a far country-第66节

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marvellously　appeared　together）　I　left　my　office　about　three　o'clocka
most　unusual　occurrence。　　I　was　restless；　unable　to　fix　my　mind　on　my
work；　filled　with　unsatisfied　yearnings　the　object　of　which　I　sought　to
keep　vague；　and　yet　I　directed　my　steps　westward　along　Boyne　Street　until
I　came　to　the　Art　Museum；　where　a　loan　exhibition　was　being　held。　　I
entered；　bought　a　catalogue；　and　presently　found　myself　standing　before
number　103；　designated　as　a　portrait　of　Mrs。　Hambleton　Durrett；painted
in　Paris　the　autumn　before　by　a　Polish　artist　then　much　in　vogue；
Stanislaus　Czesky。　　Nancywas　it　Nancy？was　standing　facing　me；　tall；
superb　in　the　maturity　of　her　beauty；　with　one　hand　resting　on　an　antique
table；　a　smile　upon　her　lips；　a　gentle　mockery　in　her　eyes　as　though
laughing　at　the　world　she　adorned。　　With　the　smile　and　the　mockery
somehow　significant；　too；　of　an　achieved　inaccessibilitywent　the　sheen
of　her　clinging　gown　and　the　glint　of　the　heavy　pearls　drooping　from　her
high　throat　to　her　waist。　　These　caught　the　eye；　but　failed　at　length　to
hold　it；　for　even　as　I　looked　the　smile　faded；　the　mockery　turned　to
wistfulness。　　So　I　thought；　and　looked　againto　see　the　wistfulness：　the
smile　had　gone；　the　pearls　seemed　heavier。　　Was　it　a　trick　of　the　artist？
had　he　seen　what　I　saw；　or　thought　I　saw？　or　was　it　that　imagination
which　by　now　I　might　have　learned　to　suspect　and　distrust。　　Wild　longings
took　possession　of　me；　for　the　portrait　had　seemed　to　emphasize　at　once
how　distant　now　she　was　from　me；　and　yet　how　near！　　I　wanted　to　put　that
nearness　to　the　test。　　Had　she　really　changed？　did　anyone　really　change？
and　had　I　not　been　a　fool　to　accept　the　presentment　she　had　given　me？　　I
remembered　those　moments　when　our　glances　had　met　as　across　barriers　in
flashes　of　understanding。　　After　all；　the　barriers　were　mere　relics　of
the　superstition　of　the　past。　　What　if　I　went　to　her　now？　　I　felt　that
I　needed　her　as　I　never　had　needed　anyone　in　all　my　life。。。。　　I　was
aroused　by　the　sound　of　lowered　voices　beside　me。

〃That's　Mrs。　Hambleton　Durrett；〃　I　heard　a　woman　say。　　〃Isn't　she
beautiful？〃

The　note　of　envy　struck　me　sharplyhorribly。　　Without　waiting　to　listen
to　the　comment　of　her　companion　I　hurried　out　of　the　building　into　the
cold；　white　sunlight　that　threw　into　bold　relief　the　mediocre　houses　of
the　street。　　Here　was　everyday　life；　but　the　portrait　had　suggested　that
which　might　have　beenmight　be　yet。　　What　did　I　mean　by　this？　　I　didn't
know；　I　didn't　care　to　define　it；a　renewal　of　her　friendship；　of　our
intimacy。　　My　being　cried　out　for　it；　and　in　the　world　in　which　I　lived
we　took　what　we　wantedwhy　not　this？　　And　yet　for　an　instant　I　stood　on
the　sidewalk　to　discover　that　in　new　situations　I　was　still　subject　to
unaccountable　qualms　of　that　thing　I　had　been　taught　to　call
〃conscience〃；　whether　it　were　conscience　or　not　must　be　left　to　the
psychologists。　　I　was　marriedterrible　word！　　the　shadow　of　that
Institution　fell　athwart　me　as　the　sun　went　under　a　cloud；　but　the　sun
came　out　again　as　I　found　myself　walking　toward　the　Durrett　house
reflecting　that　numbers　of　married　men　called　on　Nancy；　and　that　what　I
had　in　mind　in　regard　to　her　was　nothing　that　the　court　would　have
pronounced　an　infringement　upon　the　Institution。。。。　　I　reached　her　steps；
the　long　steps　still　guarded　by　the　curved　wrought…iron　railings
reminiscent　of　Nathaniel's　day；　though　the　〃portals〃　were　gone；　a　modern
vestibule　having　replaced　them；　I　rang　the　bell；　the　butler；　flung　open
the　doors。　　He；　at　any　rate；　did　not　seem　surprised　to　see　me　here；　he
greeted　me　with　respectful　cordiality　and　led　me；　as　a　favoured　guest；
through　the　big　drawing…room　into　the　salon。

〃Mr。　Paret；　Madam！〃

Nancy；　rose　quickly　from　the　low　chair　where　she　sat　cutting　the　pages　of
a　French　novel。

〃Hugh！〃　she　exclaimed。　　〃I'm　out　if　anyone　calls。　　Bring　tea；〃　she　added
to　the　man；　who　retired。　　For　a　moment　we　stood　gazing　at　each　other；
questioningly。　　〃Well；　won't　you　sit　down　and　stay　awhile？〃　she　asked。

I　took　a　chair　on　the　opposite　side　of　the　fire。

〃I　just　thought　I'd　drop　in；〃　I　said。

〃I　am　flattered；〃　said　Nancy；　〃that　a　person　so　affaire　should　find　time
to　call　on　an　old　friend。　　Why；　I　thought　you　never　left　your　office
until　seven　o'clock。〃

〃I　don't；　as　a　rule；　but　to…day　I　wasn't　particularly　busy；　and　I　thought
I'd　go　round　to　the　Art　Museum　and　look　at　your　portrait。〃

〃More　flattery！　　Hugh；　you're　getting　quite　human。　　What　do　you　think　of
it？〃

〃I　like　it。　　I　think　it　quite　remarkable。〃

〃Have　a　cigarette！〃

I　took　one。

〃So　you　really　like　it；〃　she　said。

〃Don't　you？〃

〃Oh；　I　think　it's　a　trifleromantic；〃　she　replied　〃But　that's　Czesky。
He　made　me　quite　cross；the　feminine　presentation　of　America；　the
spoiled　woman　who　has　shed　responsibilities　and　is　beginning　to　have　a
glimpsejust　a　little　oneof　the　emptiness　of　it　all。〃

I　was　stirred。

〃Then　why　do　you　accept　it；　if　it　isn't　you？〃　I　demanded。　　〃One　doesn't
refuse　Czesky's　canvases；〃　she　replied。　　〃And　what　difference　does　it
make？　　It　amused　him；　and　he　was　fairly　subtle　about　it。　　Only　those　who
are　looking　for　romance；　like　you；　are　able　to　guess　what　he　meant；　and
they　would　think　they　saw　it　anyway；　even　if　he　had　painted　meextinct。〃

〃Extinct！〃　I　repeated。

She　laughed。

〃Hugh；　you're　a　silly　old　goose！〃

〃That's　why　I　came　here；　I　think；　to　be　told　so；〃　I　said。

Tea　was　brought　in。　　A　sense　of　at…homeness　stole　over　me；I　was　more　at
home　here　in　this　room　with　Nancy；　than　in　any　other　place　in　the　world；
here；　where　everything　was　at　once　soothing　yet　stimulating；　expressive
of　her；　even　the　smaller　objects　that　caught　my　eye；the　crystal
inkstand　tipped　with　gold；　the　racks　for　the　table　books；　her　paper…
cutter。　　Nancy's　was　a　discriminating　luxury。　　And　her　talk！　　The
lightness　with　which　she　touched　life；　the　unexplored　depths　of　her；
guessed　at　but　never　fathomed！　　Did　she　feel　a　little　the　need　of　me　as　I
felt　the　need　of　her？

〃Why；　I　believe　you're　incurably　romantic；　Hugh；〃　she　said　laughingly；
when　the　men　had　left　the　room。　　〃Here　you　are；　what　they　call　a　paragon
of　success；　a　future　senator；　Ambassador　to　England。　　I　hear　of　those
remarkable　things　you　have　doneeven　in　New　York　the　other　day　a　man　was
asking　me　if　I　knew　Mr。　Paret；　and　spoke　of　you　as　one　of　the　coming　men。
I　suppose　you　will　be　moving　there；　soon。　　A　practical　success！　　It
always　surprises　me　when　I　think　of　it；　I　find　it　difficult　to　remember
what　a　dreamer　you　were　and　here　you　turn　out　to　be　still　a　dreamer！
Have　you　discovered；　too；　the　emptiness　of　it　all？〃　she　inquired
provokingly。　　〃I　must　say　you　don't　look　it〃she　gave　me　a　critical；
quizzical　glance〃you　look　quite　prosperous　and　contented；　as　though　you
enjoyed　your　power。〃

I　laughed　uneasily。

〃And　then；〃　she　continued；　〃and　then　one　day　when　your　luncheon　has
disagreed　with　youyou　walk　into　a　gallery　and　see　a　portrait　ofof　an
old　friend　for　whom　in　youth；　when　you　were　a　dreamer；　you　professed　a
sentimental　attachment；　and　you　exclaim　that　the　artist　is　a　discerning
man　who　has　discovered　the　secret　that　she　has　guarded　so　closely。　　She's
sorry　that　she　ever　tried　to　console　herself　with　baubles　it's　what
you've　suspected　all　along。　　But　you'll　just　run　around　to　see　for
yourselfto　be　sure　of　it。〃　　And　she　handed　me　my　tea。　　〃Come　now；
confess。　　Where　are　your　witsI　hear　you　don't　lack　them　in　court。〃

〃Well；〃　I　said；　〃if　that　amuses　you〃

〃It　does　amuse　me；〃　said　Nancy；　twining　her　fingers　across　her　knee　and
regarding　me　smilingly；　with　parted　lips；　〃it　amuses　me　a　lotit's　so
characteristic。〃

〃But　it's　not　true；　it's　unjust；〃　I　protested　vigorously；　smiling；　too；
because　the　attack　was　so　characteristic　of　her。

〃What　then？〃　she　demanded。

〃Well；　in　the　first　place；　my　luncheon　didn't　disagree　with　me。　　It　never
does。〃

She　laughed。　　〃But　the　sentimentcome　nowthe　sentiment？　　Do　you
perceive　any　hint　of　emptinessdespair？〃

Our　chairs　were　very　close；　and　she　leaned　forward　a　little。

〃Emptiness　or　no　emptiness；〃　I　said　a　little　tremulously；　〃I　know　that　I
haven't　been　so　contented；　so　happy　for　a　long　time。〃

She　sat　very　still；　but　turned　her　gaze　on　the　fire。

〃You　really　wouldn't　want　to　find　that；　Hugh；〃　she　said　in　another　voice；
at　which　I　exclaimed。　　〃No；　I'm　not　being　sentimental。　　But；　to　be
serious；　I　really　shouldn't　care　to　think　that　of　you。　　I'd　like　to　think
of　you　as　a　frienda　good　friendalthough　we　don't　see　very　much　of　one
another。〃

〃But　that's　why　I　came；　Nancy；〃　I　explained。　　〃It　wasn't　just　an　impulse…
…that　is；　I've　been　thinking　of　you　a　great　deal；　all　along。　　I　miss　you；
I　miss　the　way　you　look　at　thingsyour　point　of　view。　　I　can't　see　any
reason　why　we　shouldn't　see　something　of　each　othernow〃

She　continued　to　stare　into　the　fire。

〃No；〃　she　said　at　length；　〃I　suppose　there　isn't　any　reason。〃　　Her　mood
seemed　suddenly　to　change　as　she　bent　over　and　extinguished　the　flame
under　the　kettle。　　〃After　all；〃　she　added　gaily；　〃we　live　in　a　tolerant
age；　we've　reached　the　years　of　discretion；　and　we're　both　too
conventional　to　do　anything　sillyeven　if　we　wanted　t