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第35节

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小说: the water-babies 字数: 每页4000字

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 for fear lest when rogues fell out; honest men should come by their own。  And so they would have succeeded perfectly; as they always do; only that (as they also always do) they failed in one little particular; viz。 that the dog would not die; being a water…dog; but bit their fingers so abominably that they were forced to let him go; and Tom likewise; as British subjects。  Whereon they recommenced rapping for the spirits of their fathers; and very much astonished the poor old spirits were when they came; and saw how; according to the laws of Mrs。 Bedonebyasyoudid; their descendants had weakened their constitution by hard living。

Then came Tom to the Island of Polupragmosyne (which some call Rogues' Harbour; but they are wrong; for that is in the middle of Bramshill Bushes; and the county police have cleared it out long ago)。  There every one knows his neighbour's business better than his own; and a very noisy place it is; as might be expected; considering that all the inhabitants are EX OFFICIO on the wrong side of the house in the 〃Parliament of Man; and the Federation of the World;〃 and are always making wry mouths; and crying that the fairies' grapes were sour。

There Tom saw ploughs drawing horses; nails driving hammers; birds' nests taking boys; books making authors; bulls keeping china…shops; monkeys shaving cats; dead dogs drilling live lions; blind brigadiers shelfed as principals of colleges; play…actors not in the least shelfed as popular preachers; and; in short; every one set to do something which he had not learnt; because in what he had learnt; or pretended to learn; he had failed。

There stands the Pantheon of the Great Unsuccessful; from the builders of the Tower of Babel to those of the Trafalgar Fountains; in which politicians lecture on the constitutions which ought to have marched; conspirators on the revolutions which ought to have succeeded; economists on the schemes which ought to have made every one's fortune; and projectors on the discoveries which ought to have set the Thames on fire。  There cobblers lecture on orthopedy (whatsoever that may be) because they cannot sell their shoes; and poets on AEsthetics (whatsoever that may be) because they cannot sell their poetry。  There philosophers demonstrate that England would be the freest and richest country in the world; if she would only turn Papist again; penny…a…liners abuse the Times; because they have not wit enough to get on its staff; and young ladies walk about with lockets of Charles the First's hair (or of somebody else's; when the Jews' genuine stock is used up); inscribed with the neat and appropriate legend … which indeed is popular through all that land; and which; I hope; you will learn to translate in due time and to perpend likewise:…


〃VICTRIX CAUSA DIIS PLACUIT; SED VICTA PUELLIS。〃


When he got into the middle of the town; they all set on him at once; to show him his way; or rather; to show him that he did not know his way; for as for asking him what way he wanted to go; no one ever thought of that。

But one pulled him hither; and another poked him thither; and a third cried …

〃You mustn't go west; I tell you; it is destruction to go west。〃

〃But I am not going west; as you may see;〃 said Tom。

And another; 〃The east lies here; my dear; I assure you this is the east。〃

〃But I don't want to go east;〃 said Tom。

〃Well; then; at all events; whichever way you are going; you are going wrong;〃 cried they all with one voice … which was the only thing which they ever agreed about; and all pointed at once to all the thirty…and…two points of the compass; till Tom thought all the sign…posts in England had got together; and fallen fighting。

And whether he would have ever escaped out of the town; it is hard to say; if the dog had not taken it into his head that they were going to pull his master in pieces; and tackled them so sharply about the gastrocnemius muscle; that he gave them some business of their own to think of at last; and while they were rubbing their bitten calves; Tom and the dog got safe away。

On the borders of that island he found Gotham; where the wise men live; the same who dragged the pond because the moon had fallen into it; and planted a hedge round the cuckoo; to keep spring all the year。  And he found them bricking up the town gate; because it was so wide that little folks could not get through。  And; when he asked why; they told him they were expanding their liturgy。  So he went on; for it was no business of his:  only he could not help saying that in his country; if the kitten could not get in at the same hole as the cat; she might stay outside and mew。

But he saw the end of such fellows; when he came to the island of the Golden Asses; where nothing but thistles grow。  For there they were all turned into mokes with ears a yard long; for meddling with matters which they do not understand; as Lucius did in the story。 And like him; mokes they must remain; till; by the laws of development; the thistles develop into roses。  Till then; they must comfort themselves with the thought; that the longer their ears are; the thicker their hides; and so a good beating don't hurt them。

Then came Tom to the great land of Hearsay; in which are no less than thirty and odd kings; beside half a dozen Republics; and perhaps more by next mail。

And there he fell in with a deep; dark; deadly; and destructive war; waged by the princes and potentates of those parts; both spiritual and temporal; against what do you think?  One thing I am sure of。  That unless I told you; you would never know; nor how they waged that war either; for all their strategy and art military consisted in the safe and easy process of stopping their ears and screaming; 〃Oh; don't tell us!〃 and then running away。

So when Tom came into that land; he found them all; high and low; man; woman; and child; running for their lives day and night continually; and entreating not to be told they didn't know what: only the land being an island; and they having a dislike to the water (being a musty lot for the most part); they ran round and round the shore for ever; which (as the island was exactly of the same circumference as the planet on which we have the honour of living) was hard work; especially to those who had business to look after。  But before them; as bandmaster and fugleman; ran a gentleman shearing a pig; the melodious strains of which animal led them for ever; if not to conquest; still to flight; and kept up their spirits mightily with the thought that they would at least have the pig's wool for their pains。

And running after them; day and night; came such a poor; lean; seedy; hard…worked old giant; as ought to have been cockered up; and had a good dinner given him; and a good wife found him; and been set to play with little children; and then he would have been a very presentable old fellow after all; for he had a heart; though it was considerably overgrown with brains。

He was made up principally of fish bones and parchment; put together with wire and Canada balsam; and smelt strongly of spirits; though he never drank anything but water:  but spirits he used somehow; there was no denying。  He had a great pair of spectacles on his nose; and a butterfly…net in one hand; and a geological hammer in the other; and was hung all over with pockets; full of collecting boxes; bottles; microscopes; telescopes; barometers; ordnance maps; scalpels; forceps; photographic apparatus; and all other tackle for finding out everything about everything; and a little more too。  And; most strange of all; he was running not forwards but backwards; as fast as he could。

Away all the good folks ran from him; except Tom; who stood his ground and dodged between his legs; and the giant; when he had passed him; looked down; and cried; as if he was quite pleased and comforted; …

〃What? who are you?  And you actually don't run away; like all the rest?〃  But he had to take his spectacles off; Tom remarked; in order to see him plainly。

Tom told him who he was; and the giant pulled out a bottle and a cork instantly; to collect him with。

But Tom was too sharp for that; and dodged between his legs and in front of him; and then the giant could not see him at all。

〃No; no; no!〃 said Tom; 〃I've not been round the world; and through the world; and up to Mother Carey's haven; beside being caught in a net and called a Holothurian and a Cephalopod; to be bottled up by any old giant like you。〃

And when the giant understood what a great traveller Tom had been; he made a truce with him at once; and would have kept him there to this day to pick his brains; so delighted was he at finding any one to tell him what he did not know before。

〃Ah; you lucky little dog!〃 said he at last; quite simply … for he was the simplest; pleasantest; honestest; kindliest old Dominie Sampson of a giant that ever turned the world upside down without intending it … 〃ah; you lucky little dog!  If I had only been where you have been; to see what you have seen!〃

〃Well;〃 said Tom; 〃if you want to do that; you had best put your head under water for a few hours; as I did; and turn into a water… baby; or some other baby; and then you might have a chance。〃

〃Turn into a baby; eh?  If I could 

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