the voice of the city-第23节

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There　will　be　no　profit　in　following　Mr。　〃Tiger〃

McQuirk　through　his　further　vagaries　of　that　day

until　he　comes　to　stand　knocking　at　the　door　of　Annie

Maria　Doyle。　　The　goddess　Eastre；　it　seems；　had

guided　his　footsteps　aright　at　last。



〃Is　that　you　now；　Jimmy　McQuirk？〃　she　cried；

smiling　through　the　opened　door　（Annie　Maria　had

never　accepted　the　〃Tiger〃）。　　〃Well；　whatever！〃

〃Come　out　in　the　ball；〃　said　Mr。　McQuirk。　　〃I

want　to　ask　yer　opinion　of　the　weather　…　on　the

level。〃



〃Are　you　crazy；　sure？〃　said　Annie　Maria。



〃I　am；〃　said　the　〃Tiger。〃　　〃They've　been　telling

me　all　day　there　was　spring　in　the　air。　　Were　they

liars？　　Or　am　I？〃



〃Dear　me！〃　said　Annie　Maria　　　〃haven't　you　no…

ticed　it？　　I　can　almost　smell　the　violets。　　And　the

green　grass。　　Of　course；　there　ain't　any　yet　　it's

just　a　kind　of　feeling；　you　know。〃



〃That's　what　I'm　getting　at；〃　said　Mr。　McQuirk。

I've　had　it。　I　didn't　recognize　it　at　first。　I

thought　maybe　it　was　en…wee；　contracted　the　other

day　when　I　stepped　above　Fourteenth　Street。　　But

the　katzenjammer　I've　got　don't　spell　violets。　　It

spells　yer　own　name；　Annie　Maria；　and　it's　you　I

want。　　I　go　to　work　next　Monday；　and　I　make　four

dollars　a　day。　　Spiel　up；　old　girl　　do　we　make　a

team？〃



〃Jimmy；〃　sighed　Annie　Maria；　suddenly　disap…

pearing　in　his　overcoat；　〃don't　you　see　that　spring

is　all　over　the　world　right　this　minute？〃



But　you　yourself　remember　how　that　day　ended。

Beginning　with　so　fine　a　promise　of　vernal　things；

late　in　the　afternoon　the　air　chilled　and　an　inch　of

snow　fell　　even　so　late　in　March。　　On　Fifth　Ave…

nue　the　ladies　drew　their　winter　furs　close　about

them。　　Only　in　the　florists'　windows　could　be　per…

ceived　any　signs　of　the　morning　smile　of　the　coming

goddess　Eastre。



At　six　o'clock　Herr　Lutz　began　to　close　his　shop。

He　beard　a　well…known　shout：　〃Hello；　Dutch！〃



〃Tiger〃　McQuirk；　in　his　shirt…sleeves；　with　his

hat　on　the　back　of　his　bead；　stood　outside　in　the

whirling　snow；　puffing　at　a　black　cigar。



〃Donnerwetter！〃　shouted　Lutz；　〃der　vinter；　he

has　gome　back　again　yet！〃



〃Yer　a　liar；　Dutch；〃　called　back　Mr。　McQuirk；

with　friendly　geniality；　it's　springtime；　by　the

watch。〃









THE　FOOL…KILLER





Down　South　whenever　any　one　perpetrates　some

particularly　monumental　piece　of　foolishness　every…

body　says：　〃Send　for　Jesse　Holmes。〃



Jesse　Holmes　is　the　Fool…Killer。　　Of　course　he　is　a

myth；　like　Santa　Claus　and　Jack　Frost　and　General

Prosperity　and　all　those　concrete　conceptions　that

are　supposed　to　represent　an　idea　that　Nature　has

failed　to　embody。　　The　wisest　of　the　Southrons　can…

not　tell　you　whence　comes　the　Fool…Killer's　name；

but　few　and　happy　are　the　households　from　the　Ro…

anoke　to　the　Rio　Grande　in　which　the　name　of　Jesse

Holmes　has　not　been　pronounced　or　invoked。　　Always

with　a　smile；　and　often　with　a　tear；　is　he　summoned

to　his　official　duty。　　A　busy　man　is　Jesse　Holmes。



I　remember　the　clear　picture　of　him　that　hung　on

the　walls　of　my　fancy　during　my　barefoot　days　when

I　was　dodging　his　oft…threatened　devoirs。　　To　me

be　was　a　terrible　old　man；　in　gray　clothes；　with　a

long；　ragged；　gray　beard；　and　reddish；　fierce　eyes。

I　looked　to　see　him　come　stumping　up　the　road　in

a　cloud　of　dust；　with　a　white　oak　staff　in　his　hand

and　his　shoes　tied　with　leather　thongs。　　I　may

yet　



But　this　is　a　story；　not　a　sequel。



I　have　taken　notice　with　regret；　that　few　stories

worth　reading　have　been　written　that　did　not　con…

tain　drink　of　some　sort。　　Down　go　the　fluids；　from

Arizona　Dick's　three　fingers　of　red　pizen　to　the　in…

efficacious　Oolong　that　nerves　Lionel　Montressor　to

repartee　in　the　〃Dotty　Dialogues。〃　So；　in　such

good　company　I　may　introduce　an　absinthe　drip　

one　absinthe　drip；　dripped　through　a　silver　dripper；

orderly；　opalescent；　cool；　green…eyed　　deceptive。



Kerner　was　a　fool。　　Besides　that；　he　was　an　artist

and　my　good　friend。　　Now；　if　there　is　one　thing　on

earth　utterly　despicable　to　another；　it　is　an　artist

in　the　eyes　of　an　author　whose　story　he　has　illus…

trated。　Just　try　it　once。　Write　a　story　about　a

mining　camp　in　Idiho。　　Sell　it。　　Spend　the　money；

and　then；　six　months　later；　borrow　a　quarter　（or

a　dime）；　and　buy　the　magazine　containing　it。　　You

find　a　full…page　wash　drawing　of　your　hero；　Black

Bill；　the　cowboy。　　Somewhere　in　your　story　you　em…

ployed　the　word　〃horse。〃　　Aha！　the　artist　has

grasped　the　idea。　　　Black　Bill　has　on　the　regulation

trousers　of　the　M。　F。　H。　of　the　Westchester　County

Hunt。　He　carries　a　parlor　rifle；　and　wears　a　mon…

ocle。　　In　the　distance　is　a　section　of　Forty…second

Street　during　a　search　for　a　lost　gas…pipe；　and　the

Taj　Mahal；　the　famous　mausoleum　in　India。



〃Enough！　I　hated　Kerner；　and　one　day　I　met　him

and　we　became　friends。　　He　was　young　and　glori…

ously　melancholy　because　his　spirits　were　so　high

and　life　bad　so　much　in　store　for　him。　　Yes；　he　was

almost　riotously　sad。　　That　was　his　youth。　　When　a

man　begins　to　be　hilarious　in　a　sorrowful　way　you

can　bet　a　million　that　he　is　dyeing　his　hair。　　Ker…

ner's　hair　was　plentiful　and　carefully　matted　as　an

artist's　thatch　should　be。　　He　was　a　cigaretteur；　and

be　audited　his　dinners　with　red　wine。　　But；　most　of

all；　be　was　a　fool。　　And；　wisely；　I　envied　him；　and

listened　patiently　while　he　knocked　Velasquez　and

Tintoretto。　　Once　he　told　me　that　he　liked　a　story　of

mine　that　he　bad　come　across　in　an　anthology。　　He

described　it　to　me；　and　I　was　sorry　that　Mr。　Fitz…

James　O'Brien　was　dead　and　could　not　learn　of　the

eulogy　of　his　work。　　But　mostly　Kerner　made　few

breaks　and　was　a　consistent　fool。



I'd　better　explain　what　I　mean　by　that。　　There

was　a　girl。　　Now；　a　girl；　as　far　as　I　am　concerned；

is　a　thing　that　belongs　in　a　seminary　or　an　album；

but　I　conceded　the　existence　of　the　animal　in　order

to　retain　Kerner's　friendship。　　He　showed　me　her

picture　in　a　locket　　she　was　a　blonde　or　a　brunette

　I　have　forgotten　which。　　She　worked　in　a　factory

for　eight　dollars　a　week。　　Lest　factories　quote　this

wage　by　way　of　vindication；　I　will　add　that　the　girl

bad　worked　for　five　years　to　reach　that　supreme　ele…

vation　of　remuneration；　beginning　at　1。50　per　week。



Kerner's　father　was　worth　a　couple　of　millions

He　was　willing　to　stand　for　art；　but　he　drew　the

line　at　the　factory　girl。　　So　Kerner　disinherited　his

father　and　walked　out　to　a　cheap　studio　and　lived

on　sausages　for　breakfast　and　on　Farroni　for　dinner。

Farroni　had　the　artistic　soul　and　a　line　of　credit　for

painters　and　poets；　nicely　adjusted。　　Sometimes　Ker…

rier　sold　a　picture　and　bought　some　new　tapestry；　a

ring　and　a　dozen　silk　cravats；　and　paid　Farroni

two　dollars　on　account。



One　evening　Kerner　had　me　to　dinner　with　himself

and　the　factory　girl。　　They　were　to　be　married　as

soon　as　Kerner　could　slosh　paint　profitably。　　As　for

the　ex…father's　two　millions　　pouf！



She　was　a　wonder。　　Small　and　half…way　pretty；

and　as　much　at　her　ease　in　that　cheap　cafe　as　though

she　were　only　in　the　Palmer　House；　Chicago；　with　a

souvenir　spoon　already　safely　hidden　in　her　shirt


waist。　　She　was　natural。　　Two　things　I　noticed　about

her　especially。　　Her　belt　buckle　was　exactly　in　the

middle　of　her　back；　and　she　didn't　tell　us　that　a　large

man　with　a　ruby　stick…pin　had　followed　her　up　all　the

way　from　Fourteenth　Street。　　Was　Kerner　such　a　fool？

I　wondered。　　And　then　I　thought　of　the　quantity　of

striped　cuffs　and　blue　glass　beads　that　2；000；000

can　buy　for　the　heathen；　and　I　said　to　myself　that　he

was。　　And　then　Elise　　certainly　that　was　her　name

told　us；　merrily；　that　the　brown　spot　on　her　waist

was　caused　by　her　landlady　knocking　at　the　door

while　she　（the　girl　　confound　the　English　language）

was　heating　an　iron　over　the　gas　jet；　and　she　hid　the

iron　under　the　bedclothes　until　the　coast　was　clear；

and　there　was　the　piece　of　chewing　gum　stuck

to　it　when　she　began　to　iron　the　waist；　and　　well；

I　wondered　bow　in　the　world　the　chewing　gum

came　to　be　there　　don't　they　ever　stop　chewing

it？



A　while　after　that　　don't　be　impatient；　the　ab…

sinthe　drip　is　coming　now　　Kerner　and　I　were　dining

at　Farroni's。　　A　mandolin　and　a　guitar　were　being

attacked；　the　room　was　full　of　smoke　in　nice；　long

crinkly　layers　just　like　the　artists　draw　the　steam

from　a　plum　pudding　on　Christmas　posters；　and　a

lady　in　a　blue　silk　and　gasolined　gauntlets　was　be…

ginning　to　bum　an　air　from　the　Catskills。



〃Kerner；〃　said　I；　〃you　are　a　fool。〃



〃Of　course；〃　said　Kerner；　〃I　wouldn't　let　her　go

on　working。　　Not　my　wife。　　What's　the　use　to　wait？

She's　willing。　　I　sold　that　water　color　of　the　Pali…

sades　yesterday。　　We　could　cook　on　a　two…burner　gas

stove。　　You　know　the　ragouts　I　can　throw　together？

Yes；　I　think　we　will　marry　next　week。〃



〃Kerner；〃　said　I；　〃you　are　a　fool。〃



〃Have　an　absinthe