the moscow census-第4节

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time；　in　the　depths　of　my　soul；　that　that　was　not　the　thing；　but；　as
often　happens；　activity　of　judgment　and　imagination　drowned　that
voice　of　conscience　within　me。　　At　that　juncture；　the　census　came　up。
This　struck　me　as　a　means　for　instituting　that　benevolence　in　which　I
proposed　to　exhibit　my　charitable　disposition。　　I　knew　of　many
charitable　institutions　and　societies　which　were　in　existence　in
Moscow；　but　all　their　activity　seemed　to　me　both　wrongly　directed　and
insignificant　in　comparison　with　what　I　intended　to　do。　　And　I
devised　the　following　scheme：　　to　arouse　the　sympathy　of　the　wealthy
for　the　poverty　of　the　city；　to　collect　money；　to　get　people　together
who　were　desirous　of　assisting　in　this　matter；　and　to　visit　all　the
refuges　of　poverty　in　company　with　the　census；　and；　in　addition　to
the　work　of　the　census；　to　enter　into　communion　with　the　unfortunate；
to　learn　the　particulars　of　their　necessities；　and　to　assist　them
with　money；　with　work；　by　sending　them　away　from　Moscow；　by　placing
their　children　in　school；　and　the　old　people　in　hospitals　and
asylums。　　And　not　only　that；　I　thought；　but　these　people　who
undertake　this　can　be　formed　into　a　permanent　society；　which；　by
dividing　the　quarters　of　Moscow　among　its　members；　will　be　able　to
see　to　it　that　this　poverty　and　beggary　shall　not　be　bred；　they　will
incessantly　annihilate　it　at　its　very　inception；　then　they　will
fulfil　their　duty；　not　so　much　by　healing　as　by　a　course　of　hygiene
for　the　wretchedness　of　the　city。　　I　fancied　that　there　would　be　no
more　simply　needy；　not　to　mention　abjectly　poor　persons；　in　the　town；
and　that　all　of　us　wealthy　individuals　would　thereafter　be　able　to
sit　in　our　drawing…rooms；　and　eat　our　five…course　dinners；　and　ride
in　our　carriages　to　theatres　and　assemblies；　and　be　no　longer　annoyed
with　such　sights　as　I　had　seen　at　the　Lyapinsky　house。

Having　concocted　this　plan；　I　wrote　an　article　on　the　subject；　and
before　sending　it　to　the　printer；　I　went　to　some　acquaintances；　from
whom　I　hoped　for　sympathy。　　I　said　the　same　thing　to　every　one　whom　I
met　that　day　（and　I　applied　chiefly　to　the　rich）；　and　nearly　the　same
that　I　afterwards　printed　in　my　memoir；　proposed　to　take　advantage　of
the　census　to　inquire　into　the　wretchedness　of　Moscow；　and　to　succor
it；　both　by　deeds　and　money；　and　to　do　it　in　such　a　manner　that　there
should　be　no　poor　people　in　Moscow；　and　so　that　we　rich　ones　might　be
able；　with　a　quiet　conscience；　to　enjoy　the　blessings　of　life　to
which　we　were　accustomed。　　All　listened　to　me　attentively　and
seriously；　but　nevertheless　the　same　identical　thing　happened　with
every　one　of　them　without　exception。　　No　sooner　did　my　hearers
comprehend　the　question；　than　they　seemed　to　feel　awkward　and
somewhat　mortified。　　They　seemed　to　be　ashamed；　and　principally　on　my
account；　because　I　was　talking　nonsense；　and　nonsense　which　it　was
impossible　to　openly　characterize　as　such。　　Some　external　cause
appeared　to　compel　my　hearers　to　be　forbearing　with　this　nonsense　of
mine。

〃Ah；　yes！　of　course。　　That　would　be　very　good；〃　they　said　to　me。　　〃It
is　a　self…understood　thing　that　it　is　impossible　not　to　sympathize
with　this。　　Yes；　your　idea　is　a　capital　one。　　I　have　thought　of　that
myself；　but　。　。　。　we　are　so　indifferent；　as　a　rule；　that　you　can
hardly　count　on　much　success　。　。　。　however；　so　far　as　I　am　concerned；
I　am；　of　course；　ready　to　assist。〃

They　all　said　something　of　this　sort　to　me。　　They　all　agreed；　but
agreed；　so　it　seemed　to　me；　not　in　consequence　of　my　convictions；　and
not　in　consequence　of　their　own　wish；　but　as　the　result　of　some
outward　cause；　which　did　not　permit　them　not　to　agree。　　I　had　already
noticed　this；　and；　since　not　one　of　them　stated　the　sum　which　he　was
willing　to　contribute；　I　was　obliged　to　fix　it　myself；　and　to　ask：
〃So　I　may　count　on　you　for　three　hundred；　or　two　hundred；　or　one
hundred；　or　twenty…five　rubles？〃　　And　not　one　of　them　gave　me　any
money。　　I　mention　this　because；　when　people　give　money　for　that　which
they　themselves　desire；　they　generally　make　haste　to　give　it。　　For　a
box　to　see　Sarah　Bernhardt；　they　will　instantly　place　the　money　in
your　hand；　to　clinch　the　bargain。　　Here；　however；　out　of　all　those
who　agreed　to　contribute；　and　who　expressed　their　sympathy；　not　one
of　them　proposed　to　give　me　the　money　on　the　spot；　but　they　merely
assented　in　silence　to　the　sum　which　I　suggested。　　In　the　last　house
which　I　visited　on　that　day；　in　the　evening；　I　accidentally　came　upon
a　large　company。　　The　mistress　of　the　house　had　busied　herself　with
charity　for　several　years。　　Numerous　carriages　stood　at　the　door；
several　lackeys　in　rich　liveries　were　sitting　in　the　ante…chamber。
In　the　vast　drawing…room；　around　two　tables　and　lamps；　sat　ladies　and
young　girls；　in　costly　garments；　dressing　small　dolls；　and　there　were
several　young　men　there　also；　hovering　about　the　ladies。　　The　dolls
prepared　by　these　ladies　were　to　be　drawn　in　a　lottery　for　the　poor。

The　sight　of　this　drawing…room；　and　of　the　people　assembled　in　it；
struck　me　very　unpleasantly。　　Not　to　mention　the　fact　that　the
property　of　the　persons　there　congregated　amounted　to　many　millions；
not　to　mention　the　fact　that　the　mere　income　from　the　capital　here
expended　on　dresses；　laces；　bronzes；　brooches；　carriages；　horses；
liveries；　and　lackeys；　was　a　hundred…fold　greater　than　all　that　these
ladies　could　earn；　not　to　mention　the　outlay；　the　trip　hither　of　all
these　ladies　and　gentlemen；　the　gloves；　linen；　extra　time；　the
candles；　the　tea；　the　sugar；　and　the　cakes　had　cost　the　hostess　a
hundred　times　more　than　what　they　were　engaged　in　making　here。　　I　saw
all　this；　and　therefore　I　could　understand；　that　precisely　here　I
should　find　no　sympathy　with　my　mission：　　but　I　had　come　in　order　to
make　my　proposition；　and；　difficult　as　this　was　for　me；　I　said　what　I
intended。　　（I　said　very　nearly　the　same　thing　that　is　contained　in　my
printed　article。）

Out　of　all　the　persons　there　present；　one　individual　offered　me
money；　saying　that　she　did　not　feel　equal　to　going　among　the　poor
herself　on　account　of　her　sensibility；　but　that　she　would　give　money；
how　much　money　she　would　give；　and　when；　she　did　not　say。　　Another
individual　and　a　young　man　offered　their　services　in　going　about
among　the　poor；　but　I　did　not　avail　myself　of　their　offer。　　The
principal　person　to　whom　I　appealed；　told　me　that　it　would　be
impossible　to　do　much　because　means　were　lacking。　　Means　were　lacking
because　all　the　rich　people　in　Moscow　were　already　on　the　lists；　and
all　of　them　were　asked　for　all　that　they　could　possibly　give；　because
on　all　these　benefactors　rank；　medals；　and　other　dignities　were
bestowed；　because　in　order　to　secure　financial　success；　some　new
dignities　must　be　secured　from　the　authorities；　and　that　this　was　the
only　practical　means；　but　this　was　extremely　difficult。

On　my　return　home　that　night；　I　lay　down　to　sleep　not　only　with　a
presentment　that　my　idea　would　come　to　nothing；　but　with　shame　and　a
consciousness　that　all　day　long　I　had　been　engaged　in　a　very
repulsive　and　disgraceful　business。　　But　I　did　not　give　up　this
undertaking。　　In　the　first　place；　the　matter　had　been　begun；　and
false　shame　would　have　prevented　my　abandoning　it；　in　the　second
place；　not　only　the　success　of　this　scheme；　but　the　very　fact　that　I
was　busying　myself　with　it；　afforded　me　the　possibility　of　continuing
to　live　in　the　conditions　under　which　I　was　then　living；　failure
entailed　upon　me　the　necessity　of　renouncing　my　present　existence　and
of　seeking　new　paths　of　life。　　And　this　I　unconsciously　dreaded；　and
I　could　not　believe　the　inward　voice；　and　I　went　on　with　what　I　had
begun。

Having　sent　my　article　to　the　printer；　I　read　the　proof　of　it　to　the
City　Council　（Dum）。　　I　read　it；　stumbling；　and　blushing　even　to
tears；　I　felt　so　awkward。　　And　I　saw　that　it　was　equally　awkward　for
all　my　hearers。　　In　answer　to　my　question　at　the　conclusion　of　my
reading；　as　to　whether　the　superintendents　of　the　census　would　accept
my　proposition　to　retain　their　places　with　the　object　of　becoming
mediators　between　society　and　the　needy；　an　awkward　silence　ensued。
Then　two　orators　made　speeches。　　These　speeches　in　some　measure
corrected　the　awkwardness　of　my　proposal；　sympathy　for　me　was
expressed；　but　the　impracticability　of　my　proposition；　which　all　had
approved；　was　demonstrated。　　Everybody　breathed　more　freely。　　But
when；　still　desirous　of　gaining　my　object；　I　afterwards　asked　the
superintendents　separately：　　Were　they　willing；　while　taking　the
census；　to　inquire　into　the　needs　of　the　poor；　and　to　retain　their
posts；　in　order　to　serve　as　go…betweens　between　the　poor　and　the
rich？　they　all　grew　uneasy　again。　　They　seemed　to　say　to　me　with
their　glances：　　〃Why；　we　have　just　condoned　your　folly　out　of　respect
to　you；　and　here　you　are　beginning　it　again！〃　　Such　was　the
expression　of　their　faces；　but　they　assured　me　in　words　that　they
agreed；　and　two　of　them　said　in　the　very　same　words；　as　though　they
had　entered　into　a　compact　together：　　〃We　consider　ourselves　MORALLY
BOUND　to　do　this。〃　　The　same　impression　was　produced　by　my
communication　to　the　student…census…takers；　when　I　said　to　the