a far country-第52节

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packing；　while　I　read　or　sauntered　in　the　queer　streets　about　the　inns。
And　she　took　complete　charge　of　my　wardrobe。

She　had　a　talent　for　drawing；　and　as　we　went　southward　through　England
she　made　sketches　of　the　various　houses　that　took　our　fancysuggestions
for　future　home…building；　we　spent　hours　in　the　evenings　in　the　inn
sitting…rooms　incorporating　new　features　into　our　residence；　continually
modifying　our　plans。　　Now　it　was　a　Tudor　house　that　carried　us　away；　now
a　Jacobean；　and　again　an　early　Georgian　with　enfolding　wings　and　a
wrought…iron　grill。　　A　stage　of　bewilderment　succeeded。

Maude；　I　knew；　loved　the　cottages　best。　　She　said　they　were　more
〃homelike。〃　　But　she　yielded　to　my　liking　for　grandeur。

〃My；　I　should　feel　lost　in　a　palace　like　that！〃　she　cried；　as　we　gazed　at
the　Marquis　of　So…and…So's　country…seat。

〃Well；　of　course　we　should　have　to　modify　it；〃　I　admitted。　　〃Perhaps
perhaps　our　family　will　be　larger。〃

She　put　her　hand　on　my　lips；　and　blushed　a　fiery　red。。。。

We　examined；　with　other　tourists；　at　a　shilling　apiece　historic　mansions
with　endless　drawing…rooms；　halls；　libraries；　galleries　filled　with
family　portraits；　elaborate；　formal　bedrooms　where　famous　sovereigns　had
slept；　all　roped　off　and　carpeted　with　canvas　strips　to　protect　the
floors。　　Through　mullioned　windows　we　caught　glimpses　of　gardens　and
geometrical　parterres；　lakes；　fountains；　statuary；　fantastic　topiary　and
distant　stretches　of　park。　　Maude　sighed　with　admiration；　but　did　not
covet。　　She　had　me。　　But　I　was　often　uncomfortable；　resenting　the　vulgar；
gaping　tourists　with　whom　we　were　herded　and　the　easy　familiarity　of　the
guides。　　These　did　not　trouble　Maude；　who　often　annoyed　me　by　asking
naive　questions　herself。　　I　would　nudge　her。

One　afternoon　when；　with　other　compatriots；　we　were　being　hurried　through
a　famous　castle；　the　guide　unwittingly　ushered　us　into　a　drawing…room
where　the　owner　and　several　guests　were　seated　about　a　tea…table。　　I
shall　never　forget　the　stares　they　gave　us　before　we　had　time
precipitately　to　retreat；　nor　the　feeling　of　disgust　and　rebellion　that
came　over　me。　　This　was　heightened　by　the　remark　of　a　heavy；　six…foot
Ohioan　with　an　infantile　face　and　a　genial　manner。

〃I　notice　that　they　didn't　invite　us　to　sit　down　and　have　a　bite；〃　he
said。　　〃I　call　that　kind　of　inhospitable。〃

〃It　was　'is　lordship　himself！〃　exclaimed　the　guide；　scandalized。

〃You　don't　say！〃　drawled　our　fellow…countryman。　　〃I　guess　I　owe　you
another　shilling；　my　friend。〃

The　guide；　utterly　bewildered；　accepted　it。　　The　transatlantic　point　of
view　towards　the　nobility　was　beyond　him。

〃His　lordship　could　make　a　nice　little　income　if　he　set　up　as　a　side
show；〃　added　the　Ohioan。

Maude　giggled；　but　I　was　furious。　　And　no　sooner　were　we　outside　the
gates　than　I　declared　I　should　never　again　enter　a　private　residence　by
the　back　door。

〃Why；　Hugh；　how　queer　you　are　sometimes；〃　she　said。

〃I　maybe　queer；　but　I　have　a　sense　of　fitness；〃　I　retorted。

She　asserted　herself。

〃I　can't　see　what　difference　it　makes。　　They　didn't　know　us。　　And　if　they
admit　people　for　money〃

〃I　can't　help　it。　　And　as　for　the　man　from　Ohio〃

〃But　he　was　so　funny！〃　she　interrupted。　　〃And　he　was　really　very　nice。〃

I　was　silent。　　Her　point　of　view；　eminently　sensible　as　it　was；
exasperated　me。　　We　were　leaning　over　the　parapet　of　a　little…stone
bridge。　　Her　face　was　turned　away　from　me；　but　presently　I　realized　that
she　was　crying。　　Men　and　women；　villagers；　passing　across　the　bridge；
looked　at　us　curiously。　　I　was　miserable；　and　somewhat　appalled；
resentful；　yet　striving　to　be　gentle　and　conciliatory。　　I　assured　her
that　she　was　talking　nonsense；　that　I　loved　her。　　But　I　did　not　really
love　her　at　that　moment；　nor　did　she　relent　as　easily　as　usual。　　It　was
not　until　we　were　together　in　our　sitting…room；　a　few　hours　later；　that
she　gave　in。　　I　felt　a　tremendous　sense　of　relief。

〃Hugh；　I'll　try　to　be　what　you　want。　　You　know　I　am　trying。　　But　don't
kill　what　is　natural　in　me。〃

I　was　touched　by　the　appeal；　and　repentant。。。

It　is　impossible　to　say　when　the　little　worries；　annoyances　and
disagreements　began；　when　I　first　felt　a　restlessness　creeping　over　me。
I　tried　to　hide　these　moods　from　her；　but　always　she　divined　them。　　And
yet　I　was　sure　that　I　loved　Maude；　in　a　surprisingly　short　period　I　had
become　accustomed　to　her；　dependent　on　her　ministrations　and　the　normal；
cosy　intimacy　of　our　companionship。　　I　did　not　like　to　think　that　the
keen　edge　of　the　enjoyment　of　possession　was　wearing　a　little；　while　at
the　same　time　I　philosophized　that　the　divine　fire；　when　legalized；
settles　down　to　a　comfortable　glow。　　The　desire　to　go　home　that　grew　upon
me　I　attributed　to　the　irritation　aroused　by　the　spectacle　of　a　fixed
social　order　commanding　such　unquestioned　deference　from　the　many　who
were　content　to　remain　resignedly　outside　of　it。　　Before　the　setting　in
of　the　Liberal　movement　and　the　〃American　invasion〃　England　was　a　country
in　which　（from　my　point　of　view）　one　must　be　〃somebody〃　in　order　to　be
happy。　　I　was　〃somebody〃　at　home；　or　at　least　rapidly　becoming　so。。。。

London　was　shrouded；　parliament　had　risen；　and　the　great　houses　were
closed。　　Day　after　day　we　issued　forth　from　a　musty　and　highly
respectable　hotel　near　Piccadilly　to　a　gloomy　Tower；　a　soggy　Hampton
Court　or　a　mournful　British　Museum。　　Our　native　longing　for　luxuryor
rather　my　native　longingimpelled　me　to　abandon　Smith's　Hotel　for　a　huge
hostelry　where　our　suite　overlooked　the　Thames；　where　we　ran　across　a　man
I　had　known　slightly　at　Harvard；　and　other　Americans　with　whom　we　made
excursions　and　dined　and　went　to　the　theatre。　　Maude　liked　these　persons；
I　did　not　find　them　especially　congenial。　　My　life…long　habit　of
unwillingness　to　accept　what　life　sent　in　its　ordinary　course　was
asserting　itself；　but　Maude　took　her　friends　as　she　found　them；　and　I　was
secretly　annoyed　by　her　lack　of　discrimination。　　In　addition　to　this；　the
sense　of　having　been　pulled　up　by　the　roots　grew　upon　me。

〃Suppose；〃　Maude　surprised　me　by　suggesting　one　morning　as　we　sat　at
breakfast　watching　the　river　craft　flit　like　phantoms　through　the　yellow…
green　fog〃　suppose　we　don't　go　to　France；　after　all；　Hugh？〃

〃Not　go　to　France！〃　I　exclaimed。　　〃Are　you　tired　of　the　trip？〃

〃Oh；　Hugh！〃　　Her　voice　caught。　　〃I　could　go　on；　always；　if　you　were
content。〃

〃Andwhat　makes　you　think　that　I'm　not　content？〃

Her　smile　had　in　it　just　a　touch　of　wistfulness。

〃I　understand　you；　Hugh；　better　than　you　think。　　You　want　to　get　back　to
your　work；　andand　I　should　be　happier。　　I'm　not　so　silly　and　so
ignorant　as　to　think　that　I　can　satisfy　you　always。　　And　I'd　like　to　get
settled　at　home；I　really　should。〃

There　surged　up　within　me　a　feeling　of　relief。　　I　seized　her　hand　as　it
lay　on　the　table。

〃We'll　come　abroad　another　time；　and　go　to　France；〃　I　said。　　〃Maude；
you're　splendid！〃

She　shook　her　head。

〃Oh；　no；　I'm　not。〃

〃You　do　satisfy　me；〃　I　insisted。　　〃It　isn't　that　at　all。　　But　I　think；
perhaps；　it　would　be　wiser　to　go　back。　　It's　rather　a　crucial　time　with
me；　now　that　Mr。　Watling's　in　Washington。　　I've　just　arrived　at　a
position　where　I　shall　be　able　to　make　a　good　deal　of　money；　and　later
on〃

〃It　isn't　the　money；　Hugh；〃　she　cried；　with　a　vehemence　which　struck　me
as　a　little　odd。　　〃I　sometimes　think　we'd　be　a　great　deal　happier
withoutwithout　all　you　are　going　to　make。〃

I　laughed。

〃Well；　I　haven't　made　it　yet。〃

She　possessed　the　frugality　of　the　Hutchinses。　　And　some　times　my
lavishness　had　frightened　her；　as　when　we　had　taken　the　suite　of　rooms　we
now　occupied。

〃Are　you　sure　you　can　afford　them；　Hugh？〃　she　had　asked　when　we　first
surveyed　them。

I　began　married　life；　and　carried　it　on　without　giving　her　any　conception
of　the　state　of　my　finances。　　She　had　an　allowance　from　the　first。

As　the　steamer　slipped　westward　my　spirits　rose；　to　reach　a　climax　of
exhilaration　when　I　saw　the　towers　of　New　York　rise　gleaming　like　huge
stalagmites　in　the　early　winter　sun。　　Maude　likened　them　more　happilyto
gigantic　ivory　chessmen。　　Well；　New　York　was　America's　chessboard；　and
the　Great　Players　had　already　begun　to　make　moves　that　astonished　the
world。　　As　we　sat　at　breakfast　in　a　Fifth　Avenue　hotel　I　ran　my　eye
eagerly　over　the　stock…market　reports　and　the　financial　news；　and　rallied
Maude　for　a　lack　of　spirits。

〃Aren't　you　glad　to　be　home？〃　I　asked　her；　as　we　sat　in　a　hansom。

〃Of　course　I　am；　Hugh！〃　she　protested。　　〃ButI　can't　look　upon　New　York
as　home；　somehow。　　It　frightens　me。〃

I　laughed　indulgently。

〃You'll　get　used　to　it；〃　I　said。　　〃We'll　be　coming　here　a　great　deal；　off
and　on。〃

She　was　silent。　　But　later；　when　we　took　a　hansom　and　entered　the　streams
of　traffic；　she　responded　to　the　stimulus　of　the　place：　the　movement；　the
colour；　the　sight　of　the　well…appointed　carriages；　of　the　well…fed；　well…
groomed　people　who　sat　in　them；　the　enticement　of　the　shops　in　which　we
made　our　purchases　had　their　effect；　and　she　became　cheerful　again。。。。

In　the　evening　we　took　the　〃Limited〃　for　home。

We　lived　for　a　month　with　my　mother；　and　then　moved　into　our　own　house