a far country-第72节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


at　the　notion　of　a　〃real　Christmas〃）；　that　brought　to　my　mind　the
immanence　of　the　festival；　and　the　fact　that　I　had　as　yet　bought　no
presents。　　Such　was　the　predicament　in　which　I　usually　found　myself　on
Christmas　eve；　and　it　was　not　without　a　certain　sense　of　annoyance　at　the
task　thus　abruptly　confronting　me　that　I　got　into　my　automobile　and
directed　the　chauffeur　to　the　shopping　district。　　The　crowds　surged　along
the　wet　sidewalks　and　overflowed　into　the　street；　and　over　the　heads　of
the　people　I　stared　at　the　blazing　shop…windows　decked　out　in　Christmas
greens。　　My　chauffeur；　a　bristly…haired　Parisian；　blew　his　horn
insolently；　men　and　women　jostled　each　other　to　get　out　of　the　way；　their
holiday　mood　giving　place　to　resentment　as　they　stared　into　the　windows
of　the　limousine。　　With　the　American　inability　to　sit　still　I　shifted
from　one　corner　of　the　seat　to　another；　impatient　at　the　slow　progress　of
the　machine：　and　I　felt　a　certain　contempt　for　human　beings；　that　they
should　make　all　this　fuss；　burden　themselves　with　all　these　senseless
purchases；　for　a　tradition。　　The　automobile　stopped；　and　I　fought　my　way
across　the　sidewalk　into　the　store　of　that　time…honoured　firm；　Elgin；
Yates　and　Garner；　pausing　uncertainly　before　the　very　counter　where；　some
ten　years　before；　I　had　bought　an　engagement　ring。　　Young　Mr。　Garner
himself　spied　me；　and　handing　over　a　customer　to　a　tired　clerk；　hurried
forward　to　greet　me；　his　manner　implying　that　my　entrance　was　in　some
sort　an　event。　　I　had　become　used　to　this　aroma　of　deference。

〃What　can　I　show　you；　Mr。　Paret？〃　he　asked。

〃I　don't　knowI'm　looking　around；〃　I　said；　vaguely；　bewildered　by　the
glittering　baubles　by　which　I　was　confronted。　　What　did　Maude　want？
While　I　was　gazing　into　the　case；　Mr。　Garner　opened　a　safe　behind　him；
laying　before　me　a　large　sapphire　set　with　diamonds　in　a　platinum　brooch；
a　beautiful　stone；　in　the　depths　of　it　gleaming　a　fire　like　a　star　in　an
arctic　sky。　　I　had　not　given　Maude　anything　of　value　of　late。　　Decidedly；
this　was　of　value；　Mr。　Garner　named　the　price　glibly；　if　Mrs。　Paret
didn't　care　for　it；　it　might　be　brought　back　or　exchanged。　　I　took　it；
with　a　sigh　of　relief。　　Leaving　the　store；　I　paused　on　the　edge　of　the
rushing　stream　of　humanity；　with　the　problem　of　the　children's　gifts
still　to　be　solved。　　I　thought　of　my　own　childhood；　when　at　Christmastide
I　had　walked　with　my　mother　up　and　down　this　very　street；　so　changed　and
modernized　now；　recalling　that　I　had　had　definite　desires；　desperate
ones；　but　my　imagination　failed　me　when　I　tried　to　summon　up　the　emotions
connected　with　them。　　I　had　no　desires　now：　I　could　buy　anything　in
reason　in　the　whole　street。　　What　did　Matthew　and　Moreton　want？　and
little　Biddy？　　Maude　had　not　〃spoiled〃　them；　but　they　didn't　seem　to　have
any　definite　wants。　　The　children　made　me　think；　with　a　sudden　softening；
of　Tom　Peters；　and　I　went　into　a　tobacconist's　and　bought　him　a　box　of
expensive　cigars。　　Then　I　told　the　chauffeur　to　take　me　to　a　toy…shop；
where　I　stood　staring　through　a　plate…glass　window　at　the　elaborate
playthings　devised　for　the　modern　children　of　luxury。　　In　the　centre　was
a　toy　man…of…war；　three　feet　in　length；　with　turrets　and　guns；　and
propellers　and　a　real　steam…engine。　　As　a　boy　I　should　have　dreamed　about
it；　schemed　for　it；　bartered　my　immortal　soul　for　it。　　Butif　I　gave　it
to　Matthew；　what　was　there　for　Moreton？　　A　steam　locomotive　caught　my
eye；　almost　as　elaborate。　　Forcing　my　way　through　the　doors；　I　captured　a
salesman；　and　from　a　state　bordering　on　nervous　collapse　he　became
galvanized　into　an　intense　alertness　and　respect　when　he　understood　my
desires。　　He　didn't　know　the　price　of　the　objects　in　question。　　He
brought　the　proprietor；　an　obsequious　little　German　who；　on　learning　my
name；　repeated　it　in　every　sentence。　　For　Biddy　I　chose　a　doll　that　was
all　but　human；　when　held　by　a　young　woman　for　my　inspection；　it　elicited
murmurs　of　admiration　from　the　women　shoppers　by　whom　we　were　surrounded。
The　proprietor　promised　to　make　a　special　delivery　of　the　three　articles
before　seven　o'clock。。。。

Presently　the　automobile；　after　speeding　up　the　asphalt　of　Grant　Avenue；
stopped　before　the　new　house。　　In　spite　of　the　change　that　house　had　made
in　my　life；　in　three　weeks　I　had　become　amazingly　used　to　it；　yet　I　had
an　odd　feeling　that　Christmas　eve　as　I　stood　under　the　portico　with　my
key　in　the　door；　the　same　feeling　of　the　impersonality　of　the　place　which
I　had　experienced　before。　　Not　that　for　one　moment　I　would　have　exchanged
it　for　the　smaller　house　we　had　left。　　I　opened　the　door。　　How　often；　in
that　other　house；　I　had　come　in　the　evening　seeking　quiet；　my　brain
occupied　with　a　problem；　only　to　be　annoyed　by　the　romping　of　the
children　on　the　landing　above。　　A　noise　in　one　end　of　it　echoed　to　the
other。　　But　here；　as　I　entered　the　hall；　all　was　quiet：　a　dignified；
deep…carpeted　stairway　swept　upward　before　me；　and　on　either　side　were
wide；　empty　rooms；　and　in　the　subdued　light　of　one　of　them　I　saw　a　dark
figure　moving　silently　aboutthe　butler。　　He　came　forward　to　relieve　me；
deftly；　of　my　hat　and　overcoat。　　Well；　I　had　it　at　last；　this
establishment　to　which　I　had　for　so　long　looked　forward。　　And　yet　that
evening；　as　I　hesitated　in　the　hall；　I　somehow　was　unable　to　grasp　that
it　was　real　and　permanent；　the　very　solidity　of　the　walls　and　doors
paradoxically　suggested　transientness；　the　butler　a　flitting　ghost。　　How
still　the　place　was！　　Almost　oppressively　still。　　I　recalled　oddly　a
story　of　a　peasant　who；　yearning　for　the　great　life；　had　stumbled　upon　an
empty　palace；　its　tables　set　with　food　in　golden　dishes。　　Before　two　days
had　passed　he　had　fled　from　it　in　horror　back　to　his　crowded　cottage　and
his　drudgery　in　the　fields。　　Never　once　had　the　sense　of　possession　of
the　palace　been　realized。　　Nor　did　I　feel　that　I　possessed　this　house；
though　I　had　the　deeds　of　it　in　my　safe　and　the　receipted　bills　in　my
files。　　It　eluded　me；　seemed；　in　my；　bizarre　mood　of　that　evening；　almost
to　mock　me。　　〃You　have　built　me；〃　it　seemed　to　say；　〃but　I　am　stronger
than　you；　because　you　have　not　earned　me。〃　　Ridiculous；　when　the　years　of
my　labour　and　the　size　of　my　bank　account　were　considered！　　Such；
however；　is　the　verbal　expression　of　my　feeling。　　Was　the　house　empty；
after　all？　　Had　something　happened？　　With　a　slight　panicky　sensation　I
climbed　the　stairs；　with　their　endless　shallow　treads；：　to　hurry　through
the　silent　hallway　to　the　schoolroom。　　Reassuring　noises　came　faintly
through　the　heavy　door。　　I　opened　it。　　Little　Biddy　was　careening　round
and　round；　crying　out：

〃To…morrow's　Chris'mas！　Santa　Claus　is　coming　tonight。〃

Matthew　was　regarding　her　indulgently；　sympathetically；　Moreton　rather
scornfully。　　The　myth　had　been　exploded　for　both；　but　Matthew　still
hugged　it。　　That　was　the　difference　between　them。　　Maude；　seated　on　the
floor；　perceived　me　first；　and　glanced　up　at　me　with　a　smile。

〃It's　father！〃　she　said。

Biddy　stopped　in　the　midst　of　a　pirouette。　　At　the　age　of　seven　she　was
still　shy　with　me；　and　retreated　towards　Maude。

〃Aren't　we　going　to　have　a　tree；　father？〃　demanded　Moreton；　aggressively。
〃Mother　won't　tell　usneither　will　Miss　Allsop。〃

Miss　Allsop　was　their　governess。

〃Why　do　you　want　a　tree？〃　I　asked。

〃Oh；　for　Biddy；〃　he　said。

〃It　wouldn't　be　Christmas　without　a　tree；〃　Matthew　declared；　〃and　Santa
Claus；〃　he　added；　for　his　sister's　benefit。

〃Perhaps　Santa　Claus；　when　he　sees　we've　got　this　big　house；　will　think
we　don't　need　anything；　and　go　on　to　some　poorer　children；〃　said　Maude。
〃You　wouldn't　blame　him　if　he　did　that；would　you？〃

The　response　to　this　appeal　cannot　be　said　to　have　been　enthusiastic。。。。

After　dinner；　when　at　last　all　of　them　were　in　bed；　we　dressed　the　tree；
it　might　better　be　said　that　Maude　and　Miss　Allsop　dressed　it；　while　I
gave　a　perfunctory　aid。　　Both　the　women　took　such　a　joy　in　the　process；
vying　with　each　other　in　getting　effects；　and　as　I　watched　them　eagerly
draping　the　tinsel　and　pinning　on　the　glittering　ornaments　I　wondered　why
it　was　that　I　was　unable　to　find　the　same　joy　as　they。　　Thus　it　had　been
every　Christmas　eve。　　I　was　always　tired　when　I　got　home；　and　after
dinner　relaxation　set　in。

An　electrician　had　come　while　we　were　at　the　table；　and　had　fastened　on
the　little　electric　bulbs　which　did　duty　as　candles。

〃Oh；〃　said　Maude；　as　she　stood　off　to　survey　the　effect；　〃isn't　it
beautiful！　　Come；　Miss　Allsop；　let's　get　the　presents。〃

They　flew　out　of　the　room；　and　presently　hurried　back　with　their　arms
full　of　the　usual　parcels：　parcels　from　Maude's　family　in　Elkington；　from
my　own　relatives；　from　the　Blackwoods　and　the　Peterses；　from　Nancy。　　In
the　meantime　I　had　had　my　own　contributions　brought　up；　the　man　of　war；
the　locomotive；　the　big　doll。　　Maude　stood　staring。

〃Hugh；　they'll　be　utterly　ruined！〃　she　exclaimed。

〃The　boys　might　as　well　have　something　instructive；〃　I　replied；　〃and　as
for　Biddynothing's　too　good　for　her。〃

〃I　might　have　known　you　wouldn't　forget　them；　although　you　are　so
busy。〃。。。。

We　filled　the　three　stockings　hung　by　the　great　fireplace。　　Then；　with　a
last　lingeri