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第36节

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 baby; or some other baby; and then you might have a chance。〃

〃Turn into a baby; eh?  If I could do that; and know what was happening to me for but one hour; I should know everything then; and be at rest。  But I can't; I can't be a little child again; and I suppose if I could; it would be no use; because then I should then know nothing about what was happening to me。  Ah; you lucky little dog!〃 said the poor old giant。

〃But why do you run after all these poor people?〃 said Tom; who liked the giant very much。

〃My dear; it's they that have been running after me; father and son; for hundreds and hundreds of years; throwing stones at me till they have knocked off my spectacles fifty times; and calling me a malignant and a turbaned Turk; who beat a Venetian and traduced the State … goodness only knows what they mean; for I never read poetry … and hunting me round and round … though catch me they can't; for every time I go over the same ground; I go the faster; and grow the bigger。  While all I want is to be friends with them; and to tell them something to their advantage; like Mr。 Joseph Ady:  only somehow they are so strangely afraid of hearing it。  But; I suppose I am not a man of the world; and have no tact。〃

〃But why don't you turn round and tell them so?〃

〃Because I can't。  You see; I am one of the sons of Epimetheus; and must go backwards; if I am to go at all。〃

〃But why don't you stop; and let them come up to you?〃

〃Why; my dear; only think。  If I did; all the butterflies and cockyolybirds would fly past me; and then I should catch no more new species; and should grow rusty and mouldy; and die。  And I don't intend to do that; my dear; for I have a destiny before me; they say:  though what it is I don't know; and don't care。〃

〃Don't care?〃 said Tom。

〃No。  Do the duty which lies nearest you; and catch the first beetle you come across; is my motto; and I have thriven by it for some hundred years。  Now I must go on。  Dear me; while I have been talking to you; at least nine new species have escaped me。〃

And on went the giant; behind before; like a bull in a china…shop; till he ran into the steeple of the great idol temple (for they are all idolaters in those parts; of course; else they would never be afraid of giants); and knocked the upper half clean off; hurting himself horribly about the small of the back。

But little he cared; for as soon as the ruins of the steeple were well between his legs; he poked and peered among the falling stones; and shifted his spectacles; and pulled out his pocket… magnifier; and cried …

〃An entirely new Oniscus; and three obscure Podurellae!  Besides a moth which M。 le Roi des Papillons (though he; like all Frenchmen; is given to hasty inductions) says is confined to the limits of the Glacial Drift。  This is most important!〃

And down he sat on the nave of the temple (not being a man of the world) to examine his Podurellae。  Whereon (as was to be expected) the roof caved in bodily; smashing the idols; and sending the priests flying out of doors and windows; like rabbits out of a burrow when a ferret goes in。

But he never heeded; for out of the dust flew a bat; and the giant had him in a moment。

〃Dear me!  This is even more important!  Here is a cognate species to that which Macgilliwaukie Brown insists is confined to the Buddhist temples of Little Thibet; and now when I look at it; it may be only a variety produced by difference of climate!〃

And having bagged his bat; up he got; and on he went; while all the people ran; being in none the better humour for having their temple smashed for the sake of three obscure species of Podurella; and a Buddhist bat。

〃Well;〃 thought Tom; 〃this is a very pretty quarrel; with a good deal to be said on both sides。  But it is no business of mine。〃

And no more it was; because he was a water…baby; and had the original sow by the right ear; which you will never have; unless you be a baby; whether of the water; the land; or the air; matters not; provided you can only keep on continually being a baby。

So the giant ran round after the people; and the people ran round after the giant; and they are running; unto this day for aught I know; or do not know; and will run till either he; or they; or both; turn into little children。  And then; as Shakespeare says (and therefore it must be true) …


〃Jack shall have Gill Nought shall go ill The man shall have his mare again; and all go well。〃


Then Tom came to a very famous island; which was called; in the days of the great traveller Captain Gulliver; the Isle of Laputa。 But Mrs。 Bedonebyasyoudid has named it over again the Isle of Tomtoddies; all heads and no bodies。

And when Tom came near it; he heard such a grumbling and grunting and growling and wailing and weeping and whining that he thought people must be ringing little pigs; or cropping puppies' ears; or drowning kittens:  but when he came nearer still; he began to hear words among the noise; which was the Tomtoddies' song which they sing morning and evening; and all night too; to their great idol Examination …


〃I can't learn my lesson:  the examiner's coming!〃


And that was the only song which they knew。

And when Tom got on shore the first thing he saw was a great pillar; on one side of which was inscribed; 〃Playthings not allowed here;〃 at which he was so shocked that he would not stay to see what was written on the other side。  Then he looked round for the people of the island:  but instead of men; women; and children; he found nothing but turnips and radishes; beet and mangold wurzel; without a single green leaf among them; and half of them burst and decayed; with toad…stools growing out of them。  Those which were left began crying to Tom; in half a dozen different languages at once; and all of them badly spoken; 〃I can't learn my lesson; do come and help me!〃  And one cried; 〃Can you show me how to extract this square root?〃

And another; 〃Can you tell me the distance between 'alpha' Lyrae and 'beta' Camelopardis?〃

And another; 〃What is the latitude and longitude of Snooksville; in Noman's County; Oregon; U。S。?〃

And another; 〃What was the name of Mutius Scaevola's thirteenth cousin's grandmother's maid's cat?〃

And another; 〃How long would it take a school…inspector of average activity to tumble head over heels from London to York?〃

And another; 〃Can you tell me the name of a place that nobody ever heard of; where nothing ever happened; in a country which has not been discovered yet?〃

And another; 〃Can you show me how to correct this hopelessly corrupt passage of Graidiocolosyrtus Tabenniticus; on the cause why crocodiles have no tongues?〃

And so on; and so on; and so on; till one would have thought they were all trying for tide…waiters' places; or cornetcies in the heavy dragoons。

〃And what good on earth will it do you if I did tell you?〃 quoth Tom。

Well; they didn't know that:  all they knew was the examiner was coming。

Then Tom stumbled on the hugest and softest nimblecomequick turnip you ever saw filling a hole in a crop of swedes; and it cried to him; 〃Can you tell me anything at all about anything you like?〃

〃About what?〃 says Tom。

〃About anything you like; for as fast as I learn things I forget them again。  So my mamma says that my intellect is not adapted for methodic science; and says that I must go in for general information。〃

Tom told him that he did not know general information; nor any officers in the army; only he had a friend once that went for a drummer:  but he could tell him a great many strange things which he had seen in his travels。

So he told him prettily enough; while the poor turnip listened very carefully; and the more he listened; the more he forgot; and the more water ran out of him。

Tom thought he was crying:  but it was only his poor brains running away; from being worked so hard; and as Tom talked; the unhappy turnip streamed down all over with juice; and split and shrank till nothing was left of him but rind and water; whereat Tom ran away in a fright; for he thought he might be taken up for killing the turnip。

But; on the contrary; the turnip's parents were highly delighted; and considered him a saint and a martyr; and put up a long inscription over his tomb about his wonderful talents; early development; and unparalleled precocity。  Were they not a foolish couple?  But there was a still more foolish couple next to them; who were beating a wretched little radish; no bigger than my thumb; for sullenness and obstinacy and wilful stupidity; and never knew that the reason why it couldn't learn or hardly even speak was; that there was a great worm inside it eating out all its brains。 But even they are no foolisher than some hundred score of papas and mammas; who fetch the rod when they ought to fetch a new toy; and send to the dark cupboard instead of to the doctor。

Tom was so puzzled and frightened with all he saw; that he was longing to ask the meaning of it; and at last he stumbled over a respectable old stick lying half covered with earth。  But a very stout and worthy stick it was; for it belonged to good Roger Ascham in old time; and had carved on its head King Edward the Sixth; with the Bible in his hand。

〃You see;〃 said

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