youth-第22节

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violently　against　a　ceiling　hurts　one　less　than　just　to　graze

some　spot　which　has　been　hurt　and　bruised　before：　and　in　almost

every　family　there　exists　some　such　raw　and　tender　spot。　In　the

Nechludoff　family　that　spot　was　Dimitri's　extraordinary　affection

for　Lubov　Sergievna；　which　aroused　in　the　mother　and　sister；　if

not　a　jealous　feeling；　at　all　events　a　sense　of　hurt　family

pride。　This　was　the　grave　significance　which　underlay；　for　all

those　present；　the　seeming　dispute　about　Ivan　Yakovlevitch　and

superstition。



〃In　anything　that　other　people　deride　and　despise　you　invariably

profess　to　see　something　extraordinarily　good！〃　Varenika　was

saying　in　her　clear　voice；　as　she　articulated　each　syllable　with

careful　precision。



〃Indeed？〃　retorted　Dimitri　with　an　impatient　toss　of　his　head。

〃Now；　in　the　first　place；　only　a　most　unthinking　person　could

ever　speak　of　DESPISING　such　a　remarkable　man　as　Ivan

Yakovlevitch；　while；　in　the　second　place；　it　is　YOU　who

invariably　profess　to　see　nothing　good　in　what　confronts　you。〃



Meanwhile　Sophia　Ivanovna　kept　looking　anxiously　at　us　as　she

turned　first　to　her　nephew；　and　then　to　her　niece；　and　then　to

myself。　Twice　she　opened　her　mouth　as　though　to　say　what　was　in

her　mind　and　drew　a　deep　sigh。



〃Varia；　PLEASE　go　on　reading；〃　she　said　at　length；　at　the　same

time　handing　her　niece　the　book；　and　patting　her　hand　kindly。　〃I

wish　to　know　whether　he　ever　found　HER　again　〃　（as　a　matter　of

fact；　the　novel　in　question　contained　not　a　word　about　any　one

finding　any　one　else）。　〃And；　Mitia　dear；〃　she　added　to　her

nephew；　despite　the　glum　looks　which　he　was　throwing　at　her　for

having　interrupted　the　logical　thread　of　his　deductions；　〃you　had

better　let　me　poultice　your　cheek；　or　your　teeth　will　begin　to

ache　again。〃



After　that　the　reading　was　resumed。　Yet　the　quarrel　had　in　no　way

dispelled　the　calm　atmosphere　of　family　and　intellectual　harmony

which　enveloped　this　circle　of　ladies。



Clearly　deriving　its　inspiration　and　character　from　the　Princess

Maria　Ivanovna；　it　was　a　circle　which；　for　me；　had　a　wholly　novel

and　attractive　character　of　logicalness　mingled　with　simplicity

and　refinement。　That　character　I　could　discern　in　the　daintiness；

good　taste；　and　solidity　of　everything　about　me；　whether　the

handbell；　the　binding　of　the　book；　the　settee；　or　the　table。

Likewise；　I　divined　it　in　the　upright；　well…corseted　pose　of　the

Princess；　in　her　pendant　curls　of　grey　hair；　in　the　manner　in

which　she　had；　at　our　first　introduction；　called　me　plain

〃Nicolas〃　and　〃he；〃　in　the　occupations　of　the　ladies　（the

reading　and　the　sewing　of　garments）；　and　in　the　unusual　whiteness

of　their　hands。　Those　hands；　en　passant；　showed　a　family　feature

common　to　allnamely；　the　feature　that　the　flesh　of　the　palm　on

the　outer　side　was　rosy　in　colour；　and　divided　by　a　sharp；

straight　line　from　the　pure　whiteness　of　the　upper　portion　of　the

hand。　Still　more　was　the　character　of　this　feminine　circle

expressed　in　the　manner　in　which　the　three　ladies　spoke　Russian

and　Frenchspoke　them；　that　is　to　say；　with　perfect　articulation

of　syllables　and　pedantic　accuracy　of　substantives　and

prepositions。　All　this；　and　more　especially　the　fact　that　the

ladies　treated　me　as　simply　and　as　seriously　as　a　real　grown…up

telling　me　their　opinions；　and　listening　to　my　own　（a　thing　to

which　I　was　so　little　accustomed　that；　for　all　my　glittering

buttons　and　blue　facings；　I　was　in　constant　fear　of　being　told：

〃Surely　you　do　not　think　that　we　are　talking　SERIOUSLY　to　you？　Go

away　and　learn　something〃）all　this；　I　say；　caused　me　to　feel　an

entire　absence　of　restraint　in　this　society。　I　ventured　at　times

to　rise；　to　move　about；　and　to　talk　boldly　to　each　of　the　ladies

except　Varenika　（whom　I　always　felt　it　was　unbecoming；　or　even

forbidden；　for　me　to　address　unless　she　first　spoke　to　me）。



As　I　listened　to　her　clear；　pleasant　voice　reading　aloud；　I　kept

glancing　from　her　to　the　path　of　the　flower…garden；　where　the

rain…spots　were　making　small　dark　circles　in　the　sand；　and　thence

to　the　lime…trees；　upon　the　leaves　of　which　the　rain　was

pattering　down　in　large　detached　drops　shed　from　the　pale；

shimmering　edge　of　the　livid　blue　cloud　which　hung　suspended　over

us。　Then　I　would　glance　at　her　again；　and　then　at　the　last　purple

rays　of　the　setting　sun　where　they　were　throwing　the　dense

clusters　of　old；　rain…washed　birches　into　brilliant　relief。　Yet

again　my　eyes　would　return　to　Varenika；　and；　each　time　that　they

did　so；　it　struck　me　afresh　that　she　was　not　nearly　so　plain　as

at　first　I　had　thought　her。



〃How　I　wish　that　I　wasn't　in　love　already！〃　I　reflected；　〃or　that

Sonetchka　was　Varenika！　How　nice　it　would　be　if　suddenly　I　could

become　a　member　of　this　family；　and　have　the　three　ladies　for　my

mother；　aunt；　and　wife　respectively！〃　All　the　time　that　these

thoughts　kept　passing　through　my　head　I　kept　attentively

regarding　Varenika　as　she　read；　until　somehow　I　felt　as　though　I

were　magnetising　her；　and　that　presently　she　must　look　at　me。

Sure　enough；　at　length　she　raised　her　head；　threw　me　a　glance；

and；　meeting　my　eyes；　turned　away。



〃The　rain　does　not　seem　to　stop；〃　she　remarked。



Suddenly　a　new　feeling　came　over　me。　I　began　to　feel　as　though

everything　now　happening　to　me　was　a　repetition　of　some　similar

occurrence　beforeas　though　on　some　previous　occasion　a　shower

of　rain　had　begun　to　fall；　and　the　sun　had　set　behind　birch…

trees；　and　I　had　been　looking　at　her；　and　she　had　been　reading

aloud；　and　I　had　magnetised　her；　and　she　had　looked　up　at　me。

Yes；　all　this　I　seemed　to　recall　as　though　it　had　happened　once

before。



〃Surely　she　is　notSHE？〃　was　my　thought。　〃Surely　IT　is　not

beginning？〃　However；　I　soon　decided　that　Varenika　was　not　the

〃SHE〃　referred　to；　and　that　〃it〃　was　not　〃beginning。〃　〃In　the

first　place；〃　I　said　to　myself；　〃Varenika　is　not　at　all

BEAUTIFUL。　She　is　just　an　ordinary　girl　whose　acquaintance　I　have

made　in　the　ordinary　way；　whereas　the　she　whom　I　shall　meet

somewhere　and　some　day　and　in　some　not　ordinary　way　will　be

anything　but　ordinary。　This　family　pleases　me　so　much　only

because　hitherto　I　have　never　seen　anybody。　Such　things　will

always　be　happening　in　the　future；　and　I　shall　see　many　more　such

families　during　my　life。〃



XXVI



I　SHOW　OFF



AT　tea　time　the　reading　came　to　an　end；　and　the　ladies　began　to

talk　among　themselves　of　persons　and　things　unknown　to　me。　This　I

conceived　them　to　be　doing　on　purpose　to　make　me　conscious　（for

all　their　kind　demeanour）　of　the　difference　which　years　and

position　in　the　world　had　set　between　them　and　myself。　In　general

discussions；　however；　in　which　I　could　take　part　I　sought　to

atone　for　my　late　silence　by　exhibiting　that　extraordinary

cleverness　and　originality　to　which　I　felt　compelled　by　my

University　uniform。　For　instance；　when　the　conversation　turned

upon　country　houses；　I　said　that　Prince　Ivan　Ivanovitch　had　a

villa　near　Moscow　which　people　came　to　see　even　from　London　and

Paris；　and　that　it　contained　balustrading　which　had　cost　380；000

roubles。　Likewise；　I　remarked　that　the　Prince　was　a　very　near

relation　of　mine；　and　that；　when　lunching　with　him　the　same　day；

he　had　invited　me　to　go　and　spend　the　entire　summer　with　him　at

that　villa；　but　that　I　had　declined；　since　I　knew　the　villa　well；

and　had　stayed　in　it　more　than　once；　and　that　all　those

balustradings　and　bridges　did　not　interest　me；　since　I　could　not

bear　ornamental　work；　especially　in　the　country；　where　I　liked

everything　to　be　wholly　countrified。　After　delivering　myself　of

this　extraordinary　and　complicated　romance；　I　grew　confused；　and

blushed　so　much　that　every　one　must　have　seen　that　I　was　lying。

Both　Varenika；　who　was　handing　me　a　cup　of　tea；　and　Sophia

Ivanovna；　who　had　been　gazing　at　me　throughout；　turned　their

heads　away；　and　began　to　talk　of　something　else　with　an

expression　which　I　afterwards　learnt　that　good…natured　people

assume　when　a　very　young　man　has　told　them　a　manifest　string　of

liesan　expression　which　says；　〃Yes；　we　know　he　is　lying；　and

why　he　is　doing　it；　the　poor　young　fellow！〃



What　I　had　said　about　Prince　Ivan　Ivanovitch　having　a　country

villa；　I　had　related　simply　because　I　could　find　no　other　pretext

for　mentioning　both　my　relationship　to　the　Prince　and　the　fact

that　I　had　been　to　luncheon　with　him　that　day；　yet　why　I　had　said

all　I　had　about　the　balustrading　costing　380；000　roubles；　and

about　my　having　several　times　visited　the　Prince　at　that　villa　（I

had　never　once　been　theremore　especially　since　the　Prince

possessed　no　residences　save　in　Moscow　and　Naples；　as　the

Nechludoffs　very　well　knew）；　I　could　not　possibly　tell　you。

Neither　in　childhood　nor　in　adolescence　nor　in　riper　years　did　I

ever　remark　in　myself　the　vice　of　falsehoodon　the　contrary；　I

was；　if　anything；　too　outspoken　and　truthful。　Yet；　during　this

first　stage　of　my　manhood；　I　often　f