the uncommercial traveller-第36节

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Book；'　from　which　much　curious　statistical　information　may　be

gathered　respecting　the　high　prices　and　small　uses　of　soda；　soap；

sand；　firewood；　and　other　such　articles。　　I　have　created　a　legend

in　my　mind　…　and　consequently　I　believe　it　with　the　utmost

pertinacity　…　that　the　late　Mr。　Sweeney　was　a　ticket…porter　under

the　Honourable　Society　of　Gray's　Inn；　and　that；　in　consideration　of

his　long　and　valuable　services；　Mrs。　Sweeney　was　appointed　to　her

present　post。　　For；　though　devoid　of　personal　charms；　I　have

observed　this　lady　to　exercise　a　fascination　over　the　elderly

ticker…porter　mind　（particularly　under　the　gateway；　and　in　corners

and　entries）；　which　I　can　only　refer　to　her　being　one　of　the

fraternity；　yet　not　competing　with　it。　　All　that　need　be　said

concerning　this　set　of　chambers；　is　said；　when　I　have　added　that　it

is　in　a　large　double　house　in　Gray's　Inn…square；　very　much　out　of

repair；　and　that　the　outer　portal　is　ornamented　in　a　hideous　manner

with　certain　stone　remains；　which　have　the　appearance　of　the

dismembered　bust；　torso；　and　limbs　of　a　petrified　bencher。



Indeed；　I　look　upon　Gray's　Inn　generally　as　one　of　the　most

depressing　institutions　in　brick　and　mortar；　known　to　the　children

of　men。　　Can　anything　be　more　dreary　than　its　arid　Square；　Sahara

Desert　of　the　law；　with　the　ugly　old　tiled…topped　tenements；　the

dirty　windows；　the　bills　To　Let；　To　Let；　the　door…posts　inscribed

like　gravestones；　the　crazy　gateway　giving　upon　the　filthy　Lane；

the　scowling；　iron…barred　prison…like　passage　into　Verulam…

buildings；　the　mouldy　red…nosed　ticket…porters　with　little　coffin

plates；　and　why　with　aprons；　the　dry；　hard；　atomy…like　appearance

of　the　whole　dust…heap？　　When　my　uncommercial　travels　tend　to　this

dismal　spot；　my　comfort　is　its　rickety　state。　　Imagination　gloats

over　the　fulness　of　time　when　the　staircases　shall　have　quite

tumbled　down　…　they　are　daily　wearing　into　an　ill…savoured　powder；

but　have　not　quite　tumbled　down　yet　…　when　the　last　old　prolix

bencher　all　of　the　olden　time；　shall　have　been　got　out　of　an　upper

window　by　means　of　a　Fire　Ladder；　and　carried　off　to　the　Holborn

Union；　when　the　last　clerk　shall　have　engrossed　the　last　parchment

behind　the　last　splash　on　the　last　of　the　mud…stained　windows；

which；　all　through　the　miry　year；　are　pilloried　out　of　recognition

in　Gray's　Inn…lane。　　Then；　shall　a　squalid　little　trench；　with　rank

grass　and　a　pump　in　it；　lying　between　the　coffee…house　and　South…

square；　be　wholly　given　up　to　cats　and　rats；　and　not；　as　now；　have

its　empire　divided　between　those　animals　and　a　few　briefless　bipeds

…　surely　called　to　the　Bar　by　voices　of　deceiving　spirits；　seeing

that　they　are　wanted　there　by　no　mortal　…　who　glance　down；　with

eyes　better　glazed　than　their　casements；　from　their　dreary　and

lacklustre　rooms。　　Then　shall　the　way　Nor'　Westward；　now　lying

under　a　short　grim　colonnade　where　in　summer…time　pounce　flies　from

law…stationering　windows　into　the　eyes　of　laymen；　be　choked　with

rubbish　and　happily　become　impassable。　　Then　shall　the　gardens

where　turf；　trees；　and　gravel　wear　a　legal　livery　of　black；　run

rank；　and　pilgrims　go　to　Gorhambury　to　see　Bacon's　effigy　as　he

sat；　and　not　come　here　（which　in　truth　they　seldom　do）　to　see　where

he　walked。　　Then；　in　a　word；　shall　the　old…established　vendor　of

periodicals　sit　alone　in　his　little　crib　of　a　shop　behind　the

Holborn　Gate；　like　that　lumbering　Marius　among　the　ruins　of

Carthage；　who　has　sat　heavy　on　a　thousand　million　of　similes。



At　one　period　of　my　uncommercial　career　I　much　frequented　another

set　of　chambers　in　Gray's　Inn…square。　　They　were　what　is　familiarly

called　'a　top　set；'　and　all　the　eatables　and　drinkables　introduced

into　them　acquired　a　flavour　of　Cockloft。　　I　have　known　an　unopened

Strasbourg　pate　fresh　from　Fortnum　and　Mason's；　to　draw　in　this

cockloft　tone　through　its　crockery　dish；　and　become　penetrated　with

cockloft　to　the　core　of　its　inmost　truffle　in　three…quarters　of　an

hour。　　This；　however；　was　not　the　most　curious　feature　of　those

chambers；　that；　consisted　in　the　profound　conviction　entertained　by

my　esteemed　friend　Parkle　（their　tenant）　that　they　were　clean。

Whether　it　was　an　inborn　hallucination；　or　whether　it　was　imparted

to　him　by　Mrs。　Miggot　the　laundress；　I　never　could　ascertain。　　But；

I　believe　he　would　have　gone　to　the　stake　upon　the　question。　　Now；

they　were　so　dirty　that　I　could　take　off　the　distinctest　impression

of　my　figure　on　any　article　of　furniture　by　merely　lounging　upon　it

for　a　few　moments；　and　it　used　to　be　a　private　amusement　of　mine　to

print　myself　off　…　if　I　may　use　the　expression　…　all　over　the

rooms。　　It　was　the　first　large　circulation　I　had。　　At　other　times　I

have　accidentally　shaken　a　window　curtain　while　in　animated

conversation　with　Parkle；　and　struggling　insects　which　were

certainly　red；　and　were　certainly　not　ladybirds；　have　dropped　on

the　back　of　my　hand。　　Yet　Parkle　lived　in　that　top　set　years；　bound

body　and　soul　to　the　superstition　that　they　were　clean。　　He　used　to

say；　when　congratulated　upon　them；　'Well；　they　are　not　like

chambers　in　one　respect；　you　know；　they　are　clean。'　　Concurrently；

he　had　an　idea　which　he　could　never　explain；　that　Mrs。　Miggot　was

in　some　way　connected　with　the　Church。　　When　he　was　in　particularly

good　spirits；　he　used　to　believe　that　a　deceased　uncle　of　hers　had

been　a　Dean；　when　he　was　poorly　and　low；　he　believed　that　her

brother　had　been　a　Curate。　　I　and　Mrs。　Miggot　（she　was　a　genteel

woman）　were　on　confidential　terms；　but　I　never　knew　her　to　commit

herself　to　any　distinct　assertion　on　the　subject；　she　merely

claimed　a　proprietorship　in　the　Church；　by　looking　when　it　was

mentioned；　as　if　the　reference　awakened　the　slumbering　Past；　and

were　personal。　　It　may　have　been　his　amiable　confidence　in　Mrs。

Miggot's　better　days　that　inspired　my　friend　with　his　delusion

respecting　the　chambers；　but　he　never　wavered　in　his　fidelity　to　it

for　a　moment；　though　he　wallowed　in　dirt　seven　years。



Two　of　the　windows　of　these　chambers　looked　down　into　the　garden；

and　we　have　sat　up　there　together　many　a　summer　evening；　saying　how

pleasant　it　was；　and　talking　of　many　things。　　To　my　intimacy　with

that　top　set；　I　am　indebted　for　three　of　my　liveliest　personal

impressions　of　the　loneliness　of　life　in　chambers。　　They　shall

follow　here；　in　order；　first；　second；　and　third。



First。　　My　Gray's　Inn　friend；　on　a　time；　hurt　one　of　his　legs；　and

it　became　seriously　inflamed。　　Not　knowing　of　his　indisposition；　I

was　on　my　way　to　visit　him　as　usual；　one　summer　evening；　when　I　was

much　surprised　by　meeting　a　lively　leech　in　Field…court；　Gray's

Inn；　seemingly　on　his　way　to　the　West　End　of　London。　　As　the　leech

was　alone；　and　was　of　course　unable　to　explain　his　position；　even

if　he　had　been　inclined　to　do　so　（which　he　had　not　the　appearance

of　being）；　I　passed　him　and　went　on。　　Turning　the　corner　of　Gray's

Inn…square；　I　was　beyond　expression　amazed　by　meeting　another　leech

…　also　entirely　alone；　and　also　proceeding　in　a　westerly　direction；

though　with　less　decision　of　purpose。　　Ruminating　on　this

extraordinary　circumstance；　and　endeavouring　to　remember　whether　I

had　ever　read；　in　the　Philosophical　Transactions　or　any　work　on

Natural　History；　of　a　migration　of　Leeches；　I　ascended　to　the　top

set；　past　the　dreary　series　of　closed　outer　doors　of　offices　and　an

empty　set　or　two；　which　intervened　between　that　lofty　region　and

the　surface。　　Entering　my　friend's　rooms；　I　found　him　stretched

upon　his　back；　like　Prometheus　Bound；　with　a　perfectly　demented

ticket…porter　in　attendance　on　him　instead　of　the　Vulture：　　which

helpless　individual；　who　was　feeble　and　frightened；　and　had　（my

friend　explained　to　me；　in　great　choler）　been　endeavouring　for　some

hours　to　apply　leeches　to　his　leg；　and　as　yet　had　only　got　on　two

out　of　twenty。　　To　this　Unfortunate's　distraction　between　a　damp

cloth　on　which　he　had　placed　the　leeches　to　freshen　them；　and　the

wrathful　adjurations　of　my　friend　to　'Stick　'em　on；　sir！'　I

referred　the　phenomenon　I　had　encountered：　　the　rather　as　two　fine

specimens　were　at　that　moment　going　out　at　the　door；　while　a

general　insurrection　of　the　rest　was　in　progress　on　the　table。

After　a　while　our　united　efforts　prevailed；　and；　when　the　leeches

came　off　and　had　recovered　their　spirits；　we　carefully　tied　them　up

in　a　decanter。　　But　I　never　heard　more　of　them　than　that　they　were

all　gone　next　morning；　and　that　the　Out…of…door　young　man　of

Bickle；　Bush　and　Bodger；　on　the　ground　floor；　had　been　bitten　and

blooded　by　some　creature　not　identified。　　They　never　'took'　on　Mrs。

Miggot；　the　laundress；　but；　I　have　always　preserved　fresh；　the

belief　that　she　unconsciously　carried　several　about　her；　until　they

gradually　found　openings　in　life。



Second。　　On　the　same　staircase　with　my　friend　Parkle；　and　on　the

same　floor；　there　lived　a　man　of　law　who　pursued　his　business

elsewhere；　and　used　th