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第30节

youth-第30节

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car under the coverlet; the fall of an apple as it caught against

a branch and rustled among the dry leaves; the leapings of frogs

as they approached almost to the verandah…steps arid sat with the

moon shining mysteriously on their green backsall these things

took on for me a strange significancea significance of

exceeding beauty and of infinite love。 Before me would rise SHE;

with long black tresses and a high bust; but always mournful in

her fairness; with bare hands and voluptuous arms。 She loved me;

and for one moment of her love I would sacrifice my whole life!

But the moon would go on rising higher and higher; and shining

brighter and brighter; in the heavens; the rich sparkle of the

pond would swell like a sound; and become ever more and more

brilliant; while the shadows would grow blacker and blacker; and

the sheen of the moon more and more transparent: until; as I

looked at and listened to all this; something would say to me

that SHE with the bare hands and voluptuous arms did not

represent ALL happiness; that love for her did not represent ALL

good; so that; the more I gazed at the full; high…riding moon;

the higher would true beauty and goodness appear to me to lie;

and the purer and purer they would seemthe nearer and nearer to

Him who is the source of all beauty and all goodness。 And tears

of a sort of unsatisfied; yet tumultuous; joy would fill my eyes。



Always; too; I was alone; yet always; too; it seemed to me that;

although great; mysterious Nature could draw the shining disc of

the moon to herself; and somehow hold in some high; indefinite

place the pale…blue sky; and be everywhere around me; and fill of

herself the infinity of space; while I was but a lowly worm;

already defiled with the poor; petty passions of humanityalways

it seemed to me that; nevertheless; both Nature and the moon and

I were one。



XXXIII



OUR NEIGHBOURS



ON the first day after our arrival; I had been greatly astonished

that Papa should speak of our neighbours; the Epifanovs; as 〃nice

people;〃 and still more so that he should go to call upon them。

The fact was that we had long been at law over some land with

this family。 When a child; I had more than once heard Papa raging

over the litigation; abusing the Epifanovs; and warning people

(so I understood him) against them。 Likewise; I had heard Jakoff

speak of them as 〃our enemies〃 and 〃black people〃 and could

remember Mamma requesting that their names should never be

mentioned in her presence; nor; indeed; in the house at all。



From these data I; as a child; had arrived at the clear and assured

conviction that the Epifanovs were foemen of ours who would at

any time stab or strangle both Papa and his sons if they should

ever come across them; as well as that they were 〃black people〃;

in the literal sense of the term。 Consequently; when; in the year

that Mamma died; I chanced to catch sight of Avdotia (〃La Belle

Flamande〃) on the occasion of a visit which she paid to my

mother; I found it hard to believe that she did not come of a

family of negroes。 All the same; I had the lowest possible

opinion of the family; and; for all that we saw much of them that

summer; continued to be strongly prejudiced against them。 As a

matter of fact; their household only consisted of the mother (a

widow of fifty; but a very well…preserved; cheery old woman); a

beautiful daughter named Avdotia; and a son; Peter; who was a

stammerer; unmarried; and of very serious disposition。



For the last twenty years before her husband's death; Madame

Epifanov had lived apart from himsometimes in St。 Petersburg;

where she had relatives; but more frequently at her village of

Mitishtchi; which stood some three versts from ours。 Yet the

neighbourhood had taken to circulating such horrible tales

concerning her mode of life that Messalina was; by comparison; a

blameless child: which was why my mother had requested her name

never to be mentioned。 As a matter of fact; not one…tenth part of

the most cruel of all gossipthe gossip of country…housesis

worthy of credence; and although; when I first made Madame's

acquaintance; she had living with her in the house a clerk named

Mitusha; who had been promoted from a serf; and who; curled;

pomaded; and dressed in a frockcoat of Circassian pattern; always

stood behind his mistress's chair at luncheon; while from time to

time she invited her guests to admire his handsome eyes and

mouth; there was nothing for gossip to take hold of。 I believe;

too; that since the timeten years earlierwhen she had recalled

her dutiful son Peter from the service; she had wholly changed

her mode of living。 It seems her property had never been a large

onemerely a hundred souls or so'This refers; of course; to the

days of serfdom。'and that during her previous life of gaiety she

had spent a great deal。 Consequently; when; some ten years ago;

those portions of the property which had been mortgaged and re…

mortgaged had been foreclosed upon and compulsorily sold by

auction; she had come to the conclusion that all these unpleasant

details of distress upon and valuation of her property had been

due not so much to failure to pay the interest as to the fact

that she was a woman: wherefore she had written to her son (then

serving with his regiment) to come and save his mother from her

embarrassments; and he; like a dutiful sonconceiving that his

first duty was to comfort his mother in her old agehad

straightway resigned his commission (for all that he had been

doing well in his profession; and was hoping soon to become

independent); and had come to join her in the country。



Despite his plain face; uncouth demeanour; and fault of

stuttering; Peter was a man of unswerving principles and of the

most extraordinary good sense。 Somehowby small borrowings;

sundry strokes of business; petitions for grace; and promises to

repayhe contrived to carry on the property; and; making himself

overseer; donned his father's greatcoat (still preserved in a

drawer); dispensed with horses and carriages; discouraged guests

from calling at Mitishtchi; fashioned his own sleighs; increased

his arable land and curtailed that of the serfs; felled his own

timber; sold his produce in person; and saw to matters generally。

Indeed; he swore; and kept his oath; that; until all outstanding

debts were paid; he would never wear any clothes than his

father's greatcoat and a corduroy jacket which he had made for

himself; nor yet ride in aught but a country waggon; drawn by

peasants' horses。 This stoical mode of life he sought to apply

also to his family; so far as the sympathetic respect which he

conceived to be his mother's due would allow of; so that;

although; in the drawing…room; he would show her only stuttering

servility; and fulfil all her wishes; and blame any one who did

not do precisely as she bid them; in his study or his office he

would overhaul the cook if she had served up so much as a duck

without his orders; or any one responsible for sending a serf

(even though at Madame's own bidding) to inquire after a

neighbour's health or for despatching the peasant girls into the

wood to gather wild raspberries instead of setting them to weed

the kitchen…garden。



Within four years every debt had been repaid; and Peter had gone

to Moscow and returned thence in a new jacket and tarantass。 'A

two…wheeled carriage。' Yet; despite this flourishing position of

affairs; he still preserved the stoical tendencies in which; to

tell the truth; he took a certain vague pride before his family

and strangers; since he would frequently say with a stutter: 〃Any

one who REALLY wishes to see me will be glad to see me even in my

dressing…gown; and to eat nothing but shtchi 'Cabbage…soup。' and

kasha 'Buckwheat gruel。' at my table。〃 〃That is what I eat

myself;〃 he would add。 In his every word and movement spoke pride

based upon a consciousness of having sacrificed himself for his

mother and redeemed the property; as well as contempt for any one

who had not done something of the same kind。



The mother and daughter were altogether different characters from

Peter; as well as altogether different from one another。 The

former was one of the most agreeable; uniformly good…tempered;

and cheerful women whom one could possibly meet。 Anything

attractive and genuinely happy delighted her。 Even the faculty of

being pleased with the sight of young people enjoying themselves

(it is only in the best…natured of elderly folk that one meets

with that TRAIT) she possessed to the full。 On the other hand;

her daughter was of a grave turn of mind。 Rather; she was of that

peculiarly careless; absent…minded; gratuitously distant bearing

which commonly distinguishes unmarried beauties。 Whenever she

tried to be gay; her gaiety somehow seemed to be unnatural to

her; so that she always appeared to be laughing either at herself

or at the persons to whom she was speaking or 

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