a far country-第85节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


than　ever；　but　her　manner　implied　the　pressure　of　control；　and　her　voice
was　not　quite　steady　as　she　greeted　me。

〃You've　been　away　a　long　time；〃　I　said。

〃The　dressmakers；〃　she　answered。　　Her　colour　rose　a　little。　　〃I　thought
they'd　never　get　through。〃

〃But　why　didn't　you　drop　me　a　line；　let　me　know　when　you　were　coming？〃　　I
asked；　taking　a　chair　beside　her；　and　laying　my　hand　on　hers。　　She　drew
it　gently　away。

〃What's　the　matter？〃　　I　asked。

〃I've　been　thinking　it　all　overwhat　we're　doing。　　It　doesn't　seem
right；　it　seems　terribly　wrong。〃

〃But　I　thought　we'd　gone　over　all　that；〃　I　replied；　as　patiently　as　I
could。　　〃You're　putting　it　on　an　old…fashioned；　moral　basis。〃

〃But　there　must　be　same　basis；〃　she　urged。　　〃There　are　responsibilities；
obligationsthere　must　be！that　we　can't　get　away　from。　　I　can't　help
feeling　that　we　ought　to　stand　by　our　mistakes；　and　by　our　bargains；　we
made　a　choiceit's　cheating；　somehow；　and　if　we　take　thiswhat　we　want…
…we　shall　be　punished　for　it。〃

〃But　I'm　willing　to　be　punished；　to　suffer；　as　I　told　you。　　If　you　loved
me〃

〃Hugh！〃　she　exclaimed；　and　I　was　silent。　　〃You　don't　understand；〃　she
went　on；　a　little　breathlessly；　〃what　I　mean　by　punishment　is
deterioration。　　Do　you　remember　once；　long　ago；　when　you　came　to　me
before　I　was　married；　I　said　we'd　both　run　after　false　gods；　and　that　we
couldn't　do　without　them？　　Well；　and　now　this　has　come；　it　seems　so
wonderful　to　me；　coming　again　like　that　after　we　had　passed　it　by；　after
we　thought　it　had　gone　forever；　it's　opened　up　visions　for　me　that　I
never　hoped　to　see　again。　　It　ought　to　restore　us；　dearthat's　what　I'm
trying　to　sayto　redeem　us；　to　make　us　capable　of　being　what　we　were
meant　to　be。　　If　it　doesn't　do　that；　if　it　isn't　doing　so；　it's　the　most
horrible　of　travesties；　of　mockeries。　　If　we　gain　life　only　to
have　it　turn　into　deathslow　death；　if　we　go　to　pieces　again；　utterly。
For　now　there's　hope。　　The　more　I　think；　the　more　clearly　I　see　that　we
can't　take　any　step　without　responsibilities。　　If　we　take　this；　you'll
have　me；　and　I'll　have　you。　　And　if　we　don't　save　each　other〃

〃But　we　will；〃　I　said。

〃Ah；〃　she　exclaimed；　〃if　we　could　start　new；　without　any　past。　　I　married
Ham　with　my　eyes　open。〃

〃You　couldn't　know　that　he　would　becomewell；　as　flagrant　as　he　is。　　You
didn't　really　know　what　he　was　then。〃

〃There's　no　reason　why　I　shouldn't　have　anticipated　it。　　I　can't　claim
that　I　was　deceived；　that　I　thought　my　marriage　was　made　in　heaven。　　I
entered　into　a　contract；　and　Ham　has　kept　his　part　of　it　fairly　well。　　He
hasn't　interfered　with　my　freedom。　　That　isn't　putting　it　on　a　high
plane；　but　there　is　an　obligation　involved。　　You　yourself；　in　your　law
practice；　are　always　insisting　upon　the　sacredness　of　contract　as　the
very　basis　of　our　civilization。〃

Here　indeed　would　have　been　a　home　thrust；　had　I　been　vulnerable　at　the
time。　　So　intent　was　I　on　overcoming　her　objections；　that　I　resorted
unwittingly　to　the　modern　argument　I　had　more　than　once　declared　in　court
to　be　anathema…the　argument　of　the　new　reform　in　reference　to　the　common
law　and　the　constitution。

〃A　contract；　no　matter　how　seriously　entered　into　at　the　time　it　was
made；　that　later　is　seen　to　violate　the　principles　of　humanity　should　be
void。　　And　not　only　this；　but　you　didn't　consent　that　he　should　disgrace
you。〃

Nancy　winced。

〃I　never　told　you　that　he　paid　my　father's　debts；　I　never　told　anyone；〃
she　said；　in　a　low　voice。

〃Even　then；〃　I　answered　after　a　moment；　〃you　ought　to　see　that　it's　too
terrible　a　price　to　pay　for　your　happiness。　　And　Ham　hasn't　ever
pretended　to　consider　you　in　any　way。　　It's　certain　you　didn't　agree　that
he　should　dowhat　he　is　doing。〃

〃Suppose　I　admitted　it；〃　she　said；　〃there　remain　Maude　and　your　children。
Their　happiness；　their　future　becomes　my　responsibility　as　well　as
yours。〃

〃But　I　don't　love　Maude；　and　Maude　doesn't　love　me。　　I　grant　it's　my
fault；　that　I　did　her　a　wrong　in　marrying　her；　but　she　is　right　in
leaving　me。　　I　should　be　doing　her　a　double　wrong。　　And　the　children　will
be　happy　with　her；　they　will　be　well　brought　up。　　I；　too；　have　thought
this　out；　Nancy；〃　I　insisted；　〃and　the　fact　is　that　in　our　respective
marriages　we　have　been；　each　of　us；　victims　of　our　time；　of　our
education。　　We　were　born　in　a　period　of　transition；　we　inherited　views　of
life　that　do　not　fit　conditions　to…day。　　It　takes　courage　to　achieve
happiness；　initiative　to　emancipate　one's　self　from　a　morality　that
begins　to　hamper　and　bind。　　To　stay　as　we　are；　to　refuse　to　take　what　is
offered　us；　is　to　remain　between　wind　and　water。　　I　don't　mean　that　we
should　do　anythinghastily。　　We　can　afford　to　take　a　reasonable　time；　to
be　dignified　about　it。　　But　I　have　come　to　the　conclusion　that　the　only
thing　that　matters　in　the　world　is　a　love　like　ours；　and　its　fulfilment。
Achievement；　success；　are　empty　and　meaningless　without　it。　　And　you　do
love　meyou've　admitted　it。〃

〃Oh；　I　don't　want　to　talk　about　it；〃　she　exclaimed；　desperately。

〃But　we　have　to　talk　about　it；〃　I　persisted。　　〃We　have　to　thrash　it　out；
to　see　it　straight；　as　you　yourself　have　said。〃

〃You　speak　of　convictions；　Hugh；new　convictions；　in　place　of　the　old　we
have　discarded。　　But　what　are　they？　　And　is　there　no　such　thing　as
conscienceeven　though　it　be　only　an　intuition　of　happiness　or
unhappiness？　　I　do　care　for　you；　I　do　love　you〃

〃Then　why　not　let　that　suffice？〃　I　exclaimed；　leaning　towards　her。

She　drew　back。

〃But　I　want　to　respect　you；　too；〃　she　said。

I　was　shocked；　too　shocked　to　answer。

〃I　want　to　respect　you；〃　she　repeated；　more　gently。　　〃I　don't　want　to
think　thatthat　what　we　feel　for　each　other　isunconsecrated。〃

〃It　consecrates　itself；〃　I　declared。

She　shook　her　head。

〃Surely　it　has　its　roots　in　everything　that　is　fine　in　both　of　us。〃

〃We　both　went　wrong；〃　said　Nancy。　　〃We　both　sought　to　wrest　power　and
happiness　from　the　world；　to　make　our　own　laws。　　How　can　we　assert　that
this　is　not　merely　a　continuation　of　it？〃

〃But　can't　we　work　out　our　beliefs　together？〃　I　demanded。　　〃Won't　you
trust　me；　trust　our　love　for　one　another？〃

Her　breath　came　and　went　quickly。

〃Oh；　you　know　that　I　want　you；　Hugh；　as　much　as　you　want　me；　and　more。
The　time　may　come　when　I　can't　resist　you。〃

〃Why　do　you　resist　me？〃　I　cried；　seizing　her　hands　convulsively；　and
swept　by　a　gust　of　passion　at　her　confession。

〃Try　to　understand　that　I　am　fighting　for　both　of　us！〃　she　pleadedan
appeal　that　wrung　me　in　spite　of　the　pitch　to　which　my　feelings　had　been
raised。　　〃Hugh；　dear；　we　must　think　it　out。　　Don't　now。〃

I　let　her　hands　drop。。。。

Beyond　the　range　of　hills　rising　from　the　far　side　of　the　Ashuela　was　the
wide　valley　in　which　was　situated　the　Cloverdale　Country　Club；　with　its
polo　field；　golf　course　and　tennis　courts；　and　in　this　same　valley　some
of　our　wealthy　citizens；　such　as　Howard　Ogilvy　and　Leonard　Dickinson；　had
bought　〃farms；〃　week…end　playthings　for　spring　and　autumn。　　Hambleton
Durrett　had　started　the　fashion。　　Capriciously；　as　he　did　everything
else；　he　had　become　the　owner　of　several　hundred　acres　of　pasture；
woodland　and　orchard；　acquired　some　seventy…five　head　of　blooded　stock；
and　proceeded　to　house　them　in　model　barns　and　milk　by　machinery；　for
several　months　he　had　bored　everyone　in　the　Boyne　Club　whom　he　could
entice　into　conversation　on　the　subject　of　the　records　of　pedigreed　cows；
and　spent　many　bibulous　nights　on　the　farm　in　company　with　those
parasites　who　surrounded　him　when　he　was　in　town。　　Then　another　interest
had　intervened；　a　feminine　one；　of　course；　and　his　energies　were
transferred　（so　we　understood）　to　the　reconstruction　and　furnishing　of　a
little　residence　in　New　York；　not　far　from　Fifth　Avenue。　　The　farm
continued　under　the　expert　direction　of　a　superintendent　who　was　a
graduate　of　the　State　Agricultural　College；　and　a　select　clientele；　which
could　afford　to　pay　the　prices；　consumed　the　milk　and　cream　and　butter。
Quite　consistent　with　their　marital　relations　was　the　fact　that　Nancy
should　have　taken　a　fancy　to　the　place　after　Ham's　interest　had　waned。
Not　that　she　cared　for　the　Guernseys；　or　Jerseys；　or　whatever　they　may
have　been；　she　evinced　a　sudden　passion　for　simplicity；occasional
simplicity；　at　least；for　a　contrast　to　and　escape　from　a　complicated
life　of　luxury。　　She　built　another　house　for　the　superintendent　banished
him　from　the　little　farmhouse　（where　Ham　had　kept　two　rooms）；　banished
along　with　the　superintendent　the　stiff　plush　furniture；　the　yellow…red
carpets；　the　easels　and　the　melodeon；　and　decked　it　out　in　bright
chintzes；　with　wall…papers　to　match；　dainty　muslin　curtains；　and　rag…
carpet　rugs　on　the　hardwood　floors。　　The　pseudo…classic　porch　over　the
doorway；　which　had　suggested　a　cemetery；　was　removed；　and　a　wide　piazza
added；　furnished　with　wicker　lounging　chairs　and　tables；　and　shaded　with
gay　awnings。

Here；　to　the　farm；　accompanied　by　a　maid；　she　had　been　in　the　habit　of
retiring　from　time　to　time；　and　here　she　came　in　early　July。　　Here；
dressed　in　the　simplest　linen　gowns　of　pink　or　blue　or　white；　I　found　a
Nancy　magically　restored　to　girlhood；anew　Nancy；　betrayi