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first　and　foremost；　in　proficiency　in　French；　especially

conversational　French。　A　person　who　spoke　that　language　badly　at

once　aroused　in　me　a　feeling　of　dislike。　〃Why　do　you　try　to　talk

as　we　do　when　you　haven't　a　notion　how　to　do　it？〃　I　would　seem　to

ask　him　with　my　most　venomous　and　quizzing　smile。　The　second

condition　of　〃comme　il　faut〃…ness　was　long　nails　that　were　well

kept　and　clean；　the　third；　ability　to　bow；　dance；　and　converse；

the　fourthand　a　very　important　oneindifference　to　everything；

and　a　constant　air　of　refined；　supercilious　ennui。　Moreover；

there　were　certain　general　signs　which；　I　considered；　enabled　me

to　tell；　without　actually　speaking　to　a　man；　the　class　to　which

he　belonged。　Chief　among　these　signs　（the　others　being　the

fittings　of　his　rooms；　his　gloves；　his　handwriting；　his　turn…out；

and　so　forth）　were　his　feet。　The　relation　of　boots　to　trousers

was　sufficient　to　determine；　in　my　eyes；　the　social　status　of　a

man。　Heelless　boots　with　angular　toes；　wedded　to　narrow；

unstrapped　trouser…endsthese　denoted　the　vulgarian。　Boots　with

narrow；　round　toes　and　heels；　accompanied　either　by　tight

trousers　strapped　under　the　instep　and　fitting　close　to　the　leg

or　by　wide　trousers　similarly　strapped；　but　projecting　in　a　peak

over　the　toethese　meant　the　man　of　mauvais　genre；　and　so　on；　and

so　on。



It　was　a　curious　thing　that　I　who　lacked　all　ability　to　become

〃comme　il　faut；〃　should　have　assimilated　the　idea　so　completely

as　I　did。　Possibly　it　was　the　fact　that　it　had　cost　me　such

enormous　labour　to　acquire　that　brought　about　its　strenuous

development　in　my　mind。　I　hardly　like　to　think　how　much　of　the

best　and　most　valuable　time　of　my　first　sixteen　years　of

existence　I　wasted　upon　its　acquisition。　Yet　every　one　whom　I

imitatedWoloda；　Dubkoff；　and　the　majority　of　my　acquaintances

seemed　to　acquire　it　easily。　I　watched　them　with　envy；　and

silently　toiled　to　become　proficient　in　French；　to　bow　gracefully

and　without　looking　at　the　person　whom　I　was　saluting；　to　gain

dexterity　in　small…talk　and　dancing；　to　cultivate　indifference

and　ennui；　and　to　keep　my　fingernails　well　trimmed　（though　I

frequently　cut　my　finger…ends　with　the　scissors　in　so　doing）。　And

all　the　time　I　felt　that　so　much　remained　to　be　done　if　I　was

ever　to　attain　my　end！　A　room；　a　writing…table；　an　equipage　I

still　found　it　impossible　to　arrange　〃comme　il　faut；〃　however

much　I　fought　down　my　aversion　to　practical　matters　in　my　desire

to　become　proficient。　Yet　everything　seemed　to　arrange　itself

properly　with　other　people；　just　as　though　things　could　never

have　been　otherwise！　Once　I　remember　asking　Dubkoff；　after　much

zealous　and　careful　labouring　at　my　finger…nails　（his　own　were

extraordinarily　good）；　whether　his　nails　had　always　been　as　now；

or　whether　he　had　done　anything　to　make　them　so：　to　which　he

replied　that　never　within　his　recollection　had　he　done　anything

to　them；　and　that　he　could　not　imagine　a　gentleman's　nails

possibly　being　different。　This　answer　incensed　me　greatly；　for　I

had　not　yet　learnt　that　one　of　the　chief　conditions　of　〃comme　il

faut〃…ness　was　to　hold　one's　tongue　about　the　labour　by　which　it

had　been　acquired。　〃Comme　il　faut〃…ness　I　looked　upon　as　not　only

a　great　merit；　a　splendid　accomplishment；　an　embodiment　of　all

the　perfection　which　must　strive　to　attain；　but　as　the　one

indispensable　condition　without　which　there　could　never　be

happiness；　nor　glory；　nor　any　good　whatsoever　in　this　world。　Even

the　greatest　artist　or　savant　or　benefactor　of　the　human　race

would　at　that　time　have　won　from　me　no　respect　if　he　had　not　also

been　〃comme　il　faut。〃　A　man　possessed　of　〃comme　il　faut〃…ness

stood　higher　than；　and　beyond　all　possible　equality　with；　such

people；　and　might　well　leave　it　to　them　to　paint　pictures；　to

compose　music；　to　write　books；　or　to　do　good。　Possibly　he　might

commend　them　for　so　doing　（since　why　should　not　merit　be

commended　where…ever　it　be　found？）；　but　he　could　never　stand　ON　A

LEVEL　with　them；　seeing　that　he　was　〃comme　il　faut〃　and　they　were

nota　quite　final　and　sufficient　reason。　In　fact；　I　actually

believe　that；　had　we　possessed　a　brother　or　a　father　or　a　mother

who　had　not　been　〃comme　il　faut；〃　I　should　have　declared　it　to　be

a　great　misfortune　for　us；　and　announced　that　between　myself　and

them　there　could　never　be　anything　in　common。　Yet　neither　waste

of　the　golden　hours　which　I　consumed　in　constantly　endeavouring

to　observe　the　many　arduous；　unattainable　conditions　of　〃comme　il

faut〃…ness　（to　the　exclusion　of　any　more　serious　pursuit）；　nor

dislike　of　and　contempt　for　nine…tenths　of　the　human　race；　nor

disregard　of　all　the　beauty　that　lay　outside　the　narrow　circle　of

〃comme　il　faut〃…ness　comprised　the　whole　of　the　evil　which　the

idea　wrought　in　me。　The　chief　evil　of　all　lay　in　the　notion

acquired　that　a　man　need　not　strive　to　become　a　tchinovnik；

＇Official。＇　a　coachbuilder；　a　soldier；　a　savant；　or　anything

useful；　so　long　only　as　he　was　〃comme　il　faut　〃that　by　attaining

the　latter　quality　he　had　done　all　that　was　demanded　of　him；　and

was　even　superior　to　most　people。



Usually；　at　a　given　period　in　youth；　and　after　many　errors　and

excesses；　every　man　recognises　the　necessity　of　his　taking　an

active　part　in　social　life；　and　chooses　some　branch　of　labour　to

which　to　devote　himself。　Only　with　the　〃comme　il　faut〃　man　does

this　rarely　happen。　I　have　known；　and　know；　very；　very　many

peopleold；　proud；　self…satisfied；　and　opinionatedwho　to　the

question　（if　it　should　ever　present　itself　to　them　in　their

world）　〃Who　have　you　been；　and　what　have　you　ever　done？〃　would　be

unable　to　reply　otherwise　than　by　saying；



〃Je　fus　un　homme　tres　comme　il　faut；〃



Such　a　fate　was　awaiting　myself。



XXXII



YOUTH



Despite　the　confusion　of　ideas　raging　in　my　head；　I　was　at　least

young；　innocent；　and　free　that　summerconsequently　almost　happy。



Sometimes　I　would　rise　quite　early　in　the　morning；　for　I　slept　on

the　open　verandah；　and　the　bright；　horizontal　beams　of　the

morning　sun　would　wake　me　up。　Dressing　myself　quickly；　I　would

tuck　a　towel　and　a　French　novel　under　my　arm；　and　go　off　to　bathe

in　the　river　in　the　shade　of　a　birch　tree　which　stood　half　a

verst　from　the　house。　Next；　I　would　stretch　myself　on　the　grass

and　readraising　my　eyes　from　time　to　time　to　look　at　the　surface

of　the　river　where　it　showed　blue　in　the　shade　of　the　trees；　at

the　ripples　caused　by　the　first　morning　breeze；　at　the　yellowing

field　of　rye　on　the　further　bank；　and　at　the　bright…red　sheen　of

the　sunlight　as　it　struck　lower　and　lower　down　the　white　trunks

of　the　birch…trees　which；　ranged　in　ranks　one　behind　the　other；

gradually　receded　into　the　remote　distance　of　the　home　park。　At

such　moments　I　would　feel　joyously　conscious　of　having　within　me

the　same　young；　fresh　force　of　life　as　nature　was　everywhere

exuding　around　me。　When；　however；　the　sky　was　overcast　with　grey

clouds　of　morning　and　I　felt　chilly　after　bathing；　I　would　often

start　to　walk　at　random　through　the　fields　and　woods；　and

joyously　trail　my　wet　boots　in　the　fresh　dew。　All　the　while　my

head　would　be　filled　with　vivid　dreams　concerning　the　heroes　of

my　last…read　novel；　and　I　would　keep　picturing　to　myself　some

leader　of　an　army　or　some　statesman　or　marvellously　strong　man　or

devoted　lover　or　another；　and　looking　round　me　in；　a　nervous

expectation　that　I　should　suddenly　descry　HER　somewhere　near　me；

in　a　meadow　or　behind　a　tree。　Yet；　whenever　these　rambles　led　me

near　peasants　engaged　at　their　work；　all　my　ignoring　of　the

existence　of　the　〃common　people〃　did　not　prevent　me　from

experiencing　an　involuntary；　overpowering　sensation　of

awkwardness；　so　that　I　always　tried　to　avoid　their　seeing　me。

When　the　heat　of　the　day　had　increased；　it　was　not　infrequently　my

habitif　the　ladies　did　not　come　out　of　doors　for　their　morning

teato　go　rambling　through　the　orchard　and　kitchen…garden；　and　to

pluck　ripe　fruit　there。　Indeed；　this　was　an　occupation　which

furnished　me　with　one　of　my　greatest　pleasures。　Let　any　one　go

into　an　orchard；　and　dive　into　the　midst　of　a　tall；　thick；

sprouting　raspberry…bed。　Above　will　be　seen　the　clear；　glowing

sky；　and；　all　around；　the　pale…green；　prickly　stems　of　raspberry…

trees　where　they　grow　mingled　together　in　a　tangle　of　profusion。

At　one's　feet　springs　the　dark…green　nettle；　with　its　slender

crown　of　flowers；　while　the　broad…leaved　burdock；　with　its

bright…pink；　prickly　blossoms；　overtops　the　raspberries　（and　even

one's　head）　with　its　luxuriant　masses；　until；　with　the　nettle；　it

almost　meets　the　pendent；　pale…green　branches　of　the　old　apple…

trees　where　apples；　round　and　lustrous　as　bone；　but　as　yet

unripe；　are　mellowing　in　the　heat　of　the　sun。　Below；　again；　are

seen　young　raspberry…shoots；　twining　themselves　around　the

partially　withered；　leafless　parent　plant；　and　stretching　their

tendrils　towards　the　sunlight；　with　green；　needle…shaped　blades