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want　to　do　it；　but　if　it　must　be　done　…　！'　　Scrunch。







CHAPTER　XXVII　…　IN　THE　FRENCH…FLEMISH　COUNTRY







'It　is　neither　a　bold　nor　a　diversified　country；'　said　I　to　myself；

'this　country　which　is　three…quarters　Flemish；　and　a　quarter

French；　yet　it　has　its　attractions　too。　　Though　great　lines　of

railway　traverse　it；　the　trains　leave　it　behind；　and　go　puffing　off

to　Paris　and　the　South；　to　Belgium　and　Germany；　to　the　Northern

Sea…Coast　of　France；　and　to　England；　and　merely　smoke　it　a　little

in　passing。　　Then　I　don't　know　it；　and　that　is　a　good　reason　for

being　here；　and　I　can't　pronounce　half　the　long　queer　names　I　see

inscribed　over　the　shops；　and　that　is　another　good　reason　for　being

here；　since　I　surely　ought　to　learn　how。'　　In　short；　I　was　'here；'

and　I　wanted　an　excuse　for　not　going　away　from　here；　and　I　made　it

to　my　satisfaction；　and　stayed　here。



What　part　in　my　decision　was　borne　by　Monsieur　P。　Salcy；　is　of　no

moment；　though　I　own　to　encountering　that　gentleman's　name　on　a　red

bill　on　the　wall；　before　I　made　up　my　mind。　　Monsieur　P。　Salcy；

'par　permission　de　M。　le　Maire；'　had　established　his　theatre　in　the

whitewashed　Hotel　de　Ville；　on　the　steps　of　which　illustrious

edifice　I　stood。　　And　Monsieur　P。　Salcy；　privileged　director　of

such　theatre；　situate　in　'the　first　theatrical　arrondissement　of

the　department　of　the　North；'　invited　French…Flemish　mankind　to

come　and　partake　of　the　intellectual　banquet　provided　by　his　family

of　dramatic　artists；　fifteen　subjects　in　number。　　'La　Famille　P。

SALCY；　composee　d'artistes　dramatiques；　au　nombre　de　15　sujets。'



Neither　a　bold　nor　a　diversified　country；　I　say　again；　and　withal

an　untidy　country；　but　pleasant　enough　to　ride　in；　when　the　paved

roads　over　the　flats　and　through　the　hollows；　are　not　too　deep　in

black　mud。　　A　country　so　sparely　inhabited；　that　I　wonder　where　the

peasants　who　till　and　sow　and　reap　the　ground；　can　possibly　dwell；

and　also　by　what　invisible　balloons　they　are　conveyed　from　their

distant　homes　into　the　fields　at　sunrise　and　back　again　at　sunset。

The　occasional　few　poor　cottages　and　farms　in　this　region；　surely

cannot　afford　shelter　to　the　numbers　necessary　to　the　cultivation；

albeit　the　work　is　done　so　very　deliberately；　that　on　one　long

harvest　day　I　have　seen；　in　twelve　miles；　about　twice　as　many　men

and　women　（all　told）　reaping　and　binding。　　Yet　have　I　seen　more

cattle；　more　sheep；　more　pigs；　and　all　in　better　case；　than　where

there　is　purer　French　spoken；　and　also　better　ricks　…　round

swelling　peg…top　ricks；　well　thatched；　not　a　shapeless　brown　heap；

like　the　toast　of　a　Giant's　toast…and…water；　pinned　to　the　earth

with　one　of　the　skewers　out　of　his　kitchen。　　A　good　custom　they

have　about　here；　likewise；　of　prolonging　the　sloping　tiled　roof　of

farm　or　cottage；　so　that　it　overhangs　three　or　four　feet；　carrying

off　the　wet；　and　making　a　good　drying…place　wherein　to　hang　up

herbs；　or　implements；　or　what　not。　　A　better　custom　than　the

popular　one　of　keeping　the　refuse…heap　and　puddle　close　before　the

house　door：　　which；　although　I　paint　my　dwelling　never　so　brightly

blue　（and　it　cannot　be　too　blue　for　me；　hereabouts）；　will　bring

fever　inside　my　door。　　Wonderful　poultry　of　the　French…Flemish

country；　why　take　the　trouble　to　BE　poultry？　　Why　not　stop　short　at

eggs　in　the　rising　generation；　and　die　out　and　have　done　with　it？

Parents　of　chickens　have　I　seen　this　day；　followed　by　their

wretched　young　families；　scratching　nothing　out　of　the　mud　with　an

air　…　tottering　about　on　legs　so　scraggy　and　weak；　that　the　valiant

word　drumsticks　becomes　a　mockery　when　applied　to　them；　and　the

crow　of　the　lord　and　master　has　been　a　mere　dejected　case　of　croup。

Carts　have　I　seen；　and　other　agricultural　instruments；　unwieldy；

dislocated；　monstrous。　　Poplar…trees　by　the　thousand　fringe　the

fields　and　fringe　the　end　of　the　flat　landscape；　so　that　I　feel；

looking　straight　on　before　me；　as　if；　when　I　pass　the　extremest

fringe　on　the　low　horizon；　I　shall　tumble　over　into　space。　　Little

whitewashed　black　holes　of　chapels；　with　barred　doors　and　Flemish

inscriptions；　abound　at　roadside　corners；　and　often　they　are

garnished　with　a　sheaf　of　wooden　crosses；　like　children's　swords；

or；　in　their　default；　some　hollow　old　tree　with　a　saint　roosting　in

it；　is　similarly　decorated；　or　a　pole　with　a　very　diminutive　saint

enshrined　aloft　in　a　sort　of　sacred　pigeon…house。　　Not　that　we　are

deficient　in　such　decoration　in　the　town　here；　for；　over　at　the

church　yonder；　outside　the　building；　is　a　scenic　representation　of

the　Crucifixion；　built　up　with　old　bricks　and　stones；　and　made　out

with　painted　canvas　and　wooden　figures：　　the　whole　surmounting　the

dusty　skull　of　some　holy　personage　（perhaps）；　shut　up　behind　a

little　ashy　iron　grate；　as　if　it　were　originally　put　there　to　be

cooked；　and　the　fire　had　long　gone　out。　　A　windmilly　country　this；

though　the　windmills　are　so　damp　and　rickety；　that　they　nearly

knock　themselves　off　their　legs　at　every　turn　of　their　sails；　and

creak　in　loud　complaint。　　A　weaving　country；　too；　for　in　the

wayside　cottages　the　loom　goes　wearily　…　rattle　and　click；　rattle

and　click　…　and；　looking　in；　I　see　the　poor　weaving　peasant；　man　or

woman；　bending　at　the　work；　while　the　child；　working　too；　turns　a

little　hand…wheel　put　upon　the　ground　to　suit　its　height。　　An

unconscionable　monster；　the　loom　in　a　small　dwelling；　asserting

himself　ungenerously　as　the　bread…winner；　straddling　over　the

children's　straw　beds；　cramping　the　family　in　space　and　air；　and

making　himself　generally　objectionable　and　tyrannical。　　He　is

tributary；　too；　to　ugly　mills　and　factories　and　bleaching…grounds；

rising　out　of　the　sluiced　fields　in　an　abrupt　bare　way；　disdaining；

like　himself；　to　be　ornamental　or　accommodating。　　Surrounded　by

these　things；　here　I　stood　on　the　steps　of　the　Hotel　de　Ville；

persuaded　to　remain　by　the　P。　Salcy　family；　fifteen　dramatic

subjects　strong。



There　was　a　Fair　besides。　　The　double　persuasion　being

irresistible；　and　my　sponge　being　left　behind　at　the　last　Hotel；　I

made　the　tour　of　the　little　town　to　buy　another。　　In　the　small

sunny　shops　…　mercers；　opticians；　and　druggist…grocers；　with　here

and　there　an　emporium　of　religious　images　…　the　gravest　of　old

spectacled　Flemish　husbands　and　wives　sat　contemplating　one　another

across　bare　counters；　while　the　wasps；　who　seemed　to　have　taken

military　possession　of　the　town；　and　to　have　placed　it　under　wasp…

martial　law；　executed　warlike　manoeuvres　in　the　windows。　　Other

shops　the　wasps　had　entirely　to　themselves；　and　nobody　cared　and

nobody　came　when　I　beat　with　a　five…franc　piece　upon　the　board　of

custom。　　What　I　sought　was　no　more　to　be　found　than　if　I　had　sought

a　nugget　of　Californian　gold：　　so　I　went；　spongeless；　to　pass　the

evening　with　the　Family　P。　Salcy。



The　members　of　the　Family　P。　Salcy　were　so　fat　and　so　like　one

another　…　fathers；　mothers；　sisters；　brothers；　uncles；　and　aunts　…

that　I　think　the　local　audience　were　much　confused　about　the　plot

of　the　piece　under　representation；　and　to　the　last　expected　that

everybody　must　turn　out　to　be　the　long…lost　relative　of　everybody

else。　　The　Theatre　was　established　on　the　top　story　of　the　Hotel　de

Ville；　and　was　approached　by　a　long　bare　staircase；　whereon；　in　an

airy　situation；　one　of　the　P。　Salcy　Family　…　a　stout　gentleman

imperfectly　repressed　by　a　belt　…　took　the　money。　　This　occasioned

the　greatest　excitement　of　the　evening；　for；　no　sooner　did　the

curtain　rise　on　the　introductory　Vaudeville；　and　reveal　in　the

person　of　the　young　lover　（singing　a　very　short　song　with　his

eyebrows）　apparently　the　very　same　identical　stout　gentleman

imperfectly　repressed　by　a　belt；　than　everybody　rushed　out　to　the

paying…place；　to　ascertain　whether　he　could　possibly　have　put　on

that　dress…coat；　that　clear　complexion；　and　those　arched　black

vocal　eyebrows；　in　so　short　a　space　of　time。　　It　then　became

manifest　that　this　was　another　stout　gentleman　imperfectly

repressed　by　a　belt：　　to　whom；　before　the　spectators　had　recovered

their　presence　of　mind；　entered　a　third　stout　gentleman　imperfectly

repressed　by　a　belt；　exactly　like　him。　　These　two　'subjects；'

making　with　the　money…taker　three　of　the　announced　fifteen；　fell

into　conversation　touching　a　charming　young　widow：　　who；　presently

appearing；　proved　to　be　a　stout　lady　altogether　irrepressible　by

any　means　…　quite　a　parallel　case　to　the　American　Negro　…　fourth　of

the　fifteen　subjects；　and　sister　of　the　fifth　who　presided　over　the

check…department。　　In　good　time　the　whole　of　the　fifteen　subjects

were　dramatically　presented；　and　we　had　the　inevitable　Ma　Mere；　Ma

Mere！　and　also　the　inevitable　malediction　d'un　pere；　and　likewise

the　inevitable　Marquis；　and　also　the　inevitable　provincial　young

man；　weak…minded　but　faithful；　who　followed　Julie　to　Paris；　and

cried　and　laughed　and　choked　all　at　once。　　The　story　was　wrought

out　with　t