the legacy of cain-第11节

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remained　a　little　longer　in　London。

Helping　Eunice　to　pack　up；　I　put　her　journal　into　the　box。

〃You　will　find　something　to　write　about　now；〃　I　told　her。　〃While
I　record　everything　that　happens　at　home；　you　will　keep　your
diary　of　all　that　you　do　in　London；　and　when　you　come　back　we
will　show　each　other　what　we　have　written。〃　My　sister　is　a　dear
creature。　〃I　don't　feel　sure　of　being　able　to　do　it；〃　she
answered；　〃but　I　promise　to　try。〃　Good　Eunice！


CHAPTER　XII。

EUNICE'S　DIARY。


THE　air　of　London　feels　very　heavy。　There　is　a　nasty　smell　of
smoke　in　London。　There　are　too　many　people　in　London。　They　seem
to　be　mostly　people　in　a　hurry。　The　head　of　a　country　girl；　when
she　goes　into　the　streets；　turns　giddyI　suppose　through　not
being　used　to　the　noise。

I　do　hope　that　it　is　London　that　has　put　me　out　of　temper。
Otherwise；　it　must　be　I　myself　who　am　ill…tempered。　I　have　not
yet　been　one　whole　day　in　the　Staveleys'　house；　and　they　have
offended　me　already。　I　don't　want　Helena　to　hear　of　this　from
other　people；　and　then　to　ask　me　why　I　concealed　it　from　her。　We
are　to　read　each　other's　journals　when　we　are　both　at　home　again。
Let　her　see　what　I　have　to　say　for　myself　here。

There　are　seven　Staveleys　in　all：　Mr。　and　Mrs。　（two）；　three　young
Masters　（five）；　two　young　Misses　（seven）。　An　eldest　miss　and　the
second　young　Master　are　the　only　ones　at　home　at　the　present
time。

Mr。；　Mrs。；　and　Miss　kissed　me　when　I　arrived。　Young　Master　only
shook　hands。　He　looked　as　if　he　would　have　liked　to　kiss　me　too。
Why　shouldn't　he？　It　wouldn't　have　mattered。　I　don't　myself　like
kissing。　What　is　the　use　of　it？　Where　is　the　pleasure　of　it？

Mrs。　was　so　glad　to　see　me；　she　took　hold　of　me　by　both　hands。
She　said：　〃My　dear　child；　you　are　improving。　You　were　wretchedly
thin　when　I　saw　you　last。　Now　you　are　almost　as　well…developed　as
your　sister。　I　think　you　are　prettier　than　your　sister。〃　Mr。
didn't　agree　to　that。　He　and　his　wife　began　to　dispute　about　me
before　my　face。　I　do　call　that　an　aggravating　thing　to　endure。

Mr。　said：　〃She　hasn't　got　her　sister's　pretty　gray　eyes。〃

Mrs。　said；　〃She　has　got　pretty　brown　eyes；　which　are　just　as
good。〃

Mr。　said：　〃You　can't　compare　her　complexion　with　Helena's。〃

Mrs。　said：　〃I　like　Eunice's　pale　complexion。　So　delicate。〃

Young　Miss　struck　in：　〃I　admire　Helena's　hairlight　brown。〃

Young　Master　took　his　turn：　〃I　prefer　Eunice's　hairdark　brown。〃

Mr。　opened　his　great　big　mouth；　and　asked　a　question：　〃Which　of
you　two　sisters　is　the　oldest？　I　forget。〃

Mrs。　answered　for　me：　〃Helena　is　the　oldest；　she　told　us　so　when
she　was　here　last。〃

I　really　could　_not_　stand　that。　〃You　must　be　mistaken；〃　I　burst
out。

〃Certainly　not；　my　dear。〃

〃Then　Helena　was　mistaken。〃　I　was　unwilling　to　say　of　my　sister
that　she　had　been　deceiving　them；　though　it　did　seem　only　too
likely。

Mr。　and　Mrs。　looked　at　each　other。　Mrs。　said：　〃You　seem　to　be
very　positive；　Eunice。　Surely；　Helena　ought　to　know。〃

I　said：　〃Helena　knows　a　good　deal；　but　she　doesn't　know　which　of
us　is　the　oldest　of　the　two。〃

Mr。　put　in　another　question：　〃Do　_you_　know？〃

〃No　more　than　Helena　does。〃

Mrs。　said：　〃Don't　you　keep　birthdays？〃

I　said：　〃Yes；　we　keep　both　our　birthdays　on　the　same　day。〃

〃On　what　day？〃

〃The　first　day　of　the　New　Year。〃

Mr。　tried　again：　〃You　can't　possibly　be　twins？〃

〃I　don't　know。〃

〃Perhaps　Helena　knows？〃

〃Not　she！〃

Mrs。　took　the　next　question　out　of　her　husband's　mouth：　〃Come；
come；　my　dear！　you　must　know　how　old　you　are。〃

〃Yes；　I　do　know　that。　I'm　eighteen。〃

〃And　how　old　is　Helena？〃

〃Helena's　eighteen。〃

Mrs。　turned　round　to　Mr。：　〃Do　you　hear　that？〃

Mr。　said：　〃I　shall　write　to　her　father；　and　ask　what　it　means。〃

I　said：　〃Papa　will　only　tell　you　what　he　told　usyears　ago。〃

〃What　did　your　father　say？〃

〃He　said　he　had　added　our　two　ages　together；　and　he　meant　to
divide　the　product　between　us。　It's　so　long　since；　I　don't
remember　what　the　product　was　then。　But　I'll　tell　you　what　the
product　is　now。　Our　two　ages　come　to　thirty…six。　Half　thirty…six
is　eighteen。　I　get　one　half；　and　Helena　gets　the　other。　When　we
ask　what　it　means；　and　when　friends　ask　what　it　means；　papa　has
got　the　same　answer　for　everybody；　'I　have　my　reasons。'　That's
all　he　saysand　that's　all　I　say。〃

I　had　no　intention　of　making　Mr。　angry；　but　he　did　get　angry。　He
left　off　speaking　to　me　by　my　Christian　name；　he　called　me　by　my
surname。　He　said：　〃Let　me　tell　you；　Miss　Gracedieu；　it　is　not
becoming　in　a　young　lady　to　mystify　her　elders。〃

I　had　heard　that　it　was　respectful　in　a　young　lady　to　call　an　old
gentleman；　Sir；　and　to　say；　If　you　please。　I　took　care　to　be
respectful　now。　〃If　you　please；　sir；　write　to　papa。　You　will　find
that　I　have　spoken　the　truth。〃

A　woman　opened　the　door；　and　said　to　Mrs。　Staveley：　〃Dinner；
ma'am。〃　That　stopped　this　nasty　exhibition　of　our　tempers。　We　had
a　very　good　dinner。

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

The　next　day　I　wrote　to　Helena；　asking　her　what　she　had　really
said　to　the　Staveleys　about　her　age　and　mine；　and　telling　her
what　I　had　said。　I　found　it　too　great　a　trial　of　my　patience　to
wait　till　she　could　see　what　I　had　written　about　the　dispute　in
my　journal。　The　days；　since　then；　have　passed；　and　I　have　been
too　lazy　and　stupid　to　keep　my　diary。

To…day　it　is　different。　My　head　is　like　a　dark　room　with　the
light　let　into　it。　I　remember　things；　I　think　I　can　go　on　again。

We　have　religious　exercises　in　this　house；　morning　and　evening；
just　as　we　do　at　home。　（Not　to　be　compared　with　papa's　religious
exercises。）　Two　days　ago　his　answer　came　to　Mr。　Staveley's
letter。　He　did　just　what　I　had　expectedsaid　I　had　spoken　truly；
and　disappointed　the　family　by　asking　to　be　excused　if　he
refrained　from　entering　into　explanations。　Mr。　said：　〃Very　odd；〃
and　Mrs。　agreed　with　him。　Young　Miss　is　not　quite　as　friendly　now
as　she　was　at　first。　And　young　Master　was　impudent　enough　to　ask
me　if　〃I　had　got　religion。〃　To　conclude　the　list　of　my　worries；　I
received　an　angry　answer　from　Helena。　〃Nobody　but　a　simpleton；〃
she　wrote；　〃would　have　contradicted　me　as　you　did。　Who　but　you
could　have　failed　to　see　that　papa's　strange　objection　to　let　it
be　known　which　of　us　is　the　elder　makes　us　ridiculous　before
other　people？　My　presence　of　mind　prevented　that。　You　ought　to
have　been　grateful；　and　held　your　tongue。〃　Perhaps　Helena　is
rightbut　I　don't　feel　it　so。

On　Sunday　we　went　to　chapel　twice。　We　also　had　a　sermon　read　at
home；　and　a　cold　dinner。　In　the　evening；　a　hot　dispute　on
religion　between　Mr。　Staveley　and　his　son。　I　don't　blame　them。
After　being　pious　all　day　long　on　Sunday；　I　have　myself　felt　my
piety　give　way　toward　evening。

There　is　something　pleasant　in　prospect　for　to…morrow。　All　London
is　going　just　now　to　the　exhibition　of　pictures。　We　are　going
with　all　London。

。　。　。　。　。　。　。

I　don't　know　what　is　the　matter　with　me　tonight。　I　have
positively　been　to　bed；　without　going　to　sleep！　After　tossing　and
twisting　and　trying　all　sorts　of　positions；　I　am　so　angry　with
myself　that　I　have　got　up　again。　Rather　than　do　nothing；　I　have
opened　my　ink…bottle；　and　I　mean　to　go　on　with　my　journal。

Now　I　think　of　it；　it　seems　likely　that　the　exhibition　of　works
of　art　may　have　upset　me。

I　found　a　dreadfully　large　number　of　pictures；　matched　by　a
dreadfully　large　number　of　people　to　look　at　them。　It　is　not
possible　for　me　to　write　about　what　I　saw：　there　was　too　much　of
it。　Besides；　the　show　disappointed　me。　I　would　rather　write　about
a　disagreement　（oh；　dear；　another　dispute！）　I　had　with　Mrs。
Staveley。　The　cause　of　it　was　a　famous　artist；　not　himself；　but
his　works。　He　exhibited　four　pictureswhat　they　call　figure
subjects。　Mrs。　Staveley　had　a　pencil。　At　every　one　of　the　great
man's　four　pictures；　she　made　a　big　mark　of　admiration　on　her
catalogue。　At　the　fourth　one；　she　spoke　to　me：　〃Perfectly
beautiful；
　Eunice；　isn't　it？〃

I　said　I　didn't　know。　She　said：　〃You　strange　girl；　what　do　you
mean　by　that？〃

It　would　have　been　rude　not　to　have　given　the　best　answer　I　could
find。　I　said：　〃I　never　saw　the　flesh　of　any　person's　face　like
the　flesh　in　the　faces　which　that　man　paints。　He　reminds　me　of
wax…work。　Why　does　he　paint　the　same　waxy　flesh　in　all　four　of
his　pictures？　I　don't　see　the　same　colored　flesh　in　all　the　faces
about　us。〃　Mrs。　Staveley　held　up　her　hand；　by　way　of　stopping　me。
She　said：　〃Don't　speak　so　loud；　Eunice；　you　are　only　exposing
your　own　ignorance。〃

A　voice　behind　us　joined　in。　The　voice　said：　〃Excuse　me；　Mrs。
Staveley；　if　I　expose　_my_　ignorance。　I　entirely　agree　with　the
young　lady。〃

I　felt　grateful　to　the　person　who　took　my　part；　just　when　I　was
at　a　loss　what　to　say　for　myself；　and　I　looked　round。　The　person
was　a　young　gentleman。

He　wore　a　beautiful　blue　frock…coat；　buttoned　up。　I　like　a
frock…coat　to　be　buttoned　up。　He　had　light…colored　trousers　and
gray　gloves　and　a　pretty　cane。　I　like　light…colored　trousers　and
gray　gloves　and　a　pretty　cane。　What　color　his　eyes　were　is　more
than　I　can　say；　I　only　know　they　made　me　hot　when　they　looked　at
me。　Not　that　I　mind　being　made　hot；　it　is　surely　better　than
being　made　cold。　He　and　Mrs。　Stavele