youth-第26节

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having　been　told　me　by　Lubotshka　or　Katenka；　he　would　always

remark：



〃Hm！　So　you　actually　care　about　talking　to　them？　I　can　see　you

are　a　duffer　still〃and　one　needed　to　see　and　near　him　to

appreciate　the　profound；　immutable　contempt　which　echoed　in　this

remark。　He　had　been　grown…up　now　two　years；　and　was　in　love　with

every　good…looking　woman　that　he　met；　yet；　despite　the　fact　that

he　came　in　daily　contact　with　Katenka　（who　during　those　two　years

had　been　wearing　long　dresses；　and　was　growing　prettier　every

day）；　the　possibility　of　his　falling　in　love　with　her　never

seemed　to　enter　his　head。　Whether　this　proceeded　from　the　fact

that　the　prosaic　recollections　of　childhood　were　still　too　fresh

in　his　memory；　or　whether　from　the　aversion　which　very　young

people　feel　for　everything　domestic；　or　whether　from　the　common

human　weakness　which；　at　a　first　encounter　with　anything　fair　and

pretty；　leads　a　man　to　say　to　himself；　〃Ah！　I　shall　meet　much

more　of　the　same　kind　during　my　life；〃　but　at　all　events　Woloda

had　never　yet　looked　upon　Katenka　with　a　man's　eyes。



All　that　summer　Woloda　appeared　to　find　things　very　wearisomea

fact　which　arose　out　of　that　contempt　for　us　all　which；　as　I　have

said；　he　made　no　effort　to　conceal。　His　expression　of　face　seemed

to　be　constantly　saying；　〃Phew！　how　it　bores　me　to　have　no　one　to

speak　to！〃　The　first　thing　in　the　morning　he　would　go　out

shooting；　or　sit　reading　a　book　in　his　room；　and　not　dress　until

luncheon　time。　Indeed；　if　Papa　was　not　at　home；　he　would　take　his

book　into　that　meal；　and　go　on　reading　it　without　addressing　so

much　as　a　single　word　to　any　one　of　us；　who　felt；　somehow；　guilty

in　his　presence。　In　the　evening；　too；　he　would　stretch　himself　on

a　settee　in　the　drawing…room；　and　either　go　to　sleep；　propped　on

his　elbow；　or　tell　us　farcical　storiessometimes　stories　so

improper　as　to　make　Mimi　grow　angry　and　blush；　and　ourselves　die

with　laughter。　At　other　times　he　would　not　condescend　to　address

a　single　serious　word　to　any　member　of　the　family　except　Papa　or

（occasionally）　myself。　Involuntarily　I　offended　against　his　view

of　girls；　seeing　that　I　was　not　so　afraid　of　seeming　affectionate

as　he；　and；　moreover；　had　not　such　a　profound　and　confirmed

contempt　for　young　women。　Yet　several　times　that　summer；　when

driven　by　lack　of　amusement　to　try　and　engage　Lubotshka　and

Katenka　in　conversation；　I　always　encountered　in　them　such　an

absence　of　any　capacity　for　logical　thinking；　and　such　an

ignorance　of　the　simplest；　most　ordinary　matters　（as；　for

instance；　the　nature　of　money；　the　subjects　studied　at

universities；　the　effect　of　war；　and　so　forth）；　as　well　as　such

indifference　to　my　explanations　of　such　matters；　that　these

attempts　of　mine　only　ended　in　confirming　my　unfavourable　opinion

of　feminine　ability。



I　remember　one　evening　when　Lubotshka　kept　repeating　some

unbearably　tedious　passage　on　the　piano　about　a　hundred　times　in

succession；　while　Woloda；　who　was　dozing　on　a　settee　in　the

drawing…room；　kept　addressing　no　one　in　particular　as

he　muttered；　〃Lord！　how　she　murders　it！　WHAT　a　musician！　WHAT　a

Beethoven！〃　（he　always　pronounced　the　composer's　name　with

especial　irony）。　〃Wrong　again！　Nowa　second　time！　That's　it！〃

and　so　on。　Meanwhile　Katenka　and　I　were　sitting　by　the　tea…table；

and　somehow　she　began　to　talk　about　her　favourite　subjectlove。

I　was　in　the　right　frame　of　mind　to　philosophise；　and　began　by

loftily　defining　love　as　the　wish　to　acquire　in　another　what　one

does　not　possess　in　oneself。　To　this　Katenka　retorted　that；　on

the　contrary；　love　is　not　love　at　all　if　a　girl　desires　to　marry

a　man　for　his　money　alone；　but　that；　in　her　opinion；　riches　were

a　vain　thing；　and　true　love　only　the　affection　which　can　stand

the　test　of　separation　（this　I　took　to　be　a　hint　concerning　her

love　for　Dubkoff）。　At　this　point　Woloda；　who　must　have　been

listening　all　the　time；　raised　himself　on　his　elbow；　and　cried

out　some　rubbish　or　another；　and　I　felt　that　he　was　right。



Apart　from　the　general　faculties　（more　or　less　developed　in

different　persons）　of　intellect；　sensibility；　and　artistic

feeling；　there　also　exists　（more　or　less　developed　in　different

circles　of　society；　and　especially　in　families）　a　private　or

individual　faculty　which　I　may　call　APPREHENSION。　The　essence　of

this　faculty　lies　in　sympathetic　appreciation　of　proportion；　and

in　identical　understanding　of　things。　Two　individuals　who　possess

this　faculty　and　belong　to　the　same　social　circle　or　the　same

family　apprehend　an　expression　of　feeling　precisely　to　the　same

point；　namely；　the　point　beyond　which　such　expression　becomes

mere　phrasing。　Thus　they　apprehend　precisely　where　commendation

ends　and　irony　begins；　where　attraction　ends　and　pretence　begins；

in　a　manner　which　would　be　impossible　for　persons　possessed　of　a

different　order　of　apprehension。　Persons　possessed　of　identical

apprehension　view　objects　in　an　identically　ludicrous；　beautiful；

or　repellent　light；　and　in　order　to　facilitate　such　identical

apprehension　between　members　of　the　same　social　circle　or　family；

they　usually　establish　a　language；　turns　of　speech；　or　terms　to

define　such　shades　of　apprehension　as　exist　for　them　alone。　In

our　particular　family　such　apprehension　was　common　to　Papa；

Woloda；　and　myself；　and　was　developed　to　the　highest　pitch；

Dubkoff　also　approximated　to　our　coterie　in　apprehension；　but

Dimitri；　though　infinitely　more　intellectual　than　Dubkoff；　was

grosser　in　this　respect。　With　no　one；　however；　did　I　bring　this

faculty　to　such　a　point　as　with　Woloda；　who　had　grown　up　with　me

under　identical　conditions。　Papa　stood　a　long　way　from　us；　and

much　that　was　to　us　as　clear　as　〃two　and　two　make　four〃　was　to

him　incomprehensible。　For　instance；　I　and　Woloda　managed　to

establish　between　ourselves　the　following　terms；　with　meanings　to

correspond。　Izium　＇Raisins。＇　meant　a　desire　to　boast　of　one's

money；　shishka　＇Bump　or　swelling。＇　（on　pronouncing　which　one　had

to　join　one's　fingers　together；　and　to　put　a　particular　emphasis

upon　the　two　sh's　in　the　word）　meant　anything　fresh；　healthy；　and

comely；　but　not　elegant；　a　substantive　used　in　the　plural　meant

an　undue　partiality　for　the　object　which　it　denoted；　and　so

forth；　and　so　forth。　At　the　same　time；　the　meaning　depended

considerably　upon　the　expression　of　the　face　and　the　context　of

the　conversation；　so　that；　no　matter　what　new　expression　one　of

us　might　invent　to　define　a　shade　of　feeling　the　other　could

immediately　understand　it　by　a　hint　alone。　The　girls　did　not

share　this　faculty　of　apprehension；　and　herein　lay　the　chief

cause　of　our　moral　estrangement；　and　of　the　contempt　which　we

felt　for　them。



It　may　be　that　they　too　had　their　〃apprehension；〃　but　it　so

little　ran　with　ours　that；　where　we　already　perceived　the

〃phrasing；〃　they　still　saw　only　the　feelingour　irony　was　for

them　truth；　and　so　on。　At　that　time　I　had　not　yet　learnt　to

understand　that　they　were　in　no　way　to　blame　for　this；　and　that

absence　of　such　apprehension　in　no　way　prevented　them　from　being

good　and　clever　girls。　Accordingly　I　looked　down　upon　them。

Moreover；　having　once　lit　upon　my　precious　idea　of　〃frankness；〃

and　being　bent　upon　applying　it　to　the　full　in　myself；　I　thought

the　quiet；　confiding　nature　of　Lubotshka　guilty　of　secretiveness

and　dissimulation　simply　because　she　saw　no　necessity　for　digging

up　and　examining　all　her　thoughts　and　instincts。　For　instance；

the　fact　that　she　always　signed　the　sign　of　the　cross　over　Papa

before　going　to　bed；　that　she　and　Katenka　invariably　wept　in

church　when　attending　requiem　masses　for　Mamma；　and　that　Katenka

sighed　and　rolled　her　eyes　about　when　playing　the　pianoall

these　things　seemed　to　me　sheer　make…believe；　and　I　asked　myself：

〃At　what　period　did　they　learn　to　pretend　like　grown…up　people；

and　how　can　they　bring　themselves　to　do　it？〃



XXX



HOW　I　EMPLOYED　MY　TIME



Nevertheless；　the　fact　that　that　summer　I　developed　a　passion　for

music　caused　me　to　become　better　friends　with　the　ladies　of　our

household　than　I　had　been　for　years。　In　the　spring；　a　young　fellow

came　to　see　us；　armed　with　a　letter　of　introduction；　who；　as　soon

as　ever　he　entered　the　drawing…room；　fixed　his　eyes　upon　the

piano；　and　kept　gradually　edging　his　chair　closer　to　it　as　he

talked　to　Mimi　and　Katenka。　After　discoursing　awhile　of　the

weather　and　the　amenities　of　country　life；　he　skilfully　directed

the　conversation　to　piano…tuners；　music；　and　pianos　generally；

and　ended　by　saying　that　he　himself　playedand　in　truth　he　did

sit　down　and　perform　three　waltzes；　with　Mimi；　Lubotshka；　and

Katenka　grouped　about　the　instrument；　and　watching　him　as　he　did

so。　He　never　came　to　see　us　again；　but　his　playing；　and　his

attitude　when　at　the　piano；　and　the　way　in　which　he　kept　shaking

his　long　hair；　and；　most　of　all；　the　manner　in　which　he　was　able

to　execute　octaves　with　his　left　hand　as　he　first　of　all　pl