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The clause was handed in; and more conference resulted。  After

which I was asked the extraordinary question:  'Mr。 Uncommercial;

do you really wish this girl to be sent to prison?'  To which I

grimly answered; staring:  'If I didn't; why should I take the

trouble to come here?'  Finally; I was sworn; and gave my agreeable

evidence in detail; and White Riding Hood was fined ten shillings;

under the clause; or sent to prison for so many days。  'Why; Lord

bless you; sir;' said the Police…officer; who showed me out; with a

great enjoyment of the jest of her having been got up so

effectively; and caused so much hesitation:  'if she goes to

prison; that will be nothing new to HER。  She comes from Charles

Street; Drury Lane!'



The Police; all things considered; are an excellent force; and I

have borne my small testimony to their merits。  Constabular

contemplation is the result of a bad system; a system which is

administered; not invented; by the man in constable's uniform;

employed at twenty shillings a week。  He has his orders; and would

be marked for discouragement if he overstepped them。  That the

system is bad; there needs no lengthened argument to prove; because

the fact is self…evident。  If it were anything else; the results

that have attended it could not possibly have come to pass。  Who

will say that under a good system; our streets could have got into

their present state?



The objection to the whole Police system; as concerning the

Ruffian; may be stated; and its failure exemplified; as follows。

It is well known that on all great occasions; when they come

together in numbers; the mass of the English people are their own

trustworthy Police。  It is well known that wheresoever there is

collected together any fair general representation of the people; a

respect for law and order; and a determination to discountenance

lawlessness and disorder; may be relied upon。  As to one another;

the people are a very good Police; and yet are quite willing in

their good…nature that the stipendiary Police should have the

credit of the people's moderation。  But we are all of us powerless

against the Ruffian; because we submit to the law; and it is his

only trade; by superior force and by violence; to defy it。

Moreover; we are constantly admonished from high places (like so

many Sunday…school children out for a holiday of buns and milk…and…

water) that we are not to take the law into our own hands; but are

to hand our defence over to it。  It is clear that the common enemy

to be punished and exterminated first of all is the Ruffian。  It is

clear that he is; of all others; THE offender for whose repressal

we maintain a costly system of Police。  Him; therefore; we

expressly present to the Police to deal with; conscious that; on

the whole; we can; and do; deal reasonably well with one another。

Him the Police deal with so inefficiently and absurdly that he

flourishes; and multiplies; and; with all his evil deeds upon his

head as notoriously as his hat is; pervades the streets with no

more let or hindrance than ourselves。







CHAPTER XXXI … ABOARD SHIP







My journeys as Uncommercial Traveller for the firm of Human…

Interest Brothers have not slackened since I last reported of them;

but have kept me continually on the move。  I remain in the same

idle employment。  I never solicit an order; I never get any

commission; I am the rolling stone that gathers no moss; … unless

any should by chance be found among these samples。



Some half a year ago; I found myself in my idlest; dreamiest; and

least accountable condition altogether; on board ship; in the

harbour of the city of New York; in the United States of America。

Of all the good ships afloat; mine was the good steamship 'RUSSIA;'

CAPT。 COOK; Cunard Line; bound for Liverpool。  What more could I

wish for?



I had nothing to wish for but a prosperous passage。  My salad…days;

when I was green of visage and sea…sick; being gone with better

things (and no worse); no coming event cast its shadow before。



I might but a few moments previously have imitated Sterne; and

said; '〃And yet; methinks; Eugenius;〃 … laying my forefinger

wistfully on his coat…sleeve; thus; … 〃and yet; methinks; Eugenius;

'tis but sorry work to part with thee; for what fresh fields; 。 。 。

my dear Eugenius; 。 。 。 can be fresher than thou art; and in what

pastures new shall I find Eliza; or call her; Eugenius; if thou

wilt; Annie?〃' … I say I might have done this; but Eugenius was

gone; and I hadn't done it。



I was resting on a skylight on the hurricane…deck; watching the

working of the ship very slowly about; that she might head for

England。  It was high noon on a most brilliant day in April; and

the beautiful bay was glorious and glowing。  Full many a time; on

shore there; had I seen the snow come down; down; down (itself like

down); until it lay deep in all the ways of men; and particularly;

as it seemed; in my way; for I had not gone dry…shod many hours for

months。  Within two or three days last past had I watched the

feathery fall setting in with the ardour of a new idea; instead of

dragging at the skirts of a worn…out winter; and permitting

glimpses of a fresh young spring。  But a bright sun and a clear sky

had melted the snow in the great crucible of nature; and it had

been poured out again that morning over sea and land; transformed

into myriads of gold and silver sparkles。



The ship was fragrant with flowers。  Something of the old Mexican

passion for flowers may have gradually passed into North America;

where flowers are luxuriously grown; and tastefully combined in the

richest profusion; but; be that as it may; such gorgeous farewells

in flowers had come on board; that the small officer's cabin on

deck; which I tenanted; bloomed over into the adjacent scuppers;

and banks of other flowers that it couldn't hold made a garden of

the unoccupied tables in the passengers' saloon。  These delicious

scents of the shore; mingling with the fresh airs of the sea; made

the atmosphere a dreamy; an enchanting one。  And so; with the watch

aloft setting all the sails; and with the screw below revolving at

a mighty rate; and occasionally giving the ship an angry shake for

resisting; I fell into my idlest ways; and lost myself。



As; for instance; whether it was I lying there; or some other

entity even more mysterious; was a matter I was far too lazy to

look into。  What did it signify to me if it were I? or to the more

mysterious entity; if it were he?  Equally as to the remembrances

that drowsily floated by me; or by him; why ask when or where the

things happened?  Was it not enough that they befell at some time;

somewhere?



There was that assisting at the church service on board another

steamship; one Sunday; in a stiff breeze。  Perhaps on the passage

out。  No matter。  Pleasant to hear the ship's bells go as like

church…bells as they could; pleasant to see the watch off duty

mustered and come in:  best hats; best Guernseys; washed hands and

faces; smoothed heads。  But then arose a set of circumstances so

rampantly comical; that no check which the gravest intentions could

put upon them would hold them in hand。  Thus the scene。  Some

seventy passengers assembled at the saloon tables。  Prayer…books on

tables。  Ship rolling heavily。  Pause。  No minister。  Rumour has

related that a modest young clergyman on board has responded to the

captain's request that he will officiate。  Pause again; and very

heavy rolling。



Closed double doors suddenly burst open; and two strong stewards

skate in; supporting minister between them。  General appearance as

of somebody picked up drunk and incapable; and under conveyance to

station…house。  Stoppage; pause; and particularly heavy rolling。

Stewards watch their opportunity; and balance themselves; but

cannot balance minister; who; struggling with a drooping head and a

backward tendency; seems determined to return below; while they are

as determined that he shall be got to the reading…desk in mid…

saloon。  Desk portable; sliding away down a long table; and aiming

itself at the breasts of various members of the congregation。  Here

the double doors; which have been carefully closed by other

stewards; fly open again; and worldly passenger tumbles in;

seemingly with pale…ale designs:  who; seeking friend; says 'Joe!'

Perceiving incongruity; says; 'Hullo!  Beg yer pardon!' and tumbles

out again。  All this time the congregation have been breaking up

into sects; … as the manner of congregations often is; each sect

sliding away by itself; and all pounding the weakest sect which

slid first into the corner。  Utmost point of dissent soon attained

in every corner; and violent rolling。  Stewards at length make a

dash; conduct minister to the mast in the centre of the saloon;

which he embraces with both arms; skate out; and leave him in that

condition to arrange affairs with flock。



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