the wife and other stories-第6节

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〃I　beg　you　to　consider　earnestly　what　I　am　saying。　Listen。　。　。　。　Moved　by　love　for　your　fellow…creatures；　you　have　undertaken　the　organization　of　famine　relief。　I　have　nothing　against　that；　of　course；　I　am　completely　in　sympathy　with　you；　and　am　prepared　to　co…operate　with　you　in　every　way；　whatever　our　relations　may　be。　But；　with　all　my　respect　for　your　mind　and　your　heart　。　。　。　and　your　heart；〃　I　repeated；　〃I　cannot　allow　such　a　difficult；　complex；　and　responsible　matter　as　the　organization　of　relief　to　be　left　in　your　hands　entirely。　You　are　a　woman；　you　are　inexperienced；　you　know　nothing　of　life；　you　are　too　confiding　and　expansive。　You　have　surrounded　yourself　with　assistants　whom　you　know　nothing　about。　I　am　not　exaggerating　if　I　say　that　under　these　conditions　your　work　will　inevitably　lead　to　two　deplorable　consequences。　To　begin　with；　our　district　will　be　left　unrelieved；　and；　secondly；　you　will　have　to　pay　for　your　mistakes　and　those　of　your　assistants；　not　only　with　your　purse；　but　with　your　reputation。　The　money　deficit　and　other　losses　I　could；　no　doubt；　make　good；　but　who　could　restore　you　your　good　name？　When　through　lack　of　proper　supervision　and　oversight　there　is　a　rumour　that　you；　and　consequently　I；　have　made　two　hundred　thousand　over　the　famine　fund；　will　your　assistants　come　to　your　aid？〃

She　said　nothing。

〃Not　from　vanity；　as　you　say；〃　I　went　on；　〃but　simply　that　the　starving　peasants　may　not　be　left　unrelieved　and　your　reputation　may　not　be　injured；　I　feel　it　my　moral　duty　to　take　part　in　your　work。〃

〃Speak　more　briefly；〃　said　my　wife。

〃You　will　be　so　kind；〃　I　went　on；　〃as　to　show　me　what　has　been　subscribed　so　far　and　what　you　have　spent。　Then　inform　me　daily　of　every　fresh　subscription　in　money　or　kind；　and　of　every　fresh　outlay。　You　will　also　give　me；　Natalie；　the　list　of　your　helpers。　Perhaps　they　are　quite　decent　people；　I　don't　doubt　it；　but；　still；　it　is　absolutely　necessary　to　make　inquiries。〃

She　was　silent。　I　got　up；　and　walked　up　and　down　the　room。

〃Let　us　set　to　work；　then；〃　I　said；　and　I　sat　down　to　her　table。

〃Are　you　in　earnest？〃　she　asked；　looking　at　me　in　alarm　and　bewilderment。

〃Natalie；　do　be　reasonable！〃　I　said　appealingly；　seeing　from　her　face　that　she　meant　to　protest。　〃I　beg　you；　trust　my　experience　and　my　sense　of　honour。〃

〃I　don't　understand　what　you　want。〃

〃Show　me　how　much　you　have　collected　and　how　much　you　have　spent。〃

〃I　have　no　secrets。　Any　one　may　see。　Look。〃

On　the　table　lay　five　or　six　school　exercise　books；　several　sheets　of　notepaper　covered　with　writing；　a　map　of　the　district；　and　a　number　of　pieces　of　paper　of　different　sizes。　It　was　getting　dusk。　I　lighted　a　candle。

〃Excuse　me；　I　don't　see　anything　yet；〃　I　said；　turning　over　the　leaves　of　the　exercise　books。　〃Where　is　the　account　of　the　receipt　of　money　subscriptions？〃

〃That　can　be　seen　from　the　subscription　lists。〃

〃Yes；　but　you　must　have　an　account；〃　I　said；　smiling　at　her　naivete。　〃Where　are　the　letters　accompanying　the　subscriptions　in　money　or　in　kind？　_Pardon_；　a　little　practical　advice；　Natalie：　it's　absolutely　necessary　to　keep　those　letters。　You　ought　to　number　each　letter　and　make　a　special　note　of　it　in　a　special　record。　You　ought　to　do　the　same　with　your　own　letters。　But　　I　will　do　all　that　myself。〃

〃Do　so；　do　so　。　。　。〃　she　said。

I　was　very　much　pleased　with　myself。　Attracted　by　this　living　interesting　work；　by　the　little　table；　the　naive　exercise　books　and　the　charm　of　doing　this　work　in　my　wife's　society；　I　was　afraid　that　my　wife　would　suddenly　hinder　me　and　upset　everything　by　some　sudden　whim；　and　so　I　was　in　haste　and　made　an　effort　to　attach　no　consequence　to　the　fact　that　her　lips　were　quivering；　and　that　she　was　looking　about　her　with　a　helpless　and　frightened　air　like　a　wild　creature　in　a　trap。

〃I　tell　you　what；　Natalie；〃　I　said　without　looking　at　her；　〃let　me　take　all　these　papers　and　exercise　books　upstairs　to　my　study。　There　I　will　look　through　them　and　tell　you　what　I　think　about　it　tomorrow。　Have　you　any　more　papers？〃　I　asked；　arranging　the　exercise　books　and　sheets　of　papers　in　piles。

〃Take　them；　take　them　all！〃　said　my　wife；　helping　me　to　arrange　them；　and　big　tears　ran　down　her　cheeks。　〃Take　it　all！　That's　all　that　was　left　me　in　life。　。　。　。　Take　the　last。〃

〃Ach！　Natalie；　Natalie！〃　I　sighed　reproachfully。

She　opened　the　drawer　in　the　table　and　began　flinging　the　papers　out　of　it　on　the　table　at　random；　poking　me　in　the　chest　with　her　elbow　and　brushing　my　face　with　her　hair；　as　she　did　so；　copper　coins　kept　dropping　upon　my　knees　and　on　the　floor。

〃Take　everything！〃　she　said　in　a　husky　voice。

When　she　had　thrown　out　the　papers　she　walked　away　from　me；　and　putting　both　hands　to　her　head；　she　flung　herself　on　the　couch。　I　picked　up　the　money；　put　it　back　in　the　drawer；　and　locked　it　up　that　the　servants　might　not　be　led　into　dishonesty；　then　I　gathered　up　all　the　papers　and　went　off　with　them。　As　I　passed　my　wife　I　stopped。　and；　looking　at　her　back　and　shaking　shoulders；　I　said：

〃What　a　baby　you　are；　Natalie！　Fie；　fie！　Listen；　Natalie：　when　you　realize　how　serious　and　responsible　a　business　it　is　you　will　be　the　first　to　thank　me。　I　assure　you　you　will。〃

In　my　own　room　I　set　to　work　without　haste。　The　exercise　books　were　not　bound；　the　pages　were　not　numbered。　The　entries　were　put　in　all　sorts　of　handwritings；　evidently　any　one　who　liked　had　a　hand　in　managing　the　books。　In　the　record　of　the　subscriptions　in　kind　there　was　no　note　of　their　money　value。　But；　excuse　me；　I　thought；　the　rye　which　is　now　worth　one　rouble　fifteen　kopecks　may　be　worth　two　roubles　fifteen　kopecks　in　two　months'　time！　Was　that　the　way　to　do　things？　Then；　〃Given　to　A。　M。　Sobol　32　roubles。〃　When　was　it　given？　For　what　purpose　was　it　given？　Where　was　the　receipt？　There　was　nothing　to　show；　and　no　making　anything　of　it。　In　case　of　legal　proceedings；　these　papers　would　only　obscure　the　case。

〃How　naive　she　is！〃　I　thought　with　surprise。　〃What　a　child！〃

I　felt　both　vexed　and　amused。

V

My　wife　had　already　collected　eight　thousand；　with　my　five　it　would　be　thirteen　thousand。　For　a　start　that　was　very　good。　The　business　which　had　so　worried　and　interested　me　was　at　last　in　my　hands；　I　was　doing　what　the　others　would　not　and　could　not　do；　I　was　doing　my　duty；　organizing　the　relief　fund　in　a　practical　and　businesslike　way

Everything　seemed　to　be　going　in　accordance　with　my　desires　and　intentions；　but　why　did　my　feeling　of　uneasiness　persist？　I　spent　four　hours　over　my　wife's　papers；　making　out　their　meaning　and　correcting　her　mistakes；　but　instead　of　feeling　soothed；　I　felt　as　though　some　one　were　standing　behind　me　and　rubbing　my　back　with　a　rough　hand。　What　was　it　I　wanted？　The　organization　of　the　relief　fund　had　come　into　trustworthy　hands；　the　hungry　would　be　fed　　what　more　was　wanted？

The　four　hours　of　this　light　work　for　some　reason　exhausted　me；　so　that　I　could　not　sit　bending　over　the　table　nor　write。　From　below　I　heard　from　time　to　time　a　smothered　moan；　it　was　my　wife　sobbing。　Alexey；　invariably　meek；　sleepy；　and　sanctimonious；　kept　coming　up　to　the　table　to　see　to　the　candles；　and　looked　at　me　somewhat　strangely。

〃Yes；　I　must　go　away；〃　I　decided　at　last；　feeling　utterly　exhausted。　〃As　far　as　possible　from　these　agreeable　impressions！　I　will　set　off　tomorrow。〃

I　gathered　together　the　papers　and　exercise　books；　and　went　down　to　my　wife。　As；　feeling　quite　worn　out　and　shattered；　I　held　the　papers　and　the　exercise　books　to　my　breast　with　both　hands；　and　passing　through　my　bedroom　saw　my　trunks；　the　sound　of　weeping　reached　me　through　the　floor。

〃Are　you　a　kammer…junker？〃　a　voice　whispered　in　my　ear。　〃That's　a　very　pleasant　thing。　But　yet　you　are　a　reptile。〃

〃It's　all　nonsense；　nonsense；　nonsense；〃　I　muttered　as　I　went　downstairs。　〃Nonsense　。　。　。　and　it's　nonsense；　too；　that　I　am　actuated　by　vanity　or　a　love　of　display。　。　。　。　What　rubbish！　Am　I　going　to　get　a　decoration　for　working　for　the　peasants　or　be　made　the　director　of　a　department？　Nonsense；　nonsense！　And　who　is　there　to　show　off　to　here　in　the　country？〃

I　was　tired；　frightfully　tired；　and　something　kept　whispering　in　my　ear：　〃Very　pleasant。　But；　still；　you　are　a　reptile。〃　For　some　reason　I　remembered　a　line　out　of　an　old　poem　I　knew　as　a　child：　〃How　pleasant　it　is　to　be　good！〃

My　wife　was　lying　on　the　couch　in　the　same　attitude；　on　her　face　and　with　her　hands　clutching　her　head。　She　was　crying。　A　maid　was　standing　beside　her　with　a　perplexed　and　frightened　face。　I　sent　the　maid　away；　laid　the　papers　on　the　table；　thought　a　moment　and　said：

〃Here　are　all　your　papers；　Natalie。　It's　all　in　order；　it's　all　capital；　and　I　am　very　much　pleased。　I　am　going　away　tomorrow。〃

She　went　on　crying。　I　went　into　the　drawing…room　and　sat　there　in　the　dark。　My　wife's　sobs；　her　sighs；　accused　me　of　something；　and　to　justify　myself　I　remembered　the　whole　of　our　quarrel；　starting　from　my　unhappy　idea　of　inviting　my　wife　to　our　consultation　and　ending　with　the　exercise　books　and　these　tears。　It　was　an　ordinary　attack　of　our　conjugal　hatred；　senseless　and　unseemly；　such　as　had　been　frequent　during　our　married　life；　but　what　had　the　starving　peasants　to　do　with　it？　How　could　it