a far country-第103节

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in　itself　condemned　it。　　What　did　I　know　of　life？　of　the　shining　universe
that　surrounded　me？　　What　did　I　know　of　the　insect　and　the　flower；　of　the
laws　that　moved　the　planets　and　made　incandescent　the　suns？　of　the　human
body；　of　the　human　soul　and　its　instincts？　　Was　this　knowledge　acquired
at　such　cost　of　labour　and　life　and　love　by　my　fellow…men　of　so　little
worth　to　me　that　I　could　ignore　it？　declare　that　it　had　no　significance
for　me？　no　bearing　on　my　life　and　conduct？　　If　I　were　to　rise　and　go
forwardand　I　now　felt　something　like　a　continued　impulse；　in　spite　of
relaxations　and　revoltsI　must　master　this　knowledge；　it　must　be　my
guide；　form　the　basis　of　my　creed。　　Iwho　never　had　had　a　creed；　never
felt　the　need　of　one！　For　lack　of　one　I　had　been　rudely　jolted　out　of　the
frail　shell　I　had　thought　so　secure；　and　stood；　as　it　were；　naked　and
shivering　to　the　storms；　staring　at　a　world　that　was　no　function　of　me；
after　all。　　My　problem；　indeed；　was　how　to　become　a　function　of　it。。。。

I　resolved　upon　a　course　of　reading；　but　it　was　a　question　what　books　to
get。　　Krebs　could　have　told　me；　if　he　had　lived。　　I　even　thought　once　of
writing　Perry　Blackwood　to　ask　him　to　make　a　list　of　the　volumes　in
Krebs's　little　library；　but　I　was　ashamed　to　do　this。

Dr。　Strafford　still　remained　with　me。　　Not　many　years　out　of　the　medical
school；　he　had　inspired　me　with　a　liking　for　him　and　a　respect　for　his
profession；　and　when　he　informed　me　one　day　that　he　could　no　longer
conscientiously　accept　the　sum　I　was　paying　him；　I　begged　him　to　stay　on。
He　was　a　big　and　wholesome　young　man；　companionable；　yet　quiet　and
unobtrusive；　watchful　without　appearing　to　be　so；　with　the　innate　as　well
as　the　cultivated　knowledge　of　psychology　characteristic　of　the　best
modern　physicians。　　When　I　grew　better　I　came　to　feel　that　he　had　given
his　whole　mind　to　the　study　of　my　case；　though　he　never　betrayed　it　in
his　conversation。

〃Strafford；〃　I　said　to　him　one　morning　with　such　an　air　of　unconcern　as　I
could　muster；　〃I've　an　idea　I'd　like　to　read　a　little　science。　　Could　you
recommend　a　work　on　biology？〃

I　chose　biology　because　I　thought　he　would　know　something　about　it。

〃Popular　biology；　Mr。　Paret？〃

〃Well；　not　too　popular；　I　smiled。　　〃I　think　it　would　do　me　good　to　use　my
mind；　to　chew　on　something。　　Besides；　you　can　help　me　over　the　tough
places。〃

He　returned　that　afternoon　with　two　books。

〃I've　been　rather　fortunate　in　getting　these；〃　he　said。　　〃One　is　fairly
elementary。　　They　had　it　at　the　library。　　And　the　other〃　he　paused
delicately；　〃I　didn't　know　whether　you　might　be　interested　in　the　latest
speculations　on　the　subject。〃

〃Speculations？〃　I　repeated。

〃Well；　the　philosophy　of　it。〃　　He　almost　achieved　a　blush　under　his　tan。
He　held　out　the　second　book　on　the　philosophy　of　the　organism。　　〃It's　the
work　of　a　German　scientist　who　stands　rather　high。　　I　read　it　last
winter；　and　it　interested　me。　　I　got　it　from　a　clergyman　I　know　who　is
spending　the　winter　in　Santa　Barbara。〃

〃A　clergyman！〃

Strafford　laughed。　　〃An　'advanced'　clergyman；〃　he　explained。　　〃Oh；　a　lot
of　them　are　reading　science　now。　　I　think　it's　pretty　decent　of　them。〃

I　looked　at　Strafford；　who　towered　six　feet　three；　and　it　suddenly　struck
me　that　he　might　be　one　of　the　forerunners　of　a　type　our　universities
were　about　to　turn　out。　　I　wondered　what　he　believed。　　Of　one　thing　I　was
sure；　that　he　was　not　in　the　medical　profession　to　make　money。　　That　was
a　faith　in　itself。

I　began　with　the　elementary　work。

〃You'd　better　borrow　a　Century　Dictionary；〃　I　said。

〃That's　easy；〃　he　said；　and　actually　achieved　it；　with　the　clergyman's
aid。

The　absorption　in　which　I　fought　my　way　through　those　books　may　prove
interesting　to　future　generations；　who；　at　Sunday…school　age；　when　the
fable　of　Adam　and　Eve　was　painfully　being　drummed　into　me　（without　any
mention　of　its　application）；　will　be　learning　to　think　straight；
acquiring　easily　in　early　youth　what　I　failed　to　learn　until　after　forty。
And　think　of　all　the　trouble　and　tragedy　that　will　have　been　averted。　　It
is　true　that　I　had　read　some　biology　at　Cambridge；　which　I　had　promptly
forgotten；　it　had　not　been　especially　emphasized　by　my　instructors　as
related　to　lifecertainly　not　as　related　to　religion：　such　incidents　as
that　of　Adam　and　Eve　occupied　the　religious　field　exclusively。　　I　had
been　compelled　to　commit　to　memory；　temporarily；　the　matter　in　those
books；　but　what　I　now　began　to　perceive　was　that　the　matter　was　secondary
compared　to　the　view　point　of　scienceand　this　had　been　utterly
neglected。　　As　I　read；　I　experienced　all　the　excitement　of　an　old…
fashioned　romance；　but　of　a　romance　of　such　significance　as　to　touch　the
very　springs　of　existence；　and　above　all　I　was　impressed　with　the
integrity　of　the　scientific　methodan　integrity　commensurate　with　the
dignity　of　manthat　scorned　to　quibble　to　make　out　a　case；　to　affirm
something　that　could　not　be　proved。

Little　by　little　I　became　familiar　with　the　principles　of　embryonic
evolution；　ontogeny；　and　of　biological　evolution；　phylogeny；　realized；
for　the　first　time；　my　own　history　and　that　of　the　ancestors　from　whom　I
had　developed　and　descended。　　I；　this　marvellously　complicated　being；
torn　by　desires　and　despairs；　was　the　result　of　the　union　of　two
microscopic　cells。　　〃All　living　things　come　from　the　egg；〃　such　had　been
Harvey's　dictum。　　The　result　was　like　the　tonic　of　a　cold　douche。　　I
began　to　feel　cleansed　and　purified；　as　though　something　sticky…sweet
which　all　my　life　had　clung　to　me　had　been　washed　away。　　Yet　a　question
arose；　an　insistent　question　that　forever　presses　itself　on　the　mind　of
man；　how　could　these　apparently　chemical　and　mechanical　processes；　which
the　author　of　the　book　contented　himself　with　recording；　account　for　me？
The　spermia　darts　for　the　egg；　and　pierces　it；　personal　history　begins。
But　what　mysterious　shaping　force　is　it　that　repeats　in　the　individual
the　history　of　the　race；　supervises　the　orderly　division　of　the　cells；　by
degrees　directs　the　symmetry；　sets　aside　the　skeleton　and　digestive　tract
and　supervises　the　structure？

I　took　up　the　second　book；　that　on　the　philosophy　of　the
organism；　to　read　in　its　preface　that　a　much…to…be…honoured
British　nobleman　had　established　a　foundation　of　lectures　in　a　Scotch
University　for　forwarding　the　study　of　a　Natural　Theology。　　The　term
possessed　me。　　Unlike　the　old　theology　woven　of　myths　and　a　fanciful
philosophy　of　the　decadent　period　of　Greece；　natural　theology　was　founded
on　science　itself；　and　scientists　were　among　those　who　sought　to　develop
it。　　Here　was　a　synthesis　that　made　a　powerful　appeal；　one　of　the　many
signs　and　portents　of　a　new　era　of　which　I　was　dimly　becoming　cognizant；
and　now　that　I　looked　for　signs；　I　found　them　everywhere；　in　my　young
Doctor；　in　Krebs；　in　references　in　the　texts；　indications　of　a　new　order
beginning　to　make　itself　felt　in　a　muddled；　chaotic　human　world；　which
mightwhich　must　have　a　parallel　with　the　order　that　revealed　itself　in
the　egg！　　Might　not　both；　physical　and　social；　be　due　to　the　influence　of
the　same　invisible；　experimenting；　creating　Hand？

My　thoughts　lingered　lovingly　on　this　theology　so　well　named　〃natural；〃
on　its　conscientiousness；　its　refusal　to　affirm　what　it　did　not　prove；　on
its　lack　of　dogmatic　dictums　and　infallible　revelations；　yet　it　gave　me
the　vision　of　a　new　sanction　whereby　man　might　order　his　life；　a　sanction
from　which　was　eliminated　fear　and　superstition　and　romantic　hope；　a
sanction　whose　doctrinesunlike　those　of　the　sentimental　theologydid
not　fly　in　the　face　of　human　instincts　and　needs。　　Nor　was　it　a　theology
devoid　of　inspiration　and　poetry；　though　poetry　might　be　called　its
complement。　　With　all　that　was　beautiful　and　true　in　the　myths　dear　to
mankind　it　did　not　conflict；　annulling　only　the　vicious　dogmatism　of
literal　interpretation。　　In　this　connection　I　remembered　something　that
Krebs　had　saidin　our　talk　about　poetry　and　art；that　these　were
emotion；　religion　expressed　by　the　tools　reason　had　evolved。　　Music；　he
had　declared；　came　nearest　to　the　cry　of　the　human　soul。。。。

That　theology　cleared　for　faith　an　open　road；　made　of　faith　a　reasonable
thing；　yet　did　not　rob　it　of　a　sense　of　high　adventure；　cleansed　it　of
the　taints　of　thrift　and　selfish　concern。　　In　this　reaffirmation　of
vitalism　there　might　be　a　future；　yes；　an　individual　future；　yet　it　was
far　from　the　smug　conception　of　salvation。　　Here　was　a　faith　conferred　by
the　freedom　of　truth；　a　faith　that　lost　and　regained　itself　in　life；　it
was　dynamic　in　its　operation；　for；　as　Lessing　said；　the　searching　after
truth；　and　not　its　possession；　gives　happiness　to　man。　　In　the　words　of
an　American　scientist；　taken　from　his　book　on　Heredity；　〃The　evolutionary
idea　has　forced　man　to　consider　the　probable　future　of　his　own　race　on
earth　and　to　take　measures　to　control　that　future；　a　matter　he　had
previously　left　largely　to　fate。〃

Here　indeed　was　another　sign　of　the　times；　to　find　in　a　strictly
scientific　work　a　sentence　truly　religious！　　As　I　continued　to　read　these
works；　I　found　them　suffused　with　religion；　religion　of　a　kind　and
quality　I　had　not　imag