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time　devoid　of　the　tact　to　conceal　her　admiration。　Consequently

she　flatters　his　vanitynot　out　of　pretence；　but　sincerely。〃



This　dictum　I　laid　to　heart；　and；　when　thinking　it　over

afterwards；　could　not　but　come　to　the　conclusion　that　Varenika

was　very　sensible；　wherefore　I　was　glad　to　award　her　promotion

thenceforth　in　my　regard。　Yet；　though　I　was　always　glad　enough　to

assign　her　any　credit　which　might　arise　from　my　discovering　in

her　character　any　signs　of　good　sense　or　other　moral　qualities；　I

did　so　with　strict　moderation；　and　never　ran　to　any　extreme　pitch

of　enthusiasm　in　the　process。　Thus；　when　Sophia　Ivanovna　（who　was

never　weary　of　discussing　her　niece）　related　to　me　how；　four

years　ago；　Varenika　had　suddenly　given　away　all　her　clothes　to

some　peasant　children　without　first　asking　permission　to　do　so；

so　that　the　garments　had　subsequently　to　be　recovered；　I　did　not

at　once　accept　the　fact　as　entitling　Varenika　to　elevation　in　my

opinion；　but　went　on　giving　her　good　advice　about　the

unpracticalness　of　such　views　on　property。



When　other　guests　were　present　at　the　Nechludoffs　（among　them；

sometimes；　Woloda　and　Dubkoff）　I　used　to　withdraw　myself　to　a

remote　plane；　and；　with　the　complacency　and　quiet　consciousness

of　strength　of　an　habitue　of　the　house；　listen　to　what　others

were　saying　without　putting　in　a　remark　myself。　Yet　everything

that　these　others　said　seemed　to　me　so　immeasurably　stupid　that　I

used　to　feel　inwardly　amazed　that　such　a　clever；　logical　woman　as

the　Princess；　with　her　equally　logical　family；　could　listen　to

and　answer　such　rubbish。　Had　it；　however；　entered　into　my　head　to

compare　what；　others　said　with　what　I　myself　said　when　there

alone；　I　should　probably　have　ceased　to　feel　surprise。　Still　less

should　I　have　continued　to　feel　surprise　had　I　not　believed　that

the　women　of　our　own　householdAvdotia；　Lubotshka；　and　Katenka

were　superior　to　the　rest　of　their　sex；　for　in　that　case　I　should

have　remembered　the　kind　of　things　over　which　Avdotia　and　Katenka

would　laugh　and　jest　with　Dubkoff　from　one　end　of　an　evening　to

the　other。　I　should　have　remembered　that　seldom　did　an　evening

pass　but　Dubkoff　would　first　have；　an　argument　about　something；

and　then　read　in　a　sententious　voice　either　some　verses　beginning

〃Au　banquet　de　la　vie；　infortune　convive〃　or　extracts　from　The

Demon。　In　short；　I　should　have　remembered　what　nonsense　they　used

to　chatter　for　hours　at　a　time。



It　need　hardly　be　said　that；　when　guests　were　present；　Varenika

paid　less　attention　to　me　than　when　we　were　alone；　as　well　as

that　I　was　deprived　of　the　reading　and　music　which　I　so　greatly

loved　to　hear。　When　talking　to　guests；　she　lost；　in　my　eyes；　her

principal　charmthat　of　quiet　seriousness　and　simplicity。　I

remember　how　strange　it　used　to　seem　to　me　to　hear　her

discoursing　on　theatres　and　the　weather　to　my　brother　Woloda！　I

knew　that　of　all　things　in　the　world　he　most　despised　and　shunned

banality；　and　that　Varenika　herself　used　to　make　fun　of　forced

conversations　on　the　weather　and　similar　matters。　Why；　then；　when

meeting　in　society；　did　they　both　of　them　talk　such　intolerable

nothings；　and；　as　it　were；　shame　one　another？　After　talks　of　this

kind　I　used　to　feel　silently　resentful　against　Woloda；　as　well　as

next　day　to　rally　Varenika　on　her　overnight　guests。　Yet　one

result　of　it　was　that　I　derived　all　the　greater　pleasure　from

being　one　of　the　Nechludoffs'　family　circle。　Also；　for　some

reason　or　another　I　began　to　prefer　meeting　Dimitri　in　his

mother's　drawing…room　to　being　with　him　alone。



XLI



MY　FRIENDSHIP　WITH　THE　NECHLUDOFFS



At　this　period；　indeed；　my　friendship　with　Dimitri　hung　by　a

hair。　I　had　been　criticising　him　too　long　not　to　have　discovered

faults　in　his　character；　for　it　is　only　in　first　youth　that　we

love　passionately　and　therefore　love　only　perfect　people。　As　soon

as　the　mists　engendered　by　love　of　this　kind　begin　to　dissolve；

and　to　be　penetrated　by　the　clear　beams　of　reason；　we　see　the

object　of　our　adoration　in　his　true　shape；　and　with　all　his

virtues　and　failings　exposed。　Some　of　those　failings　strike　us

with　the　exaggerated　force　of　the　unexpected；　and　combine　with

the　instinct　for　novelty　and　the　hope　that　perfection　may　yet　be

found　in　a　fellow…man　to　induce　us　not　only　to　feel　coldness；　but

even　aversion；　towards　the　late　object　of　our　adoration。

Consequently；　desiring　it　no　longer；　we　usually　cast　it　from　us；

and　pass　onwards　to　seek　fresh　perfection。　For　the　circumstance

that　that　was　not　what　occurred　with　respect　to　my　own　relation

to　Dimitri；　I　was　indebted　to　his　stubborn；　punctilious；　and　more

critical　than　impulsive　attachment　to　myselfa　tie　which　I　felt

ashamed　to　break。　Moreover；　our　strange　vow　of　frankness　bound　us

together。　We　were　afraid　that；　if　we　parted；　we　should　leave　in

one　another's　power　all　the　incriminatory　moral　secrets　of　which

we　had　made　mutual　confession。　At　the　same　time；　our　rule　of

frankness　had　long　ceased　to　be　faithfully　observed；　but；　on　the

contrary；　proved　a　frequent　cause　of　constraint；　and　brought

about　strange　relations　between　us。



Almost　every　time　that　winter　that　I　went　upstairs　to　Dimitri's

room；　I　used　to　find　there　a　University　friend　of　his　named

Bezobiedoff；　with　whom　he　appeared　to　be　very　much　taken　up。

Bezobiedoff　was　a　small；　slight　fellow；　with　a　face　pitted　over

with　smallpox；　freckled；　effeminate　hands；　and　a　huge　flaxen

moustache　much　in　need　of　the　comb。　He　was　invariably　dirty；

shabby；　uncouth；　and　uninteresting。　To　me；　Dimitri's　relations

with　him　were　as　unintelligible　as　his　relations　with　Lubov

Sergievna；　and　the　only　reason　he　could　have　had　for　choosing

such　a　man　for　his　associate　was　that　in　the　whole　University

there　was　no　worse…looking　student　than　Bezobiedoff。　Yet　that

alone　would　have　been　sufficient　to　make　Dimitri　extend　him　his

friendship；　and；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　in　all　his　intercourse　with

this　fellow　he　seemed　to　be　saying　proudly：　〃I　care　nothing　who　a

man　may　be。　In　my　eyes　every　one　is　equal。　I　like　him；　and

therefore　he　is　a　desirable　acquaintance。〃　Nevertheless　I　could

not　imagine　how　he　could　bring　himself　to　do　it；　nor　how　the

wretched　Bezobiedoff　ever　contrived　to　maintain　his　awkward

position。　To　me　the　friendship　seemed　a　most　distasteful　one。



One　night；　I　went　up　to　Dimitri's　room　to　try　and　get　him　to　come

down　for　an　evening's　talk　in　his　mother's　drawing…room；　where　we

could　also　listen　to　Varenika's　reading　and　singing；　but

Bezobiedoff　had　forestalled　me　there；　and　Dimitri　answered　me

curtly　that　he　could　not　come　down；　since；　as　I　could　see　for

myself；　he　had　a　visitor　with　him。



〃Besides；〃　he　added；　〃what　is　the　fun　of　sitting　there？　We　had

much　better　stay　HERE　and　talk。〃



I　scarcely　relished　the　prospect　of　spending　a　couple　of　hours　in

Bezobiedoff's　company；　yet　could　not　make　up　my　mind　to　go　down

alone；　wherefore；　cursing　my　friend's　vagaries；　I　seated　myself

in　a　rocking…chair；　and　began　rocking　myself　silently　to　and　fro。

I　felt　vexed　with　them　both　for　depriving　me　of　the　pleasures　of

the　drawing…room；　and　my　only　hope　as　I　listened　irritably　to

their　conversation　was　that　Bezobiedoff　would　soon　take　his

departure。　〃A　nice　guest　indeed　to　be　sitting　with！〃　I　thought　to

myself　when　a　footman　brought　in　tea　and　Dimitri　had　five　times

to　beg　Bezobiedoff　to　have　a　cup；　for　the　reason　that　the　bashful

guest　thought　it　incumbent　upon　him　always　to　refuse　it　at　first

and　to　say；　〃No；　help　yourself。〃　I　could　see　that　Dimitri　had　to

put　some　restraint　upon　himself　as　he　resumed　the　conversation。

He　tried　to　inveigle　me　also　into　it；　but　I　remained　glum　and

silent。



〃I　do　not　mean　to　let　my　face　give　any　one　the　suspicion　that　I

am　bored〃　was　my　mental　remark　to　Dimitri　as　I　sat　quietly

rocking　myself　to　and　fro　with　measured　beat。　Yet；　as　the　moments

passed；　I　found　myselfnot　without　a　certain　satisfaction

growing　more　and　more　inwardly　hostile　to　my　friend。　〃What　a　fool

he　is！〃　I　reflected。　〃He　might　be　spending　the　evening　agreeably

with　his　charming　family；　yet　he　goes　on　sitting　with　this

brute！will　go　on　doing　so；　too；　until　it　is　too　late　to　go　down

to　the　drawing…room！〃　Here　I　glanced　at　him　over　the　back　of　my

chair；　and　thought　the　general　look　of　his　attitude　and

appearance　so　offensive　and　repellant　that　at　the　moment　I　could

gladly　have　offered　him　some　insult；　even　a　most　serious　one。



At　last　Bezobiedoff　rose；　but　Dimitri　could　not　easily　let　such　a

delightful　friend　depart；　and　asked　him　to　stay　the　night。

Fortunately；　Bezobiedoff　declined　the　invitation；　and　departed。

Having　seen　him　off；　Dimitri　returned；　and；　smiling　a　faintly

complacent　smile　as　he　did　so；　and　rubbing　his　hands　together　（in

all　probability　partly　because　he　had　sustained　his　character　for

eccentricity；　and　partly　because　he　had　got　rid　of　a　bore）；

started　to　pace　the　room；　with　an　occa