the moon and sixpence(月球和六便士)-第27节
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〃You know very well that she can't bear the sight of him。〃
〃You don't understand；〃 he moaned。
〃You're an hysterical ass；〃 I said a little impatiently。 〃Let me give you
a whisky…and…soda； and you'll feel better。〃
I supposed that for some reason or other and Heaven knows what
ingenuity men exercise to torment themselves Dirk had got it into his
head that his wife cared for Strickland； and with his genius for blundering
he might quite well have offended her so that； to anger him； perhaps； she
had taken pains to foster his suspicion。
〃Look here；〃 I said； 〃let's go back to your studio。 If you've made a
fool of yourself you must eat humble pie。 Your wife doesn't strike me as
the sort of woman to bear malice。〃
〃How can I go back to the studio？〃 he said wearily。 〃They're there。
I've left it to them。〃
〃Then it's not your wife who's left you； it's you who've left your wife。〃
〃For God's sake don't talk to me like that。〃
Still I could not take him seriously。 I did not for a moment believe
what he had told me。 But he was in very real distress。
〃Well； you've come here to talk to me about it。 You'd better tell me
the whole story。〃
〃This afternoon I couldn't stand it any more。 I went to Strickland and
told him I thought he was quite well enough to go back to his own place。
I wanted the studio myself。〃
〃No one but Strickland would have needed telling；〃 I said。 〃What did
he say？〃
〃He laughed a little； you know how he laughs； not as though he were
amused； but as though you were a damned fool； and said he'd go at once。
He began to put his things together。 You remember I fetched from his
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room what I thought he needed； and he asked Blanche for a piece of paper
and some string to make a parcel。〃
Stroeve stopped； gasping； and I thought he was going to faint。 This
was not at all the story I had expected him to tell me。
〃She was very pale； but she brought the paper and the string。 He didn't
say anything。 He made the parcel and he whistled a tune。 He took no
notice of either of us。 His eyes had an ironic smile in them。 My heart
was like lead。 I was afraid something was going to happen； and I wished
I hadn't spoken。 He looked round for his hat。 Then she spoke：
〃‘I'm going with Strickland； Dirk；' she said。 ‘I can't live with you any
more。'
〃I tried to speak； but the words wouldn't come。 Strickland didn't say
anything。 He went on whistling as though it had nothing to do with
him。〃
Stroeve stopped again and mopped his face。 I kept quite still。 I
believed him now； and I was astounded。 But all the same I could not
understand。
Then he told me； in a trembling voice； with the tears pouring down his
cheeks； how he had gone up to her； trying to take her in his arms； but she
had drawn away and begged him not to touch her。 He implored her not
to leave him。 He told her how passionately he loved her； and reminded
her of all the devotion he had lavished upon her。 He spoke to her of the
happiness of their life。 He was not angry with her。 He did not reproach
her。
〃Please let me go quietly； Dirk；〃 she said at last。 〃Don't you
understand that I love Strickland？ Where he goes I shall go。〃
〃But you must know that he'll never make you happy。 For your own
sake don't go。 You don't know what you've got to look forward to。〃
〃It's your fault。 You insisted on his coming here。〃
He turned to Strickland。
〃Have mercy on her；〃 he implored him。 〃You can't let her do
anything so mad。〃
〃She can do as she chooses；〃 said Strickland。 〃She's not forced to
come。〃
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〃My choice is made；〃 she said； in a dull voice。
Strickland's injurious calm robbed Stroeve of the rest of his self…
control。 Blind rage seized him； and without knowing what he was doing
he flung himself on Strickland。 Strickland was taken by surprise and he
staggered； but he was very strong； even after his illness； and in a moment；
he did not exactly know how； Stroeve found himself on the floor。
〃You funny little man；〃 said Strickland。
Stroeve picked himself up。 He noticed that his wife had remained
perfectly still； and to be made ridiculous before her increased his
humiliation。 His spectacles had tumbled off in the struggle； and he could
not immediately see them。 She picked them up and silently handed them
to him。 He seemed suddenly to realise his unhappiness； and though he
knew he was making himself still more absurd； he began to cry。 He hid
his face in his hands。 The others watched him without a word。 They did
not move from where they stood。
〃Oh； my dear；〃 he groaned at last； 〃how can you be so cruel？〃
〃I can't help myself； Dirk；〃 she answered。
〃I've worshipped you as no woman was ever worshipped before。 If in
anything I did I displeased you； why didn't you tell me； and I'd have
changed。 I've done everything I could for you。〃
She did not answer。 Her face was set； and he saw that he was only
boring her。 She put on a coat and her hat。 She moved towards the door；
and he saw that in a moment she would be gone。 He went up to her
quickly and fell on his knees before her； seizing her hands： he
abandoned all self…respect。
〃Oh； don't go； my darling。 I can't live without you； I shall kill myself。
If I've done anything to offend you I beg you to forgive me。 Give me
another chance。 I'll try harder still to make you happy。〃
〃Get up； Dirk。 You're making yourself a perfect fool。〃
He staggered to his feet； but still he would not let her go。
〃Where are you going？〃 he said hastily。 〃You don't know what
Strickland's place is like。 You can't live there。 It would be awful。〃
〃If I don't care； I don't see why you should。〃
〃Stay a minute longer。 I must speak。 After all； you can't grudge me
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that。〃
〃What is the good？ I've made up my mind。 Nothing that you can say
will make me alter it。〃
He gulped； and put his hand to his heart to ease its painful beating。
〃I'm not going to ask you to change your mind； but I want you to listen
to me for a minute。 It's the last thing I shall ever ask you。 Don't refuse
me that。〃
She paused； looking at him with those reflective eyes of hers； which
now were so different to him。 She came back into the studio and leaned
against the table。
〃Well？〃
Stroeve made a great effort to collect himself。
〃You must be a little reasonable。 You can't live on air； you know。
Strickland hasn't got a penny。〃
〃I know。〃
〃You'll suffer the most awful privations。 You know why he took so
long to get well。 He was half starved。〃
〃I can earn money for him。〃
〃How？〃
〃I don't know。 I shall find a way。〃
A horrible thought passed through the Dutchman's mind； and he
shuddered。
〃I think you must be mad。 I don't know what has come over you。〃
She shrugged her shoulders。
〃Now may I go？〃
〃Wait one second longer。〃
He looked round his studio wearily； he had loved it because her
presence had made it gay and homelike； he shut his eyes for an instant；
then he gave her a long look as though to impress on his mind the picture
of her。 He got up and took his hat。
〃No； I'll go。〃
〃You？〃
She was startled。 She did not know what he meant。
〃I can't bear to think of you living in that horrible； filthy attic。 After
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