a far country-第54节

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wife　and　Tom's　affair。　　In　spite　of　her　marked　disapproval　of　the　modern
trend　in　business　and　social　life；a　prejudice　she　had　communicated　to
Tom；　as　a　bachelor　I　had　not　disliked　her；　and　it　was　certain　that　these
views　had　not　mitigated　Tom's　loyalty　and　affection　for　me。　　Susan　had
been　my　friend；　as　had　her　brother　Perry；　and　Lucia；　Perry's　wife：　they
made　no　secret　of　the　fact　that　they　deplored　in　me　what　they　were
pleased　to　call　plutocratic　obsessions；　nor　had　their　disapproval　always
been　confined　to　badinage。　　Nancy；　too；　they　looked　upon　as　a　renegade。
I　was　able　to　bear　their　reproaches　with　the　superior　good　nature　that
springs　from　success；　to　point　out　why　the　American　tradition　to　which
they　so　fatuously　clung　was　a　things　of　the　past。　　The　habit　of　taking
dinner　with　them　at　least　once　a　week　had　continued；　and　their　arguments
rather　amused　me。　　If　they　chose　to　dwell　in　a　backwater　out　of　touch
with　the　current　of　great　affairs；　this　was　a　matter　to　be　deplored；　but
I　did　not　feel　strongly　enough　to　resent　it。　　So　long　as　I　remained　a
bachelor　the　relationship　had　not　troubled　me；　but　now　that　I　was　married
I　began　to　consider　with　some　alarm　its　power　to　affect　my　welfare。

It　had　remained　for　Nancy　to　inform　me　that　I　had　married　a　woman　with　a
mind　of　her　own。　　I　had　flattered　myself　that　I　should　be　able　to　control
Maude；　to　govern　her　predilections；　and　now　at　the　very　beginning　of　our
married　life　she　was　showing　a　disquieting　tendency　to　choose　for
herself。　　To　be　sure；　she　had　found　my　intimacy　with　the　Peterses　and
Blackwoods　already　formed；　but　it　was　an　intimacy　from　which　I　was
growing　away。　　I　should　not　have　quarrelled　with　her　if　she　had　not
discriminated：　Nancy　made　overtures；　and　Maude　drew　back；　Susan　presented
herself；　and　with　annoying　perversity　and　in　an　extraordinarily　brief
time　Maude　had　become　her　intimate。　　It　seemed　to　me　that　she　was　always
at　Susan's；　lunching　or　playing　with　the　children；　who　grew　devoted　to
her；　or　with　Susan；　choosing　carpets　and　clothes；　while　more　and　more
frequently　we　dined　with　the　Peterses　and　the　Blackwoods；　or　they　with
us。　　With　Perry's　wife　Maude　was　scarcely　less　intimate　than　with　Susan。
This　was　the　more　surprising　to　me　since　Lucia　Blackwood　was　a　dyed…in…
the…wool　〃intellectual；〃　a　graduate　of　Radcliffe；　the　daughter　of　a
Harvard　professor。　　Perry　had　fallen　in　love　with　her　during　her　visit　to
Susan。　　Lucia　was；　perhaps；　the　most　influential　of　the　group；　she
scorned　the　world；　she　held　strong　views　on　the　higher　education　of
women；　she　had　long　discarded　orthodoxy　for　what　may　be　called　a
Cambridge　stoicism　of　simple　living　and　high　thinking；　while　Maude　was　a
strict　Presbyterian；　and　not　in　the　least　given　to　theories。　　When；　some
months　after　our　homecoming；　I　ventured　to　warn　her　gently　of　the　dangers
of　confining　one's　self　to　a　coterieespecially　one　of　such　narrow
viewsher　answer　was　rather　bewildering。

〃But　isn't　Tom　your　best　friend？〃　she　asked。

I　admitted　that　he　was。

〃And　you　always　went　there　such　a　lot　before　we　were　married。〃

This；　too；　was　undeniable。　　〃At　the　same　time；〃　I　replied；　〃I　have　other
friends。　　I'm　fond　of　the　Blackwoods　and　the　Peterses；　I'm　not　advocating
seeing　less　of　them；　but　their　point　of　view；　if　taken　without　any
antidote；　is　rather　narrowing。　　We　ought　to　see　all　kinds；〃　I　suggested；
with　a　fine　restraint。

〃You　meanmore　worldly　people；〃　she　said　with　her　disconcerting
directness。

〃Not　necessarily　worldly；〃　I　struggled　on。　　〃People　who　know　more　of　the
worldyes；　who　understand　it　better。〃

Maude　sighed。

〃I　do　try；　Hugh；I　return　their　calls；I　do　try　to　be　nice　to　them。
But　somehow　I　don't　seem　to　get　along　with　them　easilyI'm　not　myself；
they　make　me　shy。　　It's　because　I'm　provincial。〃

〃Nonsense！〃　I　protested；　〃you're　not　a　bit　provincial。〃　　And　it　was　true；
her　dignity　and　self…possession　redeemed　her。

Nancy　was　not　once　mentioned。　　But　I　think　she　was　in　both　our　minds。。。。

Since　my　marriage；　too；　I　had　begun　to　resent　a　little　the　attitude　of
Tom　and　Susan　and　the　Blackwoods　of　humorous　yet　affectionate　tolerance
toward　my　professional　activities　and　financial　creed；　though　Maude
showed　no　disposition　to　take　this　seriously。　　I　did　suspect；　however；
that　they　were　more　and　more　determined　to　rescue　Maude　from　what　they
would　have　termed　a　frivolous　career；　and　on　one　of　these　occasionsso
exasperating　in　married　life　when　a　slight　cause　for　pique　tempts　husband
or　wife　to　try　to　ask　myself　whether　this　affair　were　only　a　squall；
something　to　be　looked　for　once　in　a　while　on　the　seas　of　matrimony；　and
weathered：　or　whether　Maude　had　not；　after　all；　been　right　when　she
declared　that　I　had　made　a　mistake；　and　that　we　were　not　fitted　for　one
another？　　In　this　gloomy　view　endless　years　of　incompatibility　stretched
ahead；　and　for　the　first　time　I　began　to　rehearse　with　a　certain　cold
detachment　the　chain　of　apparently　accidental　events　which　had　led　up　to
my　marriage：　to　consider　the　gradual　blindness　that　had　come　over　my
faculties；　and　finally　to　wonder　whether　judgment　ever　entered　into
sexual　selection。　　Would　Maude　have　relapsed　into　this　senseless　fit　if
she　had　realized　how　fortunate　she　was？　　For　I　was　prepared　to　give　her
what　thousands　of　women　longed　for；　position　and　influence。　　My
resentment　rose　again　against　Perry　and　Tom；　and　I　began　to　attribute
their　lack　of　appreciation　of　my　achievements　to　jealousy。　　They　had　not
my　ability；　this　was　the　long　and　short　of　it。。。。　　I　pondered　also；
regretfully；　on　my　bachelor　days。　　And　for　the　first　time；　I；　who　had
worked　so　hard　to　achieve　freedom；　felt　the　pressure　of　the　yoke　I　had
fitted　over　my　own　shoulders。　　I　had　voluntarily；　though　unwittingly；
returned　to　slavery。　　This　was　what　had　happened。　　And　what　was　to　be
done　about　it？　　I　would　not　consider　divorce。

Well；　I　should　have　to　make　the　best　of　it。　　Whether　this　conclusion
brought　on　a　mood　of　reaction；　I　am　unable　to　say。　　I　was　still　annoyed
by　what　seemed　to　the　masculine　mind　a　senseless　and　dramatic　performance
on　Maude's　part；　an　incomprehensible　case　of　〃nerves。〃　　Nevertheless；
there　stole　into　my　mind　many　recollections　of　Maude's　affection；　many
passages　between　us；　and　my　eye　chanced　to　fall　on　the　ink…well　she　had
bought　me　out　of　the　allowance　I　gave　her。　　An　unanticipated　pity　welled
up　within　me　for　her　loneliness；　her　despair　in　that　room　upstairs。　　I
got　upand　hesitated。　　A　counteracting；　inhibiting　wave　passed　through
me。　　I　hardened。　　I　began　to　walk　up　and　down；　a　prey　to　conflicting
impulses。　　Something　whispered；　〃go　to　her〃；　another　voice　added；　〃for
your　own　peace　of　mind；　at　any　rate。〃　　I　rejected　the　intrusion　of　this
motive　as　unworthy；　turned　out　the　light　and　groped　my　way　upstairs。　　The
big　clock　in　the　hall　struck　twelve。

I　listened　outside　the　door　of　the　bedroom；　but　all　was　silent　within。　　I
knocked。

〃Maude！〃　I　said；　in　a　low　voice。

There　was　no　response。

〃Maudelet　me　in！　　I　didn't　mean　to　be　unkindI'm　sorry。〃

After　an　interval　I　heard　her　say：　〃I'd　rather　stay　here；to…night。〃

But　at　length；　after　more　entreaty　and　self…abasement　on　my　part；　she
opened　the　door。　　The　room　was　dark。　　We　sat　down　together　on　the　window…
seat；　and　all　at　once　she　relaxed　and　her　head　fell　on　my　shoulder；　and
she　began　weeping　again。　　I　held　her；　the　alternating　moods　still　running
through　me。

〃Hugh；〃　she　said　at　length；　〃how　could　you　be　so　cruel？　when　you　know　I
love　you　and　would　do　anything　for　you。〃

〃I　didn't　mean　to　be　cruel；　Maude；〃　I　answered。

〃I　know　you　didn't。　　But　at　times　you　seem　soindifferent；　and　you　can't
understand　how　it　hurts。　　I　haven't　anybody　but　you；　now；　and　it's　in
your　power　to　make　me　happy　oror　miserable。〃

Later　on　I　tried　to　explain　my　point　of　view；　to　justify　myself。

〃All　I　mean；〃　I　concluded　at　length；　〃is　that　my　position　is　a　little
different　from　Perry's　and　Tom's。　　They　can　afford　to　isolate　themselves；
but　I'm　thrown　professionally　with　the　men　who　are　building　up　this　city。
Some　of　them；　like　Ralph　Hambleton　and　Mr。　Ogilvy；　I've　known　all　my
life。　　Life　isn't　so　simple　for　us；　Maudewe　can't　ignore　the　social
side。〃

〃I　understand；〃　she　said　contentedly。　　〃You　are　more　of　a　man　of　affairs
much　more　than　Tom　or　Perry；　and　you　have　greater　responsibilities　and
wider　interests。　　I'm　really　very　proud　of　you。　　Onlydon't　you　think
you　are　a　little　too　sensitive　about　yourself；　when　you　are　teased？〃

I　let　this　pass。。。。

I　give　a　paragraph　from　a　possible　biography　of　Hugh　Paret　which；　as　then
seemed　not　improbable；　might　in　the　future　have　been　written　by　some
aspiring　young　worshipper　of　success。

〃On　his　return　from　a　brief　but　delightful　honeymoon　in　England　Mr。　Paret
took　up　again；　with　characteristic　vigour；　the　practice　of　the　law。　　He
was　entering　upon　the　prime　years　of　manhood；　golden　opportunities
confronted　him　as；　indeed；　they　confronted　other　menbut　Paret　had　the
foresight　to　take　advantage　of　them。　　And　his　training　under　Theodore
Watling　was　now　to　produce　results。。。。　　The　reputations　had　already　been
made　of　some　of　that　remarkable　group　of　financial　geniuses　who