youth-第11节

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thought　to　myself　in　my　dejection　and　disillusionment；　〃I　cannot

be　quite　grown…up　if　I　cannot　smoke　as　other　fellows　do；　and

should　be　fated　never　to　hold　a　chibouk　between　my　first　and

second　fingers；　or　to　inhale　and　puff　smoke　through　a　flaxen

moustache！〃



When　Dimitri　called　for　me　at　five　o'clock；　he　found　me　in　this

unpleasant　predicament。　After　drinking　a　glass　of　water；　however；

I　felt　nearly　recovered；　and　ready　to　go　with　him。



〃So　much　for　your　trying　to　smoke！〃　said　he　as　he　gazed　at　the

remnants　of　my　debauch。　〃It　is　a　silly　thing　to　do；　and　waste　of

money　as　well。　I　long　ago　promised　myself　never　to　smoke。　But

come　along；　we　have　to　call　for　Dubkoff。〃



XIV



HOW　WOLODA　AND　DUBKOFF　AMUSED　THEMSELVES



THE　moment　that　Dimitri　entered　my　room　I　perceived　from　his

face；　manner　of　walking；　and　the　signs　which；　in　him；　denoted

ill…humoura　blinking　of　the　eyes　and　a　grim　holding　of　his　head

to　one　side；　as　though　to　straighten　his　collarthat　he　was　in

the　coldly…correct　frame　of　mind　which　was　his　when　he　felt

dissatisfied　with　himself。　It　was　a　frame　of　mind；　too；　which

always　produced　a　chilling　effect　upon　my　feelings　towards　him。

Of　late　I　had　begun　to　observe　and　appraise　my　friend's　character

a　little　more；　but　our　friendship　had　in　no　way　suffered　from

that；　since　it　was　still　too　young　and　strong　for　me　to　be　able

to　look　upon　Dimitri　as　anything　but　perfect；　no　matter　in　what

light　I　regarded　him。　In　him　there　were　two　personalities；　both

of　which　I　thought　beautiful。　One；　which　I　loved　devotedly；　was

kind；　mild；　forgiving；　gay；　and　conscious　of　being　those　various

things。　When　he　was　in　this　frame　of　mind　his　whole　exterior；　the

very　tone　of　his　voice；　his　every　movement；　appeared　to　say：　〃I

am　kind　and　good…natured；　and　rejoice　in　being　so；　and　every　one

can　see　that　I　so　rejoice。〃　The　other　of　his　two　personalities

one　which　I　had　only　just　begun　to　apprehend；　and　before　the

majesty　of　which　I　bowed　in　spiritwas　that　of　a　man　who　was

cold；　stern　to　himself　and　to　others；　proud；　religious　to　the

point　of　fanaticism；　and　pedantically　moral。　At　the　present

moment　he　was；　as　I　say；　this　second　personality。



With　that　frankness　which　constituted　a　necessary　condition　of

our　relations　I　told　him；　as　soon　as　we　entered　the　drozhki；　how

much　it　depressed　and　hurt　me　to　see　him；　on　this　my　fete…day　in

a　frame　of　mind　so　irksome　and　disagreeable　to　me。



〃What　has　upset　you　so？〃　I　asked　him。　〃Will　you　not　tell　me？〃



〃My　dear　Nicolas；〃　was　his　slow　reply　as　he　gave　his　head　a

nervous　twitch　to　one　side　and　blinked　his　eyes；　〃since　I　have

given　you　my　word　never　to　conceal　anything　from　you；　you　have　no

reason　to　suspect　me　of　secretiveness。　One　cannot　always　be　in

exactly　the　same　mood；　and　if　I　seem　at　all　put　out；　that　is　all

there　is　to　say　about　it。〃



〃What　a　marvellously　open；　honourable　character　his　is！〃　I

thought　to　myself；　and　dropped　the　subject。



We　drove　the　rest　of　the　way　to　Dubkoff's　in　silence。　Dubkoff's

flat　was　an　unusually　fine　oneor；　at　all　events；　so　it　seemed

to　me。　Everywhere　were　rugs；　pictures；　gardenias；　striped

hangings；　photographs；　and　curved　settees；　while　on　the　walls

hung　guns；　pistols；　pouches；　and　the　mounted　heads　of　wild

beasts。　It　was　the　appearance　of　this　apartment　which　made　me

aware　whom；　it　was　that　Woloda　had　imitated　in　the　scheme　of　his

own　sitting…room。　We　found　Dubkoff　and　Woloda　engaged　in　cards；

while　seated　also　at　the　table；　and　watching　the　game　with　close

attention；　was　a　gentleman　whom　I　did　not　know；　but　who　appeared

to　be　of　no　great　importance；　judging　by　the　modesty　of　his

attitude。　Dubkoff　himself　was　in　a　silk　dressing…gown　and　soft

slippers；　while　Wolodaseated　opposite　him　on　a　divanwas　in　his

shirtsleeves；　as　well　as　（to　judge　by　his　flushed　face　and　the

impatient；　cursory　glance　which　he　gave　us　for　a　second　as　he

looked　up　from　the　cards）　much　taken　up　with　the　game。　On　seeing

me；　he　reddened　still　more。



〃Well；　it　is　for　you　to　deal；〃　he　remarked　to　Dubkoff。　In　an

instant　I　divined　that　he　did　not　altogether　relish　my　becoming

acquainted　with　the　fact　that　he　gambled。　Yet　his　expression　had

nothing　in　it　of　confusiononly　a　look　which　seemed　to　me　to　say：

〃Yes；　I　play　cards；　and　if　you　are　surprised　at　that；　it　is　only

because　you　are　so　young。　There　is　nothing　wrong　about　itit　is

a　necessity　at　our　age。〃　Yes；　I　at　once　divined　and　understood

that。



Instead　of　dealing；　however；　Dubkoff　rose　and　shook　hands　with

us；　after　which　he　bade　us　both　be　seated；　and　then　offered　us

pipes；　which　we　declined。



〃Here　is　our　DIPLOMAT；　thenthe　hero　of　the　day！〃　he　said　to　me；

〃Good　Lord！　how　you　look　like　a　colonel！〃



〃H…m！〃　I　muttered　in　reply；　though　once　more　feeling　a　complacent

smile　overspread　my　countenance。



I　stood　in　that　awe　of　Dubkoff　which　a　sixteen…year…old　boy

naturally　feels　for　a　twenty…seven…year…old　man　of　whom　his

elders　say　that　he　is　a　very　clever　young　man　who　can　dance　well

and　speak　French；　and　who；　though　secretly　despising　one's　youth；

endeavours　to　conceal　the　fact。　Yet；　despite　my　respect　for　him；

I　somehow　found　it　difficult　and　uncomfortable；　throughout　my

acquaintanceship　with　him；　to　look　him　in　the　eyes；　I　have　since

remarked　that　there　are　three　kinds　of　men　whom　I　cannot　face

easily；　namely　those　who　are　much　better　than　myself；　those　who

are　much　worse；　and　those　between　whom　and　myself　there　is　a

mutual　determination　not　to　mention　some　particular　thing　of

which　we　are　both　aware。　Dubkoff　may　have　been　a　much　better

fellow　than　myself；　or　he　may　have　been　a　much　worse；　but　the

point　was　that　he　lied　very　frequently　without　recognising　the

fact　that　I　was　aware　of　his　doing　so；　yet　had　determined　not　to

mention　it。



〃Let　us　play　another　round；〃　said　Woloda；　hunching　one　shoulder

after　the　manner　of　Papa；　and　reshuffling　the　cards。



〃How　persistent　you　are！〃　said　Dubkoff。　〃We　can　play　all　we　want

to　afterwards。　Well；　one　more　round；　then。〃



During　the　play；　I　looked　at　their　hands。　Woloda's　hands　were

large　and　red；　whilst　in　the　crook　of　the　thumb　and　the　way　in

which　the　other　fingers　curved　themselves　round　the　cards　as　he

held　them　they　so　exactly　resembled　Papa's　that　now　and　then　I

could　not　help　thinking　that　Woloda　purposely　held　the　cards　thus

so　as　to　look　the　more　like　a　grownup。　Yet　the　next　moment；

looking　at　his　face；　I　could　see　that　he　had　not　a　thought　in　his

mind　beyond　the　game。　Dubkoff's　hands；　on　the　contrary；　were

small；　puffy；　and　inclined　to　clench　themselves；　as　well　as

extremely　neat　and　small…fingered。　They　were　just　the　kind　of

hands　which　generally　display　rings；　and　which　are　most　to　be

seen　on　persons　who　are　both　inclined　to　use　them　and　fond　of

objets　de　vertu。



Woloda　must　have　lost；　for　the　gentleman　who　was　watching　the

play　remarked　that　Vladimir　Petrovitch　had　terribly　bad　luck；

while　Dubkoff　reached　for　a　note　book；　wrote　something　in　it；　and

then；　showing　Woloda　what　he　had　written；　said：



〃Is　that　right？〃



〃Yes。〃　said　Woloda；　glancing　with　feigned　carelessness　at　the

note　book。　〃Now　let　us　go。〃



Woloda　took　Dubkoff；　and　I　gave　Dimitri　a　lift　in　my　drozhki。



〃What　were　they　playing　at？〃　I　inquired　of　Dimitri。



〃At　piquet。　It　is　a　stupid　game。　In　fact；　all　such　games　are

stupid。〃



〃And　were　they　playing　for　much？〃



〃No；　not　very　much；　but　more　than　they　ought　to。〃



〃Do　you　ever　play　yourself？〃



〃No；　I　swore　never　to　do　so；　but　Dubkoff　will　play　with　any　one

he　can　get　hold　of。〃



〃He　ought　not　to　do　that；〃　I　remarked。　〃So　Woloda　does　not　play

so　well　as　he　does？〃



〃Perhaps　Dubkoff　ought　not　to；　as　you　say；　yet　there　is　nothing

especially　bad　about　it　all。　He　likes　playing；　and　plays　well；

but　he　is　a　good　fellow　all　the　same。〃



〃I　had　no　idea　of　this；〃　I　said。



〃We　must　not　think　ill　of　him；〃　concluded　Dimitri；　〃since　he　is　a

simply　splendid　fellow。　I　like　him　very　much；　and　always　shall

like　him；　in　spite　of　his　weakness。〃



For　some　reason　or　another　the　idea　occurred　to　me　that；　just

BECAUSE　Dimitri　stuck　up　so　stoutly　for　Dubkoff；　he　neither　liked

nor　respected　him　in　reality；　but　was　determined；　out　of

stubbornness　and　a　desire　not　to　be　accused　of　inconstancy；　never

to　own　to　the　fact。　He　was　one　of　those　people　who　love　their

friends　their　life　long；　not　so　much　because　those　friends　remain

always　dear　to　them；　as　because；　having　oncepossibly

mistakenlyliked　a　person；　they　look　upon　it　as　dishonourable　to

cease　ever　to　do　so。



XV



I　AM　FETED　AT　DINNER



Dubkoff　and　Woloda　knew　every　one　at　the　restaurant　by　name；　and

every　one；　from　the　waiters　to　the　proprietor；　paid　them　great

respect。　No　time　was　lost　in　allotting　us　a　private　room；　where　a

bottle　of　iced　champagne…upon　which　I　tried　to　look　with　as　much

indifference　as　I　couldstood　ready