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A LONELY RIDE





As I stepped into the Slumgullion stage I saw that it was a dark

night; a lonely road; and that I was the only passenger。  Let me

assure the reader that I have no ulterior design in making this

assertion。  A long course of light reading has forewarned me what

every experienced intelligence must confidently look for from such

a statement。  The storyteller who willfully tempts Fate by such

obvious beginnings; who is to the expectant reader in danger of

being robbed or half…murdered; or frightened by an escaped lunatic;

or introduced to his ladylove for the first time; deserves to be

detected。  I am relieved to say that none of these things occurred

to me。  The road from Wingdam to Slumgullion knew no other banditti

than the regularly licensed hotelkeepers; lunatics had not yet

reached such depth of imbecility as to ride of their own free will

in California stages; and my Laura; amiable and long…suffering as

she always is; could not; I fear; have borne up against these

depressing circumstances long enough to have made the slightest

impression on me。



I stood with my shawl and carpetbag in hand; gazing doubtingly on

the vehicle。  Even in the darkness the red dust of Wingdam was

visible on its roof and sides; and the red slime of Slumgullion

clung tenaciously to its wheels。  I opened the door; the stage

creaked easily; and in the gloomy abyss the swaying straps beckoned

me; like ghostly hands; to come in now and have my sufferings out

at once。



I must not omit to mention the occurrence of a circumstance which

struck me as appalling and mysterious。  A lounger on the steps of

the hotel; who I had reason to suppose was not in any way connected

with the stage company; gravely descended; and walking toward the

conveyance; tried the handle of the door; opened it; expectorated

in the carriage; and returned to the hotel with a serious demeanor。

Hardly had he resumed his position when another individual; equally

disinterested; impassively walked down the steps; proceeded to the

back of the stage; lifted it; expectorated carefully on the axle;

and returned slowly and pensively to the hotel。  A third spectator

wearily disengaged himself from one of the Ionic columns of the

portico and walked to the box; remained for a moment in serious and

expectorative contemplation of the boot; and then returned to his

column。  There was something so weird in this baptism that I grew

quite nervous。



Perhaps I was out of spirits。  A number of infinitesimal

annoyances; winding up with the resolute persistency of the clerk

at the stage office to enter my name misspelt on the waybill; had

not predisposed me to cheerfulness。  The inmates of the Eureka

House; from a social viewpoint; were not attractive。  There was the

prevailing opinionso common to many honest peoplethat a serious

style of deportment and conduct toward a stranger indicates high

gentility and elevated station。  Obeying this principle; all

hilarity ceased on my entrance to supper; and general remark merged

into the safer and uncompromising chronicle of several bad cases of

diphtheria; then epidemic at Wingdam。  When I left the dining…room;

with an odd feeling that I had been supping exclusively on mustard

and tea leaves; I stopped a moment at the parlor door。  A piano;

harmoniously related to the dinner bell; tinkled responsive to a

diffident and uncertain touch。  On the white wall the shadow of an

old and sharp profile was bending over several symmetrical and

shadowy curls。  〃I sez to Mariar; Mariar; sez I; 'Praise to the

face is open disgrace。'〃  I heard no more。  Dreading some

susceptibility to sincere expression on the subject of female

loveliness; I walked away; checking the compliment that otherwise

might have risen unbidden to my lips; and have brought shame and

sorrow to the household。



It was with the memory of these experiences resting heavily upon me

that I stood hesitatingly before the stage door。  The driver; about

to mount; was for a moment illuminated by the open door of the

hotel。  He had the wearied look which was the distinguishing

expression of Wingdam。  Satisfied that I was properly waybilled and

receipted for; he took no further notice of me。  I looked longingly

at the box seat; but he did not respond to the appeal。  I flung my

carpetbag into the chasm; dived recklessly after it; andbefore I

was fairly seatedwith a great sigh; a creaking of unwilling

springs; complaining bolts; and harshly expostulating axle; we

moved away。  Rather the hotel door slipped behind; the sound of the

piano sank to rest; and the night and its shadows moved solemnly

upon us。



To say it was dark expressed but faintly the pitchy obscurity that

encompassed the vehicle。  The roadside trees were scarcely

distinguishable as deeper masses of shadow; I knew them only by the

peculiar sodden odor that from time to time sluggishly flowed in at

the open window as we rolled by。  We proceeded slowly; so leisurely

that; leaning from the carriage; I more than once detected the

fragrant sigh of some astonished cow; whose ruminating repose upon

the highway we had ruthlessly disturbed。  But in the darkness our

progress; more the guidance of some mysterious instinct than any

apparent volition of our own; gave an indefinable charm of security

to our journey that a moment's hesitation or indecision on the part

of the driver would have destroyed。



I had indulged a hope that in the empty vehicle I might obtain that

rest so often denied me in its crowded condition。  It was a weak

delusion。  When I stretched out my limbs it was only to find that

the ordinary conveniences for making several people distinctly

uncomfortable were distributed throughout my individual frame。  At

last; resting my arms on the straps; by dint of much gymnastic

effort I became sufficiently composed to be aware of a more refined

species of torture。  The springs of the stage; rising and falling

regularly; produced a rhythmical beat which began to absorb my

attention painfully。  Slowly this thumping merged into a senseless

echo of the mysterious female of the hotel parlor; and shaped

itself into this awful and benumbing axiom〃Praise…to…the…face…is…

open…disgrace。  Praise…to…the…face…is…open…disgrace。〃  Inequalities

of the road only quickened its utterance or drawled it to an

exasperating length。



It was of no use to consider the statement seriously。  It was of no

use to except to it indignantly。  It was of no use to recall the

many instances where praise to the face had redounded to the

everlasting honor of praiser and bepraised; of no use to dwell

sentimentally on modest genius and courage lifted up and

strengthened by open commendation; of no use to except to the

mysterious female; to picture her as rearing a thin…blooded

generation on selfish and mechanically repeated axiomsall this

failed to counteract the monotonous repetition of this sentence。

There was nothing to do but to give inand I was about to accept

it weakly; as we too often treat other illusions of darkness and

necessity; for the time being; when I became aware of some other

annoyance that had been forcing itself upon me for the last few

moments。  How quiet the driver was!



Was there any driver?  Had I any reason to suppose that he was not

lying gagged and bound on the roadside; and the highwayman with

blackened face who did the thing so quietly driving mewhither?

The thing is perfectly feasible。  And what is this fancy now being

jolted out of me?  A story?  It's of no use to keep it back

particularly in this abysmal vehicle; and here it comes: I am a

Marquisa French Marquis; French; because the peerage is not so

well known; and the country is better adapted to romantic incident

a Marquis; because the democratic reader delights in the nobility。

My name is something LIGNY。  I am coming from Paris to my country

seat at St。 Germain。  It is a dark night; and I fall asleep and

tell my honest coachman; Andre; not to disturb me; and dream of an

angel。  The carriage at last stops at the chateau。  It is so dark

that when I alight I do not recognize the face of the footman who

holds the carriage door。  But what of that?PESTE!  I am heavy

with sleep。  The same obscurity also hides the old familiar

indecencies of the statues on the terrace; but there is a door; and

it opens and shuts behind me smartly。  Then I find myself in a

trap; in the presence of the brigand who has quietly gagged poor

Andre and conducted the carriage thither。  There is nothing for me

to do; as a gallant French Marquis; but to say; 〃PARBLEU!〃 draw my

rapier; and die valorously!  I am found a week or two after outside

a deserted cabaret near the barrier; with a hole through my ruffled

linen and my pockets stripped。  No; on second thoughts; I am

rescuedrescued by the angel I have been dreaming of; who is the

assumed daughter of the brigand but the real daughter of an

intima

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