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第52节

a far country-第52节

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packing; while I read or sauntered in the queer streets about the inns。
And she took complete charge of my wardrobe。

She had a talent for drawing; and as we went southward through England
she made sketches of the various houses that took our fancysuggestions
for future home…building; we spent hours in the evenings in the inn
sitting…rooms incorporating new features into our residence; continually
modifying our plans。  Now it was a Tudor house that carried us away; now
a Jacobean; and again an early Georgian with enfolding wings and a
wrought…iron grill。  A stage of bewilderment succeeded。

Maude; I knew; loved the cottages best。  She said they were more
〃homelike。〃  But she yielded to my liking for grandeur。

〃My; I should feel lost in a palace like that!〃 she cried; as we gazed at
the Marquis of So…and…So's country…seat。

〃Well; of course we should have to modify it;〃 I admitted。  〃Perhaps
perhaps our family will be larger。〃

She put her hand on my lips; and blushed a fiery red。。。。

We examined; with other tourists; at a shilling apiece historic mansions
with endless drawing…rooms; halls; libraries; galleries filled with
family portraits; elaborate; formal bedrooms where famous sovereigns had
slept; all roped off and carpeted with canvas strips to protect the
floors。  Through mullioned windows we caught glimpses of gardens and
geometrical parterres; lakes; fountains; statuary; fantastic topiary and
distant stretches of park。  Maude sighed with admiration; but did not
covet。  She had me。  But I was often uncomfortable; resenting the vulgar;
gaping tourists with whom we were herded and the easy familiarity of the
guides。  These did not trouble Maude; who often annoyed me by asking
naive questions herself。  I would nudge her。

One afternoon when; with other compatriots; we were being hurried through
a famous castle; the guide unwittingly ushered us into a drawing…room
where the owner and several guests were seated about a tea…table。  I
shall never forget the stares they gave us before we had time
precipitately to retreat; nor the feeling of disgust and rebellion that
came over me。  This was heightened by the remark of a heavy; six…foot
Ohioan with an infantile face and a genial manner。

〃I notice that they didn't invite us to sit down and have a bite;〃 he
said。  〃I call that kind of inhospitable。〃

〃It was 'is lordship himself!〃 exclaimed the guide; scandalized。

〃You don't say!〃 drawled our fellow…countryman。  〃I guess I owe you
another shilling; my friend。〃

The guide; utterly bewildered; accepted it。  The transatlantic point of
view towards the nobility was beyond him。

〃His lordship could make a nice little income if he set up as a side
show;〃 added the Ohioan。

Maude giggled; but I was furious。  And no sooner were we outside the
gates than I declared I should never again enter a private residence by
the back door。

〃Why; Hugh; how queer you are sometimes;〃 she said。

〃I maybe queer; but I have a sense of fitness;〃 I retorted。

She asserted herself。

〃I can't see what difference it makes。  They didn't know us。  And if they
admit people for money〃

〃I can't help it。  And as for the man from Ohio〃

〃But he was so funny!〃 she interrupted。  〃And he was really very nice。〃

I was silent。  Her point of view; eminently sensible as it was;
exasperated me。  We were leaning over the parapet of a little…stone
bridge。  Her face was turned away from me; but presently I realized that
she was crying。  Men and women; villagers; passing across the bridge;
looked at us curiously。  I was miserable; and somewhat appalled;
resentful; yet striving to be gentle and conciliatory。  I assured her
that she was talking nonsense; that I loved her。  But I did not really
love her at that moment; nor did she relent as easily as usual。  It was
not until we were together in our sitting…room; a few hours later; that
she gave in。  I felt a tremendous sense of relief。

〃Hugh; I'll try to be what you want。  You know I am trying。  But don't
kill what is natural in me。〃

I was touched by the appeal; and repentant。。。

It is impossible to say when the little worries; annoyances and
disagreements began; when I first felt a restlessness creeping over me。
I tried to hide these moods from her; but always she divined them。  And
yet I was sure that I loved Maude; in a surprisingly short period I had
become accustomed to her; dependent on her ministrations and the normal;
cosy intimacy of our companionship。  I did not like to think that the
keen edge of the enjoyment of possession was wearing a little; while at
the same time I philosophized that the divine fire; when legalized;
settles down to a comfortable glow。  The desire to go home that grew upon
me I attributed to the irritation aroused by the spectacle of a fixed
social order commanding such unquestioned deference from the many who
were content to remain resignedly outside of it。  Before the setting in
of the Liberal movement and the 〃American invasion〃 England was a country
in which (from my point of view) one must be 〃somebody〃 in order to be
happy。  I was 〃somebody〃 at home; or at least rapidly becoming so。。。。

London was shrouded; parliament had risen; and the great houses were
closed。  Day after day we issued forth from a musty and highly
respectable hotel near Piccadilly to a gloomy Tower; a soggy Hampton
Court or a mournful British Museum。  Our native longing for luxuryor
rather my native longingimpelled me to abandon Smith's Hotel for a huge
hostelry where our suite overlooked the Thames; where we ran across a man
I had known slightly at Harvard; and other Americans with whom we made
excursions and dined and went to the theatre。  Maude liked these persons;
I did not find them especially congenial。  My life…long habit of
unwillingness to accept what life sent in its ordinary course was
asserting itself; but Maude took her friends as she found them; and I was
secretly annoyed by her lack of discrimination。  In addition to this; the
sense of having been pulled up by the roots grew upon me。

〃Suppose;〃 Maude surprised me by suggesting one morning as we sat at
breakfast watching the river craft flit like phantoms through the yellow…
green fog〃 suppose we don't go to France; after all; Hugh?〃

〃Not go to France!〃 I exclaimed。  〃Are you tired of the trip?〃

〃Oh; Hugh!〃  Her voice caught。  〃I could go on; always; if you were
content。〃

〃Andwhat makes you think that I'm not content?〃

Her smile had in it just a touch of wistfulness。

〃I understand you; Hugh; better than you think。  You want to get back to
your work; andand I should be happier。  I'm not so silly and so
ignorant as to think that I can satisfy you always。  And I'd like to get
settled at home;I really should。〃

There surged up within me a feeling of relief。  I seized her hand as it
lay on the table。

〃We'll come abroad another time; and go to France;〃 I said。  〃Maude;
you're splendid!〃

She shook her head。

〃Oh; no; I'm not。〃

〃You do satisfy me;〃 I insisted。  〃It isn't that at all。  But I think;
perhaps; it would be wiser to go back。  It's rather a crucial time with
me; now that Mr。 Watling's in Washington。  I've just arrived at a
position where I shall be able to make a good deal of money; and later
on〃

〃It isn't the money; Hugh;〃 she cried; with a vehemence which struck me
as a little odd。  〃I sometimes think we'd be a great deal happier
withoutwithout all you are going to make。〃

I laughed。

〃Well; I haven't made it yet。〃

She possessed the frugality of the Hutchinses。  And some times my
lavishness had frightened her; as when we had taken the suite of rooms we
now occupied。

〃Are you sure you can afford them; Hugh?〃 she had asked when we first
surveyed them。

I began married life; and carried it on without giving her any conception
of the state of my finances。  She had an allowance from the first。

As the steamer slipped westward my spirits rose; to reach a climax of
exhilaration when I saw the towers of New York rise gleaming like huge
stalagmites in the early winter sun。  Maude likened them more happilyto
gigantic ivory chessmen。  Well; New York was America's chessboard; and
the Great Players had already begun to make moves that astonished the
world。  As we sat at breakfast in a Fifth Avenue hotel I ran my eye
eagerly over the stock…market reports and the financial news; and rallied
Maude for a lack of spirits。

〃Aren't you glad to be home?〃 I asked her; as we sat in a hansom。

〃Of course I am; Hugh!〃 she protested。  〃ButI can't look upon New York
as home; somehow。  It frightens me。〃

I laughed indulgently。

〃You'll get used to it;〃 I said。  〃We'll be coming here a great deal; off
and on。〃

She was silent。  But later; when we took a hansom and entered the streams
of traffic; she responded to the stimulus of the place: the movement; the
colour; the sight of the well…appointed carriages; of the well…fed; well…
groomed people who sat in them; the enticement of the shops in which we
made our purchases had their effect; and she became cheerful again。。。。

In the evening we took the 〃Limited〃 for home。

We lived for a month with my mother; and then moved into our own house

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