the legacy of cain-第25节

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we　had　been　young　ladies；〃　they　were　audacious　enough　to　say；
〃more　indulgence　would　have　been　shown　to　us；　we　should　have　been
allowed　to　read　stories　and　to　see　plays。〃

All　this　time　I　had　been　asking　myself　what　papa　meant；　when　he
told　us　we　could　not　have　come　to　the　schoolroom　at　a　better
time。　His　meaning　now　appeared。　When　he　spoke　to　the　offending
girls；　he　pointed　to　Helena　and　to　me。

〃Here　are　my　daughters；〃　he　said。　〃You　will　not　deny　that　they
are　young　ladies。　Now　listen。　They　shall　tell　you　themselves
whether　my　rules　make　any　difference　between　them　and　you。
Helena！　Eunice！　do　I　allow　you　to　read　novels？　do　I　allow　you　to
go　to　the　play？〃

We　said；　〃No〃and　hoped　it　was　over。　But　he　had　not　done　yet。　He
turned　to　Helena。

〃Answer　some　of　the　questions；〃　he　went　on；　〃from　my　Manual　of
Christian　Obligation；　which　the　girls　call　my　catechism。〃　He
asked　one　of　the　questions：　〃If　you　are　told　to　do　unto　others　as
you　would　they　should　do　unto　you；　and　if　you　find　a　difficulty
in　obeying　that　Divine　Precept；　what　does　your　duty　require？〃

It　is　my　belief　that　Helena　has　the　materials　in　her　for　making
another　Joan　of　Arc。　She　rose；　and　answered　without　the　slightest
sign　of　timidity：　〃My　duty　requires　me　to　go　to　the　minister；　and
to　seek　for　advice　and　encouragement。〃

〃And　if　these　fail？〃

〃Then　I　am　to　remember　that　my　pastor　is　my　friend。　He　claims　no
priestly　authority　or　priestly　infallibility。　He　is　my
fellow…Christian　who　loves　me。　He　will　tell　me　how　he　has　himself
failed；　how　he　has　struggled　against　himself；　and　what　a　blessed
reward　has　followed　his　victorya　purified　heart；　a　peaceful
mind。〃

Then　papa　released　my　sister；　after　she　had　only　repeated　two　out
of　all　the　answers　in　Christian　Obligation；　which　we　first　began
to　learn　when　we　were　children。　He　then　addressed　himself　again
to　the　girls。

〃Is　what　you　have　just　heard　a　part　of　my　catechism？　Has　my
daughter　been　excused　from　repeating　it　because　she　is　a　young
lady？　Where　is　the　difference　between　the　religious　education
which　is　given　to　my　own　child；　and　that　given　to　you？〃

The　wretched　girls　still　sat　silent　and　obstinate；　with　their
heads　down。　I　tremble　again　as　I　write　of　what　happened　next。
Papa　fixed　his　eyes　on　me。　He　said；　out　loud：　〃Eunice！〃and
waited　for　me　to　rise　and　answer；　as　my　sister　had　done。

It　was　entirely　beyond　my　power　to　get　on　my　feet。

Philip　had　（innocently；　I　am　sure）　discouraged　me；　I　saw
displeasure；　I　saw　contempt　in　his　face。　There　was　a　dead　silence
in　the　room。　Everybody　looked　at　me。　My　heart　beat　furiously；　my
hands　turned　cold；　the　questions　and　answers　in　Christian
Obligation　all　left　my　memory　together。　I　looked　imploringly　at
papa。

For　the　first　time　in　his　life；　he　was　hard　on　me。　His　eyes　were
as　angry　as　ever；　they　showed　me　no　mercy。　Oh；　what　had　come　to
me？　what　evil　spirit　possessed　me？　I　felt　resentment；　horrid；
undutiful　resentment；　at　being　treated　in　this　cruel　way。　My
fists　clinched　themselves　in　my　lap；　my　face　felt　as　hot　as　fire。
Instead　of　asking　my　father　to　excuse　me；　I　said：　〃I　can't　do
it。〃　He　was　astounded；　as　well　he　might　be。　I　went　on　from　bad　to
worse。　I　said：　〃I　won't　do　it。〃

He　stooped　over　me；　he　whispered：　〃I　am　going　to　ask　you
something；　I　insist　on　your　answering；　Yes　or　No。〃　He　raised　his
voice；　and　drew　himself　back　so　that　they　could　all　see　me。

〃Have　you　been　taught　like　your　sister？〃　he　asked。　〃Has　the
catechism　that　has　been　her　religious　lesson；　for　all　her　life；
been　your　religious　lesson；　for　all　your　life；　too？〃

I　said：　〃Yes〃and　I　was　in　such　a　rage　that　I　said　it　out　loud。
If　Philip　had　handed　me　his　cane；　and　had　advised　me　to　give　the
young　hussies　who　were　answerable　for　this　dreadful　state　of
things　a　good　beating；　I　believe　I　should　have　done　it。　Papa
turned　his　back　on　me　and　offered　the　girls　a　last　chance：　〃Do
you　feel　sorry　for　what　you　have　done？　Do　you　ask　to　be
forgiven？〃

Neither　the　one　nor　the　other　answered　him。　He　called　across　the
room　to　the　teachers：　〃Those　two　pupils　are　expelled　the　school。〃

Both　the　women　looked　horrified。　The　elder　of　the　two　approached
him；　and　tried　to　plead　for　a　milder　sentence。　He　answered　in　one
stern　w　ord：　〃Silence！〃and　left　the　schoolroom；　without　even　a
passing　bow　to　Philip。　And　this；　after　he　had　cordially　shaken
hands　with　my　poor　dear；　not　half　an　hour　before。

I　ought　to　have　made　affectionate　allowance　for　his　nervous
miseries；　I　ought　to　have　run　after　him；　and　begged　his　pardon。
There　must　be　something　wrong；　I　am　afraid；　in　girls　loving
anybody　but　their　fathers。　When　Helena　led　the　way　out　by　another
door；　I　ran　after　Philip；　and　I　asked　_him_　to　forgive　me。

I　don't　know　what　I　said；　it　was　all　confusion。　The　fear　of
having　forfeited　his　fondness　must；　I　suppose；　have　shaken　my
mind。　I　remember　entreating　Helena　to　say　a　kind　word　for　me。　She
was　so　clever；　she　had　behaved　so　well；　she　had　deserved　that
Philip　should　listen　to　her。　〃Oh；〃　I　cried　out　to　him
desperately；　〃what　must　you　think　of　me？〃

〃I　will　tell　you　what　I　think　of　you；〃　he　said。　〃It　is　your
father　who　is　in　fault；　Eunicenot　you。　Nothing　could　have　been
in　worse　taste　than　his　management　of　that　trumpery　affair　in　the
schoolroom；　it　was　a　complete　mistake　from　beginning　to　end。　Make
your　mind　easy；　I　don't　blame　You。〃

〃Are　you；　really　and　truly；　as　fond　of　me　as　ever？〃

〃Yes；　to　be　sure！〃

Helena　seemed　to　be　hardly　as　much　interested　in　this　happy
ending　of　my　anxieties　as　I　might　have　anticipated。　She　walked　on
by　herself。　Perhaps　she　was　thinking　of　poor　papa's　strange
outbreak　of　excitement；　and　grieving　over　it。

We　had　only　a　little　way　to　walk；　before　we　passed　the　door　of
Philip's　hotel。　He　had　not　yet　received　the　expected　letter　from
his　father　the　cruel　letter　which　might　recall　him　to　Ireland。
It　was　then　the　hour　of　delivery　by　our　second　post；　he　went　to
look　at　the　letter…rack　in　the　hall。　Helena　saw　that　I　was
anxious。　She　was　as　kind　again　as　ever；　she　consented　to　wait
with　me　for　Philip；　at　the　door。

He　came　out　to　us　with　an　open　letter　in　his　hand。

〃From　my　father；　at　last；〃　he　saidand　gave　me　the　letter　to
read。　It　only　contained　these　few　lines：

〃Do　not　be　alarmed；　my　dear　boy；　at　the　change　for　the　worse　in
my　handwriting。　I　am　suffering　for　my　devotion　to　the　studious
habits　of　a　lifetime：　my　right　hand　is　attacked　by　the　malady
called　Writer's　Cramp。　The　doctor　here　can　do　nothing。　He　tells
me　of　some　foreign　woman；　mentioned　in　his　newspaper；　who　cures
nervous　derangements　of　all　kinds　by　hand…rubbing；　and　who　is
coming　to　London。　When　you　next　hear　from　me；　I　may　be　in　London
too。〃　There　the　letter　ended。

Of　course　I　knew　who　the　foreign　woman；　mentioned　in　the
newspaper；　was。

But　what　does　Miss　Jillgall's　friend　matter　to　me？　The　one
important　thing　is；　that　Philip　has　not　been　called　back　to
Ireland。　Here　is　a　fortunate　circumstance；　which　perhaps　means
more　good　luck。　I　may　be　Mrs。　Philip　Dunboyne　before　the　year　is
out。


CHAPTER　XXV。

HELENA'S　DIARY。


THEY　all　notice　at　home　that　I　am　looking　worn　and　haggard。　That
hideous　old　maid；　Miss　Jillgall；　had　her　malicious　welcome　ready
for　me　when　we　met　at　breakfast　this　morning：　〃Dear　Helena；　what
has　become　of　your　beauty？　One　would　think　you　had　left　it　in
your　room！〃　Poor　deluded　Eunice　showed　her　sisterly　sympathy：
〃Don't　joke　about　it；　Selina：　can't　you　see　that　Helena　is　ill？〃

I　_have_　been　ill；　ill　of　my　own　wickedness。

But　the　recovery　to　my　tranquillity　will　bring　with　it　the
recovery　of　my　good　looks。　My　fatal　passion　for　Philip　promises
to　be　the　utter　destruction　of　everything　that　is　good　in　me。
Well！　what　is　good　in　me　may　not　be　worth　keeping。　There　is　a
fate　in　these　things。　If　I　am　destined　to　rob　Eunice　of　the　one
dear　object　of　her　love　and　hopehow　can　I　resist？　The　one　kind
thing　I　can　do　is　to　keep　her　in　ignorance　of　what　is　coming；　by
acts　of　affectionate　deceit。

Besides；　if　she　suffers；　I　suffer　too。　In　the　length　and　breadth
of　England；　I　doubt　if　there　is　a　much　more　wicked　young　woman　to
be　found　than　myself。　Is　it　nothing　to　feel　that；　and　to　endure
it　as　I　do？

Upon　my　word；　there　is　no　excuse　for　me！

Is　this　sheer　impudence？　No；　it　is　the　bent　of　my　nature。　I　have
a　tendency　to　self…examination；　accompanied　by　one　meritI　don't
spare　myself。

There　are　excuses　for　Eunice。　She　lives　in　a　fools'　paradise；　and
she　sees　in　her　lover　a　radiant　creature；　shining　in　the　halo
thrown　over　him　by　her　own　self…delusion；　Nothing　of　this　sort　is
to　be　said　for　me。　I　see　Philip　as　he　is。　My　penetration　looks
into　the　lowest　depths　of　his　characterwhen　I　am　not　in　his
company。　There　seems　to　be　a　foundation　of　good；　somewhere　in　his
nature。　He　despises　and　hates　himself　（he　has　confessed　it　to
me）；　when　Eunice　is　with　himstill　believing　in　her　false
sweetheart。　But　how　long　do　these　better　influences　last？　I　have
only　to　show　myself；　in　my　sister's　absence；　and　Philip　is　mine
body　and　soul。　His　vanity　and　his　weakness　take　possession　of　him
the　moment　he　sees　my　face。　He　is　one　of　those　meneven　in　my
little　experience　I　have　met　with　themwho