly！　They　deserved　pity。〃

〃I　am　one　of　them！〃　she　said。　〃Pity　_me。_　If　Helena　looks　at
meif　Helena　speaks　to　meif　I　only　see　Helena　by　accidentdo
you　know　what　she　does？　She　tempts　me！　Tempts　me　to　do　dreadful
things！　Tempts　me〃　The　poor　child　threw　her　arms　round　my　neck；
and　whispered　the　next　fatal　words　in　my　ear。

The　mother！　Prepared　as　I　was　for　the　accursed　discovery；　the
horror　of　it　shook　me。

She　left　me；　and　started　to　her　feet。　The　inherited　energy　showed
itself　in　furious　protest　against　the　inherited　evil。　〃What　does
it　mean？〃　she　cried。　〃I'll　submit　to　anything。　I'll　bear　my　hard
lot　patiently；　if　you　will　only　tell　me　what　it　means。　Where　does
this　horrid　transformation　of　me　out　of　myself　come　from？　Look　at
my　good　father。　In　all　this　world　there　is　no　man　so　perfect　as
he　is。　And　oh；　how　he　has　taught　me！　there　isn't　a　single　good
thing　that　I　have　not　learned　from　him　since　I　was　a　little
child。　Did　you　ever　hear　him　speak　of　my　mother？　You　must　have
heard　him。　My　mother　was　an　angel。　I　could　never　be　worthy　of　her
at　my　bestbut　I　have　tried！　I　have　tried！　The　wickedest　girl　in
the　world　doesn't　have　worse　thoughts　than　the　thoughts　that　have
come　to　me。　Since　when？　Since　Helenaoh；　how　can　I　call　her　by
her　name　as　if　I　still　loved　her？　Since　my　sistercan　she　be　my
sister；　I　ask　myself　sometimes！　Since　my　enemythere's　the　word
for　hersince　my　enemy　took　Philip　away　from　me。　What　does　it
mean？　I　have　asked　in　my　prayersand　have　got　no　answer。　I　ask
you。　What　does　it　mean？　You　must　tell　me！　You　shall　tell　me！　What
does　it　mean？〃

Why　did　I　not　try　to　calm　her？　I　had　vainly　tried　to　calm　herI
who　knew　who　her　mother　was；　and　what　her　mother　had　been。

At　last；　she　had　forced　the　sense　of　my　duty　on　me。　The　simplest
way　of　calming　her　was　to　put　her　back　in　the　place　by　my　side
that　she　had　left。　It　was　useless　to　reason　with　her；　it　was
impossible　to　answer　her。　I　had　my　own　idea　of　the　one　way　in
which　I　might　charm　Eunice　back　to　her　sweeter　self。

〃Let　us　talk　of　Philip；〃　I　said。

The　fierce　flush　on　her　face　softened；　the　swelling　trouble　of
her　bosom　began　to　subside；　as　that　dearly…loved　name　passed　my
lips！　But　there　was　some　influence　left　in　her　which　resisted　me。

〃No；〃　she　said；　〃we　had　better　not　talk　of　him。〃

〃Why　not？〃

〃I　have　lost　all　my　courage。　If　you　speak　of　Philip；　you　will
make　me　cry。〃

I　drew　her　nearer　to　me。　If　she　had　been　my　own　child；　I　don't
think　I　could　have　felt　for　her　more　truly　than　I　felt　at　that
moment。　I　only　looked　at　her；　I　only　said：

〃Cry！〃

The　love　that　was　in　her　heart　rose；　and　poured　its　tenderness
into　her　eyes。　I　had　longed　to　see　the　tears　that　would　comfort
her。　The　tears　came。

There　was　silence　between　us　for　a　while。　It　was　possible　for　me
to　think。

In　the　absence　of　physical　resemblance　between　parent　and　child；
is　an　unfavorable　influence　exercised　on　the　tendency　to　moral
resemblance？　Assuming　the　possibility　of　such　a　result　as　this；
Eunice　（entirely　unlike　her　mother）　must；　as　I　concluded；　have
been　possessed　of　qualities　formed　to　resist；　as　well　as　of
qualities　doomed　to　undergo；　the　infection　of　evil。　While；
therefore；　I　resigned　myself　to　recognize　the　existence　of　the
hereditary　maternal　taint；　I　firmly　believed　in　the
counterbalancing　influences　for　good　which　had　been　part　of　the
girl's　birthright。　They　had　been　derived；　perhaps；　from　the
better　qualities　in　her　father's　nature；　they　had　been　certainly
developed　by　the　tender　care；　the　religious　vigilance；　which　had
guarded　the　adopted　child　so　lovingly　in　the　Minister's
household；　and　they　had　served　their　purpose　until　time　brought
with　it　the　change；　for　which　the　tranquil　domestic　influences
were　not　prepared。　With　the　great；　the　vital　transformation；
which　marks　the　ripening　of　the　girl　into　the　woman's　maturity　of
thought　and　passion；　a　new　power　for　Good；　str