the legacy of cain-第20节

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She　held　the　child　in　one　arm；　and　she　threw　the　other　arm　round
my　neck。　〃Dearest　Euneece；　I　have　been　longing　to　see　you。　How　do
you　like　Our　baby？〃

To　the　curious　story　of　my　introduction　to　Miss　Jillgall；　I　ought
perhaps　to　add　that　I　have　got　to　be　　friends　with　her　al　ready。　I
am　the　friend　of　anybody　who　amuses　me。　What　will　Helena　say　when
she　reads　this？


CHAPTER　XIX。

EUNICE'S　DIARY。



WHEN　people　are　interested　in　some　event　that　is　coming；　do　they
find　the　dull　days；　passed　in　waiting　for　it；　days　which　they　are
not　able　to　remember　when　they　look　back？　This　is　my　unfortunate
case。　Night　after　night；　I　have　gone　to　bed　without　so　much　as
opening　my　Journal。　There　was　nothing　worth　writing　about；
nothing　that　I　could　recollect；　until　the　postman　came　to…day。　I
ran　downstairs；　when　I　heard　his　ring　at　the　bell；　and　stopped
Maria　on　her　way　to　the　study。　There；　among　papa's　usual　handful
of　letters；　was　a　letter　for　me。

〃DEAR　MISS　EUNICE：

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

〃Yours　ever　truly。〃

I　quote　the　passages　in　Philip's　letter　which　most　deeply
interested　meI　am　his　dear　miss；　and　he　is　mine　ever　truly。　The
other　part　of　the　letter　told　me　that　he　had　been　detained　in
London；　and　he　lamented　it。　At　the　end　was　a　delightful
announcement　that　he　was　coming　to　me　by　the　afternoon　train。　I
ran　upstairs　to　see　how　I　looked　in　the　glass。

My　first　feeling　was　regret。　For　the　thousandth　time；　I　was
obliged　to　acknowledge　that　I　was　not　as　pretty　as　Helena。　But
this　passed　off。　A　cheering　reflection　occurred　to　me。　Philip
would　not　have　found；　in　my　sister's　face；　what　seems　to　have
interested　him　in　my　face。　Besides；　there　is　my　figure。

The　pity　of　it　is　that　I　am　so　ignorant　about　some　things。　If　I
had　been　allowed　to　read　novels；　I　might　（judging　by　what　papa
said　against　them　in　one　of　his　sermons）　have　felt　sure　of　my　own
attractions；　I　might　even　have　understood　what　Philip　really
thought　of　me。　However；　my　mind　was　quite　unexpectedly　set　at
ease　on　the　subject　of　my　figure。　The　manner　in　which　it　happened
was　so　amusingat　least；　so　amusing　to　methat　I　cannot　resist
mentioning　it。

My　sister　and　I　are　forbidden　to　read　newspapers；　as　well　as
novels。　But　the　teachers　at　the　Girls'　Scripture　Class　are　too
old　to　be　treated　in　this　way。　When　the　morning　lessons　were
over；　one　of　them　was　reading　the　newspaper　to　the　other；　in　the
empty　schoolroom；　I　being　in　the　passage　outside；　putting　on　my
cloak。

It　was　a　report　of　〃an　application　made　to　the　magistrates　by　the
lady　of　his　worship　the　Mayor。〃　Hearing　this；　I　stopped　to
listen。　The　lady　of　his　worship　（what　a　funny　way　of　describing　a
man's　wife！）　is　reported　to　be　a　little　too　fond　of　notoriety；
and　to　like　hearing　the　sound　of　her　own　voice　on　public
occasions。　But　this　is　only　my　writing；　I　had　better　get　back　to
the　report。　〃In　her　address　to　the　magistrates；　the　Mayoress
stated　that　she　had　seen　a　disgusting　photograph　in　the　shop
window　of　a　stationer；　lately　established　in　the　town。　She
desired　to　bring　this　person　within　reach　of　the　law；　and　to　have
all　his　copies　of　the　shameless　photograph　destroyed。　The　usher
of　the　court　was　thereupon　sent　to　purchase　the　photograph。〃On
second　thoughts；　I　prefer　going　back　to　my　own　writing　again；　it
is　so　uninteresting　to　copy　other　people's　writing。　Two　of　the
magistrates　were　doing　justice。　They　looked　at　the
photographand　what　did　it　represent？　The　famous　statue　called
the　Venus　de'　Medici！　One　of　the　magistrates　took　this　discovery
indignantly。　He　was　shocked　at　the　gross　ignorance　which　could
call　the　classic　ideal　of　beauty　and　grace　a　disgusting　work。　The
other　one　made　polite　allowances。　He　thought　the　lady　was　much　to
be　pitied；　she　was　evidently　the　innocent　victim　of　a　neglected
education。　Mrs。　Mayor　left　the　court　in　a　rage；　telling　the
justices　she　knew　where　to　get　law。　〃I　shall　expose　Venus；〃　she
said；　〃to　the　Lord　Chancellor。〃

When　the　Scripture　Class　had　broken　up　for　the　day；　duty　ought　to
have　taken　me　home。　Curiosity　led　me　astrayI　mean；　led　me　to
the　stationer's　window。

There　I　found　our　two　teachers；　absorbed　in　the　photograph；
having　got　to　the　shop　first　by　a　short　cut。　They　seemed　to　think
I　had　taken　a　liberty　whom　I　joined　them。　〃We　are　here；〃　they
were　careful　to　explain；　〃to　get　a　lesson　in　the　ideal　of　beauty
and　grace。〃　There　was　quite　a　little　crowd　of　townsfolk　collected
before　the　window。　Some　of　them　giggled；　and　some　of　them
wondered　whether　it　was　taken　from　the　life。　For　my　own　part；
gratitude　to　Venus　obliges　me　to　own　that　she　effected　a　great
improvement　in　the　state　of　my　mind。　She　encouraged　me。　If　that
stumpy　little　creaturewith　no　waist；　and　oh；　such　uncertain
legs！represented　the　ideal　of　beauty　and　grace；　I　had　reason
indeed　to　be　satisfied　with　my　own　figure；　and　to　think　it　quite
possible　that　my　sweetheart's　favorable　opinion　of　me　was　not
ill…bestowed。

I　was　at　the　bedroom　window　when　the　time　approached　for　Philip's
arrival。

Quite　at　the　far　end　of　the　road；　I　discovered　him。　He　was　on
foot；　he　walked　like　a　king。　Not　that　I　ever　saw　a　king；　but　I
have　my　ideal。　Ah；　what　a　smile　he　gave　me；　when　I　made　him　look
up　by　waving　my　handkerchief　out　of　the　window！　〃Ask　for　papa；〃　I
whispered　as　he　ascended　the　house…steps。

The　next　thing　to　do　was　to　wait；　as　patiently　as　I　could；　to　be
sent　for　downstairs。　Maria　came　to　me　in　a　state　of　excitement。
〃Oh；　miss；　what　a　handsome　young　gentleman；　and　how　beautifully
dressed！　Is　he？〃　Instead　of　finishing　what　she　had　to　say；　she
looked　at　me　with　a　sly　smile。　I　looked　at　her　with　a　sly　smile。
We　were　certainly　a　couple　of　fools。　But；　dear　me；　how　happy
sometimes　a　fool　can　be！

My　enjoyment　of　that　delightful　time　was　checked　when　I　went　into
the　drawing…room。

I　had　expected　to　see　papa's　face　made　beautiful　by　his　winning
smile。　He　was　not　only　serious；　he　actually　seemed　to　be　ill　at
ease　when　he　looked　at　me。　At　the　same　time；　I　saw　nothing　to
make　me　conclude　that　Philip　had　produced　an　unfavorable
impression。　The　truth　is；　we　were　all　three　on　our　best　behavior；
and　we　showed　it。　Philip　had　brought　with　him　a　letter　from　Mrs。
Staveley；　introducing　him　to　papa。　We　spoke　of　the　Staveleys；　of
the　weather；　of　the　Cathedraland　then　there　seemed　to　be
nothing　more　left　to　talk　about。

In　the　silence　that　followedwhat　a　dreadful　thing　silence
is！papa　was　sent　for　to　see　somebody　who　had　called　on
business。　He　made　his　excuses　in　the　sweetest　manner；　but　still
seriously。　When　he　and　Philip　had　shaken　hands；　would　he　leave　us
together？　No；　he　waited。　Poor　Philip　had　no　choice　but　to　take
leave　of　me。　Papa　then　went　out　by　the　door　that　led　into　his
study；　and　I　was　left　alone。

Can　any　words　say　how　wretched　I　felt？

I　had　hoped　so　much　from　that　first　meetingand　where　were　my
hopes　now？　A　profane　wish　that　I　had　never　been　born　was　finding
its　way　into　my　mind；　when　the　door　of　the　room　was　opened
softly；　from　the　side　of　the　passage。　Maria；　dear　Maria；　the　best
friend　I　have；　peeped　in。　She　whispered：　〃Go　into　the　garden；
miss；　and　you　will　find　somebody　there　who　is　dying　to　see　you。
Mind　you　let　him　out　by　the　shrubbery　gate。〃　I　squeezed　her　hand；
I　asked　if　she　had　tried　the　shrubbery　gate　with　a　sweetheart　of
her　own。　〃Hundreds　of　times；　miss。〃

Was　it　wrong　for　me　to　go　to　Philip；　in　the　garden？　Oh；　there　is
no　end　to　objections！　Perhaps　I　did　it　_because_　it　was　wrong。
Perhaps　I　had　been　kept　on　my　best　behavior　too　long　for　human
endurance。

How　sadly　disappointed　he　looked！　And　how　rashly　he　had　placed
himself　just　where　he　could　be　seen　from　the　back　windows！　I　took
his　arm　and　led　him　to　the　end　of　the　garden。　There　we　were　out
of　the　reach　of　inquisitive　eyes；　and　there　we　sat　down　together；
under　the　big　mulberry　tree。

〃Oh；　Eunice；　your　father　doesn't　like　me！〃

Those　were　his　first　words。　In　justice　to　papa　（and　a　little　for
my　own　sake　too）　I　told　him　he　was　quite　wrong。　I　said：　〃Trust　my
father's　goodness；　trust　his　kindness；　as　I　do。〃

He　made　no　reply。　His　silence　was　sufficiently　expressive；　he
looked　at　me　fondly。

I　may　be　wrong；　but　fond　looks　surely　require　an　acknowledgment
of　some　kind？　Is　a　young　woman　guilty　of　boldness　who　only
follows　her　impulses？　I　slipped　my　hand　into　his　hand。　Philip
seemed　to　like　it。　We　returned　to　our　conversation。

He　began：　〃Tell　me；　dear；　is　Mr。　Gracedieu　always　as　serious　as
he　is　to…day？〃

〃Oh　no！〃

〃When　he　takes　　exercise；　does　he　ri　de？　or　does　he　walk？〃

〃Papa　always　walks。〃

〃By　himself？〃

〃Sometimes　by　himself。　Sometimes　with　me。　Do　you　want　to　meet　him
when　he　goes　out？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃When　he　is　out　with　me？〃

〃No。　When　he　is　out　by　himself。〃

Was　it　possible　to　tell　me　more　plainly　that　I　was　not　wanted？　I
did　my　best　to　express　indignation　by　snatching　my　hand　away　from
him。　He　was　completely　taken　by　surprise。

〃Eunice！　don't　you　understand　me？〃

I　was　as　stupid　and　as　disagreeable　as　I　could　possibly　be：　〃No；
I　don't！〃

〃Then　let　me　help　you；〃　he　said；　with　a　patience　which　I　had　not
deserved。

Up　to　that　moment　I　had　been　leaning　against　the　back　of　a　garden
chair。　Something