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seaside　resort　be；　for　the　nonce；　called　Namelesston。



I　had　been　loitering　about　Paris　in　very　hot　weather；　pleasantly

breakfasting　in　the　open　air　in　the　garden　of　the　Palais　Royal　or

the　Tuileries；　pleasantly　dining　in　the　open　air　in　the　Elysian

Fields；　pleasantly　taking　my　cigar　and　lemonade　in　the　open　air　on

the　Italian　Boulevard　towards　the　small　hours　after　midnight。

Bullfinch　…　an　excellent　man　of　business　…　has　summoned　me　back

across　the　Channel；　to　transact　this　said　hour's　business　at

Namelesston；　and　thus　it　fell　out　that　Bullfinch　and　I　were　in　a

railway　carriage　together　on　our　way　to　Namelesston；　each　with　his

return…ticket　in　his　waistcoat…pocket。



Says　Bullfinch；　'I　have　a　proposal　to　make。　　Let　us　dine　at　the

Temeraire。'



I　asked　Bullfinch；　did　he　recommend　the　Temeraire？　inasmuch　as　I

had　not　been　rated　on　the　books　of　the　Temeraire　for　many　years。



Bullfinch　declined　to　accept　the　responsibility　of　recommending　the

Temeraire；　but　on　the　whole　was　rather　sanguine　about　it。　　He

'seemed　to　remember；'　Bullfinch　said；　that　he　had　dined　well　there。

A　plain　dinner；　but　good。　　Certainly　not　like　a　Parisian　dinner

（here　Bullfinch　obviously　became　the　prey　of　want　of　confidence）；

but　of　its　kind　very　fair。



I　appeal　to　Bullfinch's　intimate　knowledge　of　my　wants　and　ways　to

decide　whether　I　was　usually　ready　to　be　pleased　with　any　dinner；

or　…　for　the　matter　of　that　…　with　anything　that　was　fair　of　its

kind　and　really　what　it　claimed　to　be。　　Bullfinch　doing　me　the

honour　to　respond　in　the　affirmative；　I　agreed　to　ship　myself　as　an

able　trencherman　on　board　the　Temeraire。



'Now；　our　plan　shall　be　this；'　says　Bullfinch；　with　his　forefinger

at　his　nose。　　'As　soon　as　we　get　to　Namelesston；　we'll　drive

straight　to　the　Temeraire；　and　order　a　little　dinner　in　an　hour。

And　as　we　shall　not　have　more　than　enough　time　in　which　to　dispose

of　it　comfortably；　what　do　you　say　to　giving　the　house　the　best

opportunities　of　serving　it　hot　and　quickly　by　dining　in　the

coffee…room？'



What　I　had　to　say　was；　Certainly。　　Bullfinch　（who　is　by　nature　of　a

hopeful　constitution）　then　began　to　babble　of　green　geese。　　But　I

checked　him　in　that　Falstaffian　vein；　urging　considerations　of　time

and　cookery。



In　due　sequence　of　events　we　drove　up　to　the　Temeraire；　and

alighted。　　A　youth　in　livery　received　us　on　the　door…step。　　'Looks

well；'　said　Bullfinch　confidentially。　　And　then　aloud；　'Coffee…

room！'



The　youth　in　livery　（now　perceived　to　be　mouldy）　conducted　us　to

the　desired　haven；　and　was　enjoined　by　Bullfinch　to　send　the　waiter

at　once；　as　we　wished　to　order　a　little　dinner　in　an　hour。　　Then

Bullfinch　and　I　waited　for　the　waiter；　until；　the　waiter　continuing

to　wait　in　some　unknown　and　invisible　sphere　of　action；　we　rang　for

the　waiter；　which　ring　produced　the　waiter；　who　announced　himself

as　not　the　waiter　who　ought　to　wait　upon　us；　and　who　didn't　wait　a

moment　longer。



So　Bullfinch　approached　the　coffee…room　door；　and　melodiously

pitching　his　voice　into　a　bar　where　two　young　ladies　were　keeping

the　books　of　the　Temeraire；　apologetically　explained　that　we　wished

to　order　a　little　dinner　in　an　hour；　and　that　we　were　debarred　from

the　execution　of　our　inoffensive　purpose　by　consignment　to

solitude。



Hereupon　one　of　the　young　ladies　ran　a　bell；　which　reproduced　…　at

the　bar　this　time　…　the　waiter　who　was　not　the　waiter　who　ought　to

wait　upon　us；　that　extraordinary　man；　whose　life　seemed　consumed　in

waiting　upon　people　to　say　that　he　wouldn't　wait　upon　them；

repeated　his　former　protest　with　great　indignation；　and　retired。



Bullfinch；　with　a　fallen　countenance；　was　about　to　say　to　me；　'This

won't　do；'　when　the　waiter　who　ought　to　wait　upon　us　left　off

keeping　us　waiting　at　last。　　'Waiter；'　said　Bullfinch　piteously；

'we　have　been　a　long　time　waiting。'　　The　waiter　who　ought　to　wait

upon　us　laid　the　blame　upon　the　waiter　who　ought　not　to　wait　upon

us；　and　said　it　was　all　that　waiter's　fault。



'We　wish；'　said　Bullfinch；　much　depressed；　'to　order　a　little

dinner　in　an　hour。　　What　can　we　have？'



'What　would　you　like　to　have；　gentlemen？'



Bullfinch；　with　extreme　mournfulness　of　speech　and　action；　and　with

a　forlorn　old　fly…blown　bill　of　fare　in　his　hand　which　the　waiter

had　given　him；　and　which　was　a　sort　of　general　manuscript　index　to

any　cookery…book　you　please；　moved　the　previous　question。



We　could　have　mock…turtle　soup；　a　sole；　curry；　and　roast　duck。

Agreed。　　At　this　table　by　this　window。　　Punctually　in　an　hour。



I　had　been　feigning　to　look　out　of　this　window；　but　I　had　been

taking　note　of　the　crumbs　on　all　the　tables；　the　dirty　table…

cloths；　the　stuffy；　soupy；　airless　atmosphere；　the　stale　leavings

everywhere　about；　the　deep　gloom　of　the　waiter　who　ought　to　wait

upon　us；　and　the　stomach…ache　with　which　a　lonely　traveller　at　a

distant　table　in　a　corner　was　too　evidently　afflicted。　　I　now

pointed　out　to　Bullfinch　the　alarming　circumstance　that　this

traveller　had　DINED。　　We　hurriedly　debated　whether；　without

infringement　of　good　breeding；　we　could　ask　him　to　disclose　if　he

had　partaken　of　mock…turtle；　sole；　curry；　or　roast　duck？　　We

decided　that　the　thing　could　not　be　politely　done；　and　we　had　set

our　own　stomachs　on　a　cast；　and　they　must　stand　the　hazard　of　the

die。



I　hold　phrenology；　within　certain　limits；　to　be　true；　I　am　much　of

the　same　mind　as　to　the　subtler　expressions　of　the　hand；　I　hold

physiognomy　to　be　infallible；　though　all　these　sciences　demand　rare

qualities　in　the　student。　　But　I　also　hold　that　there　is　no　more

certain　index　to　personal　character　than　the　condition　of　a　set　of

casters　is　to　the　character　of　any　hotel。　　Knowing；　and　having

often　tested　this　theory　of　mine；　Bullfinch　resigned　himself　to　the

worst；　when；　laying　aside　any　remaining　veil　of　disguise；　I　held　up

before　him　in　succession　the　cloudy　oil　and　furry　vinegar；　the

clogged　cayenne；　the　dirty　salt；　the　obscene　dregs　of　soy；　and　the

anchovy　sauce　in　a　flannel　waistcoat　of　decomposition。



We　went　out　to　transact　our　business。　　So　inspiriting　was　the

relief　of　passing　into　the　clean　and　windy　streets　of　Namelesston

from　the　heavy　and　vapid　closeness　of　the　coffee…room　of　the

Temeraire；　that　hope　began　to　revive　within　us。　　We　began　to

consider　that　perhaps　the　lonely　traveller　had　taken　physic；　or

done　something　injudicious　to　bring　his　complaint　on。　　Bullfinch

remarked　that　he　thought　the　waiter　who　ought　to　wait　upon　us　had

brightened　a　little　when　suggesting　curry；　and　although　I　knew　him

to　have　been　at　that　moment　the　express　image　of　despair；　I　allowed

myself　to　become　elevated　in　spirits。　　As　we　walked　by　the　softly…

lapping　sea；　all　the　notabilities　of　Namelesston；　who　are　for　ever

going　up　and　down　with　the　changelessness　of　the　tides；　passed　to

and　fro　in　procession。　　Pretty　girls　on　horseback；　and　with

detested　riding…masters；　pretty　girls　on　foot；　mature　ladies　in

hats；　…　spectacled；　strong…minded；　and　glaring　at　the　opposite　or

weaker　sex。　　The　Stock　Exchange　was　strongly　represented；　Jerusalem

was　strongly　represented；　the　bores　of　the　prosier　London　clubs

were　strongly　represented。　　Fortune…hunters　of　all　denominations

were　there；　from　hirsute　insolvency；　in　a　curricle；　to　closely…

buttoned　swindlery　in　doubtful　boots；　on　the　sharp　look…out　for　any

likely　young　gentleman　disposed　to　play　a　game　at　billiards　round

the　corner。　　Masters　of　languages；　their　lessons　finished　for　the

day；　were　going　to　their　homes　out　of　sight　of　the　sea；　mistresses

of　accomplishments；　carrying　small　portfolios；　likewise　tripped

homeward；　pairs　of　scholastic　pupils；　two　and　two；　went　languidly

along　the　beach；　surveying　the　face　of　the　waters　as　if　waiting　for

some　Ark　to　come　and　take　them　off。　　Spectres　of　the　George　the

Fourth　days　flitted　unsteadily　among　the　crowd；　bearing　the　outward

semblance　of　ancient　dandies；　of　every　one　of　whom　it　might　be

said；　not　that　he　had　one　leg　in　the　grave；　or　both　legs；　but　that

he　was　steeped　in　grave　to　the　summit　of　his　high　shirt…collar；　and

had　nothing　real　about　him　but　his　bones。　　Alone　stationary　in　the

midst　of　all　the　movements；　the　Namelesston　boatmen　leaned　against

the　railings　and　yawned；　and　looked　out　to　sea；　or　looked　at　the

moored　fishing…boats　and　at　nothing。　　Such　is　the　unchanging　manner

of　life　with　this　nursery　of　our　hardy　seamen；　and　very　dry　nurses

they　are；　and　always　wanting　something　to　drink。　　The　only　two

nautical　personages　detached　from　the　railing　were　the　two

fortunate　possessors　of　the　celebrated　monstrous　unknown　barking…

fish；　just　caught　（frequently　just　caught　off　Namelesston）；　who

carried　him　about　in　a　hamper；　and　pressed　the　scientific　to　look

in　at　the　lid。



The　sands　of　the　hour　had　all　run　out　when　we　got　back　to　the

Temeraire。　　Says　Bullfinch；　then；　to　the　youth　in　livery；　with

boldness；　'Lavatory！'



When　we　arriv