the complete works of artemus ward, part 3-第6节

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fear。　　Culkins　insisted　that；　as　the　challenging　party；　he　had
the　right　to　the　word　fire。　　This；　after　a　bitter　discussion；　was
granted。　　He　urged　his　seconds　to　place　him　facing　towards　the
town；　so　that　the　lights　would　be　in　his　favour。　　This　was　done
without　any　trouble；　the　immense　benefits　of　that　position　not
being　discovered　by　Smith's　second。

〃If　I　fall；〃　said　Culkins　to　his　second；　〃see　me　respectably
buried　and　forward　bill　to　Connaught。　　Believe　me；　it　will　be
cashed。〃　　The　arms　（horse…pistols）　were　given　to　the　men；　and　one
of　Culkins's　seconds　said：

〃Gentlemen；　are　you　ready？〃

SMITH：Ready。

CULKINS：Ready。　　The　blood　of　the　Culkinses　is　aroused！

SECOND：One；　Two；　Threefire！

Culkins's　pistol　didn't　go　off。　　Smith　didn't　fire。

〃That　was　generous　in　Smith　not　to　fire；〃　said　a　second。

〃It　was　inDADE；〃　said　Culkins；　〃I　did　not　think　it　of　the
low…lived　scoundrel！〃

The　word　was　again　given。　　Crack　went　both　pistols
simultaneously。　　The　smoke　slowly　cleared　away；　and　the
principals　were　discovered　standing　stock…still。　　The　silence　and
stillness　for　a　moment　were　awful。　　No　one　moved。　　Soon　Smith　was
seen　to　reel　and　then　to　slowly　fall。　　His　second　and　the　surgeon
rushed　to　him。　　Culkins　made　a　tremendous　effort　to　fly　from　the
field；　but　was　restrained　by　his　seconds。

〃The　honor　of　the　Culkinses；〃　he　roared；　〃is　untarnishedwhy　the
divil　won't　yez　let　me　go？　　Hll's　blazes；　men；　will　yez　be
after　giving　me　over　to　the　bailiffs？　　Docther；　Docther！〃　he
shouted；　〃is　he　mortally　wounded？〃

The　Doctor　said　he　could　not　tellthat　he　was　wounded　in　the
shoulderthat　a　carriage　would　be　sent　for　and　the　wounded　man
taken　to　his　house。　　Here　a　heart…rending　groan　came　from　Smith；
and　Culkins；　with　a　Donnybrook　shriek；　burst　from　his　seconds；
knocked　over　the　doctor's　lantern；　and　fled　towards　the　town　like
greased　lightning　amidst　a　chorus　of　excited　voices。

〃Hold　him！〃

〃Stop　him！〃

〃Grab　him　by　the　coat…tails！〃

〃Shoot　him！〃

〃Head　him　off！〃

And　half　of　the　party　started　after　him　at　an　express…train　rate。
There　was　some　very　fine　running　indeed。　　Culkins　was　brought　to
a　sudden　stop　against　a　tall　board　fence；　but　he　sprang　back　and
cleared　it　like　an　English　hunter；　and　tore　like　a　lunatic　for
the　city。　　Half　an　hour　later　the　party　might　have　been　seen；　if
it　hadn't　been　so　pesky　dark；　groping　blindly　around　the　office
in　which　Culkins　had　been　a　student　at　law。

〃Are　you　here；　Culkins？〃　said　one。

〃Before　Culkins　answers　that；〃　said　a　smothered　voice　in　the
little　room；　〃tell　me　who　yez　are。〃

〃Friendsyour　seconds！〃

〃Gintlemin；　Culkins　is　here。　　The　last　of　the　Culkinses　is　under
the　bed。〃

He　was　dragged　out。

〃I　hope；〃　he　said；　〃the　ignoble　wretch　is　not　dead；　but　I　call
you　to　witness；　gintlemen；　that　he　grossly　insulted　me。〃

（We　don't　care　what　folks　say；　but　choking　a　man　is　a　gross
insult。Ed。　P。D。）

He　was　persuaded　to　retire。　　There　was　no　danger　of　his　being
disturbed　that　night；　as　the　watch　were　sleeping　sweetly　as　usual
in　the　big　arm…chairs　of　the　various　hotels；　and　he　would　be　able
to　fly　the　city　in　the　morning。　　He　had　a　haggard　and　worn…out
look　yesterday　morning。　　Two　large　bailiffs；　he　said；　had
surrounded　the　building　in　the　night；　and　he　had　not　slept　a
wink。　　And　to　add　to　his　discomfiture　his　coat　was　covered　with　a
variegated　and　moist　mixture；　which　he　thought　must　be　some　of
the　brains　of　his　opponent；　they　having　spattered　against　him　as
he　passed　the　dying　man　in　his　flight　from　the　field。　　As　Smith
was　not　dead　（though　the　surgeon　said　he　would　be　confined　to　his
house　for　several　weeks；　and　there　was　some　danger　of
mortification　setting　in）；　Culkins　wisely　concluded　that　the
mixture　might　be　something　else。　　A　liberal　purse　was　made　up　for
him；　and　at　an　early　hour　yesterday　morning　the　last　of　the
Culkinses　went　down　St。　Clair　Street　on　a　smart　trot。　　He　took
this　morning's　Lakeshore　express　train　at　some　way…station；　and
is　now　on　his　way　to　New　York。　　The　most　astonishing　thing　about
the　whole　affair　is　the　appearance　on　the　street　to…day；
apparently　well　and　unhurt；　of　the　gentleman　who　was　so　badly
〃wounded　in　the　shoulder。〃　　But　a　duel　was　actually　〃fit。〃

3。10。　　A　MORMON　ROMANCEREGINALD　GLOVERSON。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　CHAPTER　I。THE　MORMON'S　DEPARTURE。

The　morning　on　which　Reginald　Gloverson　was　to　leave　Great　Salt
Lake　City　with　a　mule…train；　dawned　beautifully。

Reginald　Gloverson　was　a　young　and　thrifty　Mormon；　with　an
interesting　family　of　twenty　young　and　handsome　wives。　　His
unions　had　never　been　blessed　with　children。　　As　often　as　once　a
year　he　used　to　go　to　Omaha；　in　Nebraska；　with　a　mule…train　for
goods；　but　although　he　had　performed　the　rather　perilous　journey
many　times　with　entire　safety；　his　heart　was　strangely　sad　on
this　particular　morning；　and　filled　with　gloomy　forebodings。

The　time　for　his　departure　had　arrived。　　The　high…spirited　mules
were　at　the　door；　impatiently　champing　their　bits。　　The　Mormon
stood　sadly　among　his　weeping　wives。

〃Dearest　ones；〃　he　said；　〃I　am　singularly　sad　at　heart；　this
morning；　but　do　not　let　this　depress　you。　　The　journey　is　a
perilous　one；　butpshaw！　　I　have　always　come　back　safely
heretofore；　and　why　should　I　fear？　　Besides；　I　know　that　every
night；　as　I　lay　down　on　the　broad　starlit　prairie；　your　bright
faces　will　come　to　me　in　my　dreams；　and　make　my　slumbers　sweet
and　gentle。　　You；　Emily；　with　your　mild　blue　eyes；　and　you；
Henrietta；　with　your　splendid　black　hair；　and　you；　Nelly；　with
your　hair　so　brightly；　beautifully　golden；　and　you；　Mollie；　with
your　cheeks　so　downy；　and　you；　Betsy；　with　your　wine…red　lips
far　more　delicious；　though；　than　any　wine　I　ever　tastedand　you；
Maria；　with　your　winsome　voice；　and　you；　Susan；　with　yourwith
yourthat　is　to　say；　Susan；　with　yourand　the　other　thirteen　of
you；　each　so　good　and　beautiful；　will　come　to　me　in　sweet　dreams；
will　you　not；　Dearestists？〃

〃Our　own；〃　they　lovingly　chimed；　〃we　will！〃

〃And　so　farewell！〃　said　Reginald。　　〃Come　to　my　arms；　my　own！〃　he
cried；　〃that　is；　as　many　of　you　as　can　do　it　conveniently　at
once；　for　I　must　away。〃

He　folded　several　of　them　to　his　throbbing　breast；　and　drove
sadly　away。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　。　　　　　。　　　　　　。　　　　　　。

But　he　had　not　gone　far　when　the　trace　of　the　off…hind　mule
became　unhitched。　　Dismounting；　he　essayed　to　adjust　the　trace；
but　ere　he　had　fairly　commenced　the　task；　the　mule；　a　singularly
refractory　animalsnorted　wildly；　and　kicked　Reginald
frightfully　in　the　stomach。　　He　arose　with　difficulty；　and
tottered　feebly　towards　his　mother's　house；　which　was　near　by；
falling　dead　in　her　yard；　with　the　remark；　〃Dear　Mother；　I've
come　home　to　die！〃

〃So　I　see；〃　she　said；　〃where's　the　mules？〃

Alas！　　Reginald　Gloverson　could　give　no　answer。　　In　vain　the
heart…stricken　mother　threw　herself　upon　his　inanimate　form；
crying；　〃Oh；　my　sonmy　son！　Only　tell　me　where　the　mules　are；
and　then　you　may　die　if　you　want　to。〃

In　vainin　vain！　　Reginald　had　passed　on。

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　CHAPTER　II。FUNERAL　TRAPPINGS。

The　mules　were　never　found。

Reginald's　heart…broken　mother　took　the　body　home　to　her
unfortunate　son's　widows。　　But　before　her　arrival　she
indiscreetly　sent　a　boy　to　Bust　the　news　gently　to　the　afflicted
wives；　which　he　did　by　informing　them　in　a　hoarse　whisper　that
their　〃old　man　had　gone　in。〃

The　wives　felt　very　badly　indeed。

〃He　was　devoted　to　me；〃　sobbed　Emily。

〃And　to　me；〃　said　Maria。

〃Yes；〃　said　Emily；　〃he　thought　considerably　of　you；　but　not　so
much　as　he　did　of　me。〃

〃I　say　he　did！〃

〃And　I　say　he　didn't！〃

〃He　did！〃

〃He　didn't！〃

〃Don't　look　at　ME；　with　your　squint　eyes！〃

〃Don't　shake　your　red　head　at　ME！〃

〃Sisters！〃　said　the　black…haired　Henrietta；　〃cease　this　unseemly
wrangling。　　I；　as　his　first　wife；　shall　strew　flowers　on　his
grave。〃

〃No　you　WON'T；〃　said　Susan。　　〃I；　as　his　last　wife；　shall　strew
flowers　on　his　grave。　　It's　MY　business　to　strew！〃

〃You　shan't；　so　there！〃　said　Henrietta。

〃You　bet　I　will！〃　said　Susan；　with　a　tear…suffused　cheek。

〃Well；　as　for　me；〃　said　the　practical　Betsy；　〃I　ain't　on　the
Strew；　much；　but　I　shall　ride　at　the　head　of　the　funeral
procession！〃

〃Not　if　I've　been　introduced　to　myself；　you　won't；〃　said　the
golden…haired　Nelly；　〃that's　my　position。　　You　bet　your　bonnet…
strings　it　is。〃

〃Children；〃　said　Reginald's　mother；　〃you　must　do　some　crying；　you
know；　on　the　day　of　the　funeral；　and　how　many　pocket…handkerchers
will　it　take　to　go　round？　　Betsy；　you　and　Nelly　ought　to　make　one
do　between　you。〃

〃I'll　tear　her　eyes　out　if　she　perpetrates　a　sob　on　my
handkercher！〃　said　Nelly。

〃Dear　daughters　in…law；〃　said　Reginald's　mother；　〃how　unseemly　is
this　anger！　　Mules　is　five　hundred　dollars　a　span；　and　every
identical　mule　my　poor　boy　had　has　been　gobbled　up　by　the　red
man。　　I　knew　when　my　Reginald　staggered　into　the　door…yard　that
he　was　on　the　Die；　but　if　I'd　only　thunk　to　ask　him　about　them
mules　ere　his　gentle　spirit　took　flight；　it　would　have　been　four
thousand　dollars　in　OUR　pockets；　and　NO　mistake！　　Excuse　those
real　tears；　but　you've　never　felt　a　parent's　feelin's。〃

〃It's　an　over