the muse of the department-第35节

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him　that　the　little　man　had　intended　to　wreck　every　hope　of　his　dying
that　his　wife　might　have　conceived。

This　short　scene　made　a　considerable　change　in　the　writer's　secret
scheming。　As　he　smoked　a　second　cigar；　he　seriously　reviewed　the
position。

His　life　with　Madame　de　la　Baudraye　had　hitherto　cost　him　quite　as
much　as　it　had　cost　her。　To　use　the　language　of　business；　the　two
sides　of　the　account　balanced；　and　they　could；　if　necessary；　cry
quits。　Considering　how　small　his　income　was；　and　how　hardly　he　earned
it；　Lousteau　regarded　himself；　morally　speaking；　as　the　creditor。　It
was；　no　doubt；　a　favorable　moment　for　throwing　the　woman　over。　Tired
at　the　end　of　three　years　of　playing　a　comedy　which　never　can　become　a
habit；　he　was　perpetually　concealing　his　weariness；　and　this　fellow；
who　was　accustomed　to　disguise　none　of　his　feelings；　compelled　himself
to　wear　a　smile　at　home　like　that　of　a　debtor　in　the　presence　of　his
creditor。　This　compulsion　was　every　day　more　intolerable。

Hitherto　the　immense　advantages　he　foresaw　in　the　future　had　given　him
strength；　but　when　he　saw　Monsieur　de　la　Baudraye　embark　for　the
United　States；　as　briskly　as　if　it　were　to　go　down　to　Rouen　in　a
steamboat；　he　ceased　to　believe　in　the　future。

He　went　in　from　the　garden　to　the　pretty　drawing…room；　where　Dinah　had
just　taken　leave　of　her　husband。

〃Etienne；〃　said　Madame　de　la　Baudraye；　〃do　you　know　what　my　lord　and
master　has　proposed　to　me？　In　the　event　of　my　wishing　to　return　to
live　at　Anzy　during　his　absence；　he　has　left　his　orders；　and　he　hopes
that　my　mother's　good　advice　will　weigh　with　me；　and　that　I　shall　go
back　there　with　my　children。〃

〃It　is　very　good　advice；〃　replied　Lousteau　drily；　knowing　the
passionate　disclaimer　that　Dinah　expected；　and　indeed　begged　for　with
her　eyes。

The　tone；　the　words；　the　cold　look；　all　hit　the　hapless　woman　so　hard；
who　lived　only　in　her　love；　that　two　large　tears　trickled　slowly　down
her　cheeks；　while　she　did　not　speak　a　word；　and　Lousteau　only　saw　them
when　she　took　out　her　handkerchief　to　wipe　away　these　two　beads　of
anguish。

〃What　is　it；　Didine？〃　he　asked；　touched　to　the　heart　by　this　excessive
sensibility。

〃Just　as　I　was　priding　myself　on　having　won　our　freedom；〃　said　she
〃at　the　cost　of　my　fortuneby　sellingwhat　is　most　precious　to　a
mother's　heartselling　my　children！for　he　is　to　have　them　from　the
age　of　sixand　I　cannot　see　them　without　going　to　Sancerre！and　that
is　torture！Ah；　dear　God！　What　have　I　done？〃

Lousteau　knelt　down　by　her　and　kissed　her　hands　with　a　lavish　display
of　coaxing　and　petting。

〃You　do　not　understand　me；〃　said　he。　〃I　blame　myself；　for　I　am　not
worth　such　sacrifices；　dear　angel。　I　am；　in　a　literary　sense；　a　quite
second…rate　man。　If　the　day　comes　when　I　can　no　longer　cut　a　figure　at
the　bottom　of　the　newspaper；　the　editors　will　let　me　lie；　like　an　old
shoe　flung　into　the　rubbish　heap。　Remember；　we　tight…rope　dancers　have
no　retiring　pension！　The　State　would　have　too　many　clever　men　on　its
hands　if　it　started　on　such　a　career　of　beneficence。　I　am　forty…two；
and　I　am　as　idle　as　a　marmot。　I　feel　itI　know　it〃and　he　took　her
by　the　hand〃my　love　can　only　be　fatal　to　you。

〃As　you　know；　at　two…and…twenty　I　lived　on　Florine；　but　what　is
excusable　in　a　youth；　what　then　seems　smart　and　charming；　is　a
disgrace　to　a　man　of　forty。　Hitherto　we　have　shared　the　burden　of
existence；　and　it　has　not　been　lovely　for　this　year　and　half。　Out　of
devotion　to　me　you　wear　nothing　but　black；　and　that　does　me　no
credit。〃Dinah　gave　one　of　those　magnanimous　shrugs　which　are　worth
all　the　words　ever　spoken。〃Yes；〃　Etienne　went　on；　〃I　know　you
sacrifice　everything　to　my　whims；　even　your　beauty。　And　I；　with　a
heart　worn　out　in　past　struggles；　a　soul　full　of　dark　presentiments　as
to　the　future；　I　cannot　repay　your　exquisite　love　with　an　equal
affection。　We　were　very　happywithout　a　cloudfor　a　long　time。
Well；　then；　I　cannot　bear　to　see　so　sweet　a　poem　end　badly。　Am　I
wrong？〃

Madame　de　la　Baudraye　loved　Etienne　so　truly；　that　this　prudence；
worthy　of　de　Clagny；　gratified　her　and　stanched　her　tears。

〃He　loves　me　for　myself　alone！〃　thought　she；　looking　at　him　with
smiling　eyes。

After　four　years　of　intimacy；　this　woman's　love　now　combined　every
shade　of　affection　which　our　powers　of　analysis　can　discern；　and　which
modern　society　has　created；　one　of　the　most　remarkable　men　of　our　age；
whose　death　is　a　recent　loss　to　the　world　of　letters；　Beyle
（Stendhal）；　was　the　first　to　delineate　them　to　perfection。

Lousteau　could　produce　in　Dinah　the　acute　agitation　which　may　be
compared　to　magnetism；　that　upsets　every　power　of　the　mind　and　body；
and　overcomes　every　instinct　of　resistance　in　a　woman。　A　look　from
him；　or　his　hand　laid　on　hers；　reduced　her　to　implicit　obedience。　A
kind　word　or　a　smile　wreathed　the　poor　woman's　soul　with　flowers；　a
fond　look　elated；　a　cold　look　depressed　her。　When　she　walked；　taking
his　arm　and　keeping　step　with　him　in　the　street　or　on　the　boulevard；
she　was　so　entirely　absorbed　in　him　that　she　lost　all　sense　of
herself。　Fascinated　by　this　fellow's　wit；　magnetized　by　his　airs；　his
vices　were　but　trivial　defects　in　her　eyes。　She　loved　the　puffs　of
cigar　smoke　that　the　wind　brought　into　her　room　from　the　garden；　she
went　to　inhale　them；　and　made　no　wry　faces；　hiding　herself　to　enjoy
them。　She　hated　the　publisher　or　the　newspaper　editor　who　refused
Lousteau　money　on　the　ground　of　the　enormous　advances　he　had　had
already。　She　deluded　herself　so　far　as　to　believe　that　her　bohemian
was　writing　a　novel；　for　which　the　payment　was　to　come；　instead　of
working　off　a　debt　long　since　incurred。

This；　no　doubt；　is　true　love；　and　includes　every　mode　of　loving；　the
love　of　the　heart　and　of　the　headpassion；　caprice；　and　tasteto
accept　Beyle's　definitions。　Didine　loved　him　so　wholly；　that　in
certain　moments　when　her　critical　judgment；　just　by　nature；　and
constantly　exercised　since　she　had　lived　in　Paris；　compelled　her　to
read　to　the　bottom　of　Lousteau's　soul；　sense　was　still　too　much　for
reason；　and　suggested　excuses。

〃And　what　am　I？〃　she　replied。　〃A　woman　who　has　put　herself　outside　the
pale。　Since　I　have　sacrificed　all　a　woman's　honor；　why　should　you　not
sacrifice　to　me　some　of　a　man's　honor？　Do　we　not　live　outside　the
limits　of　social　conventionality？　Why　not　accept　from　me　what　Nathan
can　accept　from　Florine？　We　will　square　accounts　when　we　part；　and
only　death　can　part　usyou　know。　My　happiness　is　your　honor；　Etienne；
as　my　constancy　and　your　happiness　are　mine。　If　I　fail　to　make　you
happy；　all　is　at　an　end。　If　I　cause　you　a　pang；　condemn　me。

〃Our　debts　are　paid；　we　have　ten　thousand　francs　a　year；　and　between
us　we　can　certainly　make　eight　thousand　francs　a　yearI　will　write
theatrical　articles。With　fifteen　hundred　francs　a　month　we　shall　be
as　rich　as　Rothschild。Be　quite　easy。　I　will　have　some　lovely
dresses；　and　give　you　every　day　some　gratified　vanity；　as　on　the　first
night　of　Nathan's　play〃

〃And　what　about　your　mother；　who　goes　to　Mass　every　day；　and　wants　to
bring　a　priest　to　the　house　and　make　you　give　up　this　way　of　life？〃

〃Every　one　has　a　pet　vice。　You　smoke；　she　preaches　at　me；　poor　woman！
But　she　takes　great　care　of　the　children；　she　takes　them　out；　she　is
absolutely　devoted；　and　idolizes　me。　Would　you　hinder　her　from
crying？〃

〃What　will　be　thought　of　me？〃

〃But　we　do　not　live　for　the　world！〃　cried　she；　raising　Etienne　and
making　him　sit　by　her。　〃Besides；　we　shall　be　married　some　daywe　have
the　risks　of　a　sea　voyage〃

〃I　never　thought　of　that；〃　said　Lousteau　simply；　and　he　added　to
himself；　〃Time　enough　to　part　when　little　La　Baudraye　is　safe　back
again。〃



From　that　day　forth　Etienne　lived　in　luxury；　and　Dinah；　on　first
nights；　could　hold　her　own　with　the　best　dressed　women　in　Paris。
Lousteau　was　so　fatuous　as　to　affect；　among　his　friends；　the　attitude
of　a　man　overborne；　bored　to　extinction；　ruined　by　Madame　de　la
Baudraye。

〃Oh；　what　would　I　not　give　to　the　friend　who　would　deliver　me　from
Dinah！　But　no　one　ever　can！〃　said　he。　〃She　loves　me　enough　to　throw
herself　out　of　the　window　if　I　told　her。〃

The　journalist　was　duly　pitied；　he　would　take　precautions　against
Dinah's　jealousy　when　he　accepted　an　invitation。　And　then　he　was
shamelessly　unfaithful。　Monsieur　de　Clagny；　really　in　despair　at
seeing　Dinah　in　such　disgraceful　circumstances　when　she　might　have
been　so　rich；　and　in　so　wretched　a　position　at　the　time　when　her
original　ambitions　would　have　been　fulfilled；　came　to　warn　her；　to
tell　her〃You　are　betrayed；〃　and　she　only　replied；　〃I　know　it。〃

The　lawyer　was　silenced；　still　he　found　his　tongue　to　say　one　thing。

Madame　de　la　Baudraye　interrupted　him　when　he　had　scarcely　spoken　a
word。

〃Do　you　still　love　me？〃　she　asked。

〃I　would　lose　my　soul　for　you！〃　he　exclaimed；　starting　to　his　feet。

The　hapless　man's　eyes　flashed　like　torches；　he　trembled　like　a　leaf；
his　throat　was　rigid；　his　hair　thrilled　to　the　roots；　he　believed　he
was　so　blessed　as　to　be　accepted　as　his　idol's　avenger；　and　this　poor
joy　filled　him　with　rapture。

〃Why　are　you　so　startled？〃　said　she；　making　him　sit　down　again。　〃That
is　how　I　love　him。〃

T