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the uncommercial traveller-第86节

小说: the uncommercial traveller 字数: 每页4000字

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seaside resort be; for the nonce; called Namelesston。



I had been loitering about Paris in very hot weather; pleasantly

breakfasting in the open air in the garden of the Palais Royal or

the Tuileries; pleasantly dining in the open air in the Elysian

Fields; pleasantly taking my cigar and lemonade in the open air on

the Italian Boulevard towards the small hours after midnight。

Bullfinch … an excellent man of business … has summoned me back

across the Channel; to transact this said hour's business at

Namelesston; and thus it fell out that Bullfinch and I were in a

railway carriage together on our way to Namelesston; each with his

return…ticket in his waistcoat…pocket。



Says Bullfinch; 'I have a proposal to make。  Let us dine at the

Temeraire。'



I asked Bullfinch; did he recommend the Temeraire? inasmuch as I

had not been rated on the books of the Temeraire for many years。



Bullfinch declined to accept the responsibility of recommending the

Temeraire; but on the whole was rather sanguine about it。  He

'seemed to remember;' Bullfinch said; that he had dined well there。

A plain dinner; but good。  Certainly not like a Parisian dinner

(here Bullfinch obviously became the prey of want of confidence);

but of its kind very fair。



I appeal to Bullfinch's intimate knowledge of my wants and ways to

decide whether I was usually ready to be pleased with any dinner;

or … for the matter of that … with anything that was fair of its

kind and really what it claimed to be。  Bullfinch doing me the

honour to respond in the affirmative; I agreed to ship myself as an

able trencherman on board the Temeraire。



'Now; our plan shall be this;' says Bullfinch; with his forefinger

at his nose。  'As soon as we get to Namelesston; we'll drive

straight to the Temeraire; and order a little dinner in an hour。

And as we shall not have more than enough time in which to dispose

of it comfortably; what do you say to giving the house the best

opportunities of serving it hot and quickly by dining in the

coffee…room?'



What I had to say was; Certainly。  Bullfinch (who is by nature of a

hopeful constitution) then began to babble of green geese。  But I

checked him in that Falstaffian vein; urging considerations of time

and cookery。



In due sequence of events we drove up to the Temeraire; and

alighted。  A youth in livery received us on the door…step。  'Looks

well;' said Bullfinch confidentially。  And then aloud; 'Coffee…

room!'



The youth in livery (now perceived to be mouldy) conducted us to

the desired haven; and was enjoined by Bullfinch to send the waiter

at once; as we wished to order a little dinner in an hour。  Then

Bullfinch and I waited for the waiter; until; the waiter continuing

to wait in some unknown and invisible sphere of action; we rang for

the waiter; which ring produced the waiter; who announced himself

as not the waiter who ought to wait upon us; and who didn't wait a

moment longer。



So Bullfinch approached the coffee…room door; and melodiously

pitching his voice into a bar where two young ladies were keeping

the books of the Temeraire; apologetically explained that we wished

to order a little dinner in an hour; and that we were debarred from

the execution of our inoffensive purpose by consignment to

solitude。



Hereupon one of the young ladies ran a bell; which reproduced … at

the bar this time … the waiter who was not the waiter who ought to

wait upon us; that extraordinary man; whose life seemed consumed in

waiting upon people to say that he wouldn't wait upon them;

repeated his former protest with great indignation; and retired。



Bullfinch; with a fallen countenance; was about to say to me; 'This

won't do;' when the waiter who ought to wait upon us left off

keeping us waiting at last。  'Waiter;' said Bullfinch piteously;

'we have been a long time waiting。'  The waiter who ought to wait

upon us laid the blame upon the waiter who ought not to wait upon

us; and said it was all that waiter's fault。



'We wish;' said Bullfinch; much depressed; 'to order a little

dinner in an hour。  What can we have?'



'What would you like to have; gentlemen?'



Bullfinch; with extreme mournfulness of speech and action; and with

a forlorn old fly…blown bill of fare in his hand which the waiter

had given him; and which was a sort of general manuscript index to

any cookery…book you please; moved the previous question。



We could have mock…turtle soup; a sole; curry; and roast duck。

Agreed。  At this table by this window。  Punctually in an hour。



I had been feigning to look out of this window; but I had been

taking note of the crumbs on all the tables; the dirty table…

cloths; the stuffy; soupy; airless atmosphere; the stale leavings

everywhere about; the deep gloom of the waiter who ought to wait

upon us; and the stomach…ache with which a lonely traveller at a

distant table in a corner was too evidently afflicted。  I now

pointed out to Bullfinch the alarming circumstance that this

traveller had DINED。  We hurriedly debated whether; without

infringement of good breeding; we could ask him to disclose if he

had partaken of mock…turtle; sole; curry; or roast duck?  We

decided that the thing could not be politely done; and we had set

our own stomachs on a cast; and they must stand the hazard of the

die。



I hold phrenology; within certain limits; to be true; I am much of

the same mind as to the subtler expressions of the hand; I hold

physiognomy to be infallible; though all these sciences demand rare

qualities in the student。  But I also hold that there is no more

certain index to personal character than the condition of a set of

casters is to the character of any hotel。  Knowing; and having

often tested this theory of mine; Bullfinch resigned himself to the

worst; when; laying aside any remaining veil of disguise; I held up

before him in succession the cloudy oil and furry vinegar; the

clogged cayenne; the dirty salt; the obscene dregs of soy; and the

anchovy sauce in a flannel waistcoat of decomposition。



We went out to transact our business。  So inspiriting was the

relief of passing into the clean and windy streets of Namelesston

from the heavy and vapid closeness of the coffee…room of the

Temeraire; that hope began to revive within us。  We began to

consider that perhaps the lonely traveller had taken physic; or

done something injudicious to bring his complaint on。  Bullfinch

remarked that he thought the waiter who ought to wait upon us had

brightened a little when suggesting curry; and although I knew him

to have been at that moment the express image of despair; I allowed

myself to become elevated in spirits。  As we walked by the softly…

lapping sea; all the notabilities of Namelesston; who are for ever

going up and down with the changelessness of the tides; passed to

and fro in procession。  Pretty girls on horseback; and with

detested riding…masters; pretty girls on foot; mature ladies in

hats; … spectacled; strong…minded; and glaring at the opposite or

weaker sex。  The Stock Exchange was strongly represented; Jerusalem

was strongly represented; the bores of the prosier London clubs

were strongly represented。  Fortune…hunters of all denominations

were there; from hirsute insolvency; in a curricle; to closely…

buttoned swindlery in doubtful boots; on the sharp look…out for any

likely young gentleman disposed to play a game at billiards round

the corner。  Masters of languages; their lessons finished for the

day; were going to their homes out of sight of the sea; mistresses

of accomplishments; carrying small portfolios; likewise tripped

homeward; pairs of scholastic pupils; two and two; went languidly

along the beach; surveying the face of the waters as if waiting for

some Ark to come and take them off。  Spectres of the George the

Fourth days flitted unsteadily among the crowd; bearing the outward

semblance of ancient dandies; of every one of whom it might be

said; not that he had one leg in the grave; or both legs; but that

he was steeped in grave to the summit of his high shirt…collar; and

had nothing real about him but his bones。  Alone stationary in the

midst of all the movements; the Namelesston boatmen leaned against

the railings and yawned; and looked out to sea; or looked at the

moored fishing…boats and at nothing。  Such is the unchanging manner

of life with this nursery of our hardy seamen; and very dry nurses

they are; and always wanting something to drink。  The only two

nautical personages detached from the railing were the two

fortunate possessors of the celebrated monstrous unknown barking…

fish; just caught (frequently just caught off Namelesston); who

carried him about in a hamper; and pressed the scientific to look

in at the lid。



The sands of the hour had all run out when we got back to the

Temeraire。  Says Bullfinch; then; to the youth in livery; with

boldness; 'Lavatory!'



When we arriv

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