youth-第15节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



with　Sonetchka；　for　the　purpose　of　priding　myself　on　holding　to

my　troth　in　spite　of　her　scarsYet；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　I　was

not　really　in　love　with　her　during　that　drive；　but　having　once

stirred　up　in　myself　old　MEMORIES　of　love；　felt　PREPARED　to　fall

into　that　condition；　and　the　more　so　because；　of　late；　my

conscience　had　often　been　pricking　me　for　having　discarded　so

many　of　my　old　flames。



The　Valakhins　lived　in　a　neat　little　wooden　mansion　approached　by

a　courtyard。　I　gained　admittance　by　ringing　a　bell　（then　a　rarity

in　Moscow）；　and　was　received　by　a　mincing；　smartly…attired　page。

He　either　could　not　or　made　no　attempt　to　inform　me　whether　there

was　any　one　at　home；　but；　leaving　me　alone　in　the　dark　hall；　ran

off　down　a　still　darker　corridor。　For　a　long　time　I　waited　in

solitude　in　this　gloomy　place；　out　of　which；　in　addition　to　the

front　door　and　the　corridor；　there　only　opened　a　door　which　at

the　moment　was　closed。　Rather　surprised　at　the　dismal　appearance

of　the　house；　I　came　to　the　conclusion　that　the　reason　was　that

its　inmates　were　still　abroad。　After　five　minutes；　however；　the

door　leading　into　the　salon　was　opened　by　the　page　boy；　who　then

conducted　me　into　a　neat；　but　not　richly　furnished；　drawing…room；

where　presently　I　was　joined　by　Sonetchka。



She　was　now　seventeen　years　old；　and　very　small　and　thin；　as　well

as　of　an　unhealthy　pallor　of　face。　No　scars　at　all　were　visible；

however；　and　the　beautiful；　prominent　eyes　and　bright；　cheerful

smile　were　the　same　as　I　had　known　and　loved　in　my　childhood。　I

had　not　expected　her　to　look　at　all　like　this；　and　therefore

could　not　at　once　lavish　upon　her　the　sentiment　which　I　had　been

preparing　on　the　way。　She　gave　me　her　hand　in　the　English　fashion

（which　was　then　as　much　a　novelty　as　a　door…bell）；　and；　bestowing

upon　mine　a　frank　squeeze；　sat　down　on　the　sofa　by　my　side。



〃Ah！　how　glad　I　am　to　see　you；　my　dear　Nicolas！〃　she　said　as　she

looked　me　in　the　face　with　an　expression　of　pleasure　so　sincere

that　in　the　words　〃my　dear　Nicolas〃　I　caught　the　purely　friendly

rather　than　the　patronising　note。　To　my　surprise　she　seemed　to　me

simpler；　kinder；　and　more　sisterly　after　her　foreign　tour　than

she　had　been　before　it。　True；　I　could　now　see　that　she　had　two

small　scars　between　her　nose　and　temples；　but　her　wonderful　eyes

and　smile　fitted　in　exactly　with　my　recollections；　and　shone　as

of　old。



〃But　how　greatly　you　have　changed！〃　she　went　on。　〃You　are　quite

grown…up　now。　And　I…I…well；　what　do　you　think　of　me？〃



〃I　should　never　have　known　you；〃　I　replied；　despite　the　fact　that

at　the　moment　I　was　thinking　that　I　should　have　known　her

anywhere　and　always。



〃Why？　Am　I　grown　so　ugly？〃　she　inquired　with　a　movement　of　her

head。



〃Oh；　no；　decidedly　not！〃　I　hastened　to　reply。　〃But　you　have　grown

taller　and　older。　As　for　being　uglier；　why；　you　are　even



〃Yes；　yes；　never　mind。　Do　you　remember　our　dances　and　games；　and

St。　Jerome；　and　Madame　Dorat？〃　（As　a　matter　of　fact；　I　could　not

recollect　any　Madame　Dorat；　but　saw　that　Sonetchka　was　being　led

away　by　the　joy　of　her　childish　recollections；　and　mixing　them　up

a　little）。　〃Ah！　what　a　lovely　time　it　was！〃　she　went　onand　once

more　there　shone　before　me　the　same　eyes　and　smile　as　I　had

always　carried　in　my　memory。　While　she　had　been　speaking；　I　had

been　thinking　over　my　position　at　the　present　moment；　and　had

come　to　the　conclusion　that　I　was　in　love　with　her。　The　instant；

however；　that　I　arrived　at　that　result　my　careless；　happy　mood

vanished；　a　mist　seemed　to　arise　before　me　which　concealed　even

her　eyes　and　smile；　and；　blushing　hotly；　I　became　tongue…tied　and

ill…at…ease。



〃But　times　are　different　now；〃　she　went　on　with　a　sigh　and　a

little　lifting　of　her　eyebrows。　〃Everything　seems　worse　than　it

used　to　be；　and　ourselves　too。　Is　it　not　so；　Nicolas？〃



I　could　return　her　no　answer；　but　sat　silently　looking　at　her。



〃Where　are　those　Iwins　and　Kornakoffs　now？　Do　you　remember　them？〃

she　continued；　looking；　I　think；　with　some　curiosity　at　my

blushing；　downcast　countenance。　〃What　splendid　times　we　used　to

have！〃



Still　I　could　not　answer　her。



The　next　moment；　I　was　relieved　from　this　awkward　position　by　the

entry　of　old　Madame　Valakhin　into　the　room。　Rising；　I　bowed；　and

straightway　recovered　my　faculty　of　speech。　On　the　other　hand；　an

extraordinary　change　now　took　place　in　Sonetchka。　All　her　gaiety

and　bonhomie　disappeared；　her　smile　became　quite　a　different　one；

and；　except　for　the　point　of　her　shortness　of　stature；　she　became

just　the　lady　from　abroad　whom　I　had　expected　to　find　in　her。　Yet

for　this　change　there　was　no　apparent　reason；　since　her　mother

smiled　every　whit　as　pleasantly；　and　expressed　in　her　every

movement　just　the　same　benignity；　as　of　old。　Seating　herself　in

her　arm…chair；　the　old　lady　signed　to　me　to　come　and　sit　beside

her；　after　which　she　said　something　to　her　daughter　in　English；

and　Sonetchka　left　the　rooma　fact　which　still　further　helped　to

relieve　me。　Madame　then　inquired　after　my　father　and　brother；　and

passed　on　to　speak　of　her　great　bereavementthe　loss　of　her

husband。　Presently；　however；　she　seemed　to　become　sensible　of　the

fact　that　I　was　not　helping　much　in　the　conversation；　for　she

gave　me　a　look　as　much　as　to　say：　〃If；　now；　my　dear　boy；　you　were

to　get　up；　to　take　your　leave；　and　to　depart；　it　would　be　well。〃

But　a　curious　circumstance　had　overtaken　me。　While　she　had　been

speaking　of　her　bereavement；　I　had　recalled　to　myself；　not　only

the　fact　that　I　was　in　love；　but　the　probability　that　the　mother

knew　of　it：　whereupon　such　a　fit　of　bashfulness　had　come　upon　me

that　I　felt　powerless　to　put　any　member　of　my　body　to　its

legitimate　use。　I　knew　that　if　I　were　to　rise　and　walk　I　should

have　to　think　where　to　plant　each　foot；　what　to　do　with　my　head；

what　with　my　hands；　and　so　on。　In　a　word；　I　foresaw　that　I　should

be　very　much　as　I　had　been　on　the　night　when　I　partook　too　freely

of　champagne；　and　therefore；　since　I　felt　uncertain　of　being　able

to　manage　myself　if　I　DID　rise；　I　ended　by　feeling　UNABLE　to

rise。　Meanwhile；　I　should　say；　Sonetchka　had　returned　to　the　room

with　her　work；　and　seated　herself　in　a　far　cornera　corner

whence；　as　I　was　nevertheless　sensible；　she　could　observe　me。

Madame　must　have　felt　some　surprise　as　she　gazed　at　my　crimson

face　and　noted　my　complete　immobility；　but　I　decided　that　it　was

better　to　continue　sitting　in　that　absurd　position　than　to　risk

something　unpleasant　by　getting　up　and　walking。　Thus　I　sat　on　and

on；　in　the　hope　that　some　unforeseen　chance　would　deliver　me　from

my　predicament。　That　unforeseen　chance　at　length　presented　itself

in　the　person　of　an　unforeseen　young　man；　who　entered　the　room

with　an　air　of　being　one　of　the　household；　and　bowed　to　me

politely　as　he　did　so：　whereupon　Madame　rose；　excused　herself　to

me　for　having　to　speak　with　her　〃homme　d'affaires；〃　and　finally

gave　me　a　glance　which　said：　〃Well；　if　you　DO　mean　to　go　on

sitting　there　for　ever；　at　least　I　can't　drive　you　away。〃

Accordingly；　with　a　great　effort　I　also　rose；　but；　finding　it

impossible　to　do　any　leave…taking；　moved　away　towards　the　door；

followed　by　the　pitying　glances　of　mother　and　daughter。　All　at

once　I　stumbled　over　a　chair；　although　it　was　lying　quite　out　of

my　route：　the　reason　for　my　stumbling　being　that　my　whole

attention　was　centred　upon　not　tripping　over　the　carpet。　Driving

through　the　fresh　air；　howeverwhere　at　first　I　muttered　and

fidgeted　about　so　much　that　Kuzma；　my　coachman；　asked　me　what　was

the　matterI　soon　found　this　feeling　pass　away；　and　began　to

meditate　quietly　concerning　my　love　for　Sonetchka　and　her

relations　with　her　mother；　which　had　appeared　to　me　rather

strange。　When；　afterwards；　I　told　my　father　that　mother　and

daughter　had　not　seemed　on　the　best　of　terms　with　one　another；　he

said：



〃Yes；　Madame　leads　the　poor　girl　an　awful　life　with　her　meanness。

Yet；〃　added　my　father　with　a　greater　display　of　feeling　than　a

man　might　naturally　conceive　for　a　mere　relative；　〃she　used　to　be

such　an　original；　dear；　charming　woman！　I　cannot　think　what　has

made　her　change　so　much。　By　the　way；　you　didn't　notice　a

secretary　fellow　about；　did　you？　Fancy　a　Russian　lady　having　an

affaire　with　a　secretary！〃



〃Yes；　I　saw　him；〃　I　replied。



〃And　was　he　at　least　good…looking？〃



〃No；　not　at　all。〃



〃It　is　extraordinary！〃　concluded　Papa；　with　a　cough　and　an

irritable　hoist　of　his　shoulder。



〃Well；　I　am　in　love！〃　was　my　secret　thought　to　myself　as　I　drove

along　in　my　drozhki。



XIX



THE　KORNAKOFFS



MY　second　call　on　the　route　lay　at　the　Kornakoffs'；　who　lived　on

the　first　floor　of　a　large　mansion　facing　the　Arbat。　The

staircase　of　the　building　looked　extremely　neat　and　orderly；　yet

in　no　way　luxuriousbeing　lined　only　with　drugget　pinned　down

with　highly…polished　brass　rods。　Nowhere　were　there　any　flowers

or　mir