the uncommercial traveller-第41节

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into　his　beer；　and　into　his　boots。　　And　he　was　going　to　be　married

to　a　corn…chandler's　daughter；　and　when　he　gave　her　a　workbox　he

had　himself　made　for　her；　a　rat　jumped　out　of　it；　and　when　he　put

his　arm　round　her　waist；　a　rat　clung　about　her；　so　the　marriage　was

broken　off；　though　the　banns　were　already　twice　put　up　…　which　the

parish　clerk　well　remembers；　for；　as　he　handed　the　book　to　the

clergyman　for　the　second　time　of　asking；　a　large　fat　rat　ran　over

the　leaf。　　（By　this　time　a　special　cascade　of　rats　was　rolling　down

my　back；　and　the　whole　of　my　small　listening　person　was　overrun

with　them。　　At　intervals　ever　since；　I　have　been　morbidly　afraid　of

my　own　pocket；　lest　my　exploring　hand　should　find　a　specimen　or　two

of　those　vermin　in　it。）



You　may　believe　that　all　this　was　very　terrible　to　Chips；　but　even

all　this　was　not　the　worst。　　He　knew　besides；　what　the　rats　were

doing；　wherever　they　were。　　So；　sometimes　he　would　cry　aloud；　when

he　was　at　his　club　at　night；　'Oh！　　Keep　the　rats　out　of　the

convicts'　burying…ground！　　Don't　let　them　do　that！'　　Or；　'There's

one　of　them　at　the　cheese　down…stairs！'　　Or；　'There's　two　of　them

smelling　at　the　baby　in　the　garret！'　　Or；　other　things　of　that

sort。　　At　last；　he　was　voted　mad；　and　lost　his　work　in　the　Yard；

and　could　get　no　other　work。　　But；　King　George　wanted　men；　so

before　very　long　he　got　pressed　for　a　sailor。　　And　so　he　was　taken

off　in　a　boat　one　evening　to　his　ship；　lying　at　Spithead；　ready　to

sail。　　And　so　the　first　thing　he　made　out　in　her　as　he　got　near

her；　was　the　figure…head　of　the　old　Seventy…four；　where　he　had　seen

the　Devil。　　She　was　called　the　Argonaut；　and　they　rowed　right　under

the　bowsprit　where　the　figure…head　of　the　Argonaut；　with　a

sheepskin　in　his　hand　and　a　blue　gown　on；　was　looking　out　to　sea；

and　sitting　staring　on　his　forehead　was　the　rat　who　could　speak；

and　his　exact　words　were　these：　　'Chips　ahoy！　　Old　boy！　　We've

pretty　well　eat　them　too；　and　we'll　drown　the　crew；　and　will　eat

them　too！'　　（Here　I　always　became　exceedingly　faint；　and　would　have

asked　for　water；　but　that　I　was　speechless。）



The　ship　was　bound　for　the　Indies；　and　if　you　don't　know　where　that

is；　you　ought　to　it；　and　angels　will　never　love　you。　　（Here　I　felt

myself　an　outcast　from　a　future　state。）　　The　ship　set　sail　that

very　night；　and　she　sailed；　and　sailed；　and　sailed。　　Chips's

feelings　were　dreadful。　　Nothing　ever　equalled　his　terrors。　　No

wonder。　　At　last；　one　day　he　asked　leave　to　speak　to　the　Admiral。

The　Admiral　giv'　leave。　　Chips　went　down　on　his　knees　in　the　Great

State　Cabin。　　'Your　Honour；　unless　your　Honour；　without　a　moment's

loss　of　time；　makes　sail　for　the　nearest　shore；　this　is　a　doomed

ship；　and　her　name　is　the　Coffin！'　　'Young　man；　your　words　are　a

madman's　words。'　　'Your　Honour　no；　they　are　nibbling　us　away。'

'They？'　　'Your　Honour；　them　dreadful　rats。　　Dust　and　hollowness

where　solid　oak　ought　to　be！　　Rats　nibbling　a　grave　for　every　man

on　board！　　Oh！　　Does　your　Honour　love　your　Lady　and　your　pretty

children？'　　'Yes；　my　man；　to　be　sure。'　　'Then；　for　God's　sake；　make

for　the　nearest　shore；　for　at　this　present　moment　the　rats　are　all

stopping　in　their　work；　and　are　all　looking　straight　towards　you

with　bare　teeth；　and　are　all　saying　to　one　another　that　you　shall

never；　never；　never；　never；　see　your　Lady　and　your　children　more。'

'My　poor　fellow；　you　are　a　case　for　the　doctor。　　Sentry；　take　care

of　this　man！'



So；　he　was　bled　and　he　was　blistered；　and　he　was　this　and　that；　for

six　whole　days　and　nights。　　So；　then　he　again　asked　leave　to　speak

to　the　Admiral。　　The　Admiral　giv'　leave。　　He　went　down　on　his　knees

in　the　Great　State　Cabin。　　'Now；　Admiral；　you　must　die！　　You　took

no　warning；　you　must　die！　　The　rats　are　never　wrong　in　their

calculations；　and　they　make　out　that　they'll　be　through；　at　twelve

to…night。　　So；　you　must　die！　…　With　me　and　all　the　rest！'　　And　so

at　twelve　o'clock　there　was　a　great　leak　reported　in　the　ship；　and

a　torrent　of　water　rushed　in　and　nothing　could　stop　it；　and　they

all　went　down；　every　living　soul。　　And　what　the　rats　…　being　water…

rats　…　left　of　Chips；　at　last　floated　to　shore；　and　sitting　on　him

was　an　immense　overgrown　rat；　laughing；　that　dived　when　the　corpse

touched　the　beach　and　never　came　up。　　And　there　was　a　deal　of

seaweed　on　the　remains。　　And　if　you　get　thirteen　bits　of　seaweed；

and　dry　them　and　burn　them　in　the　fire；　they　will　go　off　like　in

these　thirteen　words　as　plain　as　plain　can　be：





'A　Lemon　has　pips；

And　a　Yard　has　ships；

And　I've　got　Chips！'





The　same　female　bard　…　descended；　possibly；　from　those　terrible　old

Scalds　who　seem　to　have　existed　for　the　express　purpose　of　addling

the　brains　of　mankind　when　they　begin　to　investigate　languages　…

made　a　standing　pretence　which　greatly　assisted　in　forcing　me　back

to　a　number　of　hideous　places　that　I　would　by　all　means　have

avoided。　　This　pretence　was；　that　all　her　ghost　stories　had

occurred　to　her　own　relations。　　Politeness　towards　a　meritorious

family；　therefore；　forbade　my　doubting　them；　and　they　acquired　an

air　of　authentication　that　impaired　my　digestive　powers　for　life。

There　was　a　narrative　concerning　an　unearthly　animal　foreboding

death；　which　appeared　in　the　open　street　to　a　parlour…maid　who

'went　to　fetch　the　beer'　for　supper：　　first　（as　I　now　recall　it）

assuming　the　likeness　of　a　black　dog；　and　gradually　rising　on　its

hind…legs　and　swelling　into　the　semblance　of　some　quadruped　greatly

surpassing　a　hippopotamus：　　which　apparition　…　not　because　I　deemed

it　in　the　least　improbable；　but　because　I　felt　it　to　be　really　too

large　to　bear　…　I　feebly　endeavoured　to　explain　away。　　But；　on

Mercy's　retorting　with　wounded　dignity　that　the　parlour…maid　was

her　own　sister…in…law；　I　perceived　there　was　no　hope；　and　resigned

myself　to　this　zoological　phenomenon　as　one　of　my　many　pursuers。

There　was　another　narrative　describing　the　apparition　of　a　young

woman　who　came　out　of　a　glass…case　and　haunted　another　young　woman

until　the　other　young　woman　questioned　it　and　elicited　that　its

bones　（Lord！　　To　think　of　its　being　so　particular　about　its　bones！）

were　buried　under　the　glass…case；　whereas　she　required　them　to　be

interred；　with　every　Undertaking　solemnity　up　to　twenty…four　pound

ten；　in　another　particular　place。　　This　narrative　I　considered　…　I

had　a　personal　interest　in　disproving；　because　we　had　glass…cases

at　home；　and　how；　otherwise；　was　I　to　be　guaranteed　from　the

intrusion　of　young　women　requiring　ME　TO　bury　them　up　to　twenty…

four　pound　ten；　when　I　had　only　twopence　a　week？　　But　my

remorseless　nurse　cut　the　ground　from　under　my　tender　feet；　by

informing　me　that　She　was　the　other　young　woman；　and　I　couldn't　say

'I　don't　believe　you；'　it　was　not　possible。



Such　are　a　few　of　the　uncommercial　journeys　that　I　was　forced　to

make；　against　my　will；　when　I　was　very　young　and　unreasoning。　　And

really；　as　to　the　latter　part　of　them；　it　is　not　so　very　long　ago　…

now　I　come　to　think　of　it　…　that　I　was　asked　to　undertake　them　once

again；　with　a　steady　countenance。







CHAPTER　XVI　…　ARCADIAN　LONDON







Being　in　a　humour　for　complete　solitude　and　uninterrupted

meditation　this　autumn；　I　have　taken　a　lodging　for　six　weeks　in　the

most　unfrequented　part　of　England　…　in　a　word；　in　London。



The　retreat　into　which　I　have　withdrawn　myself；　is　Bond…street。

From　this　lonely　spot　I　make　pilgrimages　into　the　surrounding

wilderness；　and　traverse　extensive　tracts　of　the　Great　Desert。　　The

first　solemn　feeling　of　isolation　overcome；　the　first　oppressive

consciousness　of　profound　retirement　conquered；　I　enjoy　that　sense

of　freedom；　and　feel　reviving　within　me　that　latent　wildness　of　the

original　savage；　which　has　been　（upon　the　whole　somewhat

frequently）　noticed　by　Travellers。



My　lodgings　are　at　a　hatter's　…　my　own　hatter's。　　After　exhibiting

no　articles　in　his　window　for　some　weeks；　but　sea…side　wide…awakes；

shooting…caps；　and　a　choice　of　rough　waterproof　head…gear　for　the

moors　and　mountains；　he　has　put　upon　the　heads　of　his　family　as

much　of　this　stock　as　they　could　carry；　and　has　taken　them　off　to

the　Isle　of　Thanet。　　His　young　man　alone　remains　…　and　remains

alone　in　the　shop。　　The　young　man　has　let　out　the　fire　at　which　the

irons　are　heated；　and；　saving　his　strong　sense　of　duty；　I　see　no

reason　why　he　should　take　the　shutters　down。



Happily　for　himself　and　for　his　country　the　young　man　is　a

Volunteer；　most　happily　for　himself；　or　I　think　he　would　become　the

prey　of　a　settled　melancholy。　　For；　to　live　surrounded　by　human

hats；　and　alienated　from　human　heads　to　fit　them　on；　is　surely　a

great　endurance。　　But；　the　young　man；　sustained　by　practising　his

exercise；　and　by　constantly　furbishing　up　his　regulation　plume　（it

is　unnecessary　to　observe　that；　as　a　hatter；　he　is　in　a　cock's…

feather　corps）；　is　resigned；　and　uncomplaining。　　On　a　Saturday；

when　he　closes