youth-第21节

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contented；　and　have　occupations　which　interest　you；　while；　on　the

other　hand；　your　wife　may　be　too　weak　to　superintend　the

household　work　（which；　in　consequence；　will　be　left　to　the

servants）；　or　to　look　after　the　children　（who；　in　consequence；

will　be　left　to　the　nurses）；　or　to　put　her　heart　into　any　work

whatsoever：　and　all　because　she　loves　nobody　and　nothing　but

yourself。　She　may　be　patently　ill；　yet　she　will　say　not　a　word　to

you　about　it；　for　fear　of　distressing　you。　She　may　be　patently

ennuyee；　yet　for　your　sake　she　will　be　prepared　to　be　so　for　the

rest　of　her　life。　She　may　be　patently　depressed　because　you　stick

so　persistently　to　your　occupations　（whether　sport；　books；

farming；　state　service；　or　anything　else）　and　see　clearly　that

they　are　doing　you　harm；　yet；　for　all　that；　she　will　keep

silence；　and　suffer　it　to　be　so。　Yet；　should　you　but　fall　sick

and；　despite　her　own　ailments　and　your　prayers　that　she　will　not

distress　herself　in　vain；　your　loving　wife　will　remain　sitting

inseparably　by　your　bedside。　Every　moment　you　will　feel　her

sympathetic　gaze　resting　upon　you　and；　as　it　were；　saying：

〃There！　I　told　you　so；　but　it　is　all　one　to　me；　and　I　shall　not

leave　you。〃　In　the　morning　you　maybe　a　little　better；　and　move

into　another　room。　The　room；　however；　will　be　insufficiently

warmed　or　set　in　order；　the　soup　which　alone　you　feel　you　could

eat　will　not　have　been　cooked；　nor　will　any　medicine　have　been

sent　for。　Yet；　though　worn　out　with　night　watching；　your　loving

wife　will　continue　to　regard　you　with　an　expression　of　sympathy；

to　walk　about　on　tiptoe；　and　to　whisper　unaccustomed　and　obscure

orders　to　the　servants。　You　may　wish　to　be　read　toand　your

loving　wife　will　tell　you　with　a　sigh　that　she　feels　sure　you

will　be　unable　to　hear　her　reading；　and　only　grow　angry　at　her

awkwardness　in　doing　it；　wherefore　you　had　better　not　be　read　to

at　all。　You　may　wish　to　walk　about　the　roomand　she　will　tell　you

that　it　would　be　far　better　for　you　not　to　do　so。　You　may　wish　to

talk　with　some　friends　who　have　calledand　she　will　tell　you　that

talking　is　not　good　for　you。　At　nightfall　the　fever　may　come　upon

you　again；　and　you　may　wish　to　be　left　alone　whereupon　your

loving　wife；　though　wasted；　pale；　and　full　of　yawns；　will　go　on

sitting　in　a　chair　opposite　you；　as　dusk　falls；　until　her　very

slightest　movement；　her　very　slightest　sound；　rouses　you　to

feelings　of　anger　and　impatience。　You　may　have　a　servant　who　has

lived　with　you　for　twenty　years；　and　to　whom　you　are　attached；

and　who　would　tend　you　well　and　to　your　satisfaction　during　the

night；　for　the　reason　that　he　has　been　asleep　all　day　and　is；

moreover；　paid　a　salary　for　his　services；　yet　your　wife　will　not

suffer　him　to　wait　upon　you。　No；　everything　she　must　do　herself

with　her　weak；　unaccustomed　fingers　（of　which　you　follow　the

movements　with　suppressed　irritation　as　those　pale　members　do

their　best　to　uncork　a　medicine　bottle；　to　snuff　a　candle；　to

pour　out　physic；　or　to　touch　you　in　a　squeamish　sort　of　way）。　If

you　are　an　impatient；　hasty　sort　of　man；　and　beg　of　her　to　leave

the　room；　you　will　hear　by　the　vexed；　distressed　sounds　which

come　from　her　that　she　is　humbly　sobbing　and　weeping　behind　the

door；　and　whispering　foolishness　of　some　kind　to　the　servant。

Finally　if　you　do　not　die；　your　loving　wifewho　has　not　slept

during　the　whole　three　weeks　of　your　illness　（a　fact　of　which　she

will　constantly　remind　you）will　fall　ill　in　her　turn；　waste

away；　suffer　much；　and　become　even　more　incapable　of　any　useful

pursuit　than　she　was　before；　while　by　the　time　that　you　have

regained　your　normal　state　of　health　she　will　express　to　you　her

self…sacrificing　affection　only　by　shedding　around　you

a　kind　of　benignant　dullness　which　involuntarily　communicates

itself　both　to　yourself　and　to　every　one　else　in　your　vicinity。



The　third　kind　of　lovepractical　loveconsists　of　a　yearning　to

satisfy　every　need；　every　desire；　every　caprice；　nay；　every　vice；

of　the　being　beloved。　People　who　love　thus　always　love　their　life

long；　since；　the　more　they　love；　the　more　they　get　to　know　the

object　beloved；　and　the　easier　they　find　the　task　of　loving　it

that　is　to　say；　of　satisfying　its　desires。　Their　love　seldom

finds　expression　in　words；　but　if　it　does　so；　it　expresses　itself

neither　with　assurance　nor　beauty；　but　rather　in　a　shamefaced；

awkward　manner；　since　people　of　this　kind　invariably　have

misgivings　that　they　are　loving　unworthily。　People　of　this　kind

love　even　the　faults　of　their　adored　one；　for　the　reason　that

those　faults　afford　them　the　power　of　constantly　satisfying　new

desires。　They　look　for　their　affection　to　be　returned；　and　even

deceive　themselves　into　believing　that　it　is　returned；　and　are

happy　accordingly：　yet　in　the　reverse　case　they　will　still

continue　to　desire　happiness　for　their　beloved　one；　and　try　by

every　means　in　their　powerwhether　moral　or　material；　great　or

smallto　provide　it。



Such　practical　love　it　waslove　for　her　nephew；　for　her　niece；

for　her　sister；　for　Lubov　Sergievna；　and　even　for　myself；　because

I　loved　Dimitrithat　shone　in　the　eyes；　as　well　as　in　the　every

word　and　movement；　of　Sophia　Ivanovna。



Only　long　afterwards　did　I　learn　to　value　her　at　her　true　worth。

Yet　even　now　the　question　occurred　to　me：　〃What　has　made　Dimitri

who　throughout　has　tried　to　understand　love　differently　to　other

young　fellows；　and　has　always　had　before　his　eyes　the　gentle；

loving　Sophia　Ivanovnasuddenly　fall　so　deeply　in　love　with　the

incomprehensible　Lubov　Sergievna；　and　declare　that　in　his　aunt　he

can　only　find　good　QUALITIES？　Verily　it　is　a　true　saying　that　'a

prophet　hath　no　honour　in　his　own　country。'　One　of　two　things：

either　every　man　has　in　him　more　of　bad　than　of　good；　or　every

man　is　more　receptive　to　bad　than　to　good。　Lubov　Sergievna　he　has

not　known　for　long；　whereas　his　aunt's　love　he　has　known　since

the　day　of　his　birth。〃



XXV



I　BECOME　BETTER　ACQUAINTED　WITH　THE　NECHLUDOFFS



WHEN　I　returned　to　the　verandah；　I　found　that　they　were　not

talking　of　me　at　all；　as　I　had　anticipated。　On　the　contrary；

Varenika　had　laid　aside　the　book；　and　was　engaged　in　a　heated

dispute　with　Dimitri；　who；　for　his　part；　was　walking　up　and　down

the　verandah；　and　frowningly　adjusting　his　neck　in　his　collar　as

he　did　so。　The　subject　of　the　quarrel　seemed　to　be　Ivan

Yakovlevitch　and　superstition；　but　it　was　too　animated　a

difference　for　its　underlying　cause　not　to　be　something　which

concerned　the　family　much　more　nearly。　Although　the　Princess　and

Lubov　Sergievna　were　sitting　by　in　silence；　they　were　following

every　word；　and　evidently　tempted　at　times　to　take　part　in　the

dispute；　yet　always；　just　when　they　were　about　to　speak；　they

checked　themselves；　and　left　the　field　clear　for　the　two

principles；　Dimitri　and　Varenika。　On　my　entry；　the　latter　glanced

at　me　with　such　an　indifferent　air　that　I　could　see　she　was

wholly　absorbed　in　the　quarrel　and　did　not　care　whether　she　spoke

in　my　presence　or　not。　The　Princess　too　looked　the　same；　and　was

clearly　on　Varenika's　side；　while　Dimitri　began；　if　anything；　to

raise　his　voice　still　more　when　I　appeared；　and　Lubov　Sergievna；

for　her　part；　observed　to　no　one　in　particular：　〃Old　people　are

quite　right　when　they　say；　'Si　jeunesse　savait；　si　vieillesse

pouvait。'〃



Nevertheless　this　quotation　did　not　check　the　dispute；　though　it

somehow　gave　me　the　impression　that　the　side　represented　by　the

speaker　and　her　friend　was　in　the　wrong。　Although　it　was　a　little

awkward　for　me　to　be　present　at　a　petty　family　difference；　the

fact　that　the　true　relations　of　the　family　revealed　themselves

during　its　progress；　and　that　my　presence　did　nothing　to　hinder

that　revelation；　afforded　me　considerable　gratification。



How　often　it　happens　that　for　years　one　sees　a　family　cover

themselves　over　with　a　conventional　cloak　of　decorum；　and

preserve　the　real　relations　of　its　members　a　secret　from　every

eye！　How　often；　too；　have　I　remarked　that；　the　more　impenetrable

（and　therefore　the　more　decorous）　is　the　cloak；　the　harsher　are

the　relations　which　it　conceals！　Yet；　once　let　some　unexpected

questionoften　a　most　trivial　one　（the　colour　of　a　woman's　hair；

a　visit；　a　man's　horses；　and　so　forth）arise　in　that　family

circle；　and　without　any　visible　cause　there　will　also　arise　an

ever…growing　difference；　until　in　time　the　cloak　of　decorum

becomes　unequal　to　confining　the　quarrel　within　due　bounds；　and；

to　the　dismay　of　the　disputants　and　the　astonishment　of　the

auditors；　the　real　and　ill…adjusted　relations　of　the　family　are

laid　bare；　and　the　cloak；　now　useless　for　concealment；　is　bandied

from　hand　to　hand　among　the　contending　factions　until　it　serves

only　to　remind　one　of　the　years　during　which　it　successfully

deceived　one's　perceptions。　Sometimes　to　strike　one's　head

violently　against　a　ceiling　hurts　one　less　than　just　to　graze

some　spot　which　has　been　hurt　and　b