the uncommercial traveller-第38节
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furniture stepped in so far;' as that it could be no worse to
borrow it all。 Consequently; he borrowed it all; and locked up the
cellar for good。 He had always locked it; after every visit。 He
had carried up every separate article in the dead of the night;
and; at the best; had felt as wicked as a Resurrection Man。 Every
article was blue and furry when brought into his rooms; and he had
had; in a murderous and guilty sort of way; to polish it up while
London slept。
Mr。 Testator lived in his furnished chambers two or three years; or
more; and gradually lulled himself into the opinion that the
furniture was his own。 This was his convenient state of mind when;
late one night; a step came up the stairs; and a hand passed over
his door feeling for his knocker; and then one deep and solemn rap
was rapped that might have been a spring in Mr。 Testator's easy…
chair to shoot him out of it; so promptly was it attended with that
effect。
With a candle in his hand; Mr。 Testator went to the door; and found
there; a very pale and very tall man; a man who stooped; a man with
very high shoulders; a very narrow chest; and a very red nose; a
shabby…genteel man。 He was wrapped in a long thread…bare black
coat; fastened up the front with more pins than buttons; and under
his arm he squeezed an umbrella without a handle; as if he were
playing bagpipes。 He said; 'I ask your pardon; but can you tell me
… ' and stopped; his eyes resting on some object within the
chambers。
'Can I tell you what?' asked Mr。 Testator; noting his stoppage with
quick alarm。
'I ask your pardon;' said the stranger; 'but … this is not the
inquiry I was going to make … DO I see in there; any small article
of property belonging to ME?'
Mr。 Testator was beginning to stammer that he was not aware … when
the visitor slipped past him; into the chambers。 There; in a
goblin way which froze Mr。 Testator to the marrow; he examined;
first; the writing…table; and said; 'Mine;' then; the easy…chair;
and said; 'Mine;' then; the bookcase; and said; 'Mine;' then;
turned up a corner of the carpet; and said; 'Mine!' in a word;
inspected every item of furniture from the cellar; in succession;
and said; 'Mine!' Towards the end of this investigation; Mr。
Testator perceived that he was sodden with liquor; and that the
liquor was gin。 He was not unsteady with gin; either in his speech
or carriage; but he was stiff with gin in both particulars。
Mr。 Testator was in a dreadful state; for (according to his making
out of the story) the possible consequences of what he had done in
recklessness and hardihood; flashed upon him in their fulness for
the first time。 When they had stood gazing at one another for a
little while; he tremulously began:
'Sir; I am conscious that the fullest explanation; compensation;
and restitution; are your due。 They shall be yours。 Allow me to
entreat that; without temper; without even natural irritation on
your part; we may have a little … '
'Drop of something to drink;' interposed the stranger。 'I am
agreeable。'
Mr。 Testator had intended to say; 'a little quiet conversation;'
but with great relief of mind adopted the amendment。 He produced a
decanter of gin; and was bustling about for hot water and sugar;
when he found that his visitor had already drunk half of the
decanter's contents。 With hot water and sugar the visitor drank
the remainder before he had been an hour in the chambers by the
chimes of the church of St。 Mary in the Strand; and during the
process he frequently whispered to himself; 'Mine!'
The gin gone; and Mr。 Testator wondering what was to follow it; the
visitor rose and said; with increased stiffness; 'At what hour of
the morning; sir; will it be convenient?' Mr。 Testator hazarded;
'At ten?' 'Sir;' said the visitor; 'at ten; to the moment; I shall
be here。' He then contemplated Mr。 Testator somewhat at leisure;
and said; 'God bless you! How is your wife?' Mr。 Testator (who
never had a wife) replied with much feeling; 'Deeply anxious; poor
soul; but otherwise well。' The visitor thereupon turned and went
away; and fell twice in going down…stairs。 From that hour he was
never heard of。 Whether he was a ghost; or a spectral illusion of
conscience; or a drunken man who had no business there; or the
drunken rightful owner of the furniture; with a transitory gleam of
memory; whether he got safe home; or had no time to get to; whether
he died of liquor on the way; or lived in liquor ever afterwards;
he never was heard of more。 This was the story; received with the
furniture and held to be as substantial; by its second possessor in
an upper set of chambers in grim Lyons Inn。
It is to be remarked of chambers in general; that they must have
been built for chambers; to have the right kind of loneliness。 You
may make a great dwelling…house very lonely; but isolating suites
of rooms and calling them chambers; but you cannot make the true
kind of loneliness。 In dwelling…houses; there have been family
festivals; children have grown in them; girls have bloomed into
women in them; courtships and marriages have taken place in them。
True chambers never were young; childish; maidenly; never had dolls
in them; or rocking…horses; or christenings; or betrothals; or
little coffins。 Let Gray's Inn identify the child who first
touched hands and hearts with Robinson Crusoe; in any one of its
many 'sets;' and that child's little statue; in white marble with a
golden inscription; shall be at its service; at my cost and charge;
as a drinking fountain for the spirit; to freshen its thirsty
square。 Let Lincoln's produce from all its houses; a twentieth of
the procession derivable from any dwelling…house one…twentieth of
its age; of fair young brides who married for love and hope; not
settlements; and all the Vice…Chancellors shall thenceforward be
kept in nosegays for nothing; on application to the writer hereof。
It is not denied that on the terrace of the Adelphi; or in any of
the streets of that subterranean…stable…haunted spot; or about
Bedford…row; or James…street of that ilk (a grewsome place); or
anywhere among the neighbourhoods that have done flowering and have
run to seed; you may find Chambers replete with the accommodations
of Solitude; Closeness; and Darkness; where you may be as low…
spirited as in the genuine article; and might be as easily
murdered; with the placid reputation of having merely gone down to
the sea…side。 But; the many waters of life did run musical in
those dry channels once; … among the Inns; never。 The only popular
legend known in relation to any one of the dull family of Inns; is
a dark Old Bailey whisper concerning Clement's; and importing how
the black creature who holds the sun…dial there; was a negro who
slew his master and built the dismal pile out of the contents of
his strong box … for which architectural offence alone he ought to
have been condemned to live in it。 But; what populace would waste
fancy upon such a place; or on New Inn; Staple Inn; Barnard's Inn;
or any of the shabby crew?
The genuine laundress; too; is an institution not to be had in its
entirety out of and away from the genuine Chambers。 Again; it is
not denied that you may be robbed elsewhere。 Elsewhere you may
have … for money … dishonesty; drunkenness; dirt; laziness; and
profound incapacity。 But the veritable shining…red…faced shameless
laundress; the true Mrs。 Sweeney … in figure; colour; texture; and
smell; like the old damp family umbrella; the tip…top complicated
abomination of stockings; spirits; bonnet; limpness; looseness; and
larceny; is only to be drawn at the fountain…head。 Mrs。 Sweeney is
beyond the reach of individual art。 It requires the united efforts
of several men to ensure that great result; and it is only
developed in perfection under an Honourable Society and in an Inn
of Court。
CHAPTER XV … NURSE'S STORIES
There are not many places that I find it more agreeable to revisit
when I am in an idle mood; than some places to which I have never
been。 For; my acquaintance with those spots is of such long
standing; and has ripened into an intimacy of so affectionate a
nature; that I take a particular interest in assuring myself that
they are unchanged。
I never was in Robinson Crusoe's Island; yet I frequently return
there。 The colony he established on it soon faded away; and it is
uninhabited by any descendants of the grave and courteous
Spaniards; or of Will Atkins and the other mutineers; and has
relapsed into its original condition。 Not a twig of its wicker
houses remains; its goats have long run wild again; its screaming
parrots would darken the sun with a cloud of many flaming colours
if a gun were fired there; no face is ever reflected in the waters
of the little creek which Friday swam across when pursued by his
two brother cannibals with sha