the wife and other stories-第45节

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〃　'If　you　really　are　in　need　of　money　at　the　moment；　Pavel　Konstantinovitch；　my　wife　and　I　beg　you　not　to　hesitate　to　borrow　from　us。'

〃And　he　would　blush　to　his　ears　with　emotion。　And　it　would　happen　that；　after　whispering　in　the　same　way　at　the　window；　he　would　come　up　to　me；　with　red　ears；　and　say：

〃　'My　wife　and　I　earnestly　beg　you　to　accept　this　present。'

〃And　he　would　give　me　studs；　a　cigar…case；　or　a　lamp；　and　I　would　send　them　game；　butter；　and　flowers　from　the　country。　They　both；　by　the　way；　had　considerable　means　of　their　own。　In　early　days　I　often　borrowed　money；　and　was　not　very　particular　about　it　　borrowed　wherever　I　could　　but　nothing　in　the　world　would　have　induced　me　to　borrow　from　the　Luganovitchs。　But　why　talk　of　it？

〃I　was　unhappy。　At　home；　in　the　fields；　in　the　barn；　I　thought　of　her；　I　tried　to　understand　the　mystery　of　a　beautiful；　intelligent　young　woman's　marrying　some　one　so　uninteresting；　almost　an　old　man　（her　husband　was　over　forty）；　and　having　children　by　him；　to　understand　the　mystery　of　this　uninteresting；　good；　simple…hearted　man；　who　argued　with　such　wearisome　good　sense；　at　balls　and　evening　parties　kept　near　the　more　solid　people；　looking　listless　and　superfluous；　with　a　submissive；　uninterested　expression；　as　though　he　had　been　brought　there　for　sale；　who　yet　believed　in　his　right　to　be　happy；　to　have　children　by　her；　and　I　kept　trying　to　understand　why　she　had　met　him　first　and　not　me；　and　why　such　a　terrible　mistake　in　our　lives　need　have　happened。

〃And　when　I　went　to　the　town　I　saw　every　time　from　her　eyes　that　she　was　expecting　me；　and　she　would　confess　to　me　herself　that　she　had　had　a　peculiar　feeling　all　that　day　and　had　guessed　that　I　should　come。　We　talked　a　long　time；　and　were　silent；　yet　we　did　not　confess　our　love　to　each　other；　but　timidly　and　jealously　concealed　it。　We　were　afraid　of　everything　that　might　reveal　our　secret　to　ourselves。　I　loved　her　tenderly；　deeply；　but　I　reflected　and　kept　asking　myself　what　our　love　could　lead　to　if　we　had　not　the　strength　to　fight　against　it。　It　seemed　to　be　incredible　that　my　gentle；　sad　love　could　all　at　once　coarsely　break　up　the　even　tenor　of　the　life　of　her　husband；　her　children；　and　all　the　household　in　which　I　was　so　loved　and　trusted。　Would　it　be　honourable？　She　would　go　away　with　me；　but　where？　Where　could　I　take　her？　It　would　have　been　a　different　matter　if　I　had　had　a　beautiful；　interesting　life　　if；　for　instance；　I　had　been　struggling　for　the　emancipation　of　my　country；　or　had　been　a　celebrated　man　of　science；　an　artist　or　a　painter；　but　as　it　was　it　would　mean　taking　her　from　one　everyday　humdrum　life　to　another　as　humdrum　or　perhaps　more　so。　And　how　long　would　our　happiness　last？　What　would　happen　to　her　in　case　I　was　ill；　in　case　I　died；　or　if　we　simply　grew　cold　to　one　another？

〃And　she　apparently　reasoned　in　the　same　way。　She　thought　of　her　husband；　her　children；　and　of　her　mother；　who　loved　the　husband　like　a　son。　If　she　abandoned　herself　to　her　feelings　she　would　have　to　lie；　or　else　to　tell　the　truth；　and　in　her　position　either　would　have　been　equally　terrible　and　inconvenient。　And　she　was　tormented　by　the　question　whether　her　love　would　bring　me　happiness　　would　she　not　complicate　my　life；　which；　as　it　was；　was　hard　enough　and　full　of　all　sorts　of　trouble？　She　fancied　she　was　not　young　enough　for　me；　that　she　was　not　industrious　nor　energetic　enough　to　begin　a　new　life；　and　she　often　talked　to　her　husband　of　the　importance　of　my　marrying　a　girl　of　intelligence　and　merit　who　would　be　a　capable　housewife　and　a　help　to　me　　and　she　would　immediately　add　that　it　would　be　difficult　to　find　such　a　girl　in　the　whole　town。


〃Meanwhile　the　years　were　passing。　Anna　Alexyevna　already　had　two　children。　When　I　arrived　at　the　Luganovitchs'　the　servants　smiled　cordially；　the　children　shouted　that　Uncle　Pavel　Konstantinovitch　had　come；　and　hung　on　my　neck；　every　one　was　overjoyed。　They　did　not　understand　what　was　passing　in　my　soul；　and　thought　that　I；　too；　was　happy。　Every　one　looked　on　me　as　a　noble　being。　And　grown…ups　and　children　alike　felt　that　a　noble　being　was　walking　about　their　rooms；　and　that　gave　a　peculiar　charm　to　their　manner　towards　me；　as　though　in　my　presence　their　life；　too；　was　purer　and　more　beautiful。　Anna　Alexyevna　and　I　used　to　go　to　the　theatre　together；　always　walking　there；　we　used　to　sit　side　by　side　in　the　stalls；　our　shoulders　touching。　I　would　take　the　opera…glass　from　her　hands　without　a　word；　and　feel　at　that　minute　that　she　was　near　me；　that　she　was　mine；　that　we　could　not　live　without　each　other；　but　by　some　strange　misunderstanding；　when　we　came　out　of　the　theatre　we　always　said　good…bye　and　parted　as　though　we　were　strangers。　Goodness　knows　what　people　were　saying　about　us　in　the　town　already；　but　there　was　not　a　word　of　truth　in　it　all！

〃In　the　latter　years　Anna　Alexyevna　took　to　going　away　for　frequent　visits　to　her　mother　or　to　her　sister；　she　began　to　suffer　from　low　spirits；　she　began　to　recognize　that　her　life　was　spoilt　and　unsatisfied；　and　at　times　she　did　not　care　to　see　her　husband　nor　her　children。　She　was　already　being　treated　for　neurasthenia。

〃We　were　silent　and　still　silent；　and　in　the　presence　of　outsiders　she　displayed　a　strange　irritation　in　regard　to　me；　whatever　I　talked　about；　she　disagreed　with　me；　and　if　I　had　an　argument　she　sided　with　my　opponent。　If　I　dropped　anything；　she　would　say　coldly：

〃　'I　congratulate　you。'

〃If　I　forgot　to　take　the　opera…glass　when　we　were　going　to　the　theatre；　she　would　say　afterwards：

〃　'I　knew　you　would　forget　it。'

〃Luckily　or　unluckily；　there　is　nothing　in　our　lives　that　does　not　end　sooner　or　later。　The　time　of　parting　came；　as　Luganovitch　was　appointed　president　in　one　of　the　western　provinces。　They　had　to　sell　their　furniture；　their　horses；　their　summer　villa。　When　they　drove　out　to　the　villa；　and　afterwards　looked　back　as　they　were　going　away；　to　look　for　the　last　time　at　the　garden；　at　the　green　roof；　every　one　was　sad；　and　I　realized　that　I　had　to　say　goodbye　not　only　to　the　villa。　It　was　arranged　that　at　the　end　of　August　we　should　see　Anna　Alexyevna　off　to　the　Crimea；　where　the　doctors　were　sending　her；　and　that　a　little　later　Luganovitch　and　the　children　would　set　off　for　the　western　province。

〃We　were　a　great　crowd　to　see　Anna　Alexye　vna　off。　When　she　had　said　good…bye　to　her　husband　and　her　children　and　there　was　only　a　minute　left　before　the　third　bell；　I　ran　into　her　compartment　to　put　a　basket；　which　she　had　almost　forgotten；　on　the　rack；　and　I　had　to　say　good…bye。　When　our　eyes　met　in　the　compartment　our　spiritual　fortitude　deserted　us　both；　I　took　her　in　my　arms；　she　pressed　her　face　to　my　breast；　and　tears　flowed　from　her　eyes。　Kissing　her　face；　her　shoulders；　her　hands　wet　with　tears　　oh；　how　unhappy　we　were！　　I　confessed　my　love　for　her；　and　with　a　burning　pain　in　my　heart　I　realized　how　unnecessary；　how　petty；　and　how　deceptive　all　that　had　hindered　us　from　loving　was。　I　understood　that　when　you　love　you　must　either；　in　your　reasonings　about　that　love；　start　from　what　is　highest；　from　what　is　more　important　than　happiness　or　unhappiness；　sin　or　virtue　in　their　accepted　meaning；　or　you　must　not　reason　at　all。

〃I　kissed　her　for　the　last　time；　pressed　her　hand；　and　parted　for　ever。　The　train　had　already　started。　I　went　into　the　next　compartment　　it　was　empty　　and　until　I　reached　the　next　station　I　sat　there　crying。　Then　I　walked　home　to　Sofino。　。　。　。〃

While　Alehin　was　telling　his　story；　the　rain　left　off　and　the　sun　came　out。　Burkin　and　Ivan　Ivanovitch　went　out　on　the　balcony；　from　which　there　was　a　beautiful　view　over　the　garden　and　the　mill…pond；　which　was　shining　now　in　the　sunshine　like　a　mirror。　They　admired　it；　and　at　the　same　time　they　were　sorry　that　this　man　with　the　kind；　clever　eyes；　who　had　told　them　this　story　with　such　genuine　feeling；　should　be　rushing　round　and　round　this　huge　estate　like　a　squirrel　on　a　wheel　instead　of　devoting　himself　to　science　or　something　else　which　would　have　made　his　life　more　pleasant；　and　they　thought　what　a　sorrowful　face　Anna　Alexyevna　must　have　had　when　he　said　good…bye　to　her　in　the　railway…carriage　and　kissed　her　face　and　shoulders。　Both　of　them　had　met　her　in　the　town；　and　Burkin　knew　her　and　thought　her　beautiful。


THE　LOTTERY　TICKET

IVAN　DMITRITCH；　a　middle…class　man　who　lived　with　his　family　on　an　income　of　twelve　hundred　a　year　and　was　very　well　satisfied　with　his　lot；　sat　down　on　the　sofa　after　supper　and　began　reading　the　newspaper。

〃I　forgot　to　look　at　the　newspaper　today；〃　his　wife　said　to　him　as　she　cleared　the　table。　〃Look　and　see　whether　the　list　of　drawings　is　there。〃

〃Yes；　it　is；〃　said　Ivan　Dmitritch；　〃but　hasn't　your　ticket　lapsed？〃

〃No；　I　took　the　interest　on　Tuesday。〃

〃What　is　the　number？〃

〃Series　9；499；　number　26。〃

〃All　right　。　。　。　we　will　look　。　。　。　9；499　and　26。〃

Ivan　Dmitritch　had　no　faith　in　lottery　luck；　and　would　not；　as　a　rule；　have　consented　to　look　at　the　lists　of　winning　numbers；　but　now；　as　he　had　nothing　else　to　do　and　as　the　newspaper　was　before　his　eyes；　he　passed　his　finger　downwards　along　the　column　of　numbers。　And　immediately；　as　though　in　mockery　of　his　scepticism；　no　further　than　th