the moscow census-第3节

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hat。　　The　hook…nosed　man　asked　for　some　sbiten　also。　　Then　came　a
tall　old　man；　with　a　mass　of　beard；　clad　in　a　great…coat　girded　with
a　rope；　and　in　bast　shoes；　who　was　drunk。　　Then　a　small　man　with　a
swollen　face　and　tearful　eyes；　in　a　brown　nankeen　round…jacket；　with
his　bare　knees　protruding　from　the　holes　in　his　summer　trousers；　and
knocking　together　with　cold。　　He　shivered　so　that　he　could　not　hold
his　glass；　and　spilled　it　over　himself。　　The　men　began　to　reproach
him。　　He　only　smiled　in　a　woe…begone　way；　and　went　on　shivering。
Then　came　a　crooked　monster　in　rags；　with　pattens　on　his　bare　feet；
then　some　sort　of　an　officer；　then　something　in　the　ecclesiastical
line；　then　something　strange　and　nose…less；all　hungry　and　cold；
beseeching　and　submissive；　thronged　round　me；　and　pressed　close　to
the　sbiten。　　They　drank　up　all　the　sbiten。　　One　asked　for　money；　and
I　gave　it。　　Then　another　asked；　then　a　third；　and　the　whole　crowd
besieged　me。　　Confusion　and　a　press　resulted。　　The　porter　of　the
adjoining　house　shouted　to　the　crowd　to　clear　the　sidewalk　in　front
of　his　house；　and　the　crowd　submissively　obeyed　his　orders。　　Some
managers　stepped　out　of　the　throng；　and　took　me　under　their
protection；　and　wanted　to　lead　me　forth　out　of　the　press；　but　the
crowd；　which　had　at　first　been　scattered　over　the　sidewalk；　now
became　disorderly；　and　hustled　me。　　All　stared　at　me　and　begged；　and
each　face　was　more　pitiful　and　suffering　and　humble　than　the　last。　　I
distributed　all　that　I　had　with　me。　　I　had　not　much　money；　something
like　twenty　rubles；　and　in　company　with　the　crowd；　I　entered　the
Lyapinsky　lodging…house。　　This　house　is　huge。　　It　consists　of　four
sections。　　In　the　upper　stories　are　the　men's　quarters；　in　the　lower；
the　women's。　　I　first　entered　the　women's　place；　a　vast　room　all
occupied　with　bunks；　resembling　the　third…class　bunks　on　the　railway。
These　bunks　were　arranged　in　two　rows；　one　above　the　other。　　The
women；　strange；　tattered　creatures；　both　old　and　young；　wearing
nothing　over　their　dresses；　entered　and　took　their　places；　some　below
and　some　above。　　Some　of　the　old　ones　crossed　themselves；　and　uttered
a　petition　for　the　founder　of　this　refuge；　some　laughed　and　scolded。
I　went　up…stairs。　　There　the　men　had　installed　themselves；　among　them
I　espied　one　of　those　to　whom　I　had　given　money。　　＇On　catching　sight
of　him；　I　all　at　once　felt　terribly　abashed；　and　I　made　haste　to
leave　the　room。　　And　it　was　with　a　sense　of　absolute　crime　that　I
quitted　that　house　and　returned　home。　　At　home　I　entered　over　the
carpeted　stairs　into　the　ante…room；　whose　floor　was　covered　with
cloth；　and　having　removed　my　fur　coat；　I　sat　down　to　a　dinner　of　five
courses；　waited　on　by　two　lackeys　in　dress…coats；　white　neckties；　and
white　gloves。

Thirty　years　ago　I　witnessed　in　Paris　a　man's　head　cut　off　by　the
guillotine　in　the　presence　of　thousands　of　spectators。　　I　knew　that
the　man　was　a　horrible　criminal。　　I　was　acquainted　with　all　the
arguments　which　people　have　been　devising　for　so　many　centuries；　in
order　to　justify　this　sort　of　deed。　　I　knew　that　they　had　done　this
expressly；　deliberately。　　But　at　the　moment　when　head　and　body　were
severed；　and　fell　into　the　trough；　I　groaned；　and　apprehended；　not
with　my　mind；　but　with　my　heart　and　my　whole　being；　that　all　the
arguments　which　I　had　heard　anent　the　death…penalty　were　arrant
nonsense；　that；　no　matter　how　many　people　might　assemble　in　order　to
perpetrate　a　murder；　no　matter　what　they　might　call　themselves；
murder　is　murder；　the　vilest　sin　in　the　world；　and　that　that　crime
had　been　committed　before　my　very　eyes。　　By　my　presence　and　non…
interference；　I　had　lent　my　approval　to　that　crime；　and　had　taken
part　in　it。　　So　now；　at　the　sight　of　this　hunger；　cold；　and
degradation　of　thousands　of　persons；　I　understood　not　with　my　mind；
but　with　my　heart　and　my　whole　being；　that　the　existence　of　tens　of
thousands　of　such　people　in　Moscow；　while　I　and　other　thousands　dined
on　fillets　and　sturgeon；　and　covered　my　horses　and　my　floors　with
cloth　and　rugs；no　matter　what　the　wise　ones　of　this　world　might　say
to　me　about　its　being　a　necessity；was　a　crime；　not　perpetrated　a
single　time；　but　one　which　was　incessantly　being　perpetrated　over　and
over　again；　and　that　I；　in　my　luxury；　was　not　only　an　accessory；　but
a　direct　accomplice　in　the　matter。　　The　difference　for　me　between
these　two　impressions　was　this；　that　I　might　have　shouted　to　the
assassins　who　stood　around　the　guillotine；　and　perpetrated　the
murder；　that　they　were　committing　a　crime；　and　have　tried　with　all　my
might　to　prevent　the　murder。　　But　while　so　doing　I　should　have　known
that　my　action　would　not　prevent　the　murder。　　But　here　I　might　not
only　have　given　sbiten　and　the　money　which　I　had　with　me；　but　the
coat　from　my　back；　and　every　thing　that　was　in　my　house。　　But　this　I
had　not　done；　and　therefore　I　felt；　I　feel；　and　shall　never　cease　to
feel；　myself　an　accomplice　in　this　constantly　repeated　crime；　so　long
as　I　have　superfluous　food　and　any　one　else　has　none　at　all；　so　long
as　I　have　two　garments　while　any　one　else　has　not　even　one。＇　｛5｝



CHAPTER　III。



That　very　evening；　on　my　return　from　the　Lyapinsky　house；　I　related
my　impressions　to　a　friend。　　The　friend；　an　inhabitant　of　the　city；
began　to　tell　me；　not　without　satisfaction；　that　this　was　the　most
natural　phenomenon　of　town　life　possible；　that　I　only　saw　something
extraordinary　in　it　because　of　my　provincialism；　that　it　had　always
been　so；　and　always　would　be　so；　and　that　such　must　be　and　is　the
inevitable　condition　of　civilization。　　In　London　it　is　even　worse。
Of　course　there　is　nothing　wrong　about　it；　and　it　is　impossible　to　be
displeased　with　it。　　I　began　to　reply　to　my　friend；　but　with　so　much
heat　and　ill…temper；　that　my　wife　ran　in　from　the　adjoining　room　to
inquire　what　had　happened。　　It　appears　that；　without　being　conscious
of　it　myself；　I　had　been　shouting；　with　tears　in　my　voice；　and
flourishing　my　hands　at　my　friend。　　I　shouted：　　〃It's　impossible　to
live　thus；　impossible　to　live　thus；　impossible！〃　　They　made　me　feel
ashamed　of　my　unnecessary　warmth；　they　told　me　that　I　could　not　talk
quietly　about　any　thing；　that　I　got　disagreeably　excited；　and　they
proved　to　me；　especially；　that　the　existence　of　such　unfortunates
could　not　possibly　furnish　any　excuse　for　imbittering　the　lives　of
those　about　me。

I　felt　that　this　was　perfectly　just；　and　held　my　peace；　but　in　the
depths　of　my　soul　I　was　conscious　that　I　was　in　the　right；　and　I
could　not　regain　my　composure。

And　the　life　of　the　city；　which　had；　even　before　this；　been　so
strange　and　repellent　to　me；　now　disgusted　me　to　such　a　degree；　that
all　the　pleasures　of　a　life　of　luxury；　which　had　hitherto　appeared　to
me　as　pleasures；　become　tortures　to　me。　　And　try　as　I　would；　to
discover　in　my　own　soul　any　justification　whatever　for　our　life；　I
could　not；　without　irritation；　behold　either　my　own　or　other　people's
drawing…rooms；　nor　our　tables　spread　in　the　lordly　style；　nor　our
equipages　and　horses；　nor　shops；　theatres；　and　assemblies。　　I　could
not　behold　alongside　these　the　hungry；　cold；　and　down…trodden
inhabitants　of　the　Lyapinsky　house。　　And　I　could　not　rid　myself　of
the　thought　that　these　two　things　were　bound　up　together；　that　the
one　arose　from　the　other。　　I　remember；　that；　as　this　feeling　of　my
own　guilt　presented　itself　to　me　at　the　first　blush；　so　it　persisted
in　me；　but　to　this　feeling　a　second　was　speedily　added　which
overshadowed　it。

When　I　mentioned　my　impressions　of　the　Lyapinsky　house　to　my　nearest
friends　and　acquaintances；　they　all　gave　me　the　same　answer　as　the
first　friend　at　whom　I　had　begun　to　shout；　but；　in　addition　to　this；
they　expressed　their　approbation　of　my　kindness　of　heart　and　my
sensibility；　and　gave　me　to　understand　that　this　sight　had　so
especially　worked　upon　me　because　I；　Lyof　Nikolaevitch；　was　very　kind
and　good。　　And　I　willingly　believed　this。　　And　before　I　had　time　to
look　about　me；　instead　of　the　feeling　of　self…reproach　and　regret；
which　I　had　at　first　experienced；　there　came　a　sense　of　satisfaction
with　my　own　kindliness；　and　a　desire　to　exhibit　it　to　people。

〃It　really　must　be；〃　I　said　to　myself；　〃that　I　am　not　especially
responsible　for　this　by　the　luxury　of　my　life；　but　that　it　is　the
indispensable　conditions　of　existence　that　are　to　blame。　　In　truth；　a
change　in　my　mode　of　life　cannot　rectify　the　evil　which　I　have　seen：
by　altering　my　manner　of　life；　I　shall　only　make　myself　and　those
about　me　unhappy；　and　the　other　miseries　will　remain　the　same　as
ever。　　And　therefore　my　problem　lies　not　in　a　change　of　my　own　life；
as　it　had　first　seemed　to　me；　but　in　aiding；　so　far　as　in　me　lies；　in
the　amelioration　of　the　situation　of　those　unfortunate　beings　who
have　called　forth　my　compassion。　　The　whole　point　lies　here；that　I
am　a　very　kind；　amiable　man；　and　that　I　wish　to　do　good　to　my
neighbors。〃　　And　I　began　to　think　out　a　plan　of　beneficent　activity；
in　which　I　might　exhibit　my　benevolence。　　I　must　confess；　however；
that　while　devising　this　plan　of　beneficent　activity；　I　felt　all　the
time；　in　the　depths　of　my　soul；　that　that　was　not　the　thing；　but；　as
often　happens；