the legacy of cain-第30节

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could　look　into　this　di　ary！

Maria　opened　the　door；　she　told　me　that　my　sister　had　already
returned；　accompanied　by　Miss　Jillgall。　There　had　been　apparently
some　difference　of　opinion　between　them；　before　they　entered　the
house。　Eunice　had　attempted　to　go　on　to　some　other　place；　and
Miss　Jillgall　had　remonstrated。　Maria　had　heard　her　say：　〃No；　you
would　degrade　yourself〃and；　with　that；　she　had　led　Eunice
indoors。　I　understood；　of　course；　that　my　sister　had　been
prevented　from　following　Philip　to　the　hotel。　There　was　probably
a　serious　quarrel　in　store　for　me。　I　went　straight　to　the
bedroom；　expecting　to　find　Eunice　there；　and　prepared　to　brave
the　storm　that　might　burst　on　me。　There　was　a　woman　at　Eunice's
end　of　the　room；　removing　dresses　from　the　wardrobe。　I　could　only
see　her　back；　but　it　was　impossible　to　mistake　_that_
figureMiss　Jillgall。

She　laid　the　dresses　on　Eunice's　bed；　without　taking　the
slightest　notice　of　me。　In　significant　silence　I　pointed　to　the
door。　She　went　on　as　coolly　with　her　occupation　as　if　the　room
had　been；　not　mine　but　hers；　I　stepped　up　to　her；　and　spoke
plainly。

〃You　oblige　me　to　remind　you；〃　I　said；　〃that　you　are　not　in　your
own　room。〃　There；　I　waited　a　little；　and　found　that　I　had
produced　no　effect。　〃With　every　disposition；〃　I　resumed；　〃to　make
allowance　for　the　disagreeable　peculiarities　of　your　character；　I
cannot　consent　to　overlook　an　act　of　intrusion；　committed　by　a
Spy。　Now；　do　you　understand　me？〃

She　looked　round　her。　〃I　see　no　third　person　here；〃　she　said。
〃May　I　ask　if　you　mean　me？〃

〃I　mean　you。〃

〃Will　you　be　so　good；　Miss　Helena；　as　to　explain　yourself？〃

Moderation　of　language　would　have　been　thrown　away　on　this　woman。
〃You　followed　me　to　the　park；〃　I　said。　〃It　was　you　who　found　me
with　Mr。　Dunboyne；　and　betrayed　me　to　my　sister。　You　are　a　Spy；
and　you　know　it。　At　this　very　moment　you　daren't　look　me　in　the
face。〃

Her　insolence　forced　its　way　out　of　her　at　last。　Let　me　record
itand　repay　it；　when　the　time　comes。

〃Quite　true；〃　she　replied。　〃If　I　ventured　to　look　you　in　the
face；　I　am　afraid　I　might　forget　myself。　I　have　always　been
brought　up　like　a　lady；　and　I　wish　to　show　it　even　in　the　company
of　such　a　wretch　as　you　are。　There　is　not　one　word　of　truth　in
what　you　have　said　of　me。　I　went　to　the　hotel　to　find　Mr。
Dunboyne。　Ah；　you　may　sneer！　I　haven't　got　your　good　looksand　a
vile　use　you　have　made　of　them。　My　object　was　to　recall　that　base
young　man　to　his　duty　to　my　dear　charming　injured　Euneece。　The
hotel　servant　told　me　that　Mr。　Dunboyne　had　gone　out。　Oh；　I　had
the　means　of　persuasion　in　my　pocket！　The　man　directed　me　to　the
park；　as　he　had　already　directed　Mr。　Dunboyne。　It　was　only　when　I
had　found　the　place；　that　I　heard　some　one　behind　me。　Poor
innocent　Euneece　had　followed　me　to　the　hotel；　and　had　got　her
directions；　as　I　had　got　mine。　God　knows　how　hard　I　tried　to
persuade　her　to　go　back；　and　how　horribly　frightened　I　wasNo！　I
won't　distress　myself　by　saying　a　word　more。　It　would　be　too
humiliating　to　let　_you_　see　an　honest　woman　in　tears。　Your
sister　has　a　spirit　of　her　own；　thank　God！　She　won't　inhabit　the
same　room　with　you；　she　never　desires　to　see　your　false　face
again。　I　take　the　poor　soul's　dresses　and　things　awayand　as　a
religious　person　I　wait；　confidently　wait；　for　the　judgment　that
will　fall　on　you！〃

She　caught　up　the　dresses　all　together；　some　of　them　were　in　her
arms；　some　of　them　fell　on　her　shoulders；　and　one　of　them　towered
over　her　head。　Smothered　in　gowns；　she　bounced　out　of　the　room
like　a　walking　milliner's　shop。　I　have　to　thank　the　wretched　old
creature　for　a　moment　of　genuine　amusement；　at　a　time　of
devouring　anxiety。　The　meanest　insect；　they　say；　has　its　use　in
this　worldand　why　not　Miss　Jillgall？

In　half　an　hour　more；　an　unexpected　event　raised　my　spirits。　I
heard　from　Philip。

On　his　return　to　the　hotel　he　had　found　a　telegram　waiting　for
him。　Mr。　Dunboyne　the　elder　had　arrived　in　London；　and　Philip　had
arranged　to　join　his　father　by　the　next　train。　He　sent　me　the
address；　and　begged　that　I　would　write　and　tell　him　my　news　from
home　by　the　next　day's　post。

Welcome；　thrice　welcome；　to　Mr。　Dunboyne　the　elder！　If　Philip　can
manage；　under　my　advice；　to　place　me　favorably　in　the　estimation
of　this　rich　old　man；　his　presence　and　authority　may　do　for　us
what　we　cannot　do　for　ourselves。　Here　is　surely　an　influence　to
which　my　father　must　submit；　no　matter　how　unreasonable　or　how
angry　he　may　be　when　he　hears　what　has　happened。　I　begin　already
to　feel　hopeful　of　the　future。


CHAPTER　XXX。

EUNICE'S　DIARY。


THROUGH　the　day；　and　through　the　night；　I　feel　a　misery　that
never　leaves　meI　mean　the　misery　of　fear。

I　am　trying　to　find　out　some　harmless　means　of　employing　myself；
which　will　keep　evil　remembrances　from　me。　If　I　don't　succeed；　my
fear　tells　me　what　will　happen。　I　shall　be　in　danger　of　going
mad。

I　dare　not　confide　in　any　living　creature。　I　don't　know　what
other　persons　might　think　of　me；　or　how　soon　I　might　find　myself
perhaps　in　an　asylum。　In　this　helpless　condition；　doubt　and
fright　seem　to　be　driving　me　back　to　my　Journal。　I　wonder　whether
I　shall　find　harmless　employment　here。

I　have　heard　of　old　people　losing　their　memories。　What　would　I
not　give　to　be　old！　I　remember！　oh；　how　I　remember！　One　day　after
another　I　see　Philip；　I　see　Helena；　as　I　first　saw　them　when　I
was　among　the　trees　in　the　park。　My　sweetheart's　arms；　that　once
held　me；　hold　my　sister　now。　She　kisses　him；　kisses　him；　kisses
him。

Is　there　no　way　of　making　myself　see　something　else？　I　want　to
get　back　to　remembrances　that　don't　burn　in　my　head　and　tear　at
my　heart。　How　is　it　to　be　done？

I　have　tried　booksno！　I　have　tried　going　out　to　look　at　the
shopsno！　I　have　tried　saying　my　prayersno！　And　now　I　am
making　my　last　effort；　trying　my　pen。　My　black　letters　fall　from
it；　and　take　their　places　on　the　white　paper。　Will　my　black
letters　help　me？　Where　can　I　find　something　consoling　to　write
down？　Where？　Where？

Selinapoor　Selina；　so　fond　of　me；　so　sorry　for　me。　When　I　was
happy；　she　was　happy；　too。　It　was　always　amusing　to　hear　her
talk。　Oh；　my　memory；　be　good　to　me！　Save　me　from　Philip　and
Helena。　I　want　to　remember　the　pleasant　days　when　my　kind　little
friend　and　I　used　to　gossip　in　the　garden。

No：　the　days　in　the　garden　won't　come　back。　What　else　can　I　think
of？

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

The　recollections　that　I　try　to　encourage　keep　away　from　me。　The
other　recollections　that　I　dread；　come　crowding　back。　Still
Philip！　Still　Helena！

But　Selina　mixes　herself　up　with　them。　Let　me　try　again　if　I　can
think　of　Selina。

How　delightfully　good　to　me　and　patient　with　me　she　was；　on　our
dismal　way　home　from　the　park！　And　how　affectionately　she　excused
herself　for　not　having　warned　me　of　it；　when　she　first　suspected
that　my　own　sister　and　my　worst　enemy　were　one　and　the　same！

〃I　know　I　was　wrong；　my　dear；　to　let　my　love　and　pity　close　my
lips。　But　remember　how　happy　you　were　at　the　time。　The　thought　of
making　you　miserable　was　more　than　I　could　endureI　am　so　fond
of　you！　Yes；　I　began　to　suspect　them；　on　the　day　when　they　first
met　at　the　station。　And；　I　am　afraid；　I　thought　it　just　likely
that　you　might　be　as　cunning　as　I　was；　and　have　noticed　them；
too。〃

Oh；　how　ignorant　she　must　have　been　of　my　true　thoughts　and
feelings！　How　strangely　people　seem　to　misunderstand　their
dearest　friends！　knowing；　as　I　did；　that　I　could　never　love　any
man　but　Philip；　could　I　be　wicked　enough　to　suppose　that　Philip
would　love　any　woman　but　me？

I　explained　to　Selina　how　he　had　spoken　to　me；　when　we　were
walking　together　on　the　bank　of　the　river。　Shall　I　ever　forget
those　exquisite　words？　〃I　wish　I　was　a　better　man；　Eunice；　I　wish
I　was　good　enough　to　be　worthy　of　you。〃　I　asked　Selina　if　she
thought　he　was　deceiving　me　when　he　said　that。　She　comforted　me
by　owning　that　he　must　have　been　in　earnest；　at　the　timeand
then　she　distressed　me　by　giving　the　reason　why。

〃My　love；　you　must　have　innocently　said　something　to　him；　when
you　and　he　were　alone；　which　touched　his　conscience　（when　he
_had_　a　conscience）；　and　made　him　ashamed　of　himself。　Ah；　you
were　too　fond　of　him　to　see　how　he　　changed　for　the　worse；　when　yo
ur　vile　sister　joined　you；　and　took　possession　of　him　again。　It
made　my　heart　ache　to　see　you　so　unsuspicious　of　them。　You　asked
me；　my　poor　dear；　if　they　had　quarreledyou　believed　they　were
tired　of　walking　by　the　river；　when　it　was　you　they　were　tired
ofand　you　wondered　why　Helena　took　him　to　see　the　school。　My
child！　she　was　the　leading　spirit　at　the　school；　and　you　were
nobody。　Her　vanity　saw　the　chance　of　making　him　compare　you　at　a
disadvantage　with　your　clever　sister。　I　declare；　Euneece；　I　lose
my　head　if　I　only　think　of　it！　All　the　strong　points　in　my
character　seem　to　slip　away　from　me。　Would　you　believe　it？I
have　neglected　that　sweet　infant　at　the　cottage；　I　have　even　let
Mrs。　Molly　have　her　baby　back　again。　If　I　had　the　making　of　the
laws；　Philip　Dunboyne　and　Helena　Gracedieu　should　be　hanged
together　on　the　same　gallows。　I　see　I　shock　you。　Don't　let　us
talk　of　it！　Oh；　don't　let　us　talk　of　it！〃

And　here