thais(塞斯)-第30节
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should thus return； it became evident to him that these things had an
imperishable soul； and he cried
〃Lo； all the countless souls of the sins of Thais come upon me！〃
When he turned away his head； he felt that Thais was behind him； and
that made him feel still more uneasy。 His torture was cruel。 But as his soul
and body remained pure in the midst of all his temptations； he trusted in
God； and gently complained to Him。
〃My God； if I went so far to seek her amongst the Gentiles； it was for
Thy sake； and not for mine。 It would not be just that I should suffer for
what I have done in Thy behalf。 Protect me； sweet Jesus！ My Saviour； save
me！ Suffer not the phantom to accomplish that which the body could not。
As I have triumphed over the flesh； suffer not the shadow to overthrow me。
I know that I am now exposed to greater dangers than I ever ran。 I feel and
know that the dream has more power than the reality。 And how could it be
otherwise； since it is itself but a higher reality？ It is the soul of things。
Plato； though he was but an idolater； has testified to the real existence of
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ideas。 At that banquet of demons to which Thou accompaniedst me； Lord；
I heard men sullied with crimes truly； but certainly not devoid of
intelligence agree to acknowledge that we see real objects in solitude；
meditation； and ecstasy； and Thy Scriptures； my God； many times affirm
the virtue of dreams； and the power of visions formed either by Thee；
great God； or by Thy adversary。〃
There was a new man in him and now he reasoned with God； but God
did not choose to enlighten him。 His nights were one long dream； and his
days did not differ from his nights。 One morning he awoke uttering sighs；
such as issue； by moonlight； from the tombs of the victims of crimes。
Thais had come； showing her bleeding feet； and whilst he wept； she had
slipped into his couch。 There was no longer any doubt； the image of Thais
was an impure image。
His heart filled with disgust； he leaped out of his profaned couch； and
hid his face in his hands that he might not see the daylight。 The hours
passed； but they did not remove his shame。 All was quiet in the cell。 For
the first time for many long days； Paphnutius was alone。 The phantom had
at last left him； and even its absence seemed dreadful。 Nothing； nothing to
distract his mind from the recollection of the dream。 Full of horror； he
thought
〃Why did I not drive her away？ Why did I not tear myself from her
cold arms and burning knees？〃
He no longer dared to pronounce the name of God near that horrible
couch； and he feared that his cell being profaned； the demons might freely
enter at any hour。 His fears did not deceive him。 The seven little jackals；
which had never crossed the threshold； entered in a file； and went and hid
under the bed。 At the vesper hour； there came an eighth； the stench of
which was horrible。 The next day； a ninth joined the others； and soon there
were thirty； then sixty； then eighty。 They became smaller as they
multiplied； and being no bigger than rats； they covered the floor； the couch；
and the stool。 One of them jumped on the little table by the side of the bed；
and standing with its four feet together on the death's head； looked at the
monk with burning eyes。 And every day fresh jackals came。
To expiate the abominable sin of his dream； and flee from impure
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thoughts； Paphnutius determined to leave his cell； which had now become
polluted； go far into the desert； and practise unheard…of austerities； strange
labours； and fresh works of grace。 But before putting his design into action；
he went to see old Palemon and ask his advice。
He found him in his garden watering his lettuces。 It was the evening。
The blue Nile flowed at the foot of violet hills。 The good old man was
walking slowly； in order not to frighten a pigeon that had perched on his
shoulder。
〃The Lord be with thee； brother Paphnutius；〃 he said。 〃Admire his
goodness； He sends me the animals that He has created that I may
converse with them of His works； and praise Him in the birds of the air。
Look at this pigeon； note the changing hues of its neck； and say； is it not a
beautiful work of God？ But have you not come to talk with me； brother；
on some pious subject？ If so； I will put down my watering…pot； and listen
to you。〃
Paphnutius told the old man about his journey； his return； the visions
of his days and the dreams of his nights；without omitting the sinful one
and the pack of jackals。
〃Do you not think； father；〃 he added； 〃that I ought to bury myself in
the desert； and perform some extraordinary austerities that would even
astonish the devil？〃
〃I am but a poor sinner；〃 replied Palemon； 〃and I know little about
men； having passed all my life in this garden； with gazelles； little hares
and pigeons。 But it seems to me； brother； that your distemper comes from
your having passed too suddenly from the noisy world to the calm of
solitude。 Such sudden transitions can but do harm to the health of the soul。
You are； brother； like a man who exposes himself； almost at the same time；
to great heat and great cold。 A cough shakes him； and fever torments him。
In your place； brother Paphnutius； instead of retiring at once into some
awful desert； I should take such amusements as are fitting to a monk and a
holy abbot。 I should visit the monasteries in the neighbourhood。 Some of
them are wonderful； it is said。 That of Abbot Serapion contains； I have
been told； a thousand four hundred and thirty…two cells； and the monks are
divided into as many legions as there are letters in the Greek alphabet。 I
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am even informed that a certain analogy is observed between the character
of the monks and the shape of the letter by which they are designated； and
that； for example； those who are placed under Z have a tortuous character；
whilst those under I have an upright mind。 If I were you； brother； I should
go and assure myself of this with my own eyes； and I should know no rest
until I had seen such a wonderful thing。 I should not fail to study the
regulations of the various communities which are scattered along the
banks of the Nile； so as to be able to compare one with another。 Such
study is befitting a religious man like yourself。 You have heard say； no
doubt； that Abbot Ephrem has drawn up for his monastery pious
regulations of great beauty。 With his permission； you might make a copy
of them； as you are a skilful penman。 I could not do so； for my hands；
accustomed to wield the spade； are too awkward to direct the thin reed of
the scribe over the papyrus。 But you have the knowledge of letters； brother；
and should thank God for it； for beautiful writing cannot be too much
admired。 The work of the copyist and the reader is a great safeguard
against evil thoughts。 Brother Paphnutius； why do you not write out the
teachings of our fathers； Paul and Anthony？ Little by little you would
recover； in these pious works； peace of soul and mind； solitude would
again become pleasant to your heart； and soon you would be in a condition
to recommence those ascetic works which your journey has interrupted。
But you must not expect much benefit from excessive penitence。 When he
was amongst us； our Father Anthony used to say； 'Excessive fasting
produces weakness； and weakness begets idleness。 There are some monks
who ruin their body by fasts improperly prolonged。 Of them it may be said
that they plunge a dagger into their own breast； and deliver themselves up
unresistingly into the power of the devil。' So said the holy man； Anthony。 I
am but a foolish old man； but； by the grace of God； I have remembered
what our father told us。〃
