thais(塞斯)-第38节
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Therefore； you shall put on in heaven an armour of gold； and the
Archangel Michael shall give you the title of kiliarchs of his hosts。〃
Perceiving the old man Philemon； he embraced him； and said
〃Behold； the kindest and best of all my children。 His soul exhales a
perfume as sweet as the flower of the beans he sows every year。〃
To Abbot Zozimus he addressed these words
〃Thou hast never mistrusted divine goodness； and therefore the peace
of the Lord is in thee。 The lily of thy virtues has flowered upon the
dunghill of thy corruption。〃
To all he spoke words of unerring wisdom。
To the old hermits he said
〃The apostle saw； round the throne of God； eighty old men seated； clad
in white robes； and wearing crowns on their heads。〃
To the young men
〃Be joyful； leave sadness to the happy ones of this world。〃
Thus he passed along the front of his filial army； exhorting and
comforting。 Paphnutius； seeing him approach； fell on his knees； his heart
torn by fear and hope。
〃My father！ my father！〃 he cried in his agony。 〃My father！ come to my
help； for I perish。 I have given to God the soul of Thais； I have lived upon
the top of a column； and in the chamber of a tomb。 My forehead；
unceasingly in the dust； has become horny as a camel's knee。 And yet God
has gone from me。 Bless me； my father； and I shall be saved； shake the
hyssop； and I shall be washed； and I shall shine as the snow。〃
Anthony did not reply。 He turned to the monks of Antinoe those eyes
whose looks no man could sustain。 He gazed for a long time at Paul； called
the Fool； then he made a sign to him to approach。 And； as all were
astonished that the saint should address himself to a man who was not in
his senses； Anthony said
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〃God has granted to him more grace than to any of you。 Lift thy eyes；
my son Paul； and tell me what thou seest in heaven。〃
Paul the Fool raised his eyes； his face shone； and his tongue was
unloosed。
〃I see in heaven；〃 he said； 〃a bed adorned with hangings of purple and
gold。 Around it three virgins keep constant watch that no soul may
approach it； except the chosen one for whom the bed is prepared。〃
Believing that this bed was the symbol of his glorification； Paphnutius
had already begun to return thanks to God。 But Anthony made a sign to
him to be silent； and to listen to the Fool； who murmured in his ecstasy
〃The three virgins speak to me； they say unto me： 'A saint is about to
quit the earth； Thais of Alexandria is dying。 And we have prepared the bed
of her glory； for we are her virtuesFaith； Fear； and Love。' 〃
Anthony asked
〃Sweet child； what else seest thou？〃
Paul gazed vacantly from the zenith to the nadir； and from west to east；
when suddenly his eyes fell on the Abbot of Antinoe。 His face grew pale
with a holy terror； and his eyeballs reflected invisible flames。
〃I see；〃 he murmured。 〃three demons； who； full of joy； prepare to seize
that man。 One of them is like unto a tower； one to a woman； and one to a
mage。 All three bear their name； marked with redhot iron； the first on the
forehead； the second on the belly； the third on the breast； and those names
arePride； Lust； and Doubt。 I have finished。〃
Having spoken thus； Paul； with haggard eyes and hanging jaw；
returned to his old simple ways。
And； as the monks of Antinoe looked anxiously at Anthony； the saint
pronounced these words
〃God has made known His just judgment。 Let us bow to Him and hold
our peace。〃
He passed。 He bestowed blessings as he went。 The sun； now descended
to the horizon； enveloped him in its glory； and his shadow； immeasurably
elongated by a miracle from heaven； unrolled itself behind him like an
endless carpet； as a sign of the long remembrance this great saint would
leave amongst men。
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Upright； but thunderstruck； Paphnutius saw and heard nothing more。
One word alone rang in his ears； 〃Thais is dying！〃 The thought had never
occurred to him。 Twenty years had he contemplated a mummy's head； and
yet the idea that death would close the eyes of Thais astonished him
hopelessly。
〃Thais is dying！〃 An incomprehensible saying！ 〃Thais is dying！〃 In
those three words what a new and terrible sense！ 〃Thais is dying！〃 Then
why the sun； the flowers； the brooks； and all creation？ 〃Thais is dying！〃
What good was all the universe？ Suddenly he sprang forward。 〃To see her
again； to see her once more！〃 He began to run。 He knew not where he was；
or whither he went； but instinct conducted him with unerring certainty； he
went straight to the Nile。 A swarm of sails covered the upper waters of the
river。 He sprang on board a barque manned by Nubians； and lying in the
forepart of the boat； his eyes devouring space； he cried； in grief and rage
〃Fool； fool； that I was； not to have possessed Thais whilst there was
yet time！ Fool to have believed that there was anything else in the world
but her！ Oh； madness！ I dreamed of God； of the salvation of my soul； of
life eternalas if all that counted for anything when I had seen Thais！ Why
did I not feel that blessed eternity was in a single kiss of that woman； and
that without her life was senseless； and no more than an evil dream？ Oh；
stupid fool！ thou hast seen her； and thou hast desired the good things of the
other world！ Oh； coward！ thou hast seen her； and thou hast feared God！
God！ heaven！ what are they？ And what have they to offer thee which are
worth the least tittle of that which she would have given thee？ Oh；
miserable； senseless fool； who sought divine goodness elsewhere than on
the lips of Thais！ What hand was upon thy eyes？ Cursed be he who
blinded thee then！ Thou couldst have bought； at the price of thy damnation；
one moment of her love； and thou hast not done it！ She opened to thee her
armsflesh mingled with the perfume of flowersand thou wast not
engulfed in the unspeakable enchantments of her unveiled breast。 Thou
hast listened to the jealous voice which said to thee； 'Refrain！' Dupe； dupe；
miserable dupe！ Oh； regrets！ Oh； remorse！ Oh； despair！ Not to have the
joy to carry to hell the memory of that never…to…be…forgotten hour； and to
cry to God； 'Burn my flesh； dry up all the blood in my veins； break all my
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bones； thou canst not take from me the remembrance which sweetens and
refreshes me for ever and ever！' 。 。 。 Thais is dying！ Preposterous God； if
thou knewest how I laugh at Thy hell！ Thais is dying； and she will never
be minenever！ never！〃
And as the boat came down the river with the current； he remained
whole days lying on his face； and repeating
〃Never！ never！ never！〃
Then； at the idea that she had given herself to others； and not to him；
that she had poured forth an ocean of love； and he had not wetted his lips
therein； he stood up； savagely wild； and howled with grief。 He tore his
breast with his nails； and bit the flesh of his arms。 He thought
〃If I could but kill all those she has loved！〃
The idea of these murders filled him with delicious fury。 He dreamed
of killing Nicias slowly and leisurely； looking him full in the eyes whilst
he murdered him。 Then suddenly his fury melted away。 He wept； he
sobbed。 He became feeble and meek。 An unknown tenderness softened his
soul。 He longed to throw his arms round the neck of the companion of his
childhood and say to him； 〃Nicias； I love thee； because thou hast loved her。
Talk to me about her。 Tell me what she said to thee。〃 And still； without
ceasing； the iron of that phrase entered into his soul〃Thais is dying！〃
〃Light of day； silvery shadows of night stars； heavens； trees with
trembling crests； savage beasts； domestic animals； all the anxious souls of
men； do you not hear？ 'Thais is dying！' Disappear； ye lights； breezes； and
perfumes！ Hide yourselves； ye shapes and thoughts of the universe！ 'Thais
is dying！' She was the beauty of the world； and all that drew near to
