the legacy of cain-第32节

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me。〃

I　had　arrived　at　the　same　conclusion　years　since。　But　I　shrank
from　confessing　it。

〃At　any　rate；〃　Selina　continued；　〃you　are　not　like　her。　Nobody
would　ever　guess　that　you　were　the　child　of　that　lady；　with　the
long　slanting　forehead　and　the　restless　look　in　her　eyes。〃

What　Selina　had　said　of　me　and　my　mother's　portrait；　other
friends　had　said。　There　was　nothing　that　I　know　of　to　interest　me
in　hearing　it　repeatedand　yet　it　set　me　pondering　on　the　want
of　resemblance　between　my　mother's　face　and　mine；　and　wondering
（not　for　the　first　time）　what　sort　of　woman　my　mother　was。　When
my　father　speaks　of　her；　no　words　of　praise　that　he　can　utter
seem　to　be　good　enough　for　her。　Oh；　me；　I　wish　I　was　a　little
more　like　my　mother！

It　began　to　get　dark；　Maria　brought　in　the　lamp。　The　sudden
brightness　of　the　flame　struck　my　aching　eyes；　as　if　it　had　been
a　blow　from　a　knife。　I　was　obliged　to　hide　my　face　in　my
handkerchief。　Compassionate　Selina　entreated　me　to　go　to　bed。
〃Rest　your　poor　eyes；　my　child；　and　your　weary　headand　try　at
least　to　get　some　sleep。〃　She　found　me　very　docile；　I　kissed　her；
and　said　good…night。　I　had　my　own　idea。

When　all　was　quiet　in　the　house；　I　stole　out　into　the　passage　and
listened　at　the　door　of　my　father's　room。

I　heard　his　regular　breathing；　and　opened　the　door　and　went　in。
The　composing　medicine；　of　which　I　was　in　search；　was　not　on　the
table　by　his　bedside。　I　found　it　in　the　cupboardperhaps　placed
purposely　out　of　his　reach。　They　say　that　some　physic　is　poison；
if　you　take　too　much　of　it。　The　label　on　the　bottle　told　me　what
the　dose　was。　I　dropped　it　into　the　medicine　glass；　and　swallowed
it；　and　went　back　to　my　father。

Very　gently；　so　as　not　to　wake　him；　I　touched　poor　papa's
forehead　with　my　lips。　〃I　must　have　some　of　your　medicine；〃　I
whispered　to　him；　〃I　want　it；　dear；　as　badly　as　you　do。〃

Then　I　returned　to　my　own　roomand　lay　down　in　bed；　waiting　to
be　composed。


CHAPTER　XXXI。

EUNICE'S　DIARY。


My　restless　nights　are　passed　in　Selina's　room。

Her　bed　remains　near　the　window。　My　bed　has　been　placed　opposite；
near　the　door。　Our　night…light　is　hidden　in　a　corner；　so　that　the
faint　glow　of　it　is　all　that　we　see。　What　trifles　these　are　to
write　about！　But　they　mix　themselves　up　with　what　I　am　determined
to　set　down　in　my　Journal；　and　then　to　close　the　book　for　good
and　all。

I　had　not　disturbed　my　little　friend's　enviable　repose；　either
when　I　left　our　bed…chamber；　or　when　I　returned　to　it。　The　night
was　quiet；　and　the　stars　were　out。　Nothing　moved　but　the
throbbing　at　my　temples。　The　lights　and　shadows　in　our
half…darkened　room；　which　at　other　times　suggest　strange
resemblances　to　my　fancy；　failed　to　disturb　me　now。　I　was　in　a
darkness　of　my　own　making；　having　bound　a　handkerchief；　cooled
with　water；　over　my　hot　eyes。　There　was　nothing　to　interfere　with
the　soothing　influence　of　the　dose　that　I　had　taken；　if　my
father's　medicine　would　only　help　me。

I　began　badly。　The　clock　in　the　hall　struck　the　quarter　past　the
hour；　the　half…past；　the　three…quarters　past；　the　new　hour。　Time
was　awakeand　I　was　awake　with　Time。

It　was　such　a　trial　to　my　patience　that　I　thought　of　going　back
to　my　father's　room；　and　taking　a　second　dose　of　the　medicine；　no
matter　what　the　risk　might　be。　On　attempting　to　get　up；　I　became
aware　of　a　change　in　me。　There　was　a　dull　sensation　in　my　limbs
which　seemed　to　bind　them　down　on　the　bed。　It　was　the　strangest
feeling。　My　will　said；　Get　upand　my　heavy　limbs　said；　No。

I　lay　quite　still；　thinking　desperate　thoughts；　and　getting
nearer　and　nearer　to　the　end　that　I　had　been　dreading　for　so　many
days　past。　Having　been　as　well　educated　as　most　girls；　my　lessons
in　history　had　made　me　acquainted　with　assassination　and　murder。
Horrors　which　I　had　recoiled　from　reading　in　past　happy　days；　now
returned　to　my　memory；　and；　this　time；　they　interested　instead　of
revolting　me。　I　counted　the　three　first　ways　of　killing　as　I
happened　to　remember　them；　in　my　books　of　instruction：a　way　by
stabbing；　a　way　by　poison；　a　way　in　a　bed；　by　suffocation　with　a
pillow。　On　that　dreadful　night；　I　never　once　called　to　mind　what
I　find　myself　remembering　nowthe　harmless　past　time；　when　our
friends　used　to　say：　〃Eunice　is　a　good　girl；　we　are　all　fond　of
Eunice。〃　Shall　I　ever　be　the　same　lovable　creature　again？

While　I　lay　thinking；　a　strange　thing　happened。　Philip；　who　had
haunted　me　for　days　and　nights　together；　vanished　out　of　my
thoughts。　My　memory　of　the　love　which　had　begun　so　brightly；　and
had　ended　so　miserably；　became　a　blank。　Nothing　was　left　but　my
own　horrid　visions　of　vengeance　and　death。

For　a　while；　the　strokes　of　the　clock　still　reached　my　ears。　But
it　was　an　effort　to　count　them；　I　ended　in　letting　them　pass
unheeded。　Soon　afterward；　the　round　of　my　thoughts　began　to
circle　slowly　and　more　slowly。　The　strokes　of　the　clock　died　out。
The　round　of　my　thoughts　stopped。

All　this　time；　my　eyes　were　still　covered　by　the　handkerchief
which　I　had　laid　over　them。

The　darkness　began　to　weigh　on　my　spirits；　and　to　fill　me　with
distrust。　I　found　myself　suspecting　that　there　was　some
changeperhaps　an　unearthly　changepassing　over　the　room。　To
remain　blindfolded　any　longer　was　more　than　I　could　endure。　I
lifted　my　handwithout　being　conscious　of　the　heavy　sensation
which；　some　time　before；　had　laid　my　limbs　helpless　on　the　bedI
lifted　my　hand；　and　drew　the　handkerchief　away　from　my　eyes。

The　faint　glow　of　the　night…light　was　extinguished。

But　the　room　was　not　quite　dark。　There　was　a　ghastly　light
trembling　over　it；　like　nothing　that　I　have　ever　seen　by　day；
like　nothing　that　I　have　ever　seen　by　night。　I　dimly　discerned
Selina's　bed；　and　the　frame　of　the　window；　and　the　curtains　on
either　side　of　itbut　not　the　starlight；　and　not　the　shadowy
tops　of　the　trees　in　the　garden。

The　light　grew　fainter　and　fainter；　the　objects　in　the　room　faded
slowly　away。　Darkness　came。

It　may　be　a　saying　hard　to　believebut；　when　I　declare　that　I
was　not　frightened；　I　am　telling　the　truth。　Whether　the　room　was
lighted　by　awful　light；　or　sunk　in　awful　dark；　I　was　equally
interested　in　the　expectation　of　what　might　happen　next。　I
listened　calmly　for　what　I　might　hear：　I　waited　calmly　for　what　I
might　feel。

A　touch　came　first。　I　feel　it　creeping　on　my　facelike　a　little
fluttering　breeze。　The　sensation　pleased　me　for　a　while。　Soon　it
grew　colder；　and　colder；　and　colder；　till　it　froze　me。

〃Oh；　no　more！〃　I　cried　out。　〃You　are　killing　me　with　an　icy　de
ath！〃

The　dead…cold　touches　lingered　a　moment　longerand　left　me。

The　first　sound　came。

It　was　the　sound　of　a　whisper　on　my　pillow；　close　to　my　ear。　My
strange　insensibility　to　fear　remained　undisturbed。　The　whisper
was　welcome；　it　kept　me　company　in　the　dark　room。

It　said　to　me：　〃Do　you　know　who　I　am？〃

I　answered：　〃No。〃

It　said。：　〃Who　have　you　been　thinking　of　this　evening？〃

I　answered：　〃My　mother。〃

The　whisper　said：　〃I　am　your　mother。〃

〃Oh；　mother；　command　the　light　to　come　back！　Show　yourself　to
me！〃

〃No。〃

〃Why　not？〃

〃My　face　was　hidden　when　I　passed　from　life　to　death。　My　face　no
mortal　creature　may　see。〃

〃Oh；　mother；　touch　me！　Kiss　me！〃

〃No。〃

〃Why　not？〃

〃My　touch　is　poison。　My　kiss　is　death。〃

The　sense　of　fear　began　to　come　to　me　now。　I　moved　my　head　away
on　the　pillow。　The　whisper　followed　my　movement。

〃Leave　me；〃　I　said。　〃You　are　an　Evil　Spirit。〃

The　whisper　answered：　〃I　am　your　mother。〃

〃You　come　to　tempt　me。〃

〃I　come　to　harden　your　heart。　Daughter　of　mine；　whose　blood　is
cool；　daughter　of　mine；　who　tamely　submitsyou　have　loved。　Is　it
true？〃

〃It　is　true。〃

〃The　man　you　loved　has　deserted　you。　Is　it　true？〃

〃It　is　true。〃

〃A　woman　has　lured　him　away　to　herself。　A　woman　has　had　no　mercy
on　you；　or　on　him。　Is　it　true？〃

〃It　is　true。〃

〃If　she　lives；　what　crime　toward　you　will　she　commit　next？〃

〃If　she　lives；　she　will　marry　him。〃

〃Will　you　let　her　live？〃

〃Never。〃

〃Have　I　hardened　your　heart　against　her？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Will　you　kill　her？〃

〃Show　me　how。〃

There　was　a　sudden　silence。　I　was　still　left　in　the　darkness；
feeling　nothing；　hearing　nothing。　Even　the　consciousness　that　I
was　lying　on　my　bed　deserted　me。　I　had　no　idea　that　I　was　in　the
bedroom；　I　had　no　knowledge　of　where　I　was。

The　ghastly　light　that　I　had　seen　already　dawned　on　me　once　more。
I　was　no　longer　in　my　bed；　no　longer　in　my　room；　no　longer　in　the
house。　Without　wonder；　without　even　a　feeling　of　surprise；　I
looked　round。　The　place　was　familiar　to　me。　I　was　alone　in　the
Museum　of　our　town。

The　light　flowed　along　in　front　of　me。　I　followed；　from　room　to
room　in　the　Museum；　where　the　light　led。

First；　through　the　picture…gallery；　hung　with　the　works　of　modern
masters；　then；　through　the　room　filled　with　specimens　of　stuffed
animals。　The　lion　and　the　tiger；　the　vulture　of　the　Alps　and　the
great　albatross；　looked　like　living　creatures　threatening　me；　in
the　supernatural　light。　I　entered　the　third　room；　devoted　to　the
exhibition　of　ancient　armor；　and　the　weapons　of　all　nations。　Here
the　light　rose　higher；　and；　leaving　me　in　darkness　where　I　stood；
showed　a　collec